The next day was mainly spent studying. While she should have been catching up on reports, Tonks memorized exactly how Pomegranate interacted with the Helleborn or how the Sopohorous and the Valerian worked in tandem.
When she stood in front of Snape's shop, instead of going right in, like he now said she could, Tonks took a moment to collect her wits. She knew this was her last chance. If she messed up tonight, he wouldn't continue the lessons, she was sure of it. Perfection was what was needed tonight.
Taking a deep breath, Tonks let herself into the shop, waiting for the now familiar, "I'm in back."
Tonks walked purposefully into the back room, setting her knapsack next to the desk. She could feel him studying her intently, trying to gauge her emotional state.
"There will be no more Gryffindor theatrics if you wish to continue these lessons," he said finally.
"I was in Hufflepuff," Tonks muttered under her breath.
"Do you have something to say, Nymphadora?"
"Nothing," Tonks replied, shaking her head.
"Then let's begin."
Over the next two hours, Tonks answered every single one of Snape's questions correctly. It was exhausting; it almost felt like they were dueling. He would shot off a question and she would parry the answer right back.
Finally Snape crossed his arms over his chest. "Acceptable."
Stung, Tonks responded, "Acceptable? I answered every single one of your questions." She sniffed. "I think that deserves an Outstanding in my book."
"How many times will I have to say this before you will understand? With a potion as complex and dangerous as the Wolfsbane Potion, anything less than complete and total knowledge of the theory in unacceptable. Therefore, knowing all of the answers is acceptable. Nothing more."
"Fine," Tonks sighed, rolling her eyes. "I'm glad my progress was acceptable."
"When shall you be here next?"
"Is tomorrow too soon?" asked Tonks. "There's only two weeks before the next full moon."
"Very well."
The next three lessons were simply practice brewing sessions. Snape used ingredients that weren't nearly expensive as the real ones, but still had the same effect during the brewing process. Though the result was worthless. After the third lesson, Snape declared that she was ready to try brewing using the actual ingredients.
This pleased Tonks greatly, because there was now only eight days before the full moon. Remus had to start taking the potion tomorrow or the potion wouldn't work this month.
It had been a few years since Remus had gone through a full moon without the Wolfsbane Potion. Two and a half years, in fact. The last had been the last month they had been apart, the month before Remus finally came to his senses. The worst thing Tonks could think of was Remus going through a transformation and being reminded of those times. That was why she was working so hard.
Tonks had practised the movements so many times, that she almost thought that she could brew the potion in her sleep.
But as she stared at the ingredients already laid out before her, Tonks knew that this was different. Her entire relationship with Remus could possibly hang in the balance. There was nothing more important than getting this potion right.
"Are you ready to begin?" Snape asked in a bored voice.
"I'm ready." Her voice portrayed a confidence she did not feel. Get a grip! she thought angrily to herself. Snape had harped again and again on the need for confidence for this potion to work. Anything less than a steady, calm hand would mean failure.
The first hour she worked in silence. Only once did her hand linger over an ingredient that she was unsure of. But it was a crucial part of the brew. And there was no time to check her notes; the timing had to be precise.
The entire process was a total of four hours. After the first hour, there was thirteen minutes where the potion simply sat and stewed. There were no ingredients to add or to stir.
When the thirteen minutes started, Snape went to the desk and pulled out i Potions Weekly /i . Tonks hadn't brought anything to occupy her time, so sat down at her work station and rested her chin on her hands.
Five or so minutes passed before Tonks thought she might be driven to madness by the silence that had settled over the room. Before she could stop herself, she asked, "Why did you stay in Britain?"
"Are you attempting mindless chit chat again? You might remember that I wasn't very receptive the first time."
"It's not mindless," Tonks said, watching him. Snape hadn't looked up from the periodical. "I'm genuinely curious. After all that had happened, why in the world would you stay in Britain? Most people think that you left the country."
"Did you share that view?"
