Chapter Four- A Conflict of Interests
Lily heard a loud scuffling around her and slowly opened one eye, cringing at the flood of light pouring onto her bed. Someone was throwing the curtains around her bed back, and she silently cursed them.
"What the-"
Kristen leaned over her, breathing heavily with half of her light hair pulled back and the other half seriously in need of a brush. "Lily! Wake up, we're almost late! Bloody Selene over there forgot to wake-"
"Since when is it my job to make sure you two are-"
"Oh, for Merlin's sake, be quiet," Lily exclaimed, sitting up quickly and rubbing her eyes. "We can't be that late, right?"
Selene shrugged, throwing her long black hair over her shoulder. "Let's just say there will be no breakfast for us."
"Ten minutes!" Kristen yelled, throwing pieces of clothing onto her normally-organized bed.
Lily's eyes widened and she threw the covers off. "Where are my robes?"
Selene threw a pair of socks at her head, and Lily glared at her. Nevertheless, she pulled them on and leaned over to locate the robes sticking out of her trunk.
Lily managed to be ready within five minutes, although she was rather sour about not being able to locate her chapstick. She roughly pulled her hair back into a ponytail as the three girls stumbled into the hallway and down the stairs. The Gryffindor common room was nearly empty as they raced through. Transfiguration was a good distance away; they now had three minutes to go.
"What about-" Kristen began to ask, casting a glance in Selene's direction.
Selene scowled. "Don't talk to me right now, I'm trying to breathe."
Lily shook her head and a strand of auburn hair fell into her eyes. She dug through her bag to make sure she had not forgotten a quill, and almost dropped everything as they rounded the last corner.
Kristen let out a heavy breath. "Finally," she mumbled.
"You see? We aren't late." Selene smiled.
The three girls tumbled into the classroom, causing all of the other students and Professor McGonagall to stare up at them. Lily's eyes immediately landed on James, and she paused, suddenly remembering their discussion from the night before. How could she have forgotten? Even amidst the chaos of oversleeping, she should not have forgotten their awkwardly exchanged words. She had left soon after he had suggested that "right and wrong were only negligible concepts"; actually, she had fled. She was not ready to deal with that question, and judging from the look he was giving her, neither was he.
She suddenly felt a hand wrap around her arm, and looked up to see Selene at the other end. She and Kristen pulled her to the nearest table, and she sat between them.
"Almost late, but I suppose you made it on time," McGonagall announced sternly, giving them a look which suggested that they may as well have been late.
Lily realized, with a slight hitch in her heartbeat, that they had seated themselves at the perfect angle for she and Potter to exchange glances. She hated this, though she wasn't sure what this was. Her thoughts were interrupted as Selene leaned over and inquired,
"Did you run into Potter last night?"
"Yes," she sighed as Kristen leaned in curiously.
"Well?"
"What happened?"
Lily supposed they were asking because James was still staring at her. Didn't he realize he was making people wonder? He had no right, not when they had done nothing more than exchange a few civil words and –
"Lily?"
Her eyes snapped away from his horrible stare as Professor McGonagall cleared her throat. "Girls, I suggest you pay attention. There will be an exam over this on Friday, and I will not shy away from taking points from my own House for poor conduct."
"Well that's for sure." Sirius mumbled from beside James, who finally looked away from Lily.
"Mr. Black!" McGonagall snapped. "Five points for insolence!"
Sirius Black only grinned at her and ruffled James's hair for him.
Lily took this opportunity to whisper to her friends, "Nothing happened. We argued. Same as usual." She knew she was lying. She and James had exchanged words, and though they had led nowhere certain, she was fairly positive that her friends would not approve. Actually, she did not approve. She took a deep breath and resolved not to look at James for the remainder of the class. She should never have considered the possibility of being friends with him. Rather than holding amazement at how intriguing his friends had been, she should be using blackmail…or simply keeping her mouth shut and her eyes away.
Resolved, she lifted a quill out of her bag and began to scribble notes on a slightly crumpled piece of parchment.
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Lily, Selene, and Kristen exited Transfiguration a good bit more slowly than they had entered. Kristen had calmed down considerably, and Selene resumed questioning Lily.
"So you say you argued?"
"Yes," Lily replied, slightly exasperated.
