Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Chapter XXII

When I slowly open my eyes, I realized I slept far too deep. I have a slight headache and I don't want to get up. The bed is too nice and comfortable to leave.
My mind suddenly reminds of how I had fallen asleep. With a groan I bury my face underneath the covers. Feeling ashamed at how easily I had given in and let his mouth get to me.

Actually, we have hardly spoken…

Startled by a sudden hand on my thigh, I shriek and get up. Understanding I wasn't as alone as my drowsy head had assumed, I sit up straight. Leaning on his elbow, he gives me a smirk.

'What the hell do you think you are doing!?' I ask him on a furious tone. I was mostly mad at myself for giving in and thinking I'd feel better. Today was another day and I wasn't content to be living it.
'The same as I was doing last night,' he dryly answered. Shaking his head at my angry expression. He mutters underneath his breath he isn't in the mood for this again, obviously referring to my rage directed towards him.

'Stop it,' I hiss when he reaches out to touch me.

With a sigh, he turns around and let his head rest on his arm. Lazily staring at the ceiling, keen on ignoring the look I was sending him. Eventually getting annoyed with the silence and distance, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him. Ignoring the covers I had wrapped myself in, he tries to make me hold on to him but gives up after I keep pulling my head away from lying next to his. Cursing him doesn't seem to faze him much and I admit I could've put up more of a fight but he did eventually cease his action.

Staring at me out of the corner of his eye while still holding on to my wrist he then suddenly turns us around. I can't find the energy to yell or scream, feeling not only powerless against him but just too damn tired to put up a fight. I had slept well but it seemed I was still drained of my energy.

'Are we going to start this again, hm?' His taunting tone annoyed me but not as much as he shamelessly placed his mouth on mine. My lip were dry but he didn't seem to mind that much. Traveling lower with him mouth, I can't help but squirm a little. I'm reminded of last night and grow slightly weak. I curse my pathetic nature but just when I'm about to try and seize control again he halts just below my ear to whisper something.

'You want to know why?' His voice is low. A little vicious like I remember in my early memories of him. He's going to be crude and sadistic, I can hear it in his voice. And when he looks up and I see his eyes, I know it's that demon inside of him talking.

'I hated you.' He spits out the words. 'You and your righteous little mind, balancing on society's approval. Helping those who you deemed worthy.'
'I've never been like that,' I answer with a stern voice, convinced of my own truth.
'No, you were different,' he agreed, sounding more calm. 'I'm the demon of the Hidden Mist,' he whispered against my lips. I feel shiver run down my spine but not the kind that bring pleasure.
I notice my hand is trembling in his. He locks his entirely around mine to keep it still.

'And you a good, capable doctor. Probably capable enough to heal the severe wounds I gave my victims…' His eyes steadily stayed on mine. I felt as if he was looking into my soul. He was in search of something, an emotion or a certain reaction to what he was about to tell me.
'I was the murderer and you helped people, remember, Sakura?' he viciously hissed, getting angry again. I vaguely remember one of our many fights of which I had indeed pointed that out.

'When I saw you that night,' he let out a sigh while nuzzling his face against mine. I could hear him take a deep breath, taking all of me in. 'I just wanted you in my bed.'
'I know, you are always very blunt about your intentions towards me,' I stiffly reply. I can't help but feel a rush go through my body, still somewhat flattered that I could make a man feel that way. I'm pathetic.

'I believe the offer was simple but I…' he smirks against my lips, 'I wanted a little more.'
'Me,' I shrug, still not understanding where he was going with this.

'You're at my mercy,' he simply said. 'You are no longer superior to me. You now fully understand how it feels to have limited choices…' His lips hovered above mine, barely touching. 'And you almost became a murder, Sakura.'
I swallow at the tension between us. The words cut deep and I'm aware I have indeed fallen.
His hand lets go of my hand. Placing it behind my back and pushes me into him. The small sounds leaving his mouth, have an effect on me that I can't control. 'And now the only time you feel human is when I'm inside of you.'

'Is that how you feel?' I cuttingly ask, not letting him completely cloud my mind.

His smirks before harshly kissing me.

'Tsunade would never allowed me to get killed,' I point out as he puts his clothes on.
He snickers at how I blatantly I start the conversation again. I've once again wrapped myself in the covers and it seemed to amuse him how I pretend nothing has happen. I wish I could wipe that grin off his face.

'No, she would not,' he agreed. 'But she had little to no choices and most agreed not including you was hard task.'
There had been others? Tsunade had considered other men for this mission?
'Wasn't he keen on spending more time with you?'

The question got me off guard and it takes me a second to realize that even that hadn't been sincere from Inui's part. I had foolishly assumed it was because he didn't want me to be on my own anymore.