"I fancied you in the Caribbean somewhere, in a straw hut and drinking rum out of a coconut." Tonks blushed after she finished speaking. She hadn't meant to say her actual thoughts out loud. "Or something like that."
"Do tell," Snape said with a hint of a sneer.
"But why did you stay?" Tonks asked curiously. Now that she was on the topic, it would be hard to let it go. "You're despised here." She closed her eyes in horror. Insulting the man who could potentially save her relationship with Remus would quite possibly be the worst thing that she could do.
But instead of fuming in anger like she expected, a satisfied smile settled on Snape's lips. "Perhaps that is why I stayed."
This intrigued her. "You stayed because you're hated?" asked Tonks. She shook her head. "I couldn't do that. I hate it when I know someone doesn't like me."
"That is one deficiency of your House, Nymphadora. You're all a bit too nice for my tastes."
"And Slytherins are too arrogant," Tonks shot back.
"That has been said before." Snape idly turned a page of his magazine. "You have thirty seconds before you need to add the Lovage."
"Shit!"
Tonks jumped up and searched frantically for the Lovage. "What did I do with it?" she asked, fear rising in her throat.
"Fifteen seconds."
"Snape, it was right here! You saw it-"
"Ten seconds."
"I don't believe this. It's ruined. What am I going to-"
"Underneath your left hand."
Tonks looked down, and behold, there was the Lovage. She picked it up and threw it in the cauldron, waiting for the sparks that should appear. When they did, Tonks turned and glared at Snape. "You did that on purpose."
"Perhaps."
"Why would you do that?" Tonks asked, near tears. "You know how important this is."
"I told you where it was, didn't I?" asked Snape. "Perhaps you should concentrate on the next step and not a perceived injustice."
"Whatever," Tonks muttered under her breath. But she did take his advice.
Three hours later, the potion was finished. There was enough for two nights. She would have to come back the next night to make another two doses. It was tiring, but Tonks had to keep reminding herself that once she mastered the potion, she could brew in the comfort of her own flat.
Remus was still up when she arrived home. "Look what I have," Tonks said, trying to sound cheerful, even though she was excited. She held up the phials proudly. "This is for tomorrow and the next night."
"Thank you," Remus told her. He patted the sofa next to him, and Tonks went eagerly to sit next to him. These were the moments that she loved. When they could just be together, arms around each other. It let her think – even just for a little bit – that everything could be perfect between them someday.
"How's the Potion Master?" Remus asked casually. "Are you enjoying the lessons?"
It took quite a considerable amount of effort for Tonks not to burst out laughing. If Remus only knew. "It's been interesting," she said finally. "I'm learning. It's almost like I'm back in the dungeons at Hogwarts."
He stiffened and Tonks immediately chastised herself for making him think of Snape.
"I'm joking, love," Tonks said soothingly. "Only joking."
Over the next week, Tonks brewed the Potion. And each time during the thirteen minutes when there was no work to be done, Tonks asked Snape questions. Though nothing nearly as personal as the first question she asked him. Surprisingly, he consented to answer most of them.
She learned that his favourite colour was not black or green, like she assumed, but navy blue. He never wore any at Hogwarts on the off chance that someone thought he was supporting Ravenclaw.
His favourite food was kidney pie and his worst subject at Hogwarts as a student was Herbology. Snape was also thinking of getting a cat.
Tonks supposed he was lonely. Not that he was ever a sociable person, but at least when he was an instructor at Hogwarts, he was able to interact with students and teachers. Now he was alone. That is, unless he got a cat.
The night before the full moon, Tonks couldn't be more pleased with herself and the potion. But then Snape had to ruin everything.
He warned her that rarely do brewers manage to brew the potion correctly the first time. That most likely Remus would still go through his complete transformation.
Tonks was crushed upon hearing this. Now she had to tell Remus, after telling him that she brewed the potion correctly. Life truly wasn't fair sometimes.