Selene ignored her tone of voice. "Then why does he keep staring at you? And you at him?"
Lily paused, not sure what to tell her. "Well," she began, "I insulted him quite badly. And I stare at people who stare at me, that part is simple."
Kristen shook her head. "You must have insulted him within his life, if he's so determined to make you uncomfortable."
"What did you say?" Selene suddenly seemed amused.
"I- don't remember."
"You must remember some-"
"Evans!" Lily shut her eyes, recognizing the voice behind them. She stopped and faced him.
"What, Potter?"
He frowned at her and scowled at her friends. "Dumbledore wants to see us, after History of Magic."
"Yes. Whatever," Lily turned away, determined not to meet that gaze any longer than she had to. She could feel his stare heating the back of her neck.
"I wonder what that's all about." Kristen smiled sympathetically at her redheaded friend.
"As long as you aren't going to be disappearing all day again," Selene curled a strand of black hair around her finger.
"No, no. That's not going to happen. He probably only wants my report. I sort of fell asleep before handing it in last night."
With that, the three girls fell into silence as they approached the History of Magic corridor.
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James wasn't sure what was wrong with him. He couldn't keep his eyes off of Lily Evans, and it was driving him mad. Something about her entranced and addicted him, and he hated the cliché. What did it mean? They were still enemies; of that much he was sure. They had broken ground, however, and he didn't think that ground was going to be refilled. She had instigated this; she had gone undercover and dared to spend time with Cavillors. She should have known that this would change things, and not for the better. Well, depending on how one looked at it.
He didn't want to be friends with her. He didn't. But then, he wanted something, and he thought that could only be accomplished by getting her alone. This couldn't be overheard by either of their groups of friends, or anyone else for that matter. They weren't supposed to be talking. Why did he feel this urge to do just that? Why must this have happened? He was feeling his hatred for her slip away, to be replaced by something else, something that was definitely not normal. Perhaps he did want to be friends with her.
No, you're mad. Completely bonkers. Shut the hell up and get out of my head. James groaned, taking his seat in Professor Binns's classroom. Sirius nudged him and asked loudly,
"What is wrong with you? It's like you've gone crazy today." He paused, abruptly grinning. "You didn't try that potion already, did you? Because I told you it wouldn't be finished for-"
"No, I didn't drink your bloody potion!" James snapped, swatting his friend's hand away. "I'm just not in a good mood today, so lay off."
Sirius whistled and turned to Remus and Peter, who looked as if they wanted to avoid this conflict. "Can you believe our boy Prongs? I think he needs something to cheer him up. You know, there's this fantastic seventh-year in Ravenclaw that you really must meet- she's head over heels in love with you- literally, mate. She fell down the stairs last time you passed by. Don't you think-"
"Maybe later, Padfoot," James mumbled, feeling his glance slip over to Evans, who was seating herself and very obviously avoiding his side of the room. James shook his head, furious at his eyes and mind. He couldn't have woken up normal, could he?
Remus seemed to follow his gaze and frowned. "Alright there, James?"
"Yes, splendid."
"Is it Evans? Honestly, she's just an Ausculto. I don't know what she could have possibly said to you that would harm your ego."
"Evans?" Sirius had overheard their conversation, and was leaning over to peer at James as if he were insane. "Is that why your knickers are in a twist? Damn, we'll just prank her. See? No big deal."
James shook his head sharply. "No pranking."
All three of his friends frowned, confused. James was glad for the interruption of class, because he wasn't sure what he would answer to their inevitable question. Why did he not want to prank Lily Evans?
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Lily continued shifting in her seat, wishing very much for the end of class. She wanted to speak with Dumbledore, tell Potter off for staring at her, and devour a lunch. Her stomach was beginning to grumble audibly. She hated skipping breakfast.
She suddenly felt Selene's hand on her arm again, and realized that everyone was rising from their seats. Thank Merlin.
"Do I have to help you with everything today?" Selene asked.
Lily smiled sweetly at her. "Will you feed me too?"
"Erm, Lily," Kristen nudged her. "I think Potter is waiting for you. We'll meet you in the Great Hall, I'm famished."
Lily looked over to see that James was, indeed, waiting for her. His friends had disappeared.
