Best Friend
Part 18 - Brutal Honesty
R-M
Quick note: I mentioned a while back how I had been working on a chapter where Bonnie and Damon finally talk about everything they were dealing with emotionally and not speaking on. Well, this is that chapter. And believe me, I did put a lot of emotion into this, and have no idea how it will translate, since I cut a lot out. Anyways, this chapter is much needed and far overdue.
Please Enjoy, and thank you! ;)
"So, let me get this right, we are dropping you off at your gym, and you'll be there two hours with a client? Then you're going to shower there and get dressed. Then we are picking you up, from there and what's on the agenda?"
"That's a terrible idea, I told you. I made that plan before I realized how you'd be stuck in terrible traffic. I'm just gonna take the car. The traffic in LA is awful. I just don't want you to have to drive in it."
"I can drop you off and pick you up, baby girl. Let me do this?"
"Doodle, you are my best friend, and I love you, but I'm sorry. The gym is a good twenty minutes away."
"You gone keep babyin' me? Come on. You makin' me feel incompetent." He said with a straight face. She looked at him through the mirror of the bathroom after brushing her teeth.
"It's five am. Rush hour picks up in a half hour and lasts 'til about," she squinted towards the ceiling, "hmm, nine-thirty, tenish. It's very bad. I need you to understand I care enough about you, to let you stay here today, and sleep in with our son. He will sleep 'till about eight o'clock most days." She turned towards him in all of his disappointment. When she walked towards him, he looked like a wounded puppy. "I just can't handle the thought of anything happening to either of you two. I would lose my mind." They stare at one another face to face. Her face much lower than his and he was more intimidating, but he softened to her green eyes. He always gazed over her face intensely before he made a move.
"Fine. I'm a big baby. I'll stay here." He gave in. She grinned and hugged him. He wrapped his arms around her neck and topped her head with his chin. They walked backwards this way for a few feet until she hit her bed. His arms still encapsulated her, and when she could no longer move, he looked down at her, while she looked up. The moment had gotten ahead of them, because his mouth met hers in a kiss. Not just a kiss, but a receptive and intimate version of what they'd done years ago.
His arms unwrapped themselves from her neck, and his hands cupped her face. Open-palmed, his fingers spread upon her, in a possessive grasp. Her petite fingers, clasped onto the backside of his hands which held her face, and she felt nothing short of thirst for the taste of his tongue as it deepened itself into her throat. His greed was hefty, yet, he remained gentle. She pulled up for a mere second to catch her breath and she went back in, so he'd know it wasn't only his hunger filling the space between them, but hers as well.
She pulled at his white tank top, and lifted it over his head, until it was across the room, and her hands felt his skin with her own form of possessiveness. Damon yanked her body up, and her legs were around his waist. They kissed as if they'd been starved, and Damon held her in the air kissing her like a love-struck teenager, not wanting to remove his lips from hers. She was okay with it, because she felt sixteen again, and this was the best friend who bear hugged her when she was sad, like he bear hugged her the night before.
An alarm sounded.
They were abruptly pulled out of their moment. Breathing heavily, their pressed foreheads, catered to a small bit of moisture, which they created with the air between them. A heat, and a passion they weren't ready to let go of. But purpose called. "That alarm means I should be out of the apartment already. I need thirty minutes to work out before my client arrives."
His arms hated the thought of letting her go. But she had to work, and he was going to be there when she returned. "I know, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have."
"No." She breathed out, still attempting to catch her breath. "Don't be sorry. I'm not." She smiled into his lips as he let her body slide back down his. "A few hours. I'll be back before you know it." His stomach moved with his slow, long breaths, and her eyes trailed down to his abs. She closed her eyes and inhaled, hoping to catch her nerves. She couldn't stare at his body, she just had to slowly, walk away from him. She tipped to her toes, and kissed his cheek. She took a few seconds to finish throwing her things together and leave. He stood in his silence for a few minutes and as she headed for the front door of the condo, he walked her to it, and kissed her one more time.
This time not with greed or need, but with pain. She felt it inside of him, and she looked him in the eye, "I can't wait to get back to you." It gave him comfort, because he had no idea what they were doing, all he knew is he didn't want her to leave, and he couldn't bear the thought of her coming back and regretting what they'd done. She kissed his cheek, and as her hand brisked his face, he grabbed her hand, kissing the inside of her palm.
"I'll be waiting."
.x.
Bonnie had done four miles on the treadmill. She was in a trance, and her mind was on go, she didn't even realize Ginny had gotten on next to her, ran two miles and stopped. Ginny powered down, to a slow pace walk and waited for Bonnie to notice her. When Bonnie finally stopped she did the typical gym etiquette routine. She grabbed a wipe, wiped down her machine and grabbed her towel and wiped her sweat. "Oh Gin, hey girl, when did you get here?"
"Twenty minutes ago." She laughed.
"Oh crap. Sorry. I'm just in the zone. My client should be here in about five minutes. I was only supposed to run two miles. Now I'm going to be a smelly mess."
"Pft, yeah, you were in the zone. What gives?"
Bonnie gave Ginny a look of pure guilt. Ginny paused. Bonnie squinted her eyes. "What Ginny? Stop trying to get in my head"
"Bon, what's happening with you? Is it Mason?"