'Your presence was his safety guarantee,' Zabuza explained. He buckled up his belt and put on the standard jacket of this village. 'We had played with the idea of you being home for the longest time because of that. It would get him off guard.'
Shocked, I don't even notice how he's gotten quite close to me. Leaning on the bed, he continued revealing the truth.
'Deal was that I'd have you and would not only provide an alibi for you but a guarantee of your safety.'

Speechless, I don't stop him and let him kiss me. Closing my eyes in respond to the deeper interaction than I had anticipated, I have to hold on to him for a moment. He growls before parting again.
'I'd rather be here but some of us have to work, you know.'

I'm still too stunned to provide a witty comeback but I know all too well he's making fun of me. So I just lightly slap him on his shoulder.

'Jerk.'

'Changed the heating system so you'll be warm tonight,' another kiss, 'but today I won't be as late as last night.'

I realize it was going to be a long day being stuck here all by myself. Haku had said he'd try to come over but had some urgent assignments to do.

So I snake my arms around his neck and sneakily hope for him to stay and pass my time. He gives in for a few minutes before letting out another growl and parting us. He gives me a smirk in response to my sly action.

'Tonight.' Without saying much else, he walks out the door.

I let out a sigh and let myself drop on the bed. What is wrong with me?

I didn't feel like sitting around, just waiting for time to pass. Not liking the idea of overthinking and dwelling on memories and thoughts again, even with the new information is possessed, I use the opportunity to catch up all the sleep I had lost over the past couple of months.

As I make myself comfortable and try to fall back asleep, my mind wanders in all direction. It isn't until the last moment I realize Zabuza had kissed me goodbye. I block out the thoughts following and try to ignore how my ego revels on how much he wants me.

I had slept pass noon, taken a long shower and now I was trying to pass time by reading again.
I admit the literature wasn't exactly something I'd normally read but I got to know my surroundings a little bit better. Kirigakure's history wasn't exactly rich, more like disastrous and repetitive in the most tragic way.
It did however made me understand Zabuza and even Haku a whole lot better.
I had hated the war that had just recently ended but for the shinobi of Kirigakure, war had beenan ongoing thing for generations. I don't think Zabuza had ever experienced a time of peace before.

Things were looking up, though.

I had heard great things of the new Mizukage and that Kirigakure was making great progress in becoming a much better country in a whole. Where exactly Zabuza stood on that I had no idea, though. He never said word about how he felt towards this place.

Still, I wonder what he thinks of the current Mizukage's work.

Having enough of reading, I throw the book aside and decide to take a small break.

I bite my lip in thought. Maybe because of my conversation with Zabuza or maybe even just the book I had been reading but I could finally feel myself taking some distance from Inui and even a little bit from Konoha.
I tried to become a subjective person again and perhaps see that not all root of evil wasn't residing in Konaha. Perhaps betrayal is simply human nature.

Being all by myself gave me some peace of mind. I felt I could put certain things back into perspective. Yet being locked up here was driving me slowly mad at the same time. It also made me aware that I was still a part of a plot that was long from being over.

What the hell was Tsunade going to do?

I'm being kept as a prisoner and it doesn't seem like Zabuza has any intention of letting me go just yet...

I feel a spark inside of me at the thought. Maybe he has truly taken some sort of a liking in me?

Though I doubt it was a kind one. I was probably just his favorite victim for the moment.

His confession had come off as odd at first but at same time I thought it was kind of typical for him to do. After all, he was vengeful person. A demon. Born to hunt and haunt.
And I had at times rubbed him the wrong way but never had I thought he would take it this far…

He hadn't hidden that the opportunity had just represented itself and he had taken it.

For a moment I try to think of a what-if situation but conclude that last few years nothing could've gone differently. There had been no other choices, those had only existed in my mind.

The only thing I could truly wonder about was, what if I hadn't been Tsunade's student? And therefor Inui hadn't taken an interest in me? I doubt I would've ever come across him or Haku.

I let out a sigh, getting reminded of the life before all of this. My mind shows me a glimpse of an old relationship I had, making me feel much like I was feeling today. Torn. Lonely.

I suppose it is my faith to never live a comfortable life. I pick the wrong people to live with for that…

Getting up from my seat, I walk towards the large window and take a look outside. I enjoy the view, liking how I could just spy and watch what people were doing without them ever knowing. I grin at a few sceneries, noticing life here isn't any different from where I have been in the past.

As I try to enjoy the moments of pure silence… A nagging little voice of what is next to come ruins my lighthearted mood.

I think back to what Tsunade told me and before I know it, I'm holding the medicine she had given. Just in case. Reading the prescription again, I decide that perhaps it was better for me to start taking something to help me get over things. I had all the answers. Well, sort of.

I was going to lose my mind while staying here for another two weeks. I need to become strong again. Independent.