"Right." She said, trying to rid herself of his gaze and not succeeding. "Let's go then." She proceeded out of the room, but as soon as she started down the corridor, he passed her.
Lily attempted to turn in the direction she was sure was the right one, but James grabbed onto her arm and pulled her in the opposite direction.
"What the f-"
"Dumbledore didn't want us. But we need to talk."
"You lied!" She poked at him, shoving his hand off of her arm. "Don't touch me, Potter, or I swear-"
"You'll do what? Everyone is eating. And I would never lay a finger on you, so just be quiet."
"How do I know that? For all I know you're some psychotic murderer and I am your next victim."
"Do you really think- dammit, that's beside the point. You don't know me at all; this is exactly what we need to talk about."
"What?" She was becoming exasperated, and her stomach growled louder. "Make this fast Potter, I want to eat."
"Right. We need to talk."
"You established that much." Lily shifted on her feet, and his eyes followed her hand as she pushed her ponytail over her shoulder.
James shook himself. "I think that we should work together. There."
"Are you mad?" Lily hissed, glaring at him. "Just because I went undercover and spoke nicely to you for one entire day does not mean that I- that wasn't even me! I was pretending to be someone else!" He only stared at her, and she faltered under his gaze. "Potter, you are seriously mistaken if you think I want to be friends. I will not even visualize that such a thing could occur. Please leave me alone, unless you have something more insightful to say."
James frowned, "This is ridiculous."
"What is?"
"This." He spread his arms wide. "We are human beings, adults even-"
Lily snorted at this, and turned as if to leave.
"And acting like children." He paused, grimacing as she gathered her bag and books to her chest. He swallowed audibly. "You like me Lily. I know that you do," he took a few steps towards her.
She turned to look at him and found his dark eyes staring at her again. She was sure she detected the beginnings of a grin there.
"Perhaps you even think that I'm funny. Or handsome?" His eyes peered down at her, almost hopefully, and she could not help but smile, biting her lip to hold it back. She allowed herself to really look at him and thought that yes, he was handsome. There was something in his eyes, and a certain angle to his jaw. She decided that he was more captivating than he was handsome. She looked up, her eyes meeting his once more. She thought his eyes blazed rather well for their darkness.
What was she doing? Her smile fell as her gaze retreated inward; she shouldn't be doing this, conversing with him and smiling at an enemy. She was almost flirting. She was lying to her friends, breaking the rules. She didn't want to be a liar, and yet she had no one to blame but herself.
James seemed to sense her indecision, and he laid a hand on her arm. She pulled back swiftly and stepped away. "We are not friends, Potter." Her gaze had rapidly turned hateful.
He frowned again, a bitter expression crossing his face. They stared at one another fervently for several long moments. "Fine. I attempted to be nice. Whatever. I was going to offer to turn in your report for you, as I need to hand in mine, however-"
"I can bloody well do it myself, Cavillor. And stop staring at me!" She turned around and stomped away, leaving James to gawk after her in bewilderment. That last request was not bloody likely, he thought as he watched her hair trail behind her. What had he just done? Sirius must have slipped him something when he wasn't looking, because there was no way in hell that he had just asked Lily Evans to be his friend.
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"What's wrong?" Kristen asked, noticing the expression crossing Lily's face as she piled food onto her plate.
"Nothing." Lily replied sharply. "I just-" Her voice turned into more of a growl as she watched Potter take his seat at the table across from them. She glared vehemently, turning to her plate.
"I take it that your meeting went poorly," Selene noted through a mouthful of food.
"Actually, that meeting never happened. S'pose I'll go after I eat."
Maybe it was the expression on her face, but her friends did not question her further. They probably pitied her situation. As well they should, thought Lily, I am hopeless.
She finished eating in relative silence, although she did insert a comment here and there into her friends' conversation. She wasn't even sure what they were discussing, but they weren't looking at her funny, so she must be making some sort of sense.
She heard Potter pass behind her and dropped her fork. What was wrong with her? Perhaps she needed to take a few deep breaths. Nothing had so much changed, except her mind. This was all in her mind, and if she could rid herself of it, her problem would magically alleviate. She rubbed at her eyes, suddenly quite tired.