"Girl, would you believe, he showed up a few nights ago? Like nothing was wrong. He told me that me and Dylan are going to Europe, and that to have a good life I needed him."
"Stop. What's his beef? He's been gone two weeks and he just, came back without an apology?"
"No, he didn't apologize. And after he stood my son up, I'm done. He basically took his anger out from me, on Dylan."
"So, what did you tell him?" Ginny said drinking her water bottle.
"I told him I'm done. He didn't believe me, but I was serious Ginny. Seeing him throw a fit like that, changed my entire perception of him."
"So, you're just done?"
"Yes. We are done. He walked out on me and my son, and I won't stick around so he can do it again." She said with a straight face.
"I'm sorry Bon."
"Don't worry. I'm not."
"Yeah, well you don't deserve that."
Bonnie looked at Ginny and she noticed she had her eyebrows freshly threaded, and her nails manicured differently. "Hey, we went to get our mani/pedis three days ago. You had pink nails and toes, and now they are white tips. What gives?"
"You noticed?" Ginny asked nervously
"Yes, we went together. The pink hit your skin perfectly."
"Exactly but Mike might not come for another two weeks, so I wanted to save the pink for then. So, I got them redon, and I'll get pink again in two weeks."
"Ginny, I've never seen you so nervous for a man. You really like Mike, don't you?"
"He's different Bon. He's funny, but sweet. He's sarcastic, but kind of jockish. And not like the typical meat head, athletes I date. More like the Army strong jock."
"Ugh, Ginny Soldiers hate that phrase." Bonnie laughed.
"What? Army Strong?" She asked obliviously.
"Yes. If you use that phrase with Mike, he's going to make fun of you forever."
"Okay, what do you use to describe a soldier's, fucking hotness?"
"Good question. I don't know. Just describe Mike the way you see him." Bonnie laughed.
"Okay, he's got this, undercover toughness about him. He's handsome, but he's not cocky. When we hug, his arms they just, engulf me, and I feel like he would never let anything happen to me. Then he stares at me, and I feel like the prettiest girl. We can talk for hours and his smile, makes me feel relaxed." Bonnie watches Ginny blush.
"Wow, I've never heard you talk like this."
"That's because, it's the twenty-first century, and most men don't give me these feels. The first thing men want to tell me is how pretty I am or how nice my body is. And this goes for most women, not just me. But like... men just look through women these days. Mine and Mike's first one on one conversation involved getting the group together for the fair. Then we just hung out, it was so... genuine and easy. I've never had that with anyone accept Stefan. Which was short-lived. But even then, Stefan and I slept together the second time we hung out. That's what I do Bon. I meet guys, we go on a date and I sleep with them that night. We hang out a few more weeks, and then it's on to the next. I'm bad with men. Really bad. But Mike is okay, with whatever it is we are doing. No matter how seventh grade it is."
"Which is what exactly?"
"I don't know. We flirt. We text. We spend hours on the phone. We send snaps. Accept he always disguises his face, because I've never seen him without a beard and he wants to wait until I see him in person."
"That's so cute Gin. By the way... oh my God, he's so handsome. Wait until you see him."
"Really? Bon stop. Oh wait, so tell me about him. Do you think he and I are okay for each other?"
"You guys are really solid. You have very similar personalities. But where you're a tough girl, whose soft on the inside, he's a softy, who tough on the inside. He had a tough divorce, and when he dates, he has a hard time letting girls get close, because he's really a sweet guy, but women tend to expect everything out of him right away, and after what his wife did, he hates being rushed into things."
"What did she do to him?"
"I should let him explain it to you. But what I can say is, he's loyal to a fault. So, he dealt with a lot for a while before they divorced. She may have been similar to Mason, in some ways."
"Wow. I just wanna get to know him, because I think he's a man, I can see myself taking seriously."
"I love hearing you feeling in love."
"I didn't say anything about being in love."
Bonnie smiled, and scrunched her face, making Ginny bite her lip and blow a curl strand out of her eyes. She shook her head because Bonnie may not have been far off. "It looks good on you Miss Baker." Bonnie swigged her water happily to wait for her client, and she was knocked out of her easy-going nature when Mason walked up to her, pulling her by her arm.
"I need to talk to you." He growled.
"Mason, what the hell?" She snatched away from him. "Have you lost your mind?"
"Why haven't you called me?"
"You're kidding, right? I said I was done. I'm done." Ginny walked up to Bonnie and stood before Mason.
"Hey, Mase. This is not the time or the place. Bonnie has a client, and this is a public place."
"Stay out of this Ginny!" He yelled moving her out of the way.
"Whoa, hey. Do not, touch her." Bonnie said. "Mason, you left. You walked out. It's better this way. Don't make this harder than it has to be. You made your bed now lie in it." She walked to Ginny, leaving Mason in his feels, knowing he wouldn't cause a spectacle out of protecting his reputation. "Gin, are you okay?"
"Yeah, but sheesh. What's gotten into him."
"I don't know. But, I need to find my client and get to work. I'm sorry for that. I told you he's been acting selfish lately."
"Okay, Bonnie. Hey be careful, I need to meet with a couple of my teammates and hit the weights. You okay?" She spoke unenthusiastically.
"Yeah, I'm okay. There's too many people around for him to bother me again."