Most of all, I needed to get a grip on my erratic behavior.

Without thinking twice, I take one pill. I had enough of doubt lingering in my mind. Hiding it in my bag of clothes again, I feel slight hesitance come over me when thinking it through.
Dismissing the feeling, I try thinking of something to distract myself with.

For a moment I consider unpacking but I decided against the idea, presuming I wouldn't be staying too long.

So I instead I walk back to the bed and resume my reading while the rest of the afternoon goes by slow.

Luckily for me, just when I though I was going to lose my mind, Haku comes through and threats me to an early dinner.

'I'll put some aside for Zabuza,' he lightly says while taking a plate.

I just shrug it off, not really caring about the man's hunger. I feel little conflicted though. A part of me wants to hate him but… I swallow at my perverted mind. He's infected me with his horrible mind.

'How was your night?' Haku suddenly asked.

Turning beet-red, I sputter out fine while avoiding his eyes. Of course he meant it innocently, asking me if I had been able to catch some sleep in my new home. I flinched at naming of this place. This wasn't my new home. Haku however was thrilled by the idea and I almost felt a little bad for wanting to leave.

Not that I had a clue where I'd be going should I'd be able to do so.

'Yes, it was a little cold, that's all,' I answered, being able to look him in the eye now.
'Oh, yeah. Zabuza probably forgot… He's never much around these days.'
'You miss him?' I ask without thinking.
'Yeah,' he says while giving a shrug. 'But it's better this way, don't you think?'
'I suppose,' I nod. No more running, lying or killing to live should be considered a much better life. I just wasn't so convinced of Zabuza's good intentions.

'Were you able to talk last night?' he then asked nonchalantly while handing me over glass of water.
'Yes.'
The short answer doesn't sit him well. He gives me a mischievous look.
'Or did you not talk much?'
'H-Haku!' I choke when I realize his innocence is misleading. Putting the glass down, he gives me a smirk. I mentally not he is indeed no longer a young innocent child.

He snickers to my reaction, finding it truly amusing. Holding his hands up when I give him an angry look, he apologizes before I can yell at him.

'I do believe,' he quietly said on a more serious tone. 'He is very… fond of you.'

I don't immediately respond. I had the same thought earlier but it had definitely been in a more sarcastic manner.
'He isn't the type,' I dismissively tell him.

'I don't know about such things…' he mutters. 'But just like you do, Zabuza dismisses the idea.'
'What idea?' I ask, now having my full attention.
'The idea of him caring about someone.'

'Actions speak louder than words,' I suddenly say out loud. I wasn't quite sure who I was telling it to, him or myself. My bitterness revels at the idea. Of course I can make man like him want me but not the man I imagined my life with.
Surprisingly, I suddenly feel my hate for Sasuke boil up again. It spoils my appetite.
Men like Zabuza and Inui, with ulterior motives, those I could make me want me. But not a man I wanted for years. No, for him I had to change everything I was.

Until I figured out I couldn't and left that life behind.

Suddenly dark thoughts clouded my mind and I seemed to regret every life decision I had made. I angrily look at the bag of clothes, knowing I had hid the medicine in there. Blaming it for not taking immediate effect on me.

Haku seems unaware of my inner turmoil and light-heartedly changes the subject. He stays for more than an hour and we talk about random things. Revisiting my own days at the academy when he asks me how things went in Konoha. I end up feeling rather devastated when remembering how I had always envisioned myself being and how I now actually turned out to be.

The mistress of a murderer.

When he sets out to leave, I ask him when I'll be able to go outside. He doesn't respond much and eventually says he doesn't know what Zabuza's orders are, making it sound as if it had been his superior's idea. I remark that I doubt Zabuza has gotten actual orders to imprison me.
Giving me a slight smile when being discovered, Haku shrugs it off and says he assumes sometime soon.

Absolutely bored out of my mind, I throw the book with an aggravated growl on the ground. Book III.

How many more?

As I was lying on the bed, I was looking upside down at the bookcase. I counted four more left.
In Konoha I had felt trapped too but at least I had my own stuff to pass time with. I had my own books, a diary and some other things to keep me busy. I hadn't brought any of it with me, simply because it hadn't been possible. Biting my lip, I get off the bed. I had enough of lying around and doing nothing.

But there wasn't much I could do here except reading. I had sneaked around and searched through pretty much everything I could to try and find something interesting or personal of Zabuza.
I don't know why I bothered. Maybe it was my obscene curiosity to finally discover something of the man that no-one else knew about. And perhaps use it against him should the opportunity present itself.

But I had to conclude that it seemed Zabuza's place had come with furniture, probably because the man didn't owe a thing when coming back here. So all I found was bland decorations, books and food supply. It was all very basic, nothing indicating who the man truly was.

