Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Chapter: XVII

I take a much needed deep breath. Oxygen had been deprived of me the last few minutes.
My eyes simply space out, staring mindlessly at the dresser in front of me. His shirt and jacket were sloppily placed on it and cluttered with some other stuff. I feel a bead of sweat roll down my neck.

His arm is around me and I can feel him touching my hair softly. I feel his heart beat underneath my ear.

I can't remember us being so close. Did we ever cuddle afterwards?

Not that I can remember clearly. Yes, we did. A little. ButI don't feel an overwhelming certainty to ease my mind and make me fully relax in our embrace. Yet I didn't want it to end.

My hand goes over his chest to his neck, holding on a little more intently. I even press myself against him. He responds with a slight hum of approval, even daring to nuzzle his nose into my hair.

I don't think we were ever been as affectionate as we were now.

Which made me question everything a little bit more.

'How come you're here?' I ask. I'm surprised how hoarse my voice sounds. I guess the fatigue of the day was taking its toll on me.

'Long story,' he muttered.

'You said you would tell me.'

He lets out a low groan before squeezing me closer to him. Deciding to ignore my question, his hand travels over my back. It was still damp from sweating and the featherlight touch makes me shiver in reaction.

'Cold?'
'I'm fine.' I snicker in response to his attempt at distracting me. I mutter I was simply still cooling off.
I move my head up to look him in the eye. He response with a satisfied smirk.

I smirk but I had enough of our charades. It's late and we don't have much time left.

Sure, I had my selfish reasons for coming here but I didn't want to leave without any answers to my burning questions.

Even at the risk of being caught, I wouldn't leave without them.

I give him a hard look but he simply keeps smirking, knowing what I had on my mind and how keen I was on getting it. I don't flinch and after a few failed attempt to distract me he eventually lets out a sigh.

'Stubborn…' He doesn't finish the sentence but I can hear the beginning of a word with the letter b start in his throat but die halfway out. He shifts uncomfortable but I hold on to him. I keep waiting for him to start. I wasn't going to repeat myself again.

'Part of the deal,' he unwillingly admits. 'A longshot that I didn't think would happen but it did.'
It takes me a minute to comprehend what he was saying.
'You wanted this?' I ask in surprise while moving my head up to take a better look at him.

'It's complex,' he answers with annoyed sigh. I don't think the sigh was an answer to the question I asked but more so the situation that he found himself in. I frown. I couldn't tell if he was content with being captain or not. He wanted this, did he not?

'So you… wanted to be a shinobi of Kirigakure again?' I ask. I can't seem to be able to hide my surprise.

Though it doesn't cause any turmoil to the calm, almost serene atmosphere that was hanging between us.

I can't recall him being so quiet. Then again, I too was in no state of arguing either. Too tired.
Or maybe Zabuza had less to hide this time around. I actually hadn't expect much of an answer out of him.

'Yes and no,' he answers with a shrug. When he sees the look on my face he seems to realize I wasn't satisfied with his answer and needed a little more. I was a little surprised to see it having an actual affect on him.

'I was promised a high position,' he then clarifies. 'But with Konoha chasing the "assassin", I was facing the choice to either accept what they now offered or going to prison.'
'Kirigakure willingly offered you a position?' I ask in confusion.

'Konoha knows,' he points out, aggravated because he remembered telling me this already. Though perhaps back then a bit more cryptic then now.

'I don't understand. Did you want to go back to Kirigakure?'

With a sigh, he finally explains his personal situation.

'Kirigakure wasn't doing too well during the war. Many losses and awful strategy choices made by the government and the then current Mizukage. Konohakure, being the more powerful village, promised a solution to the village. I was approached by a…' he became little hesitant but eventually continued, 'a high official with the idea of me getting rid of their filth. And in trade, Konoha would get rid of ours. This way either village wouldn't get involved in political policies or be guilty of treason.'

So both parties were involved and came out clean… Ah, war was the perfect excuse for many things.

'Of course, it wasn't a nice little trade. I was tricked and suddenly I became the target that had to be disposed of, at any cost. Kirigakure was already been taken over by another government, so the deal was off. But they offered me a other position instead.'

'Why did they bother to do that?'

'Leverage,' he answered on a sardonic tone. As if it still amused him to this day. 'I know who hired me, which is great to hold against Konoha, since the high official is still alive. Kiri had to ensure some certainty against Konoha, so it does by not getting caught killing an official shinobi of Kiri during the time of peace treaty.'

'So you're stuck,' I point out in disbelief.

'Nicely put.'

I slowly get up off his chest, placing my head on my hand in thought. I stare at him. His brown eyes look a little dull, as if the devil inside of him had been silenced. He still held something harsh. A hidden turmoil of resentment and hate.

Softly touching his cheek, he stays unfazed. His brown eyes glance at the gesture before looking back at me.

'Haku's doing well,' he suddenly says. He gives himself a nod in agreement. I raise my eyebrows at the sudden abrupt change of subject but listen to what he has to say about the boy.
'He only started the academy a year ago. And since he had never been to school before, he had his work cut out for him. Kiri wasn't going to give him slack either. Especially because he was my student. Little respect was given to a nameless, unpromising child… but he pulled through.'