"Okay. Call me and let me know you made it home after you leave your client. By the way how is everything with Damon? You haven't talked to me about it."
"Oh, girl. It's a whole different story." Her eyes widened.
"I'm so ready for your phone call later." Ginny walked to meet her teammates while Bonnie went to meet her client. She hadn't seen Mason the rest of her time at the gym.
...
An hour and a half later Bonnie finished with her client. As she walked to her car, he came out of nowhere and stopped her again. "Gaahh. Mason, you scared me. Stop doing that."
"Hey, I don't deserve this. I went to Virginia, and got stunned out of my wits to find out you've been lying to me about your son's father. I gave you everything I could. Everything any woman could have wanted. I gave you the perfect life."
"Mason, listen, I tried to talk to you about Dylan when you visited me in Virginia. You didn't want to listen. I apologized over and over. I pleaded with you to give me a fair chance, and your business came first. You've been very distant since, and tying to punish me for it, but you weren't just punishing me, you were punishing my son." Mason looked desperate, and she had never seen him this way. But it wasn't all sincere, as she would try to hear him out.
"What am I supposed to tell everyone? All of our friends?"
"You mean your friends?"
"The people we hang out with. My business partners."
"Tell them the truth, things are complicated and we grew apart."
"Fuck that noise. Let everyone think you left me? People think we are getting married, and going to Europe."
"Is that all you care about? What everyone thinks. What about Dylan?"
"He's not my son, Bonnie. That's your problem."
And there it was. He said it. He meant it. She heard it. And it hurt her to hear it. He'd never said that to her, and suddenly, he made no attempt to conceal his attempt to hurt her." Goodbye Mason." She rolled her eyes, feeling utmost hurt.
"Wait, Babe. I didn't mean it like that. Come on, stop. I-I was angry and I didn't mean it to say it." He grabbed her by her arm, and pushed her back into her car. "Please? Don't do this to me."
"You? Mason... really? Ya know, get in into your head, this isn't always about you. Right now, it's about Dylan. My son! And as you've said, he's not your problem."
"Where is he? He's not here with the caretaker. Who the hell is he with if Ginny is here and I'm not watching him? You finally trusted a sitter?"
"There's only two people on this earth, that are responsible for Dimitri Dylan. And I'm one of them. So, I'll let you take guess." She pushed him off of her, and got into her car, and left him there where he stood, either in his guilt, or his anger. She couldn't tell, and didn't care to find out. He told her the one thing she'd always feared, and that was the last and final words she ever wanted to speak to Mason Lockwood. She was done with him.
And hopefully, he was done with her.
.x.
Ginny finished working out. It was one of those days she was thinking about anything but the gym. Her mind was on one man, and for the first time, she was excited about it. It had been a month exactly. They'd been talking a month. A solid month and hadn't had sex. This was a big deal in Ginny's world. All of her relationships were physical in the past.
She didn't get to know men and men didn't get to know her. Maybe they played video games, or poker. Maybe they shot pool, while tossing back lots of shots of tequila. Maybe she drank them under the table, then gave them something to remember her by. Maybe, just maybe... she wanted to like a man, and even love a man, but her fear of love kept her from doing it. Having grown up without a mother, and a father who was always gone. She didn't rely on love, because it never lead her anywhere special.
But now, she looked forward to a certain voice, with a smile that she admired. A bearded man, who walked around with a shaved face ninety percent of his days. Thanks to seeing the real Bonnie in Mystic Falls, she felt like ease in a relationship was possible. Ease in friendship could come first. Some men really were okay with that. It wasn't always about the physical. Mike was becoming an exception for Ginny.
Her phone rings. "Speak of the devil." She smiled. "Hello there Mr. ROTC."
"Why hello, Ms. I'm working out until my legs fall off."
"I thought you were contributing to the cause with all your PT this week."
"I mean, I guess. But something came up."
"Oh no, like what?"
"Like, if you're driving I'm hanging up, because I don't want to contribute to you crashing."
"It's called handsfree Mike." She laughed. "So, talk."
"First of all, how are you doing beautiful?" He asked forcing her to blush incredulously.
"Well, I'm good, handsome. Just left the gym, had a great workout. Oh, and I saw Mason get out of pocket with Bon."
"What do you mean?"
"He came in the gym acting selfish, and questioning her. He was in her face, and I got between them and he kind of nudged me. It was weird. I'd never seen him act this way. Aside from everything that's happened the past two weeks and how he's treated her, she's been acting fine. But today, I saw him and he had a different look in his eyes. It made me worried for her."
"Do I need to bring my rifle?" He asked seriously, causing her to pause in gesture and sound. It took a minute. "Hello! Ginny?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry I was thrown by what you asked me."
"What, my rifle? I'm serious. Did he hurt you to her?"
"No. he didn't push me, it was more like a nudge. Not violent. He just, showed a side of himself I'd never seen. Insecurity. I didn't like it. But he's too worried about his image to act on anything. If anything, he's the type of guy who would try and ruin her career. Not hit her. But she's so established he couldn't hurt her career either. She is a reflection of him in this community. His clients go to her."
"Right. Well, just don't keep something from me Ginny. Not if it involves you or Bird, and someone hurting you."
"Mike, of course not. But it's not like that." She laughed.
"Good. Well, so are you almost home?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Just thought we could Facetime."