Bored, I walk to the bathroom. For a moment I play with the idea of taking another shower but decide against it. Staring at myself in the mirror, I note how skinny I am. At least my face is looking better. I guess sleep got rid of the tiredness surrounding my eyes. Brushing my hair, I realized it is now longer than ever.
I smile at the length, it was right above my hip. I had dreamed of this as a kid. Probably thinking I'd feel prettier. Ironic how I was feeling quite the opposite.

I flinch when I hear noise coming from the other room. The bathroom is the only place with a door, so I have second to gather myself. Taking a deep breath, I open the door and cautiously stand in the doorway.

Zabuza throws a bag on the floor and places his sword against the wall. Rolling his head around to relief pressure, he simply nods when catching me in the corner of his eye. Without speaking he walked to the kitchen and grabbed the food Haku had set aside for him.

I quirk up an eyebrow and then realize he and Haku had probably spoken before coming here. Quietly I walk closer to him.

He ignores me, grabbing a drink while heating the food up. Sitting down at the kitchen table, he doesn't even bother to acknowledge my presence. Boredom makes a person do strange things but I wasn't taking it too well. I had waited all day for some company and Haku's had been too short in my opinion.

'How was your day?' I quietly ask.

He halts his movement, food dangling before his mouth before giving me a surprised look. 'Fine.'
I roll my eyes at short answer. Uncomfortable, I stay behind him and he doesn't bother to look up.

'How was yours?' he eventually asked.
'Boring!' I let out aggravated growl at the ridiculousness of asking that. How did he think my day had been?
'You don't say,' he mutters uninterested.
Remembering what he had said this morning, I make another frustrated sound with the back of my throat. 'Of course, this is what you had to endure during your stay in my house. I'm not injured and it wasn't me who didn't allow you to go outside!'

'Silly woman,' he snickers. 'I'm not trying to replicate that time or anything.'
'Then why are you keeping me trapped in here?' I snap back.
'You've been here one day,' he shrugs at my overreaction.

Annoyed at how he made a well point, I try to hide it and focus my attention on something else. I slowly make my way to the actual kitchen area. Leaning against the counter before him. He smirks at my behavior but stayed quiet.
'Did you like it?' I ask him, nodding my head to the food. He nods and simply tells me it was nice.
Drinking the glass of water out in one take, I ask him since when he started drinking plain water.

'Get me a drink,' he answers when hearing my annoyance. 'Get yourself one too.'

Turning around with a huff, I open the cabinet were I had seen several bottles of sake. I hear him snicker again, commenting how I had managed to find my way around quite well in just a day.
'I had nothing else to do,' I snarl while grabbing his glass and filling it up. I remind him that I don't like alcohol all that much.

'It's very relaxing,' he says on a lazy tone. Slouching in his seat, he takes a second to eye me. Noting I'm already dressed for bed. His eyes stayed on my bare legs. I keep a stoic face but inside I feel a little victorious.

'Not as cold as last night?'
'Better,' I answer. I purposely make it sound a bit sultry.

The tension isn't exactly something unkind, we both now what is hanging in the air. I realize he wants me to make the first move. His brown eyes are wide and he has a look in them that is all too familiar.

'You don't smoke anymore?' I ask him.
'Bad habit,' he said after taking a sip of his drink.

Placing the bottle on the table, I give the man a long look. Wondering what he could be planning. Sure I could make myself believe that he had somehow warmed up to me but as I had experienced and seen the world, that seemed very unlikely to be true.

'Doctor told me to quit,' he then said with a grin.
I hated how the playful tone makes me smirk. I tried to fight it off but give up when seeing his reaction to mine. He looked different with every step I took towards him. When my hand reaches out to touch his cheek, he takes a deep breath.
'I always listen, so…' He pulls my waist closer to him and lets out sigh, enjoy the warmth my body was giving. 'So she doesn't get mad.'

Without warning, I grabbed hold of his hand and untangled myself and got onto his lap. Straddling him, he let out a surprised gasp but his hands easily find their way to my hips. Pupils going wider when my mouth comes closer to lightly touch his. When I finally kiss him, he lets out a low moan in my mouth. Enjoying my assertiveness, his hands wander over my back. Pressing me into him, I respond similar with soft a moan of my own.

I had spent the entire day on thinking of how my life could've gone, wasted hours and minutes contemplating. Restless emotions had come and go. I wanted my mind to stop working.
There was a few things I had control over. Zabuza's attraction to me allowed me to have control over this small moment.

When I wake up the next morning I feel an arm around my waist. Thinking about our position, I realize I'm holding on to him. With some effort I manage to open my eyes. Looking up from his neck, I see his eyes are still closed and note by the way he is breathing his actually still asleep.