I nod but feel myself tremble when I see his smirk. Eyes flickering. I could suddenly see him. The demon. Unexpectedly looking well and alive.

'I'm going to take them down, one by one… from the inside out. Remember, Sakura?'

His voice was smoother, slithering with venom and hate. Startled my hand leaves his cheek while my body freezes in his arms. I shiver again but not out of delight this time.

'That would mean war again, Zabuza,' I quietly tell him.

Bearing his sharp teeth when his smirks widen, he moves underneath me. Turning us around, 'I don't care. I live for war, blood…' he mutters while he closes the gap between our mouths.
'Zabuza…'
'It's personal. The rest of the world doesn't care, Sakura.' The certainty in his voice reminded me how sharp his truth was. I knew the rest of the world didn't care about the turmoil in other villages, as long as the world was seemingly quiet.
Meanwhile his hand was traveling more down. I let out a sigh when feeling featherlight touches. Taking it as a signal to continue, he let out a groan in my ear when feeling me.

How can cruelness and sweetness be so close to another?

'Besides, it going to take patience,' he continues in my ear. 'Don't worry, your hard work won't be ruined in the process.'
I just nod, suddenly not being able to think straight or care about his ulterior motives. I knew this. I knew who he was and what he wanted. And I knew Haku was going to follow him wherever he went.

'So tell me,' he whispers using a different tone then before. 'Is Inui not the man everyone says he is?'

I could hear the sarcasm all too clear and took it as a hint of jealousy from his side. Especially when his caresses grew more intense, keen on proving his point. I didn't bother to lie.

No, Inui wasn't like him.

Zabuza had something I liked. Something a little… vile, that made me feel better about myself. I had learned that along the years. When I caught myself thinking of him.

I simply let out a gasp in response. I didn't know why I was doing what I was. My life wasn't in ruins.

It wasn't all that bad. Some had much worse than I. I was just in a very political relationship. The passion was rare but there.

But I guess I just needed him again to make me forget a little. My hand touches his and I emphasize I don't want to stop nor talk any further. Zabuza confesses of imagining this. Imagining me.

'I'm here until the end of the week,' he says between sloppy kisses when traveling down my neck.
'I-I can't,' I mumble while using my hand to guide his mouth back to mine. Its long and needed and I forget what I was about to reject to. It's he who decides to break our connection.

'Well, I can't come visit you. You have too much security,' he says while snickering in response to all I was doing. My hands travelled over his arms and neck. His expression was victorious, enjoying it thoroughly that I was reacting the way I was to him.

'Zabuza, that's insane,' I mutter at the thought of the dangerous idea.
'We both want it,' he simply answers. 'Besides, my plan is going to take a few more years. I have the time and the…' he lets out a sigh when getting on top of me. Holding onto the both of my hands with his, he kisses me again.

Our bizarre relationship is going to take us both down, I think to myself in that moment.

'I imagined this for years, don't you tell me you haven't,' he roughly whispers in my ear.
'I… have,' I confess with a blush.

Trying to straighten my clothes, I glance in the mirror. I look like a mess. Hair sticking to my face, make up smudged... I would need a shower before hitting the bed.

I just hoped Inui wasn't home yet…

'So, tomorrow?' Zabuza asks, not hiding his amusement when I snap my head around to look at him.
I glare in response, telling him it is impossible. He simply shrugs, empties his drink and finally stops slouching against the wall. Handing me over my left shoe that I had been searching for, I snatch it from his hand and hastily put it on.

'I don't know why you think I'd take such risk,' I mutter when getting up. He grins widely while standing before me as I get off the bed. I try to leave but he block my way with his tall figure.

'I need to go! Do you want me to get caught?' I angrily ask him.
'Of course not,' he answers on a dull tone. I shove him to the side with all my might and with a huff, I pass.

Grabbing the door handle without looking back, I hear him move behind me. I halt, wondering if I should bother saying goodbye. Turning my head slightly to him, he gives me his usual stoic expression in return. The blank canvas only aggravated me more.

Turning my head back around to finally open the door and leave but yet I halt again. Actually, I feel myself frozen on the spot. A few questions were still swirling around in my head. Now that I was out of his bed, it was so chaotic inside of me again.

I had been able to silence these voices for so long, yet one glance and I was back to where I had once been.

'I just have one more question,' I confess. I face him and await his response but his wearing a mask that cannot be deciphered. I took it as a sign to simply ask him what was on my mind.

'Why did they approach you?'

His brown eyes stay on mine, unfazed by the question. He shrugs at first, as if not certain on answering the simple question.

'I still had some ties in Kirigakure. It wasn't a secret that I wanted to get back and take over the position of Mizukage.'

'Really?' I asked, realizing I knew so little of this man that the rest of the world saw as a notorious assassin. It made me feel naïve and foolish but I pushed away the negativity growing inside and tried to focus on what was at hand.

Not wanting to get into detail, he waves off the idea of telling and explaining the entire story.