Finally feeling her hunger satisfied, Lily took another sip of pumpkin juice before informing her two friends that she would meet them in the common room; she had to drop Dumbledore's report off before he came looking for her.
Lily rummaged around in her bag for the tied off bit of parchment she had completed last night. Just as she passed through the statue and approached the door to his office, she found it, and pulled it out with no small amount of relief crossing her mind. She knocked.
"Come in, Miss Evans," Dumbledore's serene voice so contrasted her present state of emotions that Lily found her hand trembled as she pushed the door open. Something was most certainly wrong with her. And here he was.
"What are you doing here?" Lily sneered at James.
"The same thing you are, I presume," he scowled back, not looking like he wanted to be friends any longer.
Dumbledore ignored their antics and addressed Lily. "I am sure you completed your essay, Miss Evans?"
"Yes, sir," she pulled it from her bag. "Here you go. I hope it's satisfactory."
"Oh, I'm positive that it is."
The two Heads made a move to leave then, but Dumbledore halted them.
"Just a moment, you two. I sense that you are having trouble working together."
"Well if she would only-"
"He is so ins-"
"Yes, yes. I've heard it all before." Dumbledore smiled at them each in turn, laying their reports side by side on his desk. "I think that you will find, if only you'll bother to look, that you are very compatible with one another. You are both highly intelligent, and I expect you to use that intelligence. I do not speak only of Hogwarts, Miss Evans and Mister Potter, but of the entire wizarding world. We are at war." He paused here, watching as his two students lowered their gazes to the floor. "I have faith that you will both play your part. But first, you must cooperate with one another."
Lily and James glanced at Dumbledore, neither sure of an appropriate answer. Lily simply nodded.
"Er- thanks, Professor. Do you need anything else?"
"No, Lily. You may leave, if you wish,"
Lily was out of his office faster than she had ever been in the past. She refused to meet James's gaze before she exited, and was now left to wonder if he had drawn the same conclusions as she had from the headmaster's speech. Maybe she had been too rash earlier. James had only asked that they work together, after all, not that they become secret lovers and leave on a midnight rendezvous. Oh yes, you are mad, Lily Evans. Very mad indeed.
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"Malfoy is such a right git!" Selene threw her quill onto the floor in protest.
"Did you need confirmation of that?" Kristen changed positions on the couch, so that she could see her raven-haired friend.
"Yes, well. Snape is not much better, the slimy idiot." Lily was flipping through her Potions book, looking for that elusive fact she needed to complete her essay.
"It would probably be better just to forget it happened," Kristen advised her friend. "Malfoy and Snape are not going to leave anyone alone, if they can help it. You didn't get detention this time; let's just leave it at that."
Selene shrugged, leaning over to pick up her discarded quill. "I'm not in the mood to be doing Potions right now, anyway."
"You never are," Lily answered, scribbling furiously again now that she had located what she was looking for.
"I wish I had gotten detention! Because it would mean that I gave them a worthy punishment-"
"I think you've had more detentions than any other seventh year in the school," Kristen began, smiling.
Lily shrugged. "Actually, those four probably take the cake." She indicated the Cavillor boys seated a few paces away from them, and suddenly realized that James was not with them. She had been glancing over at him all night, any time she thought nobody was looking. He was nowhere to be found now, however, and she frowned.
"What now?"
"Nothing," Lily shook her head and pulled her hair out of her ponytail, meaning to fix it but leaving her hair-tie on her wrist instead. "I just remembered something Dumbledore asked me to do. Have you seen Potter?"
"No, and I'm glad," Selene answered, while Kristen joined her in peering around.
"Well, I'll be back in a bit," Lily shut her book and threw it onto the chair as she left it.
She took a breath and approached the three Cavillors, who fell silent when they noticed her presence.
Sirius glared at her as she opened her mouth. "Er- Dumbledore needed something. Where's Potter?"
Remus frowned heavily. "He's out on the quidditch pitch, I think."
"I can never drag him away from there, you know," Sirius was speaking to his friends, but cut off as he realized that Lily was still standing in front of them. She glanced out the window and saw pink clouds dotting the horizon. What was Potter doing, flying at dusk? Lily scowled at the boys half-heartedly and made her way out the portrait hole, waving to her friends, who waved back in perplexity.