Taking in his features, I smile. Remembering I already had this thought before. He is not too bad looking when he isn't smirking or frowning.
Glancing at the window, I see the sun is coming up just now. It too early… Well, for Zabuza I suppose it was time to get up. But not for me, I had the entire morning to sleep.

Lying my head back down, I nuzzle in his neck and enjoy the odd embrace for a bit longer. If I could play pretend a little longer, I wouldn't turn down the opportunity. The feeling of being wanted and loved was something I've always secretly craved for the most, especially at this point in my life.
Though I was well aware Zabuza wasn't the person to bring me those genuine desires, I'd like to think for the moment we were exactly just that.
Numbing my mind when it dares to think what this day could hold or the next one. I held on a little tighter.

I can't deny I'm a little surprise when I feel the arm around my waist tighten. For a small moment he goes along with it, trying to imitate what couples do after a long night like ours; cuddle.

But as to expect, his inner demon is hard to control and it can't help but taint the serene moment. Pressing me up to him, his hand tilts up my chin and leads my mouth to his. His kisses are lazy and long. Any other man would annoy me with the sound our mouths were making but for some reason, it kind of turned me on and I easily give in to the suggestion of getting on top of him.

With a groan, and wordlessly, he continues. Meanwhile I can't help to try and catch a glance of his expression. He looks relax. Smirking when catching what I was doing, he responds by moving his hands over me and making me slightly whimper.

'I have to go,' he sighs when I again try stall him . 'As much as I enjoy your… nymphomaniac behavior, I really have to go.'
I laugh. Not being able to help myself I can't stop and it seems to contagious because I actually catch him laughing at himself.
'Are make fun of me, woman?' he then asks while trying to untangle my hands around his neck.
'I wouldn't dare,' I mumble when kissing him again.

Normally I'm not the type to make others late but I suppose I didn't care about his life enough to make a point out of it. I can't deny the control that comes with it is nice.

Fully dressed in gear and ready to go, he lets out an annoyed growl and pushes me off of him again.

A set of long days pass but thankfully Haku keeps his promise of visiting daily. By the end of the week he'd have some more free time and promised to take me out somewhere, though I should probably discuss it with Zabuza first.

I bite my lip at the idea. Wondering if I could just manipulate him into making me get what I want.
I had start taken a full doses of my medication each day. One in the morning, noon and in the early evening.
It did seem to help with the lack of energy I had been feeling but in the late afternoon I still needed to take a little nap. Or maybe that was just because of the extreme boredom I was experiencing.

I was still experiencing too many emotions, one moment at ease and the next I was watching shattered glass on the ground. I couldn't make up my mind on what I still believed or wanted.
I was too suspicious about Zabuza's motives but not brave enough to confront myself and take off the mask I had put on and simply ask the man what he was planning on doing with me.

It seemed the little pill had not given me the control I had longed for.

I was still behaving erratic. Still being overly excited to see a man I had despised only a few days ago.
But it wasn't like Zabuza felt like bringing up the subject and talk. No, he enjoyed our new relationship far too much for that. And whatever we did word, did not have much of a deep meaning.

Tiredly, I try to keep my eyes open as I feel his hand make patterns on my back. I could hear the rain loudly pour on the rooftop above us. It was all so soothing and nice. I let out a sigh of pure content.
Kissing my shoulder, I hardly hear the words he's whispering in my ear afterwards.

'I'm enjoying this far too much.' His voice was huskily and sounded satisfied. I almost want to form a smirk and remark but decide against it. I was far too comfortable to start one of our usual conversation.
Not like being ignored, he abruptly puts an end to my enjoyment by turning me around to face him.

He wasn't angry, as a matter a fact by his expression he seemed to be rather calm. He gives me a approving look before place his mouth on mine and let his tongue explore again.
Whimpering in response, I place my arms around him to hold on. Already knowing where this was going again.

'I admit to taking this a bit too far,' he muttered against my mouth. I'm hardly aware of what he's saying, my mind already wandering off. I eventually frown in response.
'You're perhaps more of a hazard to… physically have around then I had originally thought,' he continued while placing his mouth on different places when talking. 'Maybe I should've just left you in Konoha and visit once in a while.'

'W-what are you talking about?' I ask, trying to keep my focus. It didn't help that his mouth kept traveling lower and lower. I squirm when feeling his mouth on my hip. I touch his hair while holding him into place. He stays silent. For some reason, my mask slips off.

'Do you truly want me to become your wife?' I ask while trying to catch my breath. I curse myself for letting myself get carried away so easily.