'Believe it or not,' he answers on a bored tone, 'picking me for the job, that was a coincidence. There are plenty of men like me roaming this world.'

'And Ibiki Morhino?' I then ask. 'Was he a coincidence?'

'You said one question,' he pointed out.

'Zabuza,' I sigh, feeling annoyed by his little games. I tighten my hand on the handle but for some reason don't turn around and leave.

Lazily walking towards me, he halts only a mere inch from my face. I stare out before me, not quite sure if I wanted to look him in the eye. Looking up from his chest, I see a devious smirk on his lips. His tongue flickers out to wet his lips before speaking.

'Tomorrow, perhaps?'

'Why are you so keen on getting me caught?' I angrily ask him.
'Why are you considering coming back?'
'I want answers!'
'You got plenty.'

I roll my eyes. 'Well, I still have more! Zabuza—'You know, you never called me by my name as often as you do now,' he suddenly pointed out.
'I have called you by your name—'No, it used to be all… nameless and soundless.'

'Are you on drugs?' I sincerely ask.

He laughs. A hollow, creepy laugh I've heard before. I fidget before realizing I'm stuck between him and the door. Noticing my distress, he adds to it by closing the small gap that had been between us. In one motion he snatches me up and I'm at his height, my feet dangling above the ground. I take a sharp breath. My eyes widen when staring into his, noting I had seen them before.

He was still very much the demon I had made him out to be.

'I'm bored,' he simply answered. 'I have to behave,' he growled while his mouth flew to my neck. 'Follow orders, have a routine…' He nibbled on the soft flesh of my neck. A sigh escapes my mouth. I try to compose myself but can't seem to find the willpower.

'I'll answer your questions,' he said in between kisses. 'If you,' Placing one higher in my neck. 'give me,' placing a kiss next to my ear. 'You,' he said pulling back before reaching almost my mouth with his.

I stare him in awe. So it wall all a game to him.

'Why?'

He takes my bottom lip in between his lips. I can see something dangerous flicker in his eyes. Something he had earlier hidden. Or perhaps I had mistaken it for something else. Lust, longing, hunger…

'Because I still get off on our memories,' he bluntly stated. I wince at the vulgar language, realizing I had minimalized the memories of his behavior in my mind. Perhaps even romanced it a little to make myself feel better.

'So you just want to get laid?' I plainly ask him.
'So do you. But you get something more out of it.'

I bite into his lip but it doesn't have quite the effect I had hoped for. He simply laughs at my reaction and after some struggling he grabs my wrists and puts them above my head. I wince and understand how weak I am compared to him. I can't move my hands out of his iron grip.

'I'll tell you everything you want to know.'

I stare at him for a moment. I can tell he's being honest but at the same time I don't understand why he'd bother doing that. I guess he thinks he doesn't have much to lose.

The confusion I was feeling on why he wanted this deal was evident on my face. The frown was even giving me a slight headache and our gaze seemed to last forever. But he didn't give in, he didn't show me his cards.

It was I who eventually broke the eye-contact.

Slowly letting me go in response to it, I feel my feet meet the ground again. The warmth his body was giving mine evidently disappeared as he left. Something mind and body seemed to be regretting.

Stiffly placing my arms to my sides, I dare to look him in the eye again.

'Don't think so highly of yourself. You don't have anything I want,' I angrily blurt out. My temper getting the best of me and unleashing venomous words I didn't mean.

'Then let's hope your curiosity gets the best of you again,' he simply answered with a smirk.

I throw him a disgust face before turning on my heels and opening the door with a determination to leave and never see him again. What I had thought and felt before seemed ridiculous now. He was still the same sick demon.

As I move, my hand is taken hold again. With a force he turns me around and as I open my mouth to angrily respond to him, his mouth silences me again. Reminding me of what we had had earlier.

My confusion only grew. At him and myself.

The way he left my lips, as if he wanted hold on to the taste of them. It left me stunned for a moment.

'Until we meet again, Sakura,' he said while slowly closing the door. Disappearing from my view, I gaped at the wooden door before realizing I had to get the hell out of here.

Thrilled to be home and see the bed empty, I hurry to the bathroom.

Throwing all of my clothes into the laundry, as to get rid of all the evidence of what happen. I undress myself and get in the shower to get rid of the scent of smoke that was still lingering in my hair.

When the steaming hot water touches my skin, I let it all sink in. My heart was still beating rapidly and I questioned my own motives over and over. Scrubbing his touch off my flesh, I blamed myself for letting it happen. I was in a luxurious situation and I had behaved foolishly tonight.

Drying myself hardly off, I put on a silky nightgown before getting into bed. I put my wet hair into a bun. My mind keeps me awake for a little while before eventually giving into darkness and letting me rest.

When I wake up the next morning, I realize I'm still alone.

I get a note from Inui, who had decided to stay at the hotel because of the late hour and because he didn't want to wake me.

I had pondered about it over and over.

Maybe he was sick. Or maybe he lied and really was on drugs… I shove the thoughts to the back of my mind. Or maybe I was trying to delude myself into thinking he wasn't half as bad, I sardonically add when I catch myself trying to make excuses for him.

