Chapter Six – Independence and Dependence

Lily knew that Dumbledore would be in his office that night. She also knew that James realized this, and that he was likely waiting for her in the Gryffindor common room. Still she remained sitting on her bed, dangling a quill between her fingers with a mind that rested somewhere far away from the castle.

She felt so ridiculous sometimes. Not only had she evidently lost her mind by agreeing to work with one of her worst rivals, but she was keeping it from her friends and everyone else in the school. Then there was the small detail of their interactions; Lily clearly recalled their conversation from the day before. He had been asking how she felt about him, had he not? Was she so in need of mental assistance that she could not recognize his comments for what they really were?

Even if he did, Lily, even if he was showing some sort of interest, what in Merlin's name would you do about it? Nothing. There's nothing you can do. Nothing you would do, in fact. Even if James were an Ausculto, she would show hesitance. The last time a boy had shown a romantic interest in her was fifth year, and that had ended with her embarrassment. The fact that James was a Cavillor made the situation doubly impossible. Add on top of that their limited knowledge of one another, and her mind presented her with a firm and resounding no.

With a heavy sigh, Lily slid off her bed, leaving her book and quill behind and smoothing her robes before leaving the dorm. Her friends had stayed in the common room after lunch, and she was fairly sure that they were still there. She descended the stairs and her quick glance towards the Ausculto side affirmed her suspicions. She smiled at Selene, who caught her eye, and turned to look for James. He was laughing in a corner with his friends, Sirius throwing his hands up in animation and Remus shaking his head. Peter happened to turn towards Lily with a questioning stare. Lily quickly walked over to Kristen and Selene.

"I have a meeting with Dumbledore in a few minutes," she told them, "so I'll meet you in Transfiguration later."

They nodded, Selene replying cheerfully as Lily marched over to James and his friends. She almost laid a hand on his shoulder, but thought better of it at the last moment.

"Potter! We have a meeting with Dumbledore, remember?"

He didn't turn around immediately, but waved to his friends and moved from his seat towards the portrait hole with relative ease. Once outside the common room, they glanced around suspiciously and then Lily allowed herself to gaze softly at James. He smiled hesitantly.

"Alright. Let's go."

They walked to the headmaster's office in silence, their arms occasionally brushing against one another. Once they had passed the statue and climbed the last stair, James raised a hand and knocked. They heard a faint, "Come in, please."

Dumbledore was sitting behind his desk, half-moon glasses placed carefully on his nose. His blue eyes lacked some brightness, and he appeared generally tired. Lily had not seen him the last few days in the Great Hall, and she wondered where he had been.

"Please have a seat," he instructed them, and after glancing at one another, they sat down. Lily realized that she had no idea what she was planning to say. During this small silence, the headmaster looked back and forth between the two students and nodded to himself.

"I see that you have learned to cooperate." He smiled as they both gazed at him in surprise.

"Well, we-"

"Er-"

Dumbledore continued to smile. "Is this why you wanted to see me?"

"Professor, we have been talking, and we thought it- well, necessary to- to unite the Auscultos and Cavillors." Lily let out a heavy breath, feeling the gravity of this situation now that they had revealed it to someone. Suddenly it all seemed very real.

Dumbledore nodded. "I hoped this would happen. I knew you were both very bright students, and I trust you both immensely. I also thought perhaps…well, that is…"

"What, sir?" James sat up a bit straighter.

"Nothing, nothing." Dumbledore rose from his seat and walked closer to his window. "It's a nice day," he commented absently.

Lily frowned. "Actually, Professor, we came to ask for your help."

Dumbledore turned back towards them. "My help?"

"Yes, sir. We needed ideas…we have no idea how to do this or even to begin, and we thought that you-"

"You thought that I would be able to think of something better?" Dumbledore finished for him.

James nodded, and Lily pressed on. "I thought we could research for a bit, although I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Something to incite more people to see the reasons behind uniting; the more people we convince, the easier it will become, I think…"

Dumbledore nodded. "Well, that's a start. Where is the problem?"

Lily fell silent. James glanced at her, and then back at the headmaster. "Do you think that would work? After five years, how can we possibly change anyone's mind?"

Dumbledore laid a hand on his desk and gazed down at them. "By example, James. There are students who look up to both of you, though that may not be apparent now."

Lily frowned further. "But couldn't you make an announcement, or maybe-"

"I cannot help you, Miss Evans."

"What?" Both students stared at him.

"I cannot help. This must be done by the two of you alone."

"But why? You could at least give us ideas, or help us plan…" Lily never meant to argue with the headmaster, but found herself confused.