She watched Remus take off his clothes and hand them to her. Once naked, he settled onto a pile of blankets and gingerly covered himself. "You can lock the door now," he said wearily.
"I'll see you in the morning," Tonks said, trying to sound cheerful. Then as she closed the door, added, "I love you."
He must not have heard her, because there was no response. Tonks placed a number of wards on the bedroom door. Inside, they had protected everything with Charms and Wards, in case Remus did go through the transformation. The last thing they needed was for everything in the bedroom to be destroyed.
Though as she settled herself on the sofa, a good feeling overcame her. Perhaps Snape was wrong. Perhaps someone could brew the Wolfsbane Potion correctly on the first try. Tonks was probably a little more proud of herself than she had right to be, but she couldn't help it. If she had learned how to brew the potion, so many problems might be able to disappear!
Tonks brought out some paperwork that needed to be finished. Not her ideal plan for a Saturday night, but she didn't have much choice in the matter.
She was right in the middle of a paragraph when there was a scream from the bedroom. Her eyes closed in horror and all those good feelings disappeared immediately. Remus was transforming. Right now, he was a Werewolf.
Tonks hadn't realised just how scared that thought would make her. Every time Remus had transformed before in their flat, he had been docile. It hadn't worried her in the slightest.
But right now, knowing there was a Werewolf in her bedroom, she was absolutely terrified.
She heard Remus the Werewolf growling and clawing at the door. It took a moment for Tonks to gather her wits and to cast stronger locking wards around the bedroom, not to mention a silencing charm.
"Think like an Auror, Tonks," she muttered to herself. "Think like the bloody Auror you are."
The possibility was very real that Remus could break out of the room. If he did…
She wouldn't let anyone be killed be because of her inability to brew a potion. If somehow Remus managed to break down the door, Tonks would have to kill him. Simple as that. There would be no reasoning with a werewolf. Especially one that hadn't been loose in years, tamed by the Wolfsbane Potion.
It didn't matter how much she loved him. If he could break out of the bedroom, he could break into other rooms, turn people into werewolves or even kill them. Remus would never forgive himself, even if it was her fault – not his - for brewing the potion incorrectly.
What in the world had she done wrong? Snape had brewed the potion over and over again and had no trouble. It was all her fault. She had failed again, even when she tried so hard.
Tonks perched herself on the edge of the dining room table, her feet on one of the chairs. Her shoulders were hunched, but every nerve was on high alert.
She was ready for anything that might happen.
After staying up the entire night, Tonks should have been exhausted. But somehow, she was wide awake.
The sun was up now, but she absolutely terrified to open the door. How would Remus react? Would he hate her? Still love her? Tonks found herself almost not wanting to know.
Taking a deep breath, Tonks opened the door and found Remus sitting in the corner. He had nowhere else to sit, seeing as they had slicked everything so the wolf wouldn't be able to destroy their possessions.
"I'm so sorry, Remus," Tonks said in a small voice. "I thought I did it right. I'm so sorry."
He looked up at her sadly. "It's not your fault, Tonks. This is simply what happens to me once a month."
"It is my fault. I thought I brewed it correctly," Tonks cried, running her hands through her hair. She forced herself to take a deep breath. "Are you- Are you alright? Do you need some chocolate?"
Remus seemed to think for a moment. "Some chocolate would probably be very helpful."
"I don't think we have any." Tonks cursed her stupidity. Why hadn't she thought to buy some, just in case? "I'll just nip out to Diagon Alley."
"Thank you," Remus said, standing up and rolling his shoulders. "I'm going to take a bath."
Tonks blew him a kiss. "I'll be back home soon."
Tonks stepped back from the door to Snape's shop. Cussing under her breath, she started pounding on the door knocker again.
The slit opened suddenly. "You don't have a lesson today. Go home to your werewolf."
"Open the bloody door," Tonks said in exasperation.
"Resorting to threats now?"