With a sigh, I throw my pencil on my desk not being able to focus on my job. I couldn't concentrate. My mind kept wandering back to Zabuza. I wanted to figure him out, I wanted to know his true motives.

I want to finally know what is going on, damnit!

With a huff, I got up from my desk. I decided I needed some fresh air.

Walking in the streets of Konoha, I realize how high security still was. On every corner there seemed to be a shinobi on guard. I imagined this was hard on the civilians as well. Everything was different, every move got questioned.

Except what you do. It doesn't seem to matter anymore. Ever since you got with Inui, everyone got off your back…

I halt at the thought. Standing on the bridge, I lean over the ledge to look at myself in the reflection of the water. I still didn't quite understand the person I was seeing. I thought I was in control but...

Why I had decided to after Zabuza and do what I did, was a mystery to me. I was trying to run from things but… I shouldn't have to run from things that were supposedly making me happy.
Inui, projects I was in charge of, the respect and money that came with it all. I had everything I wanted yet I had been willing to throw it all away for one night with murderer. What was wrong with me?

And Zabuza… he was acting so strange.

Maybe he really is on drugs… When it comes to Kirigakure, nothing could surprise me. It

had a long history of tormenting, drugging and asking simply the impossible of their shinobi. They still had odd ideology of what made a shinobi who he was.

I bite my lip at the idea of something. I did indeed not know much about Zabuza or at least how people saw him.
As a doctor I could pry in personal documents of shinobi. But only of those from Konoha…
I knew ANBU had files about other shinobi, especially those noted into the all-known black book.
But that meant sneaking in and…

Argh, that was just impossible! What am I thinking?

I stop the bizarre train of thoughts and try to focus on what was important. Tsunade's words unwillingly came back to haunt my already restless head. I had to make a choice.

When was the last time I saved a life?

An uneasy feeling grew inside of me. Zabuza hadn't bothered to hide his intentions. He said it was because of his new lifestyle. It did feel like he was running from something too.

What if everything he had said about Haku was a lie? What if he wasn't alright? Or worse, dead?

It wasn't like Zabuza to talk about Haku so… openly. He had sounded almost affectionate when speaking of him, even showing some proud.

But he had confessed that he was still holding on to his original plan to take them all out…

The uneasy feeling inside grew bigger and my chest was starting hurt because of it.

He had promised more answers...

The case of Ibiki Morino was still bothering me too.

I admit it had something thrilling. And Inui made it easy for me too.

Or maybe he was even less around me as I thought.

We hadn't seen each other since the party, not being able to come home early this evening either. Bored and slowly going out of mind, I had given in to the idea.

With a sigh I await for the door to open and reveal his sharp teeth, smirking at my weak personality.

I had told myself determinedly though that I wouldn't give in before getting some answers.
Of course my body wasn't on the same place my mind was and I could feel a tingle here and there.

My legs trembled when he opened the door, revealing the same man from yesterday. Patiently awaiting me, drink in one hand and a very evident look in the eyes that did not hid his intentions.

I swallow and reconsider my thoughts again. Concluding in mere seconds I was behaving foolishly again.

Grabbing my hand, he guided me inside. As if he was aware of my inner turmoil.

He didn't rub my decision it into my face. His smirk however was a little victorious.

'I want to know more than a few things,' I tell him on a strict tone. He simply nods in response before taking a sip from his glass. He knew the first question however he simply stood straight before me, reluctant to tell me.

'If you're not going to talk, I'm leaving.'

Immediately taking actions to my words, I turn around but as quick as he was, he stood next to me. Holding onto my waist and placing a firm hand on the door to stop me from opening it.

'Don't be so hasty,' he said in a low voice. 'You can act however you like, though.'

Lowering his mouth and pushing me to him, I feel his lips on my neck. I'm a little startled at first, again surprising me with how badly he wanted me. I couldn't lie, it was flattering and gave my ego a much needed boost. Slowly turning me around, he pushes me against the door. Again I'm stuck between him and the door.

I can't remember more than mumbling a few words before his persuasive manners got him what he wanted.

He was slowly caressing my back, following the length of my hair. I didn't know how much time I had this night, Inui hadn't said when he'd be home. But he was never home before midnight, though. So I did have some time left.

'Do you like it?' I ask when I feel him twirling my hair around his hand.
Pulling it lightly so I move my head, I feel his face come next to mine.
'I have no care for it.'

I smirk in at the expected answer.
Inui liked my hair longer. It looked more feminine and… Stop thinking about him.
Yet my mind can't help itself and note another crucial man in my life had once favored long hair above my short hair as well.

Why did men care so much about the length of a woman's hair anyway?

At least Zabuza wasn't interested in such trivial matters.

'So will you talk now?' I asked on quiet but firm tone.

'Ibiki Morino,' he starts with a tired voice. His hand when over my hip, touching my naked skin all the way to my shoulder. Slowly turning me around, he gives me an appreciative look.

'He wasn't supposed to survive,' he admits. I can hear some aggravation in his voice, as if he still cursed himself for not being able to kill him.

'So he didn't have anything to do with it?'