He shook his head carefully. "I'm afraid there is no magical resource of knowledge, one that I might unlock for you, that will provide you with a solution to this problem. Your ideas are as qualified as mine." James opened his mouth to disagree, but Dumbledore continued. "It also happens that I will have no spare time this year. The war is…progressing, and I will be away a majority of the time. I trust you both to handle this situation to the best of your abilities, and I dare say that your combined abilities are resourceful enough to move Hogwarts into one body again."

"I just don't think many will follow us." Lily's doubt surfaced in her expression, and James appeared to agree with her.

"I apologize to both of you. I admit that I was rather selfish in selecting you as the Heads, because I have had this in mind for several months."

"But how could you know that we would even-"

"You're both sensible people, intelligent enough to see the truth. I assumed you would come to the correct conclusion."

Lily sighed and nodded, accepting this explanation. James was silent beside her. Dumbledore watched them wearily. "You have class soon, I believe?"

Lily came to herself and nodded. James rose from his seat, and she followed.

"Er- thanks Professor," James offered.

Dumbledore nodded and led them out of his office, looking sincerely apologetic.

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Several busy days passed before Lily was really able to disgest this conversation and what it meant for her seventh year. For sanity purposes, she said nothing to her friends and acted as if nothing had changed, when in reality, everything was changing.

When she finally had time, she found her way to the Heads common room with a stack of books in her arms. She was surprised to find James inside, with a few books of his own. She approached and saw that he was scribbling doodles on a piece of parchment.

"Looks like you've gotten some work done," Lily said sarcastically, dropping her books onto the ground in front of the couch. James shifted so that she would have room to sit.

"Er- yeah." He crumpled the parchment and dropped it onto the floor. "Actually, you should be happy I'm making an attempt…I never study, and my friends are probably out pranking Malfoy at the moment."

"Well, I never asked you to come here."

James smiled. "Yes. I am mature this year, you see. I have found a supreme sense of duty, and I- what?"

Lily laughed. "Whatever, James."

"I knew you would be here tonight."

She turned to look at him, suddenly nervous. "How?"

"You only had one class today, and I overheard you telling your friends that you had 'something to do for Dumbledore' tonight."

"Right."

"So, I came. I'm just surprised you didn't ask me to. You know, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable that last time, and I won't-"

Lily shifted. "It's okay, James. Really. I understand. And I didn't ask you to help tonight because I didn't want to interfere if you had something to do with your friends or, I don't know. I just- why don't we just get started?"
James nodded, also looking a bit relieved to drop the conversation. They slipped into silence as they each paged through a book.

"How about this one?" James interrupted the long silence. "'Unity is to freedom as-'"

Lily cut him off. "I hope you aren't serious."

"Well, you'll never know."

She continued watching him with a frown until he looked up and laughed. "This is sort of hopeless."

She smiled sadly. "A lot of things are hopeless at the moment."

Unable to hold his gaze for long, Lily leaned over to grab the bag she had brought with her. She rummaged around and located her chapstick, pulling the cap off.

James was still watching her; she could feel his eyes and wished he wouldn't. She glanced over at him, running chapstick over her lips and causing him to look at her mouth. He shifted again. "Er- right. I'll keep looking."

Lily sighed. The tension surrounding their previous animosity had slowly transformed into a different kind of tension, one she thought was much more dangerous, and impossible.

She clearly remembered his words from the other day, and was beginning to doubt her initial understanding of them. He had not mentioned it again, and for the most part, he was keeping his distance. There were a few times during class when she knew he'd been watching her, thinking she wasn't paying attention, but he never said anything, and would look away as soon as they locked gazes.

Lily shook her head. She should be searching through the next book. What are you looking for? You don't even know. There were a lot of things she was unsure about, it seemed.

Just when Lily felt her eyes slipping shut, James shifted again beside her. His voice cut through her sleepiness. "'It seems frivolous to argue when we are working towards a common cause. If we cannot agree, neither of us will gain a thing.'"

"Where is that from?" Lily asked, looking up.

James chuckled. "A diary entry of a seamstress in the nineteenth century." He scanned the page. "It appears that they decided on red silk for the edges. I personally think the blue would have been more charming."

Lily shook her head, laughing despite herself. "Sometimes I think you don't realize the seriousness of this situation."

They both fell silent, until James snapped his book shut and looked over at her carefully. "Oh, I definitely realize what's going on here. You never have to worry about that."

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Lily returned to the Heads common room every night for the rest of the week, and James continued to meet her there. By the end of the week they had collected a list of quotes, although they found none of them to be particularly insightful. Lily felt like they were pushing against a steel wall; progress was not going to happen at this rate. For the time being, however, they had no other ideas.