Lily's mind wandered as she made her way out to the quidditch pitch. Of course Dumbledore did not need something else; at least not directly. She had lied to her friends again. It was becoming easier, and that realization only made her feel worse. Dumbledore was inexplicably good at getting people to do as he wanted, and Lily suspected that he had succeeded once again, at least with her.
She realized now that the groups were doing just as the book said; granting Voldemort's wishes. How many times in history had this occurred? A united group of people overthrows a horrible entity which suppressed them mostly through keeping them separate. Except in this case, they were keeping themselves separate, and that only worsened the situation. What can I possibly do to make it better? Lily struggled with herself. A lot, actually.
It did not help that Lily felt herself drawn to James. She had no idea what was so interesting about him or why she felt the need to touch him when he was near her. Perhaps that was why she had drawn away from him so quickly earlier. Lily was positive that she hadn't had a more eventful day in many years. Emotionally eventful, that is. Her mind was ready to die on her.
She realized in quiet surprise that she had already arrived at the quidditch pitch. She squinted and found the spot of movement she was looking for. The sun was still half-present on the horizon, and it cast a crimson glow over his Gryffindor robes. James was an amazing flyer, really.
Lily felt her resolve begin to slip as she watched him for several moments, the wind whipping around her. She couldn't do this. She couldn't lie to her friends. Should she go through with this, she would most certainly be doing just that. They might never understand if she told them. They would probably think she had gone mad. Perhaps she had.
She almost didn't notice as James approached her, descending to the ground and hopping off of his broom at a bit of a run. She couldn't see his face as he approached her; his hair was even more unruly than usual.
"Why are you here?" He grumbled, holding his broom in front of him, as if he needed it to separate them. His eyes found hers, as they had been apt to do all day. She looked away.
"I was thinking…"
"Oh, brilliant. Just what the world needs. You know, this sounds awfully familiar. I hope you're not mocking me, because I-"
"Will you shut up! This isn't easy for me either, you know. I should hate you…this is all very fast, so will you please stop tormenting me?" Lily was surprised to hear nothing from his mouth. "Only yesterday I hated you, and today…"
"What?" He asked, and though he attempted to fill the word with spite, it didn't come out quite that way.
"I think Dumbledore was right."
"Dumbledore's always right. What's your point?"
Exasperated, Lily licked her lips; the wind was making them dry. "Well, don't you think we should work together, then?" The words almost pained her.
"Why should I want to be friends with you?"
"I never said friends! I said work together!" Lily shifted, no longer sure of herself. Had he not brought this up first? "I-"
"We are better suited to be enemies, and let's face it, that's all we can ever really be."
Lily paused, breathing deeply. "Don't you- don't you know anyone who has died because of Voldemort?"
James tilted his head, his face impassive. He nodded carefully.
She continued. "If not for my sanity- because arguing with you just takes all of my spare energy- then let's at least pretend to work together. Voldemort is only as strong as we allow him to be." She bit her lip, wanting slightly to hide under a rock.
"What can we change, really?"
"I don't know, James. But it's a start."
Perhaps it was because she had called him by his first name, or maybe it was her hair whipping wildly around her face, but he felt himself falling. I am willingly stepping into a hole, he thought. A very deep and dark hole.
"Alright. What do you have in mind?"
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A/N: Thanks to all of you who reviewed, including Cetesy- I'm sorry I couldn't send you a review response because of the whole anonymous thing, but I doremember your name and I'm so glad you're willing to read this rewrite. I was really flattered to get your review.
I hope you all had a good holiday, even if it's long over now. New Years was quite eventful, actually, at the country club party I was stuck working. At some point a lady was clutching the window and informing us that the cops were after her and her husband. Ahaha.
On a less nonsensical note, when I said I would write soon, apparently I meant two weeks ;) If you must know what I've been doing, I shall tell you: crap and more crap. Actually, it's been fairly stressful. My grandfather, in town from Arizona, had a stroke. Thank God it was minor. So I've been attempting to visit him downtown in the hospital, but my literature and calculus teachers are ridiculous. I've been so tired. Although I am happy now, because I have completed my last college application. Ever. That's right.
Now I'm sorry for talking too long. I do thank you for reading the chapter, and please leave comments if you have any extra time, whatever your opinion.
Until chapter five,
Emily