Shaking his head in response, he admitted he couldn't finish him off because he had underestimated him.
'I was in no condition to kill him afterwards. I was already fortunate to be under your care afterwards.'

I frown at the remark, as it almost sounded like a compliment.

'Are you sure you aren't on drugs or something?'

I lean on my elbows and take look at his eyes, particularly more to the width of his pupils. A little big but not say he was on something.

He laughs in response to my reaction.

'You are acting odd, you do realize that don't you? Yesterday you started talking about Haku. This is all so unlike you!' I point out, nodding my head to where his hand was resting. His thumb softly caressing my hip.

'And one moment you hate me and the next you're underneath me,' he sharply answers.

A little stunned, I can't find the right words to get back to him. So I simply roll my eyes at the comment. He answers with placing his mouth on my shoulder. Kissing me was a great distraction and I had to admit I wasn't very immune to it.

'We both know why we are here, Sakura. We need some relief, something other than playing pretend.'

'Why?' I ask him again while slowly lying my head down on the pillow. I place my hand on his hair, softly caressing it. Its short and prickly but I don't mind. He seems to like the kind gesture, keeping his head into place before slowly lying it down on to my chest. His naked form resting against mine.

He doesn't answer my question, though. But I know deep inside, he doesn't have to. Unlike earlier this day, I am able to admit to myself that I hadn't imagined my reasons from yesterday. I knew all too well why I was giving into him.

'Haku is alright, isn't he?' I then ask, hoping my doubt would completely disappear with the right answer. 'Yesterday you were so open about him. Usually you are so cruel and distant…'

'I know you care about him.'

The coldness in his voice didn't hide how he had only talked about Haku to keep me interested. Knowing I would listen because I cared for the boy. I didn't stop caressing him however. My other hand travelled over his bare back to his shoulder. I pressed him closer to me.

He then continued on about his former mission. I could tell he had miscalculated some things and hadn't expected the man who had hired him to be more devious then him. I could hear the clear dislike in his voice while at same time he seemed to hold some sort of envy for the man. As if being able to appreciate his dubious motives.

'He got a lot more than he had aimed for,' he then says. 'He is playing Konoha like a puppet.'
He looks up to look at me when saying that. I quirk up an eyebrow in response, realizing I might know this person he was talking about.

Zabuza's eyes held something dangerous.

'I still want my revenge,' he admits. 'I don't let myself get used by anyone.'

I could hear something venomous come through again. And though he was still calm underneath my touch, I could see the demon lurking deep within.

It was slightly scaring me.

Not the man on top of me but the thought of how all of this had happened without anyone's notice. This man appeared to be unstoppable and I was starting to question every political incident in Konoha. I soon realized I did not only know the man but had probably talked to him, perhaps once sat next to him…

'But don't worry, I think the end is near for him,' Zabuza suddenly said.

I ask him what he means by that but he only shrugs in response. I worry for a second but realize he isn't in the position to get entwined in our business again.

Placing the long strands of hair above my head, our noses touch and he stays hovering above me. Leaning onto his arms, I touch his muscles wondering why he went out of his way to get me into his bed. Sure we had a history but that wasn't sufficient to take such high risks.

'Why this, Zabuza?' I ask him while softly touching him.

'I don't get to have women like you, remember?' he smirks at the memory of our conversation. 'Never quite as soft or as delicate as you,' he mutters as my mouth touches his. I suckle on his lip, making him groan in response to it.

I feel him move behind me, getting out of bed. When I get up and look at the clock I see it is almost midnight. I had to go.

When Zabuza disappears to the bathroom, I finally seem to be able to think clear again.

So ANBU was only partially involved. I bite my lip at what this meant. I had nagging little voice pointing out something very prominent. Why didn't I dare to ask him?

Who was this man he was talking about?

I convinced myself that he simply wouldn't reveal such crucial information.

I shut my eyes and stop the wave of questions overwhelming my mind. Dismissing the idea of generally just thinking, I get out of bed. Mindlessly I walk to the bathroom door. Knocking on it, I wait a minute to hear an answer. When it takes too long I simply open the door.
I can hear water running. He gives me a surprised look, thinking I perhaps had already left.

I get invited into the shower. His hand guiding mine to him.

I knew this wasn't healthy. Numbing my mind as much as I was. I knew this would all come back to haunt me eventually.

The third night and I had one more question but didn't dare to ask it.

'He told me he wouldn't be home early,' I softly say.
Zabuza didn't seem to be in the mood to talk yet it was him asking the questions.
'Why not?' he asked as he reached for his drink.
I shrug, not quite remembering his excuse this time around. 'He didn't say.'

'What did he say?' he asks before taking a sip. 'I mean, it's seems you didn't say much to each other this afternoon.'

'He never tells me where he is going or what he's planning on doing…'

Lunch hadn't been so relaxing. It held felt like formal meeting of some sorts. I could tell Inui wasn't with me either, his mind seemed to be elsewhere.

'Well,' he smirked 'you should figure it out. At least for this week.'

I smirk in response and when he crawls on top of me, I surrender immediately.

