Chapter Thirteen - Momentary Repose
"Why are you following me?" Selene glared at Sirius, and refused to show any offense at the glower he sent back. Light from the rising sun flooded in through the windows dotting the side of this corridor; the weather appeared to be in a much better mood than the two teenagers.
"In case you've forgotten, my common room happens to be in the same place as yours," he replied with nothing short of a scowl.
"I was attempting to forget, thanks very much."
"Don't thank me. I don't want any gratitude from you."
She spun around to face him. "Would you rather have a bloody nose from me?"
"Oh, so you did enjoy spending the night in the hospital wing with me? I thought so. Ready for another go?"
"You idiot. You would be going back to the hospital wing. I never said I would be hurting myself, and how else would I be injured?"
He opened his mouth to respond, but no sound came out. He was staring down at the step below him. "Isn't that Remus's shoe?" He looked confused.
Selene spun around, a deep frown etched into her face. "What the bloody hell are you-" She yelped suddenly.
Sirius, having leaned too far forward to examine the shoe, toppled over his feet, but not before grabbing hold of one of Selene's arms and accidentally dragging her with him. They tumbled down the stairs and landed with loud noises of discomfort, right on top of one another. Selene looked up at Sirius, who was peering down at her with an expression of complete shock. She wiggled slightly, feeling her breath leave her swiftly.
"Black," she managed to gasp, "get the fuck off me, you prat."
"Right…" Sirius rolled off, landing beside her with a small thump.
She peered at him incredulously, and then gave him a great shove. "What the bloody hell was that?"
"I…" He climbed to his feet, shaking his head. "Oops."
Selene brushed herself off and ran a hand through her long black hair. "You bloody idiot! If you're going to fall down the stairs, do it on your own! Or do you need help even with that?"
He blinked at her, and then remembered to scowl as he shifted his feet. "No," he grumbled.
She let out an exasperated sigh and took off up the stairs, leaving Sirius to again stare at Remus's shoe. He grinned, wondering exactly what sort of circumstances might have prompted his friend to forget a shoe.
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James had an ill feeling in the pit of his stomach when he woke up that morning. It was worse than usual; certainly not hunger. He wasn't sure why until the whole predicament came tumbling back into his head. Friends…angry…Malfoy…Slytherins… He glanced around, seeing that Remus was still asleep and Sirius was not present. Vaguely wondering if his friend was dead, or injured again at the least, he groaned softly and threw his covers off.
He hobbled over to where a messy stack of clothes resided and pulled out a few articles which looked clean. While pulling on his shirt, a very disgruntled Sirius, holding a shoe, threw the door open. James glanced at him quickly, and then did a double take.
Forgetting that his friend was very angry with him, he inquired, "Why do you have Moony's shoe?"
Whether from direct animosity or from whatever fury was left over from Selene, Sirius glared at James. "It was in the stairs. I fished it out. Thought maybe someone else could tell me why it was there."
James shrugged. "Beats me."
"Yeah, I figured as much." Sirius looked away, ignoring him and seeming to remember why. "Why don't you go find your favorite new non-enemy?"
"I-" James frowned. "That's not fair! You never even really gave us a chance to explain."
"Now it's an us, is it? Us? Disgusting! And what chance do you need? Betrayal isn't exactly an explainable event."
"If you weren't so dim, you might realize that you're wrong about the whole thing!"
"Dim? Why don't you team up with Selene, she seems to agree with you," his lip curled at the thought of her, "I'll remind you both that I'm in the top five of the year."
"A lot of good that's done you. You have no common sense."
"Whatever. I'm not in the mood for this." Sirius threw himself onto his bed and pulled the curtains shut with a decisive swish.
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Lily, meanwhile, lay in her bed with closed eyes, mostly awake. She dimly heard Kristen and Selene talking. Or rather, Selene was fuming, and Kristen was lending her ear. Their voices slipped in and out of her sleepy focus, until she felt consciousness grip her completely.
"And he's such an ass!" Selene finished, letting out a loud and irritated breath.
Kristen replied softly, "I was hoping you were alright when I saw that you weren't back last night…can't believe McGonagall made you stay there."