The serious question stays unanswered and for a moment he stops his movements.
'No, you'd be a weakness to have. I don't have the actual time to take care of you. I admit I hadn't thought this part trough. All I had wanted was to piss off some officials, make it hard on your country and all while have you under my control in the process…'

He looks up. His brown eyes are wide and hungry again. I like it when his hands caresses my skin here and there, obviously loving how I feel underneath his hands.
'I never thought of actually having you here,' he confesses.
I don't know if I should get angry or not. A part of me states it no longer matter. I was here now.
'And you always were horrible distraction. First in those skimpy nightdresses and now…' Another appreciative grin passes his lip before putting his mouth down. I groan, a little louder then I should.

I didn't want to hear it.

Of course I attract the ones I don't truly want.

A few more days pass and not much changes. My "nymphomaniac" behavior continues and Zabuza appetite seems to never be satisfied. We rarely speak, letting ourselves go in whatever it was we had created.

I try to make myself better by taking my medication but not much changes. I figured it would take some time but I was growing impatient. I want to feel better now. And all I did was feel worse. Feeling embarrassed when looking at the mirror and thinking I had just slept with the man that killed the one I supposedly loved.

What is wrong with me?

I hit the mirror with the palm of my hand. Hating how I was crumbling again.
Haku had cancelled our plans for tonight due a mission. I didn't know when the hell Zabuza was coming. It was only noon, so at least not for a while.

Letting out a frustrated growl, I try to think of something to do. I'm tired but can't find sleep. Going through my bag, I find a bottle of sleeping pills. I walk back to the bathroom.
Taking them with the other drugs isn't good idea, yet I open my palm and place the entire content in it. I take a deep breath, not trusting myself for the moment. My heart is racing.

Nothing is going to change… Should I just end it?

'What the hell do you think you are doing?' he yelled. Throwing the pills on to the ground while grabbing my face. Thinking I had already placed some in my mouth. Surprised I let out a scream while trying to tell him I hadn't taken any. Yet.

'How many did you take?' he yelled at me while turning me around to spit in the sink.
'None! I didn't take any! I wasn't going to!' I tell him.

Angrily turning me back around, making me dizzy in the process, he violently shakes me.
'What were you thinking?'

'I-I wasn't,' I stutter, trying to make sense of it myself. I had moment where I had felt much worse than I had over the last few days. Even today hadn't been that bad. Why had I just thought of doing?

'Never took you as a coward, Sakura,' he harshly says while taking a look at me to see if I had done anything else stupid.
'I don't know why…' I mutter. A heavy feeling overwhelms me and I suddenly can't stop myself from crying in front of him. He seems a little startled.

'I just want to be person again,' I tell him. 'Not just a toy, or a fake lover… Or be a part of someone's plan without knowing so. I just want to be person again.'

Feeling desperate and unable to stand the blank expression he was giving me, I wrapped my arms around him. Waiting for him to do the same. 'Please,' I beg. 'Please stop this.'
I guess the consequences of my behavior were catching up on me. I only dared to feel bad about myself. Low. Unhappy.

I let out a sigh of relief when I feel his arm come around me, his other hand holding on the bottle of pills. He throws it in the sink before wrapping his other arm around me. His breath staggering in his throat when he opened his mouth to say something. But Zabuza seemed to be speechless
I listen to his heartbeat, holding on to him just a little longer.

Playing pretend again, I viciously remind myself.

Hearing someone enter the house, he abruptly ends our embrace and grabs my face. The kiss is unkind and not exactly what I needed for the moment but it only takes me a second to figure out this isn't what he wants to do. I have learned to read pass his cold brown eyes, telling me to obey for the moment. His hands travel over my back, to then push me into him.

'So that is what you forgot?' I hear a voice snicker. 'I thought it was your report…'
'Shut up,' Zabuza snickered in response, giving the tall man behind him a look.

Taking a glance behind Zabuza, I saw a man that wasn't quite as tall as him but perhaps a little bit broader. Bearing his sharp teeth in amusement to my bewildered look, he continues to taunt Zabuza.
'But that is a beautiful distraction, though.'

His tone of voice send shivers down my spine and I unconsciously take a step back. Stepping into some pills, reality abruptly awakens me and rids me of my state of delirium. I feel like an idiot.

'I'll be there in a minute,' Zabuza simply said, ignoring how the man was looking at me.
'You should take her out, Zabuza. Or maybe not, I don't think I would either. Haha!'
'I'm right here, you know,' I snap at the man.
'Feisty,' he snickers in response. His eyes go from mine to Zabuza's, telling him to hurry up and stop wasting time.

'Go outside,' Zabuza commanded, slightly losing his patience with the man. He waits a minute before turning his attention back to me. I again take a step back but this time out of fear. It isn't until door is thrown shut he starts speaking.

'Don't be an idiot, Sakura,' he hissed. Grabbing my wrist he again shakes me. As if I was a child. 'I get it that you don't like your position at the moment but next week after your meeting with the Mizukage I assume you will have more to do than to just sit around and wait for me.'