It has been like this nonstop. Yet like always, my curiosity got the best of me. Halting his movements, I mumble I'm thirsty. To my surprise, he gets off of me and refills his own glass. Handing it over, I scrunch up my nose reminding him I don't like the taste of alcohol.

Persistently holding the glass under my nose while not saying a word, I see how he is daring me to drink it.

'Water would be nice,' I simply say.

He doesn't budge and keeps staring at me with a playful look in his eyes. Clicking my tongue at the idea of proving him I could drink it, if I wanted to. My usually stubborn mind crumbles and I snatch it out of his hands and drink it in one take.

The burning feeling in my throat went all the way to my stomach. I can't help but make disgusted sound when I taste the aftertaste. He simply laughs at my behavior, grabbing the glass out of my hand before I dropped on the floor.

'Definitely not thirsty anymore,' I say when I feel how my entire mouth is numbed by the drink.
'I am.'

Pressing his mouth against mine with such a force, my head fortunately lands on the pillow beneath me. Tasting my mouth with his tongue. I eventually have to stop him.

'I need to breathe.'

He simply smirked in response while continuing to taste me.

'I was allowed questions,' I mutter against his lips.

With a groan he stopped, annoyed I hadn't forgotten that little detail of our deal.

'What do I do with Ibiki?'

He frowned at the question and for some reason I start explaining my situation to him. I explain how Tsunade wanted Inui to stop going after Ibiki. How they were both angry at me for not picking a side openly. I would always stand with Tsunade, no matter what. And I missed talking to her. Of course, I didn't tell him that.

But I did explain Inui was the man I was with. If I wanted to continue to change the future, he was the man I was to be standing next to.

It seemed I was stuck, much like him.

To my utter surprise, Zabuza listened. And he actually looked kind of interested. Though vividly mocking both Tsunade and Inui's weaknesses and ridiculing my importance to them.

'You're smart. Tell me you have an idea on how to get him out of this position?' I ask when he's done.

'The answer is clear,' he shrugged. 'Now stop being such a whiny woman. It doesn't suit you.'
'I'm not whiny!' I angrily yell at him.
'Come on, Sakura,' he snickered in response. Pushing me down the bed, he held me in place when I tried to struggle out of his grip.

'You're not feeling too guilty,' he mumbled against the skin of my cheek. His voice was soft but held something harsh, not trying to conceal his true nature. 'Have you even thought of Inui at all?'

I feel a stab in my heart, realizing what he meant by that. I had given it some thought but I admit not as much as I should've. But it didn't feel like I didn't love him or cared for him. It had all just gotten so complex over the last few months. There was such a great distance between us for the moment…

'We're not that different,' he continues. 'We both use people and in the end, we find the need to seek comfort in order to feel better.'

'I don't want to use him,' I confess. 'I just don't know if I can simply walk away from him.'

I hated how weak that made me sound but I was aware of the consequences. I doubted Inui would just let me walk away without explaining myself either. Not now. Not when he was so close to getting Tsunade out of the picture. So many people seemed to think I was on his side when it came to the debate.

It ached my heart to even think of the idea. It hurt myself knowing he was about succeed.

'But I need to find a way to stop him,' I tell him. 'So tell me how.'

I tried to calm my erratic breathing.

Suddenly reality sunk in and curled myself up into a ball.

What am I doing? Why am I letting myself getting manipulated by Zabuza? Why am I even giving myself to him so easily? Why aren't I feeling more guilty towards Inui?

I tried to block out his voice inside my head.

I take a deep breath, hoping to calm my stressed out body. A tension starting in the pit of my stomach was overwhelming me. Holding my hands before me, I see how they unstoppably tremble.

I bit back the feeling, the need…but I couldn't stop myself.

I let out a sob.

Suddenly tears streamed over my cheeks profoundly. Thinking of all the wrong decisions that got me here in the first place. I had dug myself into a hole that I now knew I couldn't get back out of. Ever.

I hadn't come here to settle down. Being this woman wasn't a part of the plan.

I felt confused about who I was and what I was still doing here. I had tiptoed around so much I had forgotten who it was I wanted to avoid.

Today, seeing Naruto for the first time in years made me realize that. He looked so utterly confused at me, wondering where the woman was that he left years ago. I felt my heart break when I told him I was fine. I was happy.

I could see the disbelief clearly on his face but didn't budge on telling the truth.

When had I become such a good liar?

Haku's smiling face came before my eyes.

I never wished so badly to be back in that little village, with war surrounding me and hunger in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to run and leave it all behind like I had years ago. No ANBU, no council-meetings, no nothing.

Hadn't I come back because I missed Tsunade?

Why did feel like I still hadn't spoken to her in years?

I hear the door open behind me and turn around to the opposite direction. Placing my bedsheet over my face, shielding it from the man coming in the room. I don't want to see him.
I feel the bed shift when he gets in. His hand searches for something. I flinch when he touches my hip. Settling at my waist and he then pulled me close to him.

'Are you awake?' he whispered.

I lay still. Perhaps a little too still.