"Oh, I can see your face now?" She grinned from ear to ear.
"Yeah. I'm thinking today's the day you can see my face."
"Fine. I'll be home in five minutes and I'll FaceTime you as soon as I'm out of the shower."
"I don't want to wait until then."
"Mike." She said pleadingly. "I'm a hot mess right now."
"I don't care."
"So, you can show off your handsome face, and I have look like I need a makeover?"
"Stop. You always look pretty." She drove a few more minutes before pulling up to her place. When she got out of her car they we're still talking. He managed to make her talk the whole way up the elevator. When she got off she was laughing at something he'd said, and by the time she made it to her floor, she got off the elevator, and "Surprise."
She stood in silence for thirty seconds. What was she supposed to think or do? She looked at him and thought, how could he come uninvited, and how could he just trick her? These things normally bothered her, so when she looked at him, then saw his faded haircut and his smooth face, she melted. Because not only was he handsome, but he held a single red rose in his hand for her.
"Oh, my gosh, how could you... do this to me?"
"Fuck, I'm sorry. I thought it would be cute, but I guess-" she interrupted him with a kiss. She grabbed him by the face and kissed him like he was the man of her dreams.
"Ugh. This is a little creepy but so sweet. I love it. You look handsome, and I just want to rub your face with my nosey wosey and give you eskimo kisses." She got very childlike and he stared at her funny.
"This is funny. You being all cutesy. I didn't peg you the type." He blushed.
"Me either." She said shockingly. "Come on, let's put your bags down. Wait, where are your bags?"
"At my hotel. I didn't want to intrude. I got a hotel about ten minutes away." She looked disappointed.
"Wow, really?"
"Yeah, when I mentioned coming you seemed weird about the idea of me staying here, so I just, got a hotel. No biggie."
"It is a biggie. I have you for one four-day weekend. I want you here with me. Please? I don't want half of your time spent at a hotel."
"Gin, you don't have to-"
"I want to." She smiled. "Okay, let's go get your stuff."
"What about your shower?"
"I'll do it when I get back. We are wasting time, let's go" she rushed him out of the apartment building.
.x.
"Airplane...wooooo woooooo. Open up for da da." Damon played with his son, the airplane game while he fed him oatmeal. "You're such a big boy. Yes, you are." He smiled and Dylan clapped while he gurgled oatmeal in and out of his mouth. Bits were flying everywhere as he raspberried the air getting oatmeal on his daddy's face. "Aw shucks. You done gone and did it this time." Damon was laughing at his son as Bonnie walked in the door.
Her mind was heavy with worry and her heart filled with hurt. She was angry at Mason when he left her hanging for two weeks. But for him to say what he said, really diminished the entire relationship they had as a couple, and a potential family. Him wanting to adopt Dylan and take them to Europe, she always had her doubts about Europe. And deep down she never would've asked Damon to sign over rights. But to deal with a man, who was so unaffected by the words that fled his mouth or the harsh tones he spoke, she realized she made excuses for his selfishness. She was realizing she was blinded by her fears. Just like her mother said.
But she smiled watching the most picture-perfect sight as she came into her apartment. A beautiful man and a beautiful baby boy, being father and a son. And it brought her back to Mason. And his harsh words. What if Damon decided to do what he'd done so long ago? What if, he couldn't handle it one day? What if he did what he did at Baylee's funeral? She was conflicted, because all she wanted to do was protect Dylan.
They locked eyes. "Aye baby girl."
"Hey." She said softly.
"You alright?" He asked seeing concern on her face.
"I'm okay. I think, I'm gonna go take a shower."
It's clear Dylan was full, since he kept spitting food. Damon cleaned his son up and wiped him down. He took him out of his high chair, and put him in his play area. A fenced in play area with all of his safe toys and nothin to hurt himself. Damon walked towards her bedroom and opened the door. He took his time walking slowly to the bathroom, and knocked gently on the door. She couldn't hear him, so he opened the door to hear her crying, in the shower. "Birdie? Aye... what's goin' on?" He called out quietly.
"Nothing, just, hurt myself at work today. I'm fine. I'll be out in a few."
"You don't sound alright."
"Doodle, I'm good. I promise, I'm just-"
He opened the curtain and saw her sitting on the floor of the tub. She was like a little wounded bird. He could tell she'd cleaned herself up because her hair was freshly washed with her coconut shampoo, and he smelled her oatmeal shea butter soap. She still used the same products as when they were married. Her smell lingered in his nose for years. He shut the shower water off, grabbed her towel and picked her up bridal style. He held her cold naked body, from the ice-cold shower, and tried to keep her warm. He dried her body and helped her get dressed. Then he laid her down and let her rest wiping her tears as she fell asleep.
...
Bonnie had woken up in her bed alone. She was dressed in comfy clothes and her hair was brushed and braided. She sat up and turned towards the edge of her bed, planting her feet onto the floor. She stood up and went to hunt for Damon and Dylan. She knew Damon put her in bed. She walked towards Dylan's room and found Dylan asleep on his bed, tummy side down, and a shirtless Damon, rubbing his son's back. Softly, quietly, peacefully. He was humming to him. Bonnie stood at the door, watching in amazement at one vision that would soon become one of her favorite sites to behold.