Selene grumbled something Lily could not hear. She opened one eye carefully, not wanting to let on that she was awake quite yet; she wasn't ready to do battle. She saw Selene standing in front of Kristen, who was sitting on the edge of her bed, looking wary and twirling a strand of dark blonde hair around her finger.
"So how did your detention go?"
Kristen opened her mouth to respond, but Selene didn't even seem to realize that she was talking to someone else; she went on rambling. "I bet yours was just as bad. At least you got out uninjured. I bet he said something about Auscultos and their inferiority, right? Did you tell him off?"
Kristen's eyes were intent on the floor, deep in thought, and she looked a bit embarrassed over something. Suddenly she realized that she had been asked a question, and was expected to answer. "Oh, right. Of course."
"I thought so…" Selene was staring at the wall, also lost in her own thoughts, which mostly consisted of "that prat Cavillor".
Lily finally decided that she couldn't lie there forever and eavesdrop. Eavesdrop? These people are your friends! Were they? You know them better than anyone. You'll make up…She couldn't help but feel uneasy about the whole thing. She climbed out of bed and stretched, drawing attention to herself.
Her friends instantly looked up at her. Selene's face turned a bit pink, but she did not appear to be as angry as the day before, at least not with Lily, and that seemed to be a good thing…Kristen did not avert her gaze for a several long moments. She watched Lily with a mostly serene expression; her head tilted to one side as it usually was when she was thinking.
Trying not to overanalyze the situation, Lily dressed quickly, wanting to get out of this uncomfortable situation in her dorm. Deciding to eat a quick breakfast alone, she brushed past her friends, who were now silent, and descended the stairs.
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Lily was on edge all day. She continued to tell herself that she was not afraid of Lucius Malfoy, but on the other hand, she couldn't pretend to not worry about what he was capable of. He may not know their whole secret; she and James and their…attraction. But he had seen them together, and they had not refuted his claims. There was no possible way that Malfoy would not utilize this information in some form or manner that would prove detrimental to Lily and James.
Lily shrugged, loosening her grip slightly on the books in her arms. She had spent a rather unsuccessful few hours in the library. Her hopes of returning to a somewhat peaceful state of mind, at least long enough for her to complete her schoolwork, were mostly splintered by the appearance of Snape and Malfoy at a bookshelf near the table she had been using.
Lily bit the end of her quill and groaned internally. There was nothing quite as frustrating as forgetting what you were writing halfway through a sentence. This essay was not turning out to be one of her best.
She bent with the intention of rummaging through her bag for more parchment, and froze instead.
"Oh, it's not only that, and you know it…"
She knew that voice, that icy and self-important tone. Malfoy was sneaking around the library, and from what she could determine, he was not alone. Lily forgot what she had been looking for and instead straightened in her seat and pretended to be absorbed in rereading what she had written.
"You've always found Evans attractive, dare I say it? I hope this isn't another pathetic attempt to rid yourself of that…inclination."
"I do not find that mudblood worth any attention, Snape. And it's better that you remember that fact. I would not fuck her if my life depended on it."
Snape raised a greasy eyebrow. "Well, Lucius, just what is your plan then?"
"Plans…I have a couple. One has already been set into motion, thanks to Macnair's contributions…no need to worry. They shall be receiving an undue greeting in only a few hours time. The next plan, however, is not so simple…you do know of Levent Hedley, do you not?"
"Yes, Malfoy, but what does that have to do with- Oh."
Lily's attention was brought back to her present circumstances as she stumbled into a sixth year Ausculto coming through out the portrait hole as she tried to go in.
"Er- sorry-"
The girl shrugged. "It's Lizzy. Don't worry, Lily. I'm just glad it was you and not a Cavillor." Lily watched the girl with curious green eyes. "Have a good day, Lily!" The younger girl skipped off down the corridor.
Lily's head snapped back around, and this time she did succeed in entering the portrait hole. She nodded to herself; well then, Malfoy hadn't told anyone yet. She wouldn't be receiving well-wishes otherwise. She glanced about the common room as she passed through, recognizing people, but seeing none of her former friends or present enemies. Nobody spared a glance for the Head Girl, and a slight sense of relief stole over her body.
