Chapter Nineteen - Runaway Reason

Lily walked briskly down the corridor, watching James out of the corner of her eye. She was neither stupid nor ignorant, and she knew that there was a reason behind his walking her everywhere lately. Although his jealousy was flattering at times, it could also be very irritating. Today, it was very much the latter.

She let out a breath of frustration, brushing a stray strand of auburn hair from her eyes. "Levent isn't here, so stop looking around every corner."

James's head snapped towards her. "What? Why would I be looking for him?"

Lily narrowed her eyes and turned away, deciding that it wasn't worth the effort. James peered into the nearby shadows and almost failed to notice when Lily turned into a classroom. It was McGonagall's room, to be precise. Lily had of course asked permission from the Transfiguration professor; they needed a new place to meet because she didn't feel comfortable showing the Heads room to anybody else. In fact, Lily was coming to regard the common room she shared with James as something very private; the squishy couch had proved to be a very comfortable snogging backdrop.

She walked through the doorway, James right behind her. Lily felt Levent enter a moment after them, and noticed that James tensed beside her. She smiled hesitantly at Levent, who grinned back at her and took a seat.

Kristen and Remus were already there, talking and sending small smiles towards one another; Kristen's cheeks were slightly flushed. Clover Sindri and Astor Linford had also already arrived and were both sitting alone, not saying a word. Peter was in the hospital wing, as he had fallen into the lake earlier that week and consequently obtained a rather severe cold.

Clover had braided her shoulder-length brown hair and was gazing around in earnest. She straightened in her seat when she saw Lily enter.

"Hello," Lily greeted them pleasantly, tearing her eyes away from Levent's face as she realized that everyone was watching her. "James and I called this meeting because we wanted everyone to meet Clover and Astor, but we should also think about the masquerade ball, because Dumbledore has handed full responsibility to us, so-"

She cut off as Selene tumbled through the door, her face bright red and breathing labored. "Sorry- forgot – had to run." She slipped into a chair, still trying to catch her breath. "Where's Sirius?" She gazed around the room with a puzzled expression.

"Dunno," James answered, "I haven't seen him since our last class."

"Oh, well…" Selene glanced at Lily and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry – did I miss much?"

"We just started, don't worry about it." Lily cleared her throat. "Anyway, this is Clover," she gestured towards the girl, who smiled and waved.

Her hazel eyes sparkled as she said, "I'm in Ravenclaw, by the way. And in fifth year, so I'm willing to bet that I'm the youngest one here."

The boy, who had sharp and bright blue eyes, spoke up for himself. "I'm Astor, a Hufflepuff in sixth year. I'm still getting used to the idea, but I think that you have a good cause here, I very much agree with the plan to unite the groups." He ran a hand over his blonde hair, gazing firmly at them, almost like a hawk.

Kristen smiled at the two of them. "Well I'm glad someone finally decided to help us."

Levent, who had been looking at the two newcomers with scrutiny, turned to Kristen in surprise, but he didn't say anything. Remus watched her with eyes full of admiration; apparently he was not terribly fond of Levent either, even if the Slytherin was completely innocent.

"Right," said Lily, interrupting the silence. "About the masquerade…is everyone okay with the idea?"

"Of course," Remus answered, "it's brilliant. I wonder why we didn't think of it before."

Kristen nodded. "It'll be interesting to see if everyone can tell the groups apart."

"Do you think we should post a sheet about rules for the ball and everything?" Astor inquired.

"That's probably a good idea," Clover replied thoughtfully, "because otherwise students may try to wear things that will give their group away."

"Yeah." Astor was still reluctant to gaze fully at Clover, so he directed his attention towards Lily and James, who were standing at the head of the classroom. "What do you think?"

James had been in his own little world for the past few minutes and he mentally shook himself, "Oh- right. Yes, I think that's a good idea."

Lily gave him a pointed look, as he was already back to glaring at Levent. She sighed, "Well, we also have to work out all the small details – decorations, music…"

Selene averted her eyes from where she had been staring at the door. "Don't you think we should have everyone switch partners? That way it would move more quickly and nobody can stop to figure out who they're dancing with and what group they're in."

"Yes, that makes sense," Kristen nodded, "But what about us?"

"Well, we won't know each other either," all eyes turned back to Lily, who grinned mischievously. "It's more fun that way."

Selene nodded absently, her eyes wandering back towards the door. James was gazing at Lily again with a frown creasing his forehead, but she didn't notice. "Er-" He shifted in discomfort, and then turned his attention to Remus and Kristen. "How's that book coming along?"

"Great," Remus said, a little too quickly. A small smile had curved onto Kristen's lips, and she nodded her agreement.

"We won't have it finished by Christmas, but we're working on it."

Selene laughed loudly, almost suggestively. "I'm sure you are." But her eyes did not leave the door, and after a moment's pause, she blurted out, "Where is that ruddy boy?"

"What?" Lily looked confused, while James suddenly grinned.

"Sirius Black!" Selene answered, "I specifically told him to meet me here, where the hell is he?"

"Oh, this should be good," James mumbled as Selene got out of her chair.

"Is there anything else we need to do today?"

Lily blinked, "No, I suppose not. Why?"

"I'm going to give him what-for, if you'll excuse me." Her expression was almost feral as she smirked and quickly left the room, her dark robes billowing behind her.

"He's going to get hell when she finds him," Remus commented thoughtfully