"You're such a good father, it hurts my feelings to know I took this time from you."
"I'm learning' every day." She couldn't see his face, all she saw was his shirtless back as he rubbed his son's back, while Dylan lay on his stomach. Both men shirtless.
"How long was I out for?"
"Oh, maybe three hours. You must've been exhausted."
"Three hours, geez. I didn't expect that. I'm sorry. Thanks for brushing and braiding my hair."
"Ahh, what are best friends for?"
"No, Doodle, I mean it. Thank you. You did this for me when we were younger. Brushed and braided my hair at night when I was exhausted. You did it it for me when Baylee..." she trailed off.
"After our daughter passed?"
"Yeah. I didn't forget it Doodle. I know, for a while there I made you feel awful. I'm sorry. You did do, some beautiful things for me, and I will never take that from you. Thank you for today." She said softly.
"You're welcome. Anytime."
"Well, I'll leave you to it. I should make us some lunch." She turned slowly to head towards her kitchen and he stood up slowly, and walked out to her.
"Bird, what was that about earlier?"
"What Doodle?"
"Don't, play dumb with me. I found you in the shower, crying your eyes out. Somethin' tells me that ain't the first time you've done that. You just sat there, in a ball, crying quietly, so I wouldn't hear you. Why? Have you done that before?"
"Doodle, please-" she reached for the fridge, and he grabbed her hand
"No. talk to me. I'm here. Right here and now. I can't help you, if you don't talk to me."
"Don't try to fix me. Damon, I'm fine."
"Damon, again... Bonnie!"
"I'm not gonna fight with you."
"No, stop. Talk to me. We've been estranged for two years. I can't just, keep doing this. Talk to me, please. Our son is asleep. He's gone be sleep for a while. Don't push me away."
She looked at him and asked with a straight face. "What happens one day, if you decide, you can't handle bein' a father?"
"What?"
"What happens then Doodle, to me and Dylan?"
"I'll never decide that. It'll never happen. I love that little boy more than my own life."
"Not all parents can handle it. My daddy couldn't. Your momma couldn't. You and I are two broken people because of that. I can't let that be Dimitri. I won't." She yelled and Damon became frustrated. They were trying, to be in a better place, but maybe they needed this. Maybe they needed to talk about what they kept neglecting all of these years. He walked to Dylan's room to check on him, he was still sound asleep so he turned the monitor on and shut the door.
"We are talkin' in terms of the same woman that for two years ain't told me I had a son?"
"I didn't want to hurt you. I never wanted that. Okay, I was hurt and I reacted the only way I could to protect myself."
"From what? From WHO? ME? What could I have possibly done to hurt you, knowin' you had my baby inside of you?"
"You could've decided you weren't ready to be a father. You could've decided not to be there for me, if anything went wrong."
"How long will you continue to punish me, for our daughter?" He asked harshly.
"I have never punished you for that."
"To hell you haven't. I mean, gahh-lee, I can't move past that." He hit his hand on his head. "I mean I sat there, in Georgia, cryin' my ass off. I know, I was wrong. I should've been there. I lied to you and told you that my commander didn't approve my leave. The truth was, I never told them. I didn't request the time off for her funeral. I was angry at you. I was upset with you, for deciding that our daughter, needed to have a funeral in Mystic Falls instead of Georgia! Where we shared a home." He yelled. "I was angry at you for deciding, that only you were hurting. I was angry at you for just shutting down when it happened, and not letting me be there for you! Do you have any idea, how it felt to see my wife, in pain every day, knowing I couldn't take it away? How much I wanted to fix it, and couldn't. How instead of grieving my daughter, I was grieving the downfall of my marriage. It was wrong, I get it, but I was twenty-one, and stupid. I called G, and asked him, what to do, and all he could tell me was, to give you space. I told him I couldn't handle seeing my unborn, child in a casket, and he told me 'then don't go.' So I didn't. It was stupid, and I wish I could take it back every fuckin' day of my life, but I can't. I fucked up." He screamed as his face turned beet red.
"You didn't just FUCK UP! You left me hangin on by a thread, because you don't know what I went through. Yes, you lost a daughter. Yes, you were grieving too. I get it. We could've helped each other. But damn it, if I didn't carry her inside of me for twenty-eight weeks. Twenty-eight weeks! A part of my body was ripped out of me, and when she was taken out, I didn't hear her cry. You weren't there, when I woke up mid surgery, to feel the physical pain of them tugging at my insides, because the medication wore off, to hear them panicking." Bonnie screamed. "One minute I was in the kitchen arguing on the phone with my momma, and cooking. The next I wake up in a hospital and I don't know why or how. But my baby is being taken out of me, and all I hear when I wake up, nurses and doctors saying 'she's not breathing.' I was standing in my kitchen with a breathing human being inside of me and I wake up to see a purple and blue baby, being pulled out of me! I had no idea what was goin' on when I opened my eyes. All I saw was a purple and blue baby. My baby. SHE WAS MINE, THEN SHE WAS GOD'S just that quick. I went unconscious again, and woke up in a bed, with you sittin' next to me, and a doctor telling us, our baby was gone. OUR BABY WAS GONE. The spurts of consciousness I got that day, traumatized me. So yes, I'm sorry we had different experiences, because when I finally got over the fact that she wasn't coming home with us, I had to immediately plan her homecoming. By myself. I had to immediately look at baby coffins, and baby flowers, and, and think of her as an angel." Her tears were falling down her cheeks and so were his. "She was purple and blue, Doodle. She was tiny. So, so tiny." Bonnie broke down, and he walked towards her again. "And... let's not forget she grew inside of me for seven months... so when I came home to see her nursery, that I used to sit in and sing to her, I had to feel my stomach and realize, she wasn't in there. Nor was she anywhere. She was six feet into the Earth. I'm sorry I couldn't pull the strength to let you know we were okay, I was still deciding if I was okay." Her screaming was so loud she echoed. Surprisingly their son remained asleep.