'I know you are…'

I swallow. My weary mind settles down and clarity suddenly comes to me. How uncaring Zabuza might've been, he had a point when I said I wasn't behaving like myself.

And perhaps he had rubbed off on me a little… Or maybe it was consequence because of the world we found ourselves in? We were surrounded with people using on another…

However, I had promised myself to never be whinny or dependable on anyone. And I had become who I wanted because of one person and one person only, Tsunade. My mentor.

Someone who was a part of me.

I guess it was time to be honest…

This person wasn't me. I wasn't the type to abuse power or position. I despised people like that.

I'm out of excuses. Ibiki is innocent. Haku is safe. Zabuza is close to being untouchable… And I?

I was no longer in a weak, fragile position.

Suddenly the goal of my old mission was clear again. I had succeeded. I had lifted myself out of the position I had held during the war. I was known as a reliable, kind person and people no longer judged my actions during the war of not letting anyone suffer, regardless of their heritage. In fact, I now got applauded for it.

I shouldn't let Zabuza get under my skin so easily. I have been myself at all times. But I do admit I have been running from something again…

I don't know how that vicious voice got in my head and held me hostage for the last month but suddenly I found the strength to fight it off. I dried my tears and told myself to start a dreaded conversation I had postponed for too long.

Suddenly I feel Inui's mouth in my neck and I flinch in response again. Getting up and away from him, he gives me a startled look. Or so I assume. As I click on the light next to our bed, it reveals more of an upset then hurt man. His simply stared at me.

I realized he too had changed over the years.

His blue eyes didn't look half as kind as they used. More cold and distant. Or perhaps my infatuation was slowly leaving me, seeing him a bit more for who he was.

I swallow, uncertain on how to start this conversation.

'Inui.'

He doesn't say anything in return. I see something different in him, something I can't quite put my finger on. Its almost as if he knows what has been going on inside my head.

'I…' I don't know how to put this in words.

'Sakura, if this is about Tsunade again,' he start with an aggravated growl. 'I'm going to shorten this conversation in matter of minutes, do you hear?'

'Do you miss him?' I ask him instead.
'Who?' he asked confused.

'Your mentor.'

He shrugs before throwing my words back at me. 'I guess time heals all wounds.'

'No it doesn't,' I answer to his indifference. 'That's just something people say to comfort others. Eventually we all learn it doesn't. Time doesn't take away the pain. But because we hold on for so long thinking it will, we manage to live long enough to give it a place,' I explain.

He doesn't seem to understand what I'm saying, making my temper get the best of me. He wasn't as sensitive as I always made him out to be.

'You don't miss him. You are him,' I snap at him, trying to get through him. I get out of the bed, feeling the need to take distance from him.

'He's dead! What are you talking about?' He yelled as he too started to get angry. Getting off the bed, his blue eyes stared wildly into mine. He didn't seem to understand the point nor what I was trying to tell him.

'Do you know why he's dead?' I ask him with a shaky voice as I try to keep myself calm.

He shook his head, letting out a hollow snicker at what I was implying.

'Have you been talking to Tsunade?'
'No.'
'Then where is this coming from?' he asked.
'Tell me the truth,' I ask him.

'Never thought the dead of a man, you despised, would haunt me until this very day!' he spat while walking towards me. 'The never end dread of that case, you're constant interference lately! And your dear mentor who doesn't seem to be able to let it go either! Which is ironic since neither of you disliked the idea of him being dead. It is more the how that bothers the two of you.'

'You speak so disrespectful of him,' I point out. I take a few steps away from him when the nagging feeling inside is freed. A dreadful thought that had been lingering in the back of my mind pushed itself forward.

He snickered again, finding it all very amusing. 'I can't believe you are defending him.'
'I'm not, I'm trying to find out who I've spend the last year with.'

'Sakura, why do you always have to make everything difficult?' he asked on a sincere tone. 'I'm the one who cares for you.'

I wavered for a second, uncertain of what I was accusing him of. His hand reached out for mine. Without permission he took it from me and softly placed it on his chest. At first I was reluctant but eventually ceased struggling. He placed it on his heart.

'I love you,' he softly said. 'You know, that right?'

Quietly he walked to me, placing his arms around me in an embrace. I felt the warmth of his body but couldn't relax. I stiffened up when his hands roamed over me.
Grabbing them I tried to make him leave my skin but he forcefully keeps them in place.

'I just want you to be my wife,' he suddenly said. 'When I saw you, I knew exactly the role you'd play. My wife,' he continued. 'You are perfect.'

His mouth searches for mine but I violently turn my head away.

'What are you talking about!' I yell while trying to get him off of me.

Abruptly turning me around, he tried to kiss my neck but I shove him off me. He hardly flinches. Groping me, I angrily try to stop him again. Pulling his hands off of me and screaming at him to stop it.

I note no ANBU came around to check on me and I instantly felt betrayed again. The false feeling of safety was ripped from me.

Struggling in his grip, he finds a way to subdue me by crossing my arms and holding me in lock position. A deathly grip on both of my wrists makes me stop trying to move around. I let out a hiss of pain before getting angry again. 'Argh!' I growl. 'Let go of me!'