She descended the stairs from her dorm that Saturday, intending to find her friendsin the Gryffindor common room. She would have forgotten that it was a Hogsmeade weekend, had Selene not constantly reminded them that she had a very attractive date.

As Lily approached the common room, a loud argument reached her ears. She cautiously peered inside, and saw that the room was filled was people, many of whom were on their feet and glaring at members of the opposite group.

She spotted James and froze, leaning against the wall.

"You will not speak to him like that!" James was yelling at the boy, who glared back. Lily recognized him as a fourth year Ausculto.

"Why should I listen to you? You have no authority over me!"

James reddened, unmistakably angry.

The other boy involved, a fourth year Cavillor, growled, "He's better than Lily Evans, that's for sure."

Lily started at the mention of her name. Selene and Kristen were standing near her, and finally noticed that she was standing behind them.

James looked at the Cavillor, "You can stay out of this," he said firmly, even angrily. He turned back to the Ausculto. "What makes you think that I have no authority over you? You may be an Ausculto, but you are a student of Hogwarts moreover! I happen to be Head Boy of Hogwarts, and you will listen to me when I tell you to do something!"

Lily struggled not to smile. The boy may not have agreed with James, but Lily thought he wasn't going to contradict him anytime soon. Lily watched as James ran his fingers through his hair. She wanted to…she wasn't sure. She wanted something, and she suddenly realized that she missed his staring. It might have made her uncomfortable, but she missed it. She turned away, knowing that she could not meet his eyes here, let alone approach him.

"Well hello, Lily," Kristen said, smiling faintly. "You came at a nice time."

Conversations began to pick up again around them, and Selene glanced at Lily with grin. "Hmm. I believe I should meet my date soon. Are you two ready? I'm sorry I won't be spending the day with you. Really."

Kristen laughed. "That's okay. I think we'll manage."

"Yes, I think I'll actually enjoy myself without your craziness." Lily grinned back. The three of them headed out the portrait hole, passing James and his friends on the way. Lily was sure he was watching her, and left with a smile on her face.

They reached the giant doors of the Entrance Hall, and Selene left them giddily and with a giant grin on her face.

"She's going to scare him away," Kristen shook her head.

Lily laughed. "Probably."

They followed the large group of students in front of them over the grounds, towards Hogsmeade.

"So, where to first?" Kristen asked as the village came into view.

"Hmm….Honeydukes."

"Sounds delicious."

They reached the door of Honeydukes in little time, and paused before entering. There were a few younger students, Ausucltos, crowded around the entrance, reading a sign on the wall. Lily peered over them and saw that it consisted of pictures of wanted Death Eaters who had been spotted nearby. Lily frowned and Kristen's smile slipped off her face.

They entered the store and were confronted by a multitude of colors and smells. Lily went straight for the chocolate, and nearly ran into Lucius Malfoy.

"What are you doing here, Mudblood?"

She ignored the expletive and replied, "Shopping," nonchalantly attempting to walk past him.

He sneered. "We'll see how long you're able to do that."

"What does that even-" But he was already leaving, and Lily made an angry noise while Kristen shook her head.

"Whatever. He's a worthless and spoiled brat."

"Yeah…" Lily reached over an examined a box of chocolates that claimed to taste like a hot fudge sundae.

As they were buying their things, Lily noticed a very attractive, blonde-haired boy watching her from the corner. Slightly unnerved, she led Kristen out of the shop. They walked for a few minutes, laughing at the woman who had put on two different shoes, and finally came to a stop near a tree on the edge of the street.

Kristen bit into her candy and glanced over at Lily. "I'm glad you didn't go with that Ravenclaw, the one Selene suggested…He wasn't a completely nice person." She paused, chewing thoughtfully. "But then, I really don't know of any guys who are."

Lily was silent for a moment, wondering about this. "Well, some of them are not all that bad…" She trailed off, pulling a piece of chocolate out of her bag.

Kristen snorted. "Certainly that one doesn't fit into the group of 'not that bad'."

Lily inclined her head in the direction Kristen was looking and saw James standing very near to a pretty blonde-haired girl. She was smiling and laughing femininely at something James had said. Lily felt something in her chest sink and she frowned as James turned towards the girl with that grin of his. They laughed together and she scowled, her breath catching in throat.

Why should you care? What the hell does it matter who he dates? She bit her lip. I didn't know he was dating someone. Lily watched as James leaned over to whisper something in the girl's ear. She giggled, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. Chewing on her lip, Lily wondered if James liked blondes. He probably preferred them to redheads, anyway. Will you stop it? This is completely ridiculous. Who cares about James's preferences?