Damon listened and felt stupid, and wrong for never putting those thoughts into view. How traumatic it may have been for her. "I didn't know. I'm sorry. Please understand, I couldn't possibly know. How could if we weren't communicating? If I knew, I could've been better. I tried to be better and every time I tried, you shut me out. You made me feel like you blamed me. I felt awful."
"I never blamed you for anything. Accept not being there for her funeral, when I needed my husband. No one could have possibly understood me, or what I was goin' through, but you. You didn't show up. You just don't realize what it did to me. You were the ONE person, I never had to lie to or worry about leavin' me hangin' and then you go and do it worse than it's ever been done."
"Baby girl, if you would've said, Damon, I need space. I would've gave it to you."
"I didn't need space. I needed hugs when I couldn't ask for them. I needed love when I didn't feel it. I needed you, when you didn't think I did. I couldn't talk or feel much, but I would've felt you, Doodle. I would have felt you."
"If I could go back in time, I would do it differently." He swallowed ,and put his head down. Then he looked at her. "But, the time with my son, I'll never eat back. That was a choice you took from me, to do right. You, made the decision for me. Dimitri is almost two. I missed his first everything."
"I'm sorry. I will forever hate myself for taking that time from the two of you. You have no idea how it eats away at me."
"We were good for the past month. Why all of a sudden you questionin' me? That's my son, and I will never abandon him. Bonnie, you ain't perfect. You ain't perfect by far."
"I know I'm not."
"You know... I know I got faults. I really do. But if I was sure of one thing in this world, it was loving you. I have always loved you, and I've never loved no one the way I love you. But I also, ain't never been hurt by nobody the way you hurt me. At some point, our marriage, ain't mean shit to you. Yet, it was always everything to me." Damon said, ready to cry.
"You serious? Damon, for three years, I was everything you needed. I gave you everything you needed, and avoided anything I needed, to make sure we were okay. I stopped focusing on me. Which is why I ended up having to leave. I was so lost, I couldn't find myself."
Both of them on the verge of tears and beginning to shout again.
"You were everything to me baby girl!"
"But I was everything, to you and my momma, and no one ever wanted to be to me, what I was to them. Everyone expected everything from me. Yes, you loved me. You did, I will never take that from you. I've never been loved by anyone the way you loved me, Doodle. I will never take that from you. But, you didn't know how to support me, the way I supported you. I felt like I had to be supporting you and your career and all of the stress that came with it, and also fight my battles with depression alone, and put myself through school alone, and even though we were married you were never around. I graduated that community college. You weren't there. No one watched me walk across the field. I was doing everything alone. I lost myself. And when I tried to reach out to you, you were so busy."
"I couldn't help it, it was my job. You know my job is demanding."
"I know. It wasn't always your fault, but sometimes, I just wanted to feel, as much a priority to you as you were to me."
"I didn't think I was your priority. I thought I was your crutch. I felt like a weight holding you back. After a while, you weren't too shy to let me know, you were gettin' tired." They were feet away from each other and wouldn't touch. Both crying and agonizing over misunderstandings they could never go back in history to change. He finally grabbed her by her arms and held her. "You are everything to me. No matter how much I love you, I just can't seem to get it right. I want you, with me. But I couldn't have made my life, easy for you. I'm sorry I couldn't. I joined the Army to have better opportunities, so that eventually I could take care of you. I'm not rich. Hell naw, but my heart knows no bounds when it comes to you. You have the ability to make or break me, baby girl. That's how much power I give you." He put his face to hers and cried against her skin. Her tears never stopped falling. Her tears have been falling since her daughter died. She just hid it from everyone.
"We can't change nothin' we just keep hurtin' each other." She cried.
"I guess so. But the truth is, I don't wanna hurt you ever again." He forced her to look at him. Everywhere she turned her face, he was in her face. "You are afraid, that if you come home to me, you're going to have to see pain everyday. Because you haven't mourned our daughter. You haven't mourned Grams.' You barely mourned your daddy. I realize that about you. You don't mourn people. You move on, and act as if everything is fine. You put on a show. I couldn't have known how to protect you if you were lying about what you were goin' through." He was reaching to some places deep in her conscious where she buried pain. "You haven't mourned, because you ran to LA to escape me! Because I remind you of how much you feel, and hurt, and love, and lost. Because I'm real. That man you're engaged to, he ain't real. He is a figment of what you have created, in this pretend world, tryna forget every thing."
"Stop. Stop this!" She tried pushing past him.
"No. I won't. Our daughter is gone baby girl. She died, and she ain't comin' back." Bonnie fought his body for freedom.
