Chapter Nine - Measured Insanity

James inclined his head towards the mirror and combed his hair with his fingers. Or rather, he tried to, but the strands kept scattering back to their original messiness. He suspected that his comb might perform better, but it was most likely hiding under his bed. Sometimes he wondered if some wizard long ago had placed a curse on his family's hair. He chuckled lightly and his hands fell limply to his sides as the door to the boys' dorm crashed open.

Sirius and Peter appeared, the former leaning towards his fellow Marauder conspiratorially. He was grinning devilishly, in that Sirius way; clearly planning something he ought not to be.

James turned towards them with a frown. "Are you forgetting that I'm here?" There was a lengthy silence, in which the two boys stared at him with closed mouths. "What's this all about?"

James had hoped that their argument the night before would be forgotten as many others had been in the past. Judging from the glint in Sirius's eyes, he was not going to have the same luck this time.

Sirius slowly faced James, dropping the hand he had been waving. "Are you going to stop being a filthy prat and actually be a participatory friend again?"

James was silent, his eyebrows furrowed. He thought maybe-

"I didn't think so." Sirius snapped, turning back around and facing Peter. "Come on, mate. I s'pose it's just you and I now. Let's go find Remus and share the plan."

Peter glanced back at a scowling James as they slipped out the door.

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

The door slammed behind James as he trudged towards the front of the classroom.

"You're late, Cavillor," Lily grumbled from her place in front of the Hogwarts prefects.

James glanced at her and their eyes met. He read something in hers that he wished he could return, but a combination of anxiety and the many eyes watching him prevented any marked display.

"I am never late, Ausculto, though your type does always think they run the show."

Lily huffed half-heartedly, a strand of her red hair slipping out of her mussed ponytail. James followed the curve of her neck as she turned back to the prefects. "As I was saying…"

James felt himself listening more to the sound of her voice than her actual words, and more than once he was called out for doing so.

"Potter, are you even listening to me?" Lily snapped. Her eyes belied the tone of her voice; she might be tired, but she was not angry with him by any means.

James realized that the entire room was staring at him, a few people smirking (mostly Cavillors) and others scowling. "Just because I don't give you the attention you crave, Evans, does not mean that I am incompetent."

Lily gave him a pointed look. "I am sure you think you're entirely competent."

An Ausculto prefect muttered something rude, and James glared at him. He continued, "And I happen to think the Halloween Feast planning has been lousy. I will choose a few Cavillors to take over the project."

Lily grunted, still staring at him. She wondered how much longer they would need to act like this. She had never been very good at hiding her emotions. Suddenly she sighed. "Alright. I suppose that's good for today. You are all dismissed. Remember our meeting this Wednesday. Seven o'clock! Don't be late!"

Lily attempted to avoid James's eyes as the students slowly filtered out of the room. She straightened her stack of papers and capped the ink she had only used once during the meeting. She sensed that James was upset, and as the door clicked behind the last prefect, she turned to question his mood. Her efforts were constrained by his hand at her waist, pushing her into the desk just behind them. He kissed her just beneath her ear, along the side of her neck, and breathed deeply. She shivered slightly; she had always been sensitive there.

"James? I…" He shifted and she trailed off.

"Not now." He muttered, leaning down to capture her lips as their eyes simultaneously slipped shut. What began as a slow caressing of lips became almost a barrage of emotions. James was clearly feeling a bit off; he was acting as if he not only wanted this, but needed it.

Lily noticed a scuffling of shoes outside the closed door and quickly pushed James away from her. As the door opened, Lily attempted to brush her hair behind her ears.

An Ausculto prefect stopped just inside the door, suddenly looking embarrassed. "I just- er- forgot my parchment." He moved towards it, clearly taking their mussed appearances for the result of an argument rather than a make-out session. The boy grabbed his roll of parchment and all but jogged for the door.

As the door slipped shut for a second time, Lily and James stared at one another, at a loss for appropriate words.

James sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Is everything alright?" Lily asked. James just shook his head, grimacing.

Lily frowned. "Well? Are you going to share?"

"Sirius is angry at me and my friends in general think I have been neglecting them."