"Er- Lily?"

Lily shifted her feet and tore her gaze away from James. Kristen was staring at her. "Sorry," Lily said quickly. "I really should sleep more, I think. I was just…"

"No problem," Kristen smiled. "But you missed Snape slipping in the mud." She pointed to their right, where Severus Snape was angrily brushing mud from his robes, to no avail.

Lily smiled faintly.

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She found herself in a foul mood for the rest of the evening, and upon their return to Hogwarts, Kristen touched her arm softly and inquired, "Lily, are you alright?"

Lily looked over at her blonde-haired friend and softened. "I'm sorry, Kristen. I haven't been very fun today, have I?"

Kristen shrugged. "It's alright…we all have those days. What's bothering you?"

"Er- I'm not really sure."

Kristen raised an eyebrow in skepticism. "Well, you were in a good mood until about midway through Hogsmeade…it was right after we came from Honeydukes, come to think of it. So there must have been something that happened in between."

Lily frowned, hoping Kristen could not pinpoint exactly when her countenance had shifted; she didn't need her friend to wonder about her constant problems with James, as she was fairly sure that her present troubles were very different from what her friends would assume.

Lily saw James appear briefly at the other end of the corridor, before he turned and disappeared down another. She gave a start, and turned back towards Kristen. Before she could say a word, Selene slid to a stop beside them, grinning widely.

"So, who's had a good day?" She beamed at her friends, her cheeks flushed. Lily and Kristen only looked at one another, neither sure how to answer.

"Er-"

"Oh no – don't tell me you didn't have fun without me. Of course, I know that I'm the source of all things exciting, but still…are you okay, Lily?"

"Does everybody have to ask me that?" Lily grumbled, reaching up to brush her hair behind her shoulders.

Selene raised a hand in defense. "Sorry. I thought I would be considerate, for once."

Lily sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm just not feeling that well."

"It's quite alright. I don't think anything can ruin today for me."

Kristen smiled faintly. "So, your date went well, I take it?"

"Yes…you could say that." Selene looked away, the broad smile never falling off her face.

"Let's go, then." Kristen began towards the Gryffindor common room, and Selene started to follow.

Lily hesitated, glancing down the corridor in the other direction. "Er- I actually needed to run to the library for a bit."

Selene rolled her eyes good-naturedly while Kristen replied, "Okay…we'll see you later then, Lily."

Lily nodded and began walking in the other direction.

"Um Lily, you do know that the library is in that direction?"

Lily turned to see Selene pointing down another hall.

"Right. I needed to run by the Heads common room first."

There was a pause. "Where is that, anyway?"

Lily hesitated. "I'll show you another time." Her friends nodded, believing her, although she wasn't sure she would want to do anything of the sort. It was her one haven, her one safe place. As soon as the thought ran through her head, she felt very guilty. They were her best friends, and she was hiding from them on a regular basis.

Lily was glad to find the halls very empty as she hurried in the direction she had seen James go. This part of the castle was slightly unfamiliar to her; there were really no classes over here, only empty classrooms.

She was becoming discouraged when she hurriedly turned another corner and ran into something very solid.

"Oomph." She grabbed at her stomach, sucking in a breath as she stepped back. "James?"

"What are you doing?" he grumbled, looking down at her.

She realized that her hair must be completely disheveled; she had been pulling at it, and her face was hot from pursuing him. She suddenly forgot why she had been looking for him in the first place.

James frowned, watching her. "Was there something you needed?"

She looked back at him, with his hair falling into his face and sticking up at strange angles. She wondered if that girl with him had messed his hair up so badly, and groaned.

She grabbed James's arm, glanced around quickly, and pulled him through the nearest doorway, shutting the door behind them. She noticed that it refused to stay shut, and she allowed it to stay open a crack, not truly caring.

Lily turned to face him, a few strands of auburn hair sticking to her lips. She pushed them back nervously, and stepped towards him, suddenly angry again. "What were you doing with that girl?" What was she saying? None of this was her business.

He seemed to agree with her inner conscience. "Wh- Elizabeth? Why?" His eyes darkened and he watched her as she continued.

"I don't know her name! I don't care, either. Did you- did you ask her out?"

"Would it matter if I did? Why are you-"

"I don't know, James! I don't want- why did you have to pick someone so giggly and stupid?"
James face reflected something between confusion and aggravation. "Elizabeth is at the top of her year, actually."

"She's younger?"

"Yes."

Lily's heart was beating madly in her chest. She had no idea where she was taking this, and she had the faint perception that she was only embarrassing herself. "Well, you could at least have flirted less sickeningly."