'The Mizukage?' I ask startled.
He lets out a sigh. 'I don't have time now, we'll talk tonight.' Grabbing me by my hair, he holds me into place, 'Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone, got it?'
I shake my head while admitting I was behaving quite stupidly. 'Sorry,' I flatly say, not knowing if that word had much affect on him.

Without warning his mouth was on mine. Widening my eyes, I then see his are closed. Kissing me intensely, I almost give in and forgot what was making me so unhappy. Was it really his touch, though?
'We'll talk tonight,' he repeated, leaving me breathless. I just nod, unable to speak.

When he walks out, I let out a sigh. When I see the pills surrounding me, I let out a cry. Hands shaking, I try to grasp what I had just thought of doing. This endless misery was driving me beyond a point I had ever thought of crossing. Realizing where my head had taken me, I start to cry again.

I get woken by voices. First I find them sounding a bit unfamiliar until I realize one of them is Zabuza's.

'Just shut up.'
'What are doing?' Haku asked, sounding almost a bit angry at the man. 'You're not going to gain her trust by behaving this way.'
'I don't want her trust,' he spat. 'Besides you don't understand, so shut up.'
'What exactly are you planning on doing?' Haku then asked.

Groggily sitting up, I note how parental the boy's voice sounds.

'You need her trust if you want our plan to succeed.'
My heart falters at hearing the words. For brief moment a vicious voice in my mind says I shouldn't have missed out on my chance earlier.
I had flushed down the pills and the shun the idea of ever taking a pill to make you feel better.

But right about now, I would take just about anything to ease the pain.

Not you too, Haku…

'You have work to do,' Zabuza dismissively said. 'Get started.'
Haku let out a sigh but then obviously decided let the subject drop. He knew better than to push his sensei over the edge. His brown eyes widen when he sees me sitting up in bed.

'S-Sakura!'

'You're up,' Zabuza noted. 'I'll deal with her,' he said to Haku, now making it clear he needed to leave. Haku didn't budge, and to my utter surprise, he ignored Zabuza's command.

'Are you alright, Sakura?'

'I'm fine,' I answer with a shrug. It wasn't like I had done anything. I had just felt exhausted earlier this evening and had decided to take a nap.

'We'll talk later,' he said with a smile. 'I made ramen.'

'Yum,' I answer with a smile. Inside I can feel my heart bleeding, wondering if our light conversation had any meaning at all. He fakes me a smile and I fake one back. I see Zabuza rolling his eyes at our conversation but perhaps not picking up on an the façade we were both wearing.

Biding me and Zabuza a goodnight, he then returns to his old self against his sensei. Being overly polite towards him and deeply bowing his head while promising he would do his best on the task he had given him. I don't even bother to ponder what Zabuza had send him out to do.

When we're alone, Zabuza gives me an angry glare. Grabbing himself a drink before walking up to me. It's rather dark in the room and because of that I can see the cigarette in his hand.

'I thought you'd quit?' I ask him.

'Bad habits are hard to get rid of,' he mumbled. His eyes go over me, seemingly checking if I was alright. I guess finding me in the bed sleeping hadn't been really something he had been hoping for when coming home.

'I'm fine,' I repeat to him. I pull up the covers, feeling a little cold. Maybe it isn't actually cold I'm feeling, I guess embarrassment and uncomfortableness could explain the action much better. I avert my eyes when he doesn't respond to me.

Drinking his drink a little before coming to sit next to me on his side of the bed, I keep track of his actions out of the corner of my eyes. I'm not quite sure what to expect. He seems angry. But then again I had never seen Zabuza with a content face, at least not without his sadistic smirk.

Blank expression, cold eyes. I let out a sigh at the sight.

'I went through your stuff,' he bluntly stated. 'You take anti-depressives?'
'Only since a few days… I thought it would help.'
'Help with what?' he asked, smoking his cigarette. When the smoke hits me, I plead him to stop.
'Hurt, grief… Everything,' I mumble. Never had I ever imagined having this conversation with him. 'Does it matter? I never planned on actually taken them and I threw it all in the toilet, so I won't be taken them again.'

'But for some reason you did,' he pointed out. He was eerily calm. I squirm under his sight when his cold eyes lock on mine.

'Why do you care?' I bit out.

'Idiot.'

The solid response makes me feel worse. Actually agreeing on the insult. I shrug it off, telling him to forget it and that nothing would've happened. His cigarette is already almost finished. I note it is probably the thing that is making him stay calm.

It doesn't entirely surprise me when he grabs my wrist and pulls me to him. 'If you ever think of doing anything like that again, I'll—'It'd be too late for you to do anything about,' I flatly answer.

Stunned by the reply he lets go of me again.