Lily took a step back, her backside again hitting the desk. "Oh." She bit her lip. She was afraid of this, and her friends had also been suspicious lately. It was added stress she did not need. She gazed at James as he toed the floor, and she wondered what it was that kept her from going back to the way things were before. If this was so difficult, and it was going to upset their entire lives, then why did she need to bother with James Potter? She would be able to ignore the obvious attraction there, given time. At least she hoped so, because his mere presence put her mind and body into overdrive.

She ran a few of her fingers through his hair, loving the way he had tried to tame it and clearly failed. She had entered the gray area between black and white, and she almost felt as if it was her duty to do this. Not this, she thought, touching her lips gently, but uniting the groups.

Her eyes strayed to the floor, and then her own hands. Even if the situation, or rather the resolution, was very near impossible, she would never be able to forgive herself for doing nothing or giving up.

"What are you thinking about?" James cut into her thoughts, and she realized that she has been staring for some time.

"Things I shouldn't be thinking about."

"Oh really?" That mischievous glint which had so far been absent from his brown eyes reappeared.

Lily gave a strange laugh. "Oh, please." Yet despite her brief amusement, she saw it in his eyes; things could not go on this way.

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

Lily slid into her seat in the Great Hall, slightly out of breath from hurrying to make sure her friends were still present. Their plates appeared almost empty as they glanced up at her, their expressions of curiosity laced with something else. Lily got the strange impression that the air was becoming heavier. She sat down.

"Where have you been?" Selene inquired, speaking out of the left corner of her mouth, while the other corner was occupied with a piece of roll.

"Prefects meeting." Lily mumbled, grabbing the pumpkin juice.

Kirsten was peering at her oddly. Finally, she set down her fork and said, "But the prefects came to dinner about fifteen minutes ago."

Lily looked up at her friends. "Er- well- I had to stay behind with J-Potter and finalize a few things."

Selene swallowed quickly, her face strained. "I thought that was unnecessary- doesn't a prefect majority have the final say on matters?"

"Er- yes." Lily felt her cheeks warming slightly and a warning and she took a long swig of her juice. "But not always."

Kristen frowned, but as Lily was paying more attention to her food, her blonde-haired friend finally ceased staring and looked at her plate instead.

After several moments of deafening silence, Selene cleared her throat and the others glanced up.

"I thought tonight we could take a walk on the grounds before curfew. I wanted to talk to you two about-"

Lily was frowning. "I'm sorry, Selene. I really wish I could, but I have a Heads meeting with Dumbledore this evening."

"Bloody hell." Selene shook her head. "Alright then."

Kristen bit her lip. "But there was another Ausculto girl- I think she was a fifth year- and she was saying that she had a meeting with the headmaster tonight."

Lily glanced at Kristen to find her brown eyes narrowed, thought more in contemplation than anger.

"Well, she's probably going before or after my meeting."

Kristen shrugged. "Perhaps, but-"

Lily felt James's eyes on her and wished that he wouldn't do that now. She was already feeling warm under the scrutiny. "But what?"

Kristen frowned. "Never mind."

Lily was beginning to understand James's earlier frustration, and she almost thought that fighting with her friends might be better than this tension. They weren't unintelligent, and she supposed that it was only a matter of time before something changed...Lily swallowed a large amount of pumpkin juice, feeling it wash down her throat in waves.

She looked at Selene. "I really am sorry, about tonight, I mean."

Selene looked slightly surprised, but she nodded. Kristen offered a small smile at Lily, who returned it, and pushed away from the table and onto her feet.

"I'll see you later, then."

"I hope so," Lily heard Kristen add as she walked away.

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

Lily had thought many times in the past that she was going mad; in fact, it now seemed to be a regular admission. She was serious this time, however. She was positive that her constant feeling of being watched, or of people slowly figuring out what she was doing, meant that she had finally cracked.

She'd been on edge all day. Perhaps it was the influence of her friends altered behavior. They were suspicious of her, that much seemed obvious. But they hadn't figured it out yet; they wouldn't be speaking to her if they had. How long would it take? They weren't stupid, or even close to unobservant. Lily was worried.

She couldn't relax anywhere. She was pretending constantly, and every time she passed by a couple openly holding hands, her mood darkened. Even if she wasn't involved in this fight, or rift, or whatever anyone wanted to label it as, she would have been on edge here. Could nobody else feel it? It was never-ending tension; every time an Ausculto and Cavillor brushed arms it caused drawn breaths. How had she not noticed, at least not this tangibly, in the past?