She paid no attention to her surroundings as she ascended the stairs and finally entered her dorm room. It was empty, to her delight. She didn't have the energy to be arguing with Kristen and Selene right then, not when so many different ideas were running through her brain. What had Snape and Malfoy been talking about?
She tumbled onto her bed, her face hitting the pillow and books scattering someplace over the foot of her bed. She wasn't sure how much longer she could stand this. And yet, she didn't suppose she had any choice. A meeting…that was what they had decided on. Some sort of meeting, a scheduled time during which she and James would reveal their thoughts regarding the groups and this argument which had boiled over into something quite different. Lily laughed out loud, the sound muffled somewhat by the pillow beneath her. Nobody was going to listen to them.
"Pray tell, what's so funny?" Selene slammed the door behind her, and Lily twisted her head to meet her friend's blue eyes.
Kristen stood idly near the foot of Lily's bed, peering at the bedpost with pursed lips.
"Are we speaking again? Because in that case, I would be glad to tell you." Lily flipped over, letting her legs dangle over the side of the bed and her feet hit the floor.
Selene pushed her long hair over her shoulder. She gave Lily a mirthless smile. "Speaking is such a comfortable word…conversing, perhaps? One certainly doesn't have to be on friendly terms to converse."
Lily shook her head, somewhat sadly and somewhat irritated. "If you gave me a chance, I'm sure you would realize how far your head is up your ass."
Kristen let out a loud breath and dropped her hand from Lily's bedpost, turning to look at Selene.
Selene's mouth tightened, her eyes intent upon Lily's. A long moment passed, neither girl looking away. Selene sneered suddenly. "If that's what you think," she said slowly, "there's no need for us to even converse anymore."
Lily felt something like defeat wash over her. Her green eyes dropped to her bed, and she glanced at her books lying there. She shook her head, taking a deep breath. Without a word, she slid off her bed and walked towards the door, shutting it softly behind her. She paused a minute, hearing the muffled voices of her two friends.
She was tired of arguing. If they were going to act like children, she would just let them. She would probably never stop hoping that they could forgive her, or gain some sense, but it was time that she stopped appearing to care. If she knew Selene at all, arguing with her would never convince her to do anything except continue fighting.
Lily didn't even notice the third year Ausculto who was attempting to get her attention as she exited the portrait hole. She figured she should go to the one room where she knew she could relax; the Head's common room. She was mistaken, which had been happening more often than not lately.
She arrived at the portrait of the Three Musketeers to find them entirely alert, which was not altogether out of place. They bowed her into the room and she was stopped short by something solid.
"Umph," Lily frowned, taking a step back and blinking, only to find that there were arms around her waist. She glanced up, her mouth melting into an awkward smile. "Er- hello James."
"Hello." He dropped his arms and stepped back, and she sighed.
"I was just…leaving."
"Well, I didn't think you were just standing in front of the door for no reason…" She raised an eyebrow teasingly, but saw that he was moving around her. She grabbed his arm. "Don't leave."
He looked at her. "What?"
"Please? I'm having a bad day."
James smirked. "And I'm not?"
"Exactly…you're the only person I can talk to right now, James." She finally let go of his arm, seeing that he was staring at the hand she had left lingering there. "So stay."
He offered her a half-smile. "Okay."
Lily pursed her lips and made for the couch, sitting gingerly on the edge. James dropped himself beside her, spreading his legs out. "So."
Lily glanced over at him, at the firelight across his face, and she shrugged. "So?"
"You're the one who had such a bad day, so let's hear about it."
She leaned back against the couch, letting her hair trail over the back and into her face. "Actually, I'd rather not. I've had enough thinking about it to last me forever."
James let out a breath. "Yeah, me too…"
She turned to face him, drawing her legs up onto the couch and tucking them beneath her. "Why do you think Malfoy has been keeping this to himself?"
"Effect?"
Lily shrugged. "I just think he must have some purpose. But I think he has more planned than we bargained for, and I just don't want-"
She suddenly felt his fingers on hers. She twisted her hand, allowing him to fit his hand through hers.
"What?" He asked.