"Lily, I don't know what you're trying to-" He stared at her, and his eyes flashed abruptly. "You don't have a claim on me."

She stepped back, frowning heavily. "No, but I-"

James was advancing towards her, and she couldn't move her eyes away from his, though she felt as if her body was shrinking. "I tried already, Lily, and you threw that idea out pretty quickly. What do you want?"

He was standing so near to her that she couldn't have answered even if she had had something to say. She simply stared up at him, breathing heavily. He said nothing, obviously waiting for some acknowledgement that she had heard him. Lily faltered in her gaze and bit her lip, reaching a hand up to play with the fabric around his wrist. She could smell him from this close.

Her fingers slipped under the fabric, and she felt the warm skin underneath gently, wanting to touch him and pushing her thoughts away. James closed his eyes as her fingers slid over his wrist, and when he opened them, she was staring up at him, her emerald eyes clearly asking the question she had been wondering for weeks.

His gaze fell to her mouth, parted slightly and with faint traces of chapstick lining her lips. Her breath caught as he leaned down, and her eyes slid shut. She felt his mouth gently touch hers, uncertainty flowing between them. She moved her lips carefully against his, not sure how to tell him that this was okay, even if it really wasn't. None of it was okay, and she didn't care. She refused to care.

"Is this what you want?" he mumbled against her lips. She found no words, and her other hand found his robes and she grasped them tightly, pulling him closer as he slid his mouth experimentally against hers. He was gentle and warm, and everything she had been worrying about flew out of her mind.

She had never…the other boy she had kissed had either been horrible, or this was amazing. Her head buzzed, and she gasped when she felt his tongue slide lightly against hers. This was new, and overwhelming, and everything in between. She attempted to show him that this was definitely what she wanted, and she didn't care that she had no idea what she was doing. His hands were grasping her waist, fingers carefully sliding over her hips.

Her hand reached up to play with the hair at the back of his neck. She wanted to be the one to make his hair messy. This is wrong. You shouldn't be…Lily pulled back, their mouths disengaging. She took a trembling breath and met his eyes. He gazed at her in amazement.

What was she doing? She felt the need to say something. "Could you come to the Heads common room, later?"

Still breathing audibly, James glanced out the window, where a full moon now hung in plain view. He turned back to look at her. "No."

Lily looked at her feet, clearly disappointed.

"I mean, I want to – it's just, I promised my friends something a long time ago. Really, I wish I could- tomorrow?"

Lily shook her head. "Can't. I have Astronomy at night."

James ran a hand over his hair, but it continued to stand on end. "Tuesday I have detention…"

Lily finally let go of his robes, her hands falling to her sides. "For what?"

James only mumbled, "Snape," and scowled.

"I don't know that we…" Lily frowned, tired but watching him closely. "I don't know, James."

He softened, and shook his head. He opened his mouth to speak, and suddenly there were voices coming from the corridor.

"Where did James go, anyway?" Lily was sure that was Sirius's voice.

"I don't know…the map is on his bed." Peter seemed even closer.

James let out a breath, staring intently at the door.

"Let's go, then. Maybe he's up there and fell asleep or something."

Lily looked worriedly at James, who whispered, "We have to go, they'll be looking for me all night."

She nodded and approached the door, peering out nervously to find an empty corridor. She took one look back at him and, finding his expression unreadable in the dim light, slipped out the door and down the hall, her heart beating madly in her chest.

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Review Responses (I hope the rest of you got yours):

DK Lili- Thanks again, I am glad that last chapter flowed fairly well, because I wrote different parts at different times, so…that's good to hear!

Emily- Hmm…I feel like I'm talking to myself. Lol. I'm glad you like the story so far, thanks very much for reviewing (and reading)!

Cetesy- Don't be sorry for the short review; of course I love long reviews, but I like all of your reviews, so it really makes no difference ;) Plus, you are talking to me, and I definitely understand the homework problem. Oh, yes, the cautiousness is probably a result (at least mostly) of the fact that I had a lot of trouble starting last chapter, although I'm not sure why. This one too. Oh well. I am glad you still like the story, thanks as always!

A/N: I am afraid that the scene I was quite looking forward to (and have already written half of) just did not fit into this chapter. Well, one of them, anyway. I should say it will definitely be in the next chapter, which works too; I do love the number seven (perfection and completeness, as my English teacher would connote).

On that note, I hope you liked this chapter and that it will keep you interested until number seven, which will hopefully be along soon, as I want to write it very much. So review and give me a more urgent reason to write! )

Gracias y hasta el próximo vez,

Emily