She shook her head again, knowing she must look crazy to anyone who happened to pass her. I am crazy, she thought as she finally approached the portrait of the musketeers. She whispered the password and cold air pressed against her face as she passed through the opening door. She pushed it shut behind her, and peered around. James was not there yet. There was something she needed to do, needed to tell him.

She walked towards the bookshelf, dropping the bag she had been carrying next to the fire, which burst to life as she tapped it with her wand and an incantation. She peered at the titles and reached up to take her hair out of its ponytail. She meant to put it back up, but left that thought as the door opened.

James stopped and looked at her. He closed the door again before saying, "You weren't waiting long, were you?"

"No, not at all." She ran a hand through her hair, moving towards the couch. The way he stared at her sometimes was unnerving. It was as if he knew her a lot better than he should already. Perhaps he did, and she wasn't sure how that had happened.

He followed her, and sat down on the other end of the couch, still watching her. "You look tense again." He smiled softly.

"I am tense." She groaned. "How are you not tense? I don't understand. Just walking around this castle makes me tense these days."

James shrugged, and scooted closer. Lily thought she should bring up what she had meant to discuss with him, but did not have the heart to do it as he reached a hand out to her. Frowning, she took it, and he pulled her closer.

He smiled. "I promised you we would continue those relaxing sessions."

Lily rolled her eyes. "I don't need-"

But his hands were already on her shoulders, and his fingers felt like heaven. She was aware that her mind was slipping into mushiness, someplace where her personality hated it to go. She didn't care.

"Oh, fine."

"I thought you might say that," he winked at her as she closed her eyes.

"But only for a few moments. We have work we should be doing. And if we cannot manage that, I have work that I should be doing."

"What work?"

"Essays. Things." She waved a hand as if to say, what does it matter?

She felt James shift beneath her, and she cracked one eye open. He was watching her closely, almost in a scrutinizing way. She wondered if he were considering what she had been considering earlier; was this worth it? Was she worth it? She held back a laugh. She would say no to herself, but to him…his eyes searched hers.

"I haven't talked to my friends since this morning."

"But you sat with them at lunch," Lily tried to push herself up, as she had slipped into a mostly horizontal position on his lap, but he thwarted her efforts. She sighed.

"But we didn't talk then."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

James shrugged.

Lily continued. "If it's any consolation, my friends are not treating me like I'm normal either. I think they're more than a little suspicious."

James looked back at her, and she met his eyes. "Why would that be consolation?"

"I don't know."

"I don't know either." His hands resumed their slow massage of her shoulders. "I don't want to think about it right now, either."

"How can you just do that? Let go of things, for a time, I mean. I can't do that."

"I know. That's what I'm trying to teach you, if you wouldn't struggle so much." He winked at her. She felt his fingers skip her bare shoulder, and shivered slightly. How had he gotten the top of her robes unbuttoned without her noticing? She frowned, staring at the pale green shirt she was wearing underneath her heavy robes. James's smugness was almost tangible.

Lily tried to push herself up again, this time halfway succeeding. "We really should get something done. I would have been talking to Selene about whatever she wanted to talk about, if I didn't need to be here doing work."

"Stop that," He pushed her back. "You need to be here doing this."

"Oh really? You think so?"

"I do."

"And you're the expert?"

"At many things." He gave her a half-grin, and she wondered how she had ever hated that grin.

She forfeited her protest for a moment. Instead, she wondered aloud something she had been wondering for some time. "Why do you think Dumbledore has left this entirely up to us? Do you think he's finally lost his marbles?"

"Yes, maybe. But he's brilliant. He always knows what he's doing. Sort of like you."

Lily snorted. "I'm flattered. But honestly, I can't decide what he's trying to go. He wants the groups together, certainly. But he's giving us no clues as to how we should do that. I know he's busy; I understand that. But would it be so difficult to share at least a few ideas with us?"

"Lily, stop thinking about what you have to do, or what's going on. Just stop thinking."

"How enlightening of you. And how do you propose I do that? There's no off switch in my brain."

James scratched his head, grinning down at her. "No, I suppose not. You really can't relax, can you? This is completely pointless."