"No. Shut up, right now!" She didn't want to hear anything he had to say, because he was right. He held her tight against him, while she tried escaping his grasp.
"Baylee is gone, baby girl." She pushed him off but he kept holding her body close to his. "I'm sorry. I fucked up. I was afraid, and hurt, and scared. You didn't deserve that. I should've been there. But you ain't mad at me for not bein' there. You're mad because it happened, and I can't bring her back. You won't talk about her. You act like she didn't happen. She did. She was real and then she was gone. I'm sorry baby girl. I'm so fuckin' sorry that I can't bring Baylee back." He cried, holding her as she fought to break free of his arms. He muscled her in to his arms even stronger. "Grams is gone. She died. She ain't here no more. She didn't have a choice, she was sufferin' so much. I'm sorry, baby girl. I'm so sorry. She ain't comin' back."
"STOP. STOP THIS!" Her body turned hot. She was pulling her strength to break him of his hold, but she couldn't. This physical fight, was an example of their mental pain. She fought feeling pain, and he forced her to feel it. She needed to feel it. "GET OFF OF ME, DAMON!" Her cries hit the walls without answers.
"No, grams told you to live your life. She told you to quit living for everyone. Hell maybe that's why you left me. I get it, but when you gone quit runnin and come home?"
Her tears flooded her cheeks, and she tried to fight him, her tears, her pain, her anger. She wanted no parts of what wounds he was opening up. She wanted no parts of pain, or anguish. She wanted to forget all that had happened, and leave the pain behind. "Let go of me, Doodle. LET GO OF ME!" His tears were as free flowing as hers.
"NO! YOU WONT RUN IN THIS MOMENT! I'm not gone let you. Your daddy died, he did." She fell to the ground, trying to fight him still, but he fell with her and kept holding her. "He died. In combat. He died doin' what I do. I was injured. I know you're scared. I know you're hurt, but you can't run from me, forever. I'm still here, I'm not dead."
Every sound pulled together from her gut, and she screamed at him. "But...You could've died! You could... have ... died. And you would have left me too. If I stayed in Georgia. If I stayed, eventually you would've fuckin' died. Like everyone else. I couldn't lose you. I wouldn't lose you forever. So I left. Because everything I love dies, and I couldn't stand the thought of losing you." She couldn't look him in the face.
"You won't lose me. I promise."
"I almost lost you. I couldn't handle it. I can lose you any minute."
"That ain't true. I'm here, your momma's here. What about your momma?"
"Everyone she loves dies too. We suffer together." He looked at her, and she was serious. She was empty. "Why do you think I'm so protective of my son? I had another miscarriage, Damon. Right after Baylee. When you were deployed. I just keep losin' everything."
"You didn't tell me? Damn baby girl." He asked her crying.
"If I would have told you, then I would've had to worry about your mind set while you were deployed. I couldn't lose you. Don't you hear me? I was afraid of you getting killed!"
"When you lose, I lose. Haven't you learned that by now? We share the same soul, Birdie. Nothin' happens to you that don't happen to me."
"I'm an asshole Damon. I'm not the girl you fell in love with. You said you're not the same man, and you should know, I'm not the same woman." She cried as he held her face. "I'm selfish, and I workout to forget things. I run to forget everything." She cried. "You mean everything to me, Damon. But I don't know how to go back, to bein' the girl I used to be. And if I lose you, to death, I don't know what I'll do. My son needs his momma to be strong, and if I come home to you, and somethin' happens to you, of all people," she looked in his eyes with every ounce of pain, "I'll lose it. I can't afford to lose anything, because my son needs me to be strong."
"How got damn strong you gone be?" He looked her in the face. "I wasn't man enough back then, but I am more than man enough now. Let me be strong for you, baby girl. Let me be the man you've always needed me to be. Let me prove to you, that as long as I live, I will never allow you to feel unprotected or alone again." He held her face. "I'm sorry, I was a knuckle head back then. But, the man before you today, wants nothin' more than to put a smile on your face, everyday. Take care of you, and hold you when you are afraid to ask. Kiss you when you need to be touched. And love you when you'on't think you deserve it."
"Damon... every time we try-"
"Every time, we were still figurin' out who we were. But it always ends up, we're back face to face, because we belong together. We just had to find ourselves first. But at the core of me is you." He cried. "You are so deep inside of me, that when I make decisions, I wonder, what would Bird say? How would she feel?" He swallowed. "You know some people say young love is stupid. That you can't possibly know shit about love when your young. But that's a lie, I knew from the day you stop acting like my little sister, that I was gone marry you, and I did. I knew I ain't never wanted to do anything more than make you happy. Because you ain't gotta do much to make me happy, but be mine. It's always been that way. Knowin' I had you, was all I needed."
She cried into the palms of his hands as he held her face. "I don't want to hurt you, Doodle."
"How can you possibly hurt me anymore? You've given me this beautiful baby boy. You've forgiven me. We've forgiven each other. You love me, still?"
"I've always loved you."
"The way a wife loves her husband?"
"Yes. I can't help it, and I don't want to help it anymore."
"Baby girl, I'll do whatever you want. I'll come to LA, I'll go to Virginia, we can go back to Georgia. Let me take care of you and my son." She broke in his arms and he lifted her face again. "Look at me. You done runnin' from me?" She nodded her head. "You ready to come home so we can take care of each other, mourn our daughter properly and love our son?" Home didn't mean anywhere in particular, just as long as it was with him. She was his home and he was hers.