'You are going to be my wife, Sakura. And we are going to stop going on and on about what happened years ago,' he muttered in my ear. 'Like I said to Tsunade, you don't want to be the accused of getting the old man killed? There is so much I can accuse you of; negligence, personal reasons, a traitor… You weren't exactly in the best position back then—'I am now.'

'What I give, I can take back,' he hissed in my ear. I stiffen in his arms.

'Isn't it ironic?' he then whispered, sounding almost affectionately. 'What I once said to Tsunade I am now saying to you. So let me ask you the same question as well, do you want her to get blamed?'

I take deep breath of air when hearing that while realizing I was the reason Tsunade wasn't going after the man responsible. Tsunade knows it is you…

'At first I only wanted you so I could use you against Tsunade but then I looked at your file,' he breathed in my ear and I tried to move my head away from him but it was useless. 'And I realized you were so much more. A beautiful, kind-hearted woman.'

A bittersweet taste came in my mouth when hearing what I always had wanted a man to say to me.

'It was a win-win for me,' he explained. 'Though I do admit the assassin nor that commander was supposed to get out alive. But that is why I had picked you, just in case something went wrong and I needed something to hold against Tsunade.'

I angrily struggle against him. Pushing his arms off of me, I wince when he tightens his grip on my wrists.

'I knew how much you loathed the system and you fell so easily...'
I hear him let out a deep breath, as if he was relieved. 'I'm glad I no longer have to lie to you,' he sweetly whispered in my ear. I close my eyes when hearing him talk, noting I can no longer stand his voice.

'I thought you wanted to make the world better!?' I spat. His betrayal nauseated me.

'I had to learn early on how the world works, Sakura. But I'm not going to bore you with another sob story. We have heard plenty of those,' he coldly said. I'm assuming he was referring to stories I had told him when visiting certain villages. My heart aches when I realize he never cared for any of them.

I try to get out of his arms again but this time he harshly shoves me on to the bed. Turning me around and getting on top of me, he tried kissing me but I push his face as far away from me as I could. I hadn't fought in such a long time but it seemed he knew my every move when I tried to land a punch on him.

'I'm not stupid. I know how to defend myself to a certain level,' he said while holding me in place again when I had dared to lower my defenses.

I screamed, kicked and behaved like a madwoman but he didn't budge nor did he get angrier. It was clear he was waiting for to calm down. Using a soft voice to hush me, almost behaving as if he was comforting me.

'I do mean it,' he said looking up from my shoulder when I finally gave up. 'I love you.'

I just stoically stare at him. Emotions are foreign to me at the moment. My feelings towards the man have vanished. The old sentiment that was making me hold on to him was gone.

'Nothing has changed.'

I shake my head at those words but he ignores it.

'I have been right before, Sakura,' he says. 'And I will be right again. In the long run, it is all for the best. Didn't all become better when the old man died too?'

I understood he was talking about Tsunade again.

'You're corrupt,' I tell him.
'Compared to what?' he snapped. 'The righteous world we live in?'

'Why would you do this to me?' I then ask him, feeling self-pity overtake me for an instant.

'Because you fit into my plan,' he plainly said while rolling his eyes. 'Because we make a good couple!' he added in seriousness.

He said it as if it was obvious, as if we indeed fitted perfectly together.
And I guess I had deluded myself into thinking that too.
Well, I mean got tricked into thinking that. So perhaps nothing had been real and therefor no genuine feelings had occurred.

I try to hide my feelings, not letting the sadness or anger take me over.

Acting up on what he said, he placed his mouth on mine again. Kissing me lightly.
He retreats his lip, giving me a frown. 'You taste like… alcohol?'
I tried to keep a stoic face while cursing myself for not brushing my teeth. I had just taken a shower and tiredly put myself into bed. I had felt so drained after my time with Zabuza—I wince at what I was thinking.
'I couldn't sleep,' I mumble not sure what to use as excuse for it.

His expression is close to unbelieving but to my surprise he simply gives me small smile. He kisses me on the lips again before going more down to my neck.

I can't stand his lips on my skin. And I can't stand his touch anywhere on my body. But realizing what this man was capable of, I decided to play it smart. In this house, nobody would help me anyway.

I closed my eyes when I feel him groping me. Blocking out the sickening feeling. Going with my hands through his hair, I try to halt him. I feel his hot breath on my stomach through my nightgown.

I try swallowing the bitter feeling in my mouth.

'I-I can't,' I bring out. I'm still in shock and I have to force myself to sound normal.

He doesn't listen at first.

'No, I-I can't. I'm on my period…' I quickly mutter.

He stopped with a sigh. Coming to lie next to me, he caressed my face affectionately. His blue eyes looking fragile again. 'I could never hurt you,' he said looking straight into my eyes, 'willingly.'

Well, that was a lot of explanation, a whole lot of emotion and a bit of a twist here and there!
I admit I'm feeling a little uncertain about this chapter but knowing what is to come, I think we're good!
Thank you for always being so patient! And thanks to some of you for taking your time to comment/review! I really appreciate it and can't deny it is really motivating.

comment/review!