"Of course." She sat up and his hands slid from her shoulders, where they had been motionless for a couple of minutes. "So can I at least get to work now?" She didn't wait for an answer, instead pushing herself to her feet. James held out a leg and caused her to fall back onto the couch, halfway on top of him.

"No."

She scowled at him, but she was sure her eyes were presenting a more agreeable emotion. He resumed his work on her shoulders, and she slipped into a peaceful state, not feeling much except for the pressure of his hands.

After a time, she opened her eyes carefully. He was looking into the fire, but looked back at her as she spoke. "We don't do this often enough."

He raised an eyebrow. "Give each other massages?"

"No. Talk."

"Oh." He frowned. "How do you suppose we go about doing that more often? It's not as if I can send you casual greetings in the hallway, or even in the mail."

"No, but we…I mean, not that I'm complaining or anything…it just seems like we, er, skip the talking most of the time."

The wrinkling of his forehead conveyed to her that he now understood her meaning. She meant to bring this up when he first came in, but now it seemed more fitting anyway. "You think we're too-"

"Physical, yes." She felt her face heating and sat up.

He laughed and then stopped abruptly. "I'm sorry."

Her face was undoubtedly entirely pink by then. She frowned.

"It's just that…I mean, I understand what you mean. I just…we're always so pressed for time. And you must understand, Lily, that I really like you."

Lily stared at him. That was the closest he had come to saying anything, well, like that. Anything that wasn't a "we should work together." She smiled softly, but was scared all the same. Something like worry washed over her. Was this a good thing, or a bad thing? Sometimes she hated ambiguity.

"I wouldn't be going through all this trouble if I didn't, you know…" He picked up a strand of her auburn hair and pushed it behind her ear.

"Er- I know. I like you as well, James. I really do. I just think we should be less…physical. Just for the time being."

He frowned, but nodded. "You're probably right. We're less likely to be caught if we're only talking, I suppose."

She nodded vaguely, pushing herself away from him slowly. She glanced at the fire, which was dying in front of them. They sat in silence for several moments.

"I should try to make amends with Sirius, I think…" James trailed off, turning to look at her.

Lily nodded carefully. "My friends are probably wondering again."

They stood up, and Lily brushed past him to grab her bag. James touched her arm as she slung it over her shoulder. "I may not be able to meet you until after the prefects meeting on Wednesday."

"I know…I suppose it may be better that way anyway. It might calm some suspicions if I'm not disappearing all the time this week."

James leaned in towards her, and brushed his lips against hers. Her eyes slid shut as she reached a hand around his neck. He was so much taller than her that she had to stretch. There was something in the way he kissed her. It wasn't distress, or anything as terrible as that, but something nonetheless. She ran a finger down his cheek as they pulled away.

"Goodnight, James."

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

When James reached his dorm, he found all three of his friends leaning over Sirius's bed in quiet conversation. James shut the door loudly behind him, causing all three of them to peer over at him.

"Er- hullo." They stared at him. He sighed. "Look guys, I've been a prat. And I'm sorry. I really am."

They continued to stare at him, so James moved closer to where they were standing. Sirius picked up the parchment they had been looking at, and brought it to his chest, eyeing James's movement.

James stopped where he was. "What do I have to do to get you to trust me again?"

Sirius stared at him for another long moment, until his face suddenly broke into a grin. "I thought you'd never ask."

James grinned back warily. "Well I'm asking now."

"Good. You can help us with this prank."

"The one I wouldn't agree to yesterday?"

"Yes, that's right. The sure-death one."

James took a step closer, and Sirius finally dropped the parchment back onto his bed. James noticed a small diagram in the center and frowned in confusion. "Mm. Is there any way it won't be sure-death?"

"If you help us, then yes, it's possible."

James paused, wondering if he should agree. Was it worth it? He looked around at his friends, and realized that he really had been neglecting them, after all these years together. Finally, he nodded. "Okay, I'll do it."

"Good. Now, we've got the song written. The only reason we're most likely going to be caught is that it's going to be our voices singing the song, only coming out of their mouths…do you see what I'm saying?"
James shook his head. "No. Not really."

"Right…" Sirius scratched his head. "We can use this incantation to make this song come out of their mouths, you see, but I've got it all wrong and I can't figure out how to fix it. So the only way I figured it would work is if we sung it beforehand, and then used the spell to make them sing it…it's complicated, you see."

"You're mad, Padfoot."