"Let me in," shouted Tonks.
The door opened and Tonks walked in. "The potion didn't work," she said frustratedly. "It didn't work!"
Snape simply sat down on a chair and crossed his legs. "I did warn you that could be the case, did I not?"
"I don't think I believed you," Tonks admitted reluctantly. She had wanted the potion to work so desperately that she refused to accept the possibility of failure. "I need more lessons. I have to be sure I brew the potion correctly."
He raised his hand and looked like he was examining his fingernails. "I hope you realise that another month of lessons will cost."
"I'll pay," Tonks snapped. She would pay anything to be able to make this work.
"A bit touchy, aren't we? Perhaps if you weren't so concerned about wasted small talk and instead focused-"
"I was bored." Her anger and frustration over the whole situation with Remus was about to boil over. "I was just trying to wasting time."
His eyes seemed to bore right through her. "Cleary, Nymphadora."
"The name is Tonks," she said through clenched teeth. The meaning behind those words was obvious. That she was wasting time. With Remus. "No one gets to call me Nymphadora."
He raised an eyebrow. "Not even the werewolf?"
"His name is Remus!" Tonks shouted, stamping her foot in frustration.
"Temper, temper, Nymphadora. Remember, there are rewards for turning in those who defy the new decree. I bet there would be a pretty penny for your name," Snape said with a smirk.
Tonks felt like she had just walked through a ghost. "The decree passed?" she whispered, terrified that he was telling the truth.
"You didn't have a chance to read the Prophet this morning?" he asked in false surprise. "Almost a complete majority. Aurors are on the hunt starting today."
She had to see Remus. Something would have to happen. They needed to do something. Anything to try to fight to be together.
Without even looking at Snape, Tonks stood up and left the store.
When she entered their small flat, Tonks immediately knew that something was wrong. "Remus?" she called out cautiously.
"In the bedroom." His voice still sounded weak from the previous night's transformation.
There was a small valise on the bed, unharmed from damage. Next to it a copy of today's Daily Prophet.
"What are you doing?" asked Tonks, feigning a casualness she did not feel.
"What I should have done a long time ago," Remus said, his voice void of emotion. "I'm leaving Britain."
Tonks let out a breath. "We'll go together," she said at once. "Somewhere where we don't have to be a secret."
Remus paused and looked at her right in the eye. "No. I'm going alone."
"You're leaving me," Tonks said in a hollow voice. It was a statement, not a question. "Is it because of the Wolfsbane?"
Sitting on the bed wearily, Remus said, "Why must you always think that it's something that you've done? All you do is tiptoe about, thinking before everything you say or anything you do. That's not the Tonks I fell in love with."
Tonks moved to sit next to him. "I… I could be that again."
"I don't think you can," Remus told her sadly. "Or maybe you could. But I don't think you ever can with me."
She closed her eyes. "Please don't leave me. Please, Remus."
"I'm not going to get you thrown into Azkaban, Tonks." He stood up and walked to the closet, grabbing a few jumpers and throwing them into the valise.
Tonks couldn't force herself to move. Her eyes followed his every movement, but nothing she could do could make her leave the spot where she was sitting.
She had failed. Plain and simple. She had failed. She had failed to do enough, be enough, to keep Remus.
Suddenly a frantic owl knocked on the window. Grateful for something to do, Tonks jumped up and ran to the window. Unfurling the parchment attached to the owl's leg, she read:
Get Remus out. Aurors on their way.
It was Kingsley's handwriting, one of the few who knew they were still together. But there were some at the Ministry that certainly suspected their relationship. "You have to leave now." Tonks was surprised to hear that there was no wavering or threats of tears in her voice.
Remus walked over and took the parchment from her. Once finished reading, he picked up the valise. "Don't try to find me, Tonks. Please, just find yourself some happiness. Please."
He Apparated before she even had a chance to respond.
A/N - Only one part to go. I'd love to know what you thought about this section!