'The Mizukage will to talk to you next Monday.'
'So?' I ask.
'So now you know,' he answered on an aggravated tone. Emptying his drink in one take, he has a hard time keeping his temper in check. For a moment, I think the situation has effect on him.
But I then realize he can't hurt me because I might end up with a bruise. My cheek was already better but could still be seen. By Monday it would be mostly gone and make-up could cover up the remains.

'You got me here,' I tell him, feeling suddenly the need to pick a fight with him. The immunity that came with this knowledge was dangerous. Not that I would exploit it too much. Just a little.

'Yeah, I did,' he answered on a low threatening tone, daring me to continue.

I actually didn't feel like fighting. I was too drained. Haku's voice kept echoing in my head.
Not liking what I had heard, I redirected my mind elsewhere. Reminding myself that the last days hadn't been too bad.

Zabuza turned his back to me, finishing what was left of his cigarette. Reaching out to touch him, his head snaps around in surprise when feeling my hand on his back. I ignore the reaction. Putting my head on his shoulder. He looks at me out of the corner his eye. Staring for a moment, I place a kiss on his cheek. Something I rarely do.

He doesn't respond much to it but I can tell his expression softens. I don't know why but I feel a little victorious.

'What does the Mizukage want?' I quietly ask.

'She wants to talk to you about something involving your skills as a doctor,' he answered on a bored tone, not really caring about the whole matter. 'You'll like it,' he added, obviously knowing more about the meeting then he's willing to admit.

'So I should at least keep breathing until after the meeting?' I jokingly ask.
He doesn't appreciate it, letting out a growl in response.

Not wanting to ruin whatever it was we had going, the sole thing I had, I decided to not let the matter of this afternoon dwell between us for too long. Getting off the bed, I turn around and stand before him. He doesn't give me his usual hungry look. Cold brown eyes full of anger answered mine.

This afternoon I had probably almost ruined his perfect plan…

Ignoring his angry scowl, I place my hands on his shoulders and worm my way on to his lap. For the first time being rather reluctant towards me coming closer to him. Taking the cigarette out of his mouth, I place it in the empty glass. It flickers up before dying completely. His eyes stay on it, trying to ignore my actions.

Placing my hand on his cheek, I turn his head around. I can see his resolve crumble. When I put my mouth on his, I don't know how his expression is but his respond is enthusiastic as always. Letting out a groan when I continued and pushed him down.

We part and I discard my oversized t-shirt I had been sleeping in. His eyes wander over my body before speaking up.

'Stop this.' Yet his body was conflicting his mouth, placing his hands firmly onto my hips and pulling me deeper into him. 'Stop distracting me with your body.'

'It is all we have,' I point out.

Zabuza stays quiet, obviously agreeing on the matter. However he eventually does sit back up, holding me to him. We kiss here and there but he never fully lets go and keeps the situation in control by doing so.

'I thought you wanted to leave Konoha?' he suddenly asks between kisses.
I halt, giving him a stunned look. 'To be locked up in this room?'
'I'm doing it for your own safety,' he explained. 'Meizu wouldn't shut up about you.'
'Who?'
'The idiot from this afternoon. He said it explained me going home instead of going out and drinking. I can't have people thinking I'm weak because of some woman,' he angrily spat.

I don't know to who his anger was directed to, me or the guy talking about me.

'You're not weak,' I simply tell him.

I kiss him again, liking how I played with his bottom lip before letting his tongue in. I can feel him losing his battle with control. Groaning again when I deepened my movements.

'It does seem I have lost some self-control,' he muttered, enjoying what I was doing. 'And you are exploiting it, you.. minx.'
I laugh when hearing him call me that. When it came to women, he used odd words to explain certain things. I see him smirk in respond to me laughing.

'So are you still thinking of making me your wife?' I suddenly ask him. That is a part of the plan, is it not?

He halts, thinking about what to say for a moment. My hands seem to distract him but I don't stop, determined to make him talk.

'You'd be a hazard to me.' His voice wasn't very convincing and the answer conflicted my assumption of me being a part of the plan. To my surprise, he continues talking and even makes me reconsider my thoughts. 'I already have to hear things I don't want to be said about me.'

'So you are going to rid of me?' I ask him on a playful tone. Placing my mouth just underneath his ear, I feel his hand glide up on back and unhook my bra.

'But I admit this is a nice perspective…' he grinned while not answering my question.
I smile before kissing him again. Feeling rather brave, I dare to do what had been on my mind since I've woken up.

'Why don't you let me in on you plan?' I whisper.

'I don't have a plan,' he muttered onto my mouth. I could tell he wasn't really feeling the idea of talking anymore.

'Yes, you do…'

Not denying it any longer. He looked down at my body before looking back up. Lightly teasing my mouth until I let out a small moan, he smirked against my lips.

'Just keep doing what you're doing,' he simple said while lying back down on the matrass.

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