"Yes, I know. Now help me figure out how to fix it, or give in to detention."

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

Lily returned to her room to find her friends sitting on Selene's bed, eating chocolates. They glanced up as she came through the door, and Kristen smiled briefly.

"Hi." Lily walked over and sat on Kristen's bed, facing them. "I'm sorry about earlier."

Selene shrugged. "It's alright. Kristen helped me out." Selene smiled at their blonde-haired friend, who smiled back. Lily had the distinct feeling that she had missed something, and there was no way to gain it back. Although they did not seem angry with her, she felt a sinking feeling anyway. Now she was not only lying, but missing out on helping her friends with their problems. Lily wondered at what point friendship faded, once someone neglected acting like a friend. She smiled sadly and then noticed that they were watching her.

"Are you okay, Lily?"

"Er- yeah. I'll be fine."

"What did Dumbledore want?"

"Huh?" Lily suddenly remembered her lie. "Oh, he just wanted to ask me for a few other things."

"He's been asking for a lot lately, it seems." Kristen seemed to be suggesting that it was maybe too much, at times.

"Yes, but- he is busy. With the war and all."

Selene nodded and Kristen relented. "I suppose."

After a short silence, Selene cleared her throat. "So, tomorrow night, let's go sit by the lake like we used to."

"But it's already getting cold at night." Kristen didn't seem to care much, by her tone of voice.

"So? We'll take blankets."

Lily laughed. "Okay."

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

James chewed on his lip as he considered what he had agreed to a few days ago. They had been unable to fix the incantation, and Sirius had insisted that they do it anyway. Who cared about detention? James wished he had protested then, but something held him back. He had already tried that, and he didn't really want Sirius angry with him again. It was only one detention, most likely. Not a big deal. He owed this to his friends, even if it was going to get him into trouble with McGonagall. He hadn't been meeting with Lily this week anyway.

His thoughts turned to her and his eyes wandered across the Great Hall as they tended to do. He saw her sitting with her friends, laughing over the apple she was holding in her hand. She reached a hand up and pushed her long hair over her shoulder. He had understood her protest of them being "too physical," and he even agreed to a certain extent. To a certain extent. He missed it, now. He hadn't even realized that she had a certain smell to her, or a certain way that she touched him, not until he now found himself missing all of these things. He shook his head, grumbling under his breath. He was going crazy, and it was a good thing she appeared to be completely normal. At least one of them was able to manage that.

James glanced over at his best friend as he leaned over the table to grab another piece of toast, humming to himself. Sirius looked over at James and winked.

"Any moment now."

They both turned and watched as Snape and Malfoy took their seats at the Slytherin table. Sirius let out a breath and dropped his half-eaten toast. He retrieved his wand from inside his robes, tipped an imaginary hat towards the other Marauders, and began walking towards the Slytherin table. James watched carefully as Sirius slipped unnoticed right past Snape and Malfoy, paused behind them, and then turned back towards their table. As he was walking back, a confused looking Malfoy cleared his throat. He stood up and loudly announced,

"My assistant, Severus Snape, and I have a presentation." He held his hand out to Snape, who took it, almost gallantly, and the two of them climbed onto the Slytherin table, kicking a few plates out of the way, including Macnair's, who looked rather angry about this.

Snape cleared his throat and began the song. Malfoy began to do a little jig. Nobody seemed to notice Sirius slipping back into his own seat, because the entire Hall was staring at the two Slytherins in a mixture of confusion and amusement.

Both boys had started a sort of Irish jig by then, and their voices, or rather the voices of the Marauders, rang out from their mouths across the Hall. "I love Muggles, yes I doo…."

"They're soo fun, I wish I were too."

The Slytherins appeared horrified, and as the song finally finished, the two boys dancing atop the table stopped abruptly. Malfoy rubbed his head, and Snape peered around in confusion. Suddenly, they both looked horrified. Snape turned slightly green, and Malfoy was rather pink with anger. He pushed Snape off the table and climbed down into his seat himself, glaring around at everyone who had been staring, as they were now laughing.

The Marauders were stuffing food into their mouths to keep from laughing, but in Sirius's case, this mostly caused him to choke loudly. James was surprised to find that once the laughter died down and everyone resumed eating as normal, he did not hear his name or any of his friends' names announced in angry voices.

Once they finally left the Great Hall, James was feeling rather proud at having gotten away with another prank when he was stopped by a commanding voice just outside the Great Hall. He felt Peter run into his back as he hastily stopped.

"Potter! Black!" McGonagall stood just to their left. "You as well, Pettigrew! And I thought you had better sense, Lupin."

They approached her carefully, and James frowned.

"Detention," she said calmly. "Tonight at seven o'clock."

James opened his mouth. "But today is Wednesday! I have-"

"You should have thought about that earlier, Potter. You're supposed to be Head Boy, but clearly you don't have enough sense for such a title. Well? Report to my office at seven, all of you!"

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

Lily gazed out at the prefects who were staring at her. She knew that they wanted to leave as much as she did, and were probably very frustrated by now. She cursed again, glancing at the door. Where was James? And then it dawned on her – that damn prank. The prank that was definitely not worth all that trouble, in her opinion. No doubt he was in detention. She scowled and turned back to the prefects.

"Well, seeing as how James Potter is highly inept at everything, we're going to begin without him."

Lily wasn't sure why it made her so angry. Perhaps it was his lack of insight. He knew about the meeting tonight, she was sure about it. But she didn't even care about this blasted meeting. She was sure that nobody truly did. It was something else. Something more personal.

"How is the progress on the Halloween Feast?" She questioned the two Cavillor boys who James had chosen to cover the project.

They scowled at her. "We'll let James know when we see him."

Lily groaned in frustration. "Yes, do that. And when you see him, tell him he's useless."

She grabbed the nearest parchment to her, and began to address issues she really didn't care for. Patrolling. Cleaning of the grounds. Deducted house points. The entire time her mind was occupied with something else, which would not be so frustrating, if she actually knew why it irritated her so much that James was not here.

He had been very distant all week, but she hadn't really cared, because after all, she had asked that of him…oh. She had asked him to be less physical. And now he was showing neglect for scheduled meeting times with her. Because it wasn't the prefects' meeting that she cared about. It was the meeting with James afterwards. Not the Cavillor, the Head Boy she was supposed to hate, but James. Perhaps he had been rethinking all of this. She couldn't really blame him. She couldn't expect him to care about her beyond what was fun. How could she have been so stupid?

You're being melodramatic, Lily, so just stop it. She groaned internally. Now she was angry with herself. This was a sure sign of insanity.

She cleared her mind and finished the meeting normally, making sure to schedule one for the following week before dismissing the students. She gathered all of the papers on the desk and rolled the extra parchment carefully. She supposed that if James did not care much about meeting her, she could forget to care as well.

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

James was positive that Lily was avoiding him. Every time he came remotely close to her, close enough to pull her into a broom closet or even to slip a note unnoticed into her robe pocket, she would find a diversion. He wanted to stop her and apologize for missing the prefects' meeting, but she was being entirely evasive. James was not sure whether it bothered him more that he could not talk to her or that the only reason he couldn't was because she wouldn't let it happen. Either way, he was sick of it.

He knew that she would be in the library; they had a huge essay due in Defense Against the Dark Arts the next day. Truthfully, he probably should have been in the library as well. He grabbed a few books with the half-hearted intention of actually using them, and made his way down the stairs. As he approached the library, he drew in a breath. He gazed around, and didn't spot her for a few moments. When he did, he noticed that she was alone at a table. He walked over slowly, and saw that she was getting up. He stopped, watching her wander over to an adjacent bookshelf. He dropped his things onto the table and followed her.

Lily whipped around, as if she felt him approaching, and her eyes narrowed. "Why are you here?"

She was making no effort to be quiet, and so James followed her example. "Because we need to talk. You've been avoiding me." She stepped around him, walking back towards the table. She glanced around as she walked; apparently satisfied that nobody was listening.

"Oh really?" She hissed. "Have I?"

He stopped and stared at her. He felt as if he was being watched, but he glanced around and there were no eyes intent on him, so he continued. "Yes, you have."

"Well, my mistake." She seated herself at the table, opening a book and holding the page while she gathered a bit of parchment. "I have some work that needs to be done, so if you could just find your own table."

James grunted and sat down across from her. Quietly, he asked, "Why?"

"Why what?" She returned, less quietly.