She kept nodding her head, and as her tears fell she spoke. "She's gone? Forever. She's just gone? Our baby girl ain't never comin' back."
"She's gone, baby girl. I'm sorry."
"I miss her so much. I just miss her. She was ours for a little while, right?"
"Yeah. She was on borrowed time baby girl. She's our angel now. But she is in our hearts. And you know what else?"
Bonnie shook her head feeling her mental torment, coming to a peak, "No?"
"She's in the little boy in there. Baylee is inside of all of us. But she is in the heart of that little boy. I can feel her whenever I'm with him. She's here. She's all around us. She brought us together. You hear me? Baylee, brought us back together. That's how much she loves us. She brought me and you together to create Dimitri. And she brought y'all back to me." Bonnie used her little bit of strength to sit up and throw her arms around Damon's neck. She squeezed him so tight, for every year she had let go of him, she held him for a minute for each year, and cried. "That's right. Let it out. Cry baby. I'm here. I'm here for you."
Damon held her tight. Letting her fall apart.
...
Bonnie and Damon sat in her living room, on the couch. They weren't talking much. They had their arms wrapped around each other. "I don't remember how you learned to braid hair."
"Uh, Sheila taught me. It was a punishment one day for catching me climbing out of your window."
"Grams caught you? You never told me."
"I didn't tell you the ins and out of Grams and my relationship. We had our own things." He smiled. "You fell asleep on the couch one afternoon. You were on some pain pills, after I think you had your tonsils taken out. I don't remember. But you were out of it all afternoon. Grams made me practice on your hair. So, yeah, you wouldn't remember me learning. But you didn't mind letting me do it all those times." He smiled circling his fingers on her arm.
"I think every woman loves having her scalp massaged. Whenever you braid my hair, you run your fingers through my scalp after you brush it out. It makes me fall asleep. Big tough army guy, braiding his lady's hair." She laughed.
"You remember, I shaved for you when you couldn't see past your pregnant belly?" He laughed.
"Oh god. I was so scared you would cut me. I was shakin' so bad."
"Nah, I'm a pro. I took care of you. I ain't never did nothing to hurt kitty." He sighed. "So, when you were pregnant with our son, who took care of you?"
"Myself. It was a struggle." She laughed. "But the key, was to do it everyday, so it didn't get out of control." She giggled.
"And now?"
"Now what?"
"Who takes care of it?"
"I don't know how to answer that?" She giggled.
"Honestly."
"Well, as of seven weeks ago, I do. That's the best answer I can give. That okay by you?"
"It's very easy baby girl. I take care of it." He started sliding off of the couch.
"How do you mean?" He began pulling her pants and panties down.
"And only me."
"No, Damon, our son, is a sleep in the next room. It's only been about an hour, and-" her body was yanked to the edge of the couch as he sat between her legs. "Maybe, we should..." he shook his head no. "Or maybe we could..." he put his finger to her lips and shushed her. She bit her lips anticipating him, because it would be a lie to say she hasn't been thinking about their steaming morning since it happened.
"Remember when I said let me take care of you?" He asked her, waiting for her to nod her head. "Good, then let me start right now." He pulled her legs around his shoulders and tucked his head into the cusp of the center of her legs.
"Damon..." she breathed. She always called him Damon when they were doing what "grown-ups" do.
"Don't worry. I'm just gone taste you. That's all." Was the last words he spoke before his tongue touched her insides. Her eyes shut as her lip was being sucked inside of itself. His blue eyes looked up at her, and she had already submitted to him. Her fingers went into his hair, and he went deeper with his tongue.
"Mmmm. Gaaahhh." She moaned, forcing him to keep going. Her fingers pulled his head up by her hair and she looked him in his face. "Make me feel good big daddy." She begged, and he grinned happily.
"Oh, baby girl." He weakened when she called him big daddy. She put his face back where it belonged. He forced her to holler into a pillow for another twenty minutes to avoid waking Dylan.
Afterwards she got up, and made them lunch. While his arms stayed around her waist the entire time she prepared their food. He couldn't let her go again. He wouldn't let her go again.
Excerpt Pt 19:
Damon in his pajama pants, and shirtless body walked up to her and put his nose in her hair, and smelled it. He was barely pressed against her, but she felt him with everything inside of her. His nose rolled in and out of her hair, and to her cheeks. She was so short, he had to lift her body up to the countertop in the kitchen. The two watched one another. The eye contact was a conversation between them of unspoken truths. One of the most important conversations they'd ever had for as long as they'd known each other.
So, Bonnie and Damon finally opened old wounds so they can begin healing. They finally got to understand where the other came from. Bonnie and Damon have always wanted the best for each other. They were just young and didn't know what they were doing. And had every obstacle against them, but as Damon said, they've needed time apart to grow up and really mature, and see life differently. Even with other people for a while. So the technical term for what happened to Baylee was "Stillborn" and Bonnie admitted she suffered another short term miscarriage right after Damon deployed. So two loses she she suffered before Dylan. Mason, showed his true colors, and Bonnie was done with that one phrase. Mike surprised Ginny.
Thank you for reading!