Lily shook her head. "Nothing." She glanced into the fire to keep from turning red herself. Blushing had not been such a problem for her the past couple of months with James, but now that she was suppressing things, it seemed that her skin had a sense of inconvenient humor.
When she looked back, James was watching her. "Don't worry about Malfoy."
"Oh really? Why?"
"Because it's not worth it. You'll drive yourself mad."
"Hmm. I'm mad already." She leaned her head against the couch, still facing him, feeling the pressure of his hand in hers.
"No, I don't think so." He brushed her hair back from her eyes. "Well, maybe sometimes. But I like that about you."
She smiled at him, suddenly a bit sleepy. He leaned forward slightly, placing his other hand on top of her knee. Lily's drooping eyes shot open, and she carefully untangled her hand from his, causing both of his hands to return to his lap.
She flinched when she saw his surprised look. "It's just…I don't think we should…"
"It's just hand-holding, Lily. And we're in a pretty secure room…"
"I know." She accepted his hand as he threaded it through hers again, their thumbs bumping together. "Now, we are. But holding hands just makes me…it just reminds me that I want more."
James smirked. "How much more are we talking about?"
She swatted his hand, blushing slightly as she turned her attention back to the fire. "It's just…I have so much trouble lying. I can't do things in here, and then do them differently out there. Besides, this room isn't so secure when it comes to our friends…"
"Who have already seen us together. And you've been acting this whole time."
"Adding a romantic variable into this equation makes that acting slightly more difficult…"
"Oh, so you do think I'm romantic then?" He grinned toothily.
Lily made a frustrated noise, but smiled nonetheless. "You have to make everything a joke, don't you?"
"Hey, it's how I get through life."
"If you want a chance here, I wouldn't be asking me whether or not I find you romantic."
"Should I show you then?"
Lily blinked. She had never wanted anything so much so suddenly. "Er-"
James grinned at her, leaning closer again.
She shook her head, scooting back. "No no…I don't think that's…such a good idea." She felt her whole body telling her otherwise and she frowned.
He sighed. "Maybe later?"
"Definitely later," she replied a little too quickly, brushing a strand of auburn hair out of her face. "If you and your romantic tendencies will wait that long."
"Well if you don't stop giving me reasons to wait, then I'm not going to have a choice."
Lily smiled. "Hey, I can't help it if you're attracted to my madness."
"That I am."
She glanced at their entwined hands and squeezed his carefully. "We should probably be getting back."
"Why? So that both of our groups of friends can yell and argue with us all night?"
"No. I think I've decided that I'll employ silence from now on. I'm just not going to respond."
"Well, good for you," James stretched, offering her a hand.
She allowed him to pull her off the couch, and they found themselves close together.
"Right," she said, stepping back. "Let's go then."
James was silent beside her on the way back to Gryffindor tower, which was just as well, because they had already been caught talking once, and that had met them with an icy Slytherin. Lily felt a chill travel down her body as they approached, and she glanced over at James, suddenly sad. She had spent the last hour forgetting why she had been in such a bad mood, and now here they were, re-entering that world.
Lily felt something else entirely as she stepped through the portrait hole behind James, only to find everyone in the room turning to stare at them, emotions scattered and all apparently negative. She felt like a deer caught in the headlights, and was entirely startled when a voice rang out from their left, filling the room with its accusation.
"There they are, the traitors!"
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A/N: Right, well, I'll be posting the next part soon. My mouth is finally starting to recover from its lack of wisdom teeth, so I don't have to take medication that knocks me out anymore, thus I can write without falling asleep…hope you're all doing well :)
GoddessoftheMaaN- I've always liked McGonagall, myself :) Thanks once again, for sticking with the story.
Mila- Yes, Malfoy is back. He'll be back from time to time. Or continuously, depending on how you look at it. Lily and James are torturing themselves, but as for hiding everything, well that didn't turn out so well, did it? Thank you for reading :)
Helen- I love them together too. But I can't resist torturing them, or at least creating drama, either, so it's kind of an issue there…well they have to get back together sometime, don't they? Thank you again.
Shadyday9- Yes, question answered then. Partly, anyway. As for who I was talking about, you'll just have to see. It should be pretty clear soon, though, no worries. Thank you!
-Emily