He gave up on discretion. "I'm sorry, Lily. It was stupid, I know that. But I told you, my friends have been angry with me, and I thought-"

"No, you didn't. You didn't think." She paused, dropping the quill she had been holding tightly. James noticed the imprint on her palm. "That's just it- you didn't think. I thought we were friends, James. I thought we were working together on this. You know- that's not even what bothers me. I don't care about the bloody prefects' meeting. Miss ten of those, for all you want."

James, now thoroughly confused at this anger that seemed to be completely focused on him, watched as something passed over her face and she pressed her lips together. She stood up suddenly, gathering her things.

"If you're not angry about my missing the meeting, then what-"

She lowered her voice. "Are you that daft, James?" He stared at her, and she shook her head. Her hand was turning white from gripping her books so tightly. "I thought you cared about me, James. But, as is becoming a theme lately, I was wrong." She lowered her eyes and began to walk away.

"Wait." James called softly, hoping that they had not attracted any attention to themselves, although the library seemed suspiciously empty. Lily paused. "I do care, I mean, I don't really know what-"

"Yes, exactly." She continued without turning around, "It doesn't matter, Potter. I'll do it all myself. You can have all the time you want with your friends from now on. Enjoy the detentions." She walked away this time, and James was at a loss. He wasn't completely sure what had just happened. She had never cared so much about him getting detention in the past, and she just said that she didn't care about the prefects' meeting, so what…? He shook his head. He had told her he cared about her, had she gone completely mad overnight? What could make her think that he suddenly didn't care at all? Unless…James tried to gather everything he knew about women into his head at once. He paused. And then he understood. Cursing under his breath, he grabbed his things and hurried from the library, running a hand through his hair, which was falling all over the place.

A few paces from where he had been standing, behind a bookshelf, Selene and Kristen slowly lowered the books they had been peering over.

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

A/N: I haven't really been in much of a mood to write, if you know what I mean. That sounds rather arrogant, and I'm sorry. But I'm sure at least some of you know what I mean. Not writers block exactly, but something. That's not my whole excuse, that's only my excuse for not updating as soon as I returned from Spain on the 17th…and the past week I've been using most of my writing energy to write letters to my boyfriend. Actually, you can blame him for the lack of updating after graduation, those few days before I left for Spain ;) I spent that time with him, because he's gone all summer (in Oklahoma, of all places. I didn't think his ROTC scholarship would be so demanding lol) and he comes back about two weeks before I move ten hours away…and in my opinion, that goodbye will be more final. I don't think the long-distance thing will work out, for either of us. It's best to just say goodbye, at least for the year. We'll see what happens.

In any case, I am back from my three weeks out of the country, and although I will be getting on another plane to New York tomorrow, I'll be back again in a week. My friend is freaking out about moving to Boston, so after our few days in New York, we'll be moving her into her dorm there lol. So there's no way the next update is going to take a month or more, don't worry. I'm home for the rest of the summer, working…

I hope you don't all hate me yet ;) There's plenty of time for that later. And I still love you, for bothering to read.

Catchthesky- Lol. A Levent Hate Club. Well, continue with that, because that part of that plot won't be changed. Sorry, I have to do that. Wow. Has it really been two years? That's so long. And I thank you for being so patient with me (even if you haven't been lol). I think updates should be rather regular after this. I wasn't planning on all of the drama that came with the end of school, and I meant to update before I left the country for three weeks, but that didn't happen either. Anyway, thank you for everything, and for the good luck. As for my other stories- I really would like to say that I'm going to finish all of them. This one was my first priority, however. Once I'm finished with this, I'll consider trying to finish the others, because I really did enjoy writing them, I just started too many things at once. Thanks again ;)

Helen- Umm, yes. No quick update, and I'm sorry on that. But I am glad that you liked the story, what? Three months ago? Lol, if you ever make it back here, I hope this chapter hasn't disappointed you too much.

Hailee- Yes, snogging is always fun, isn't it? Lol. I'm sure your stories are not so bad as to warrant deleting them completely. I know what you mean, though. There have been a lot of things I should just delete, but I'm stubborn, and the fact that they took me forever keeps me from doing so. Thank for your review so long ago, and thanks for coming back (you must have, if you're reading this).

Gileadgrrl13- I am happy that you liked the story a long time ago, and I don't really expect you to be reading this right now, but if you are, I thank you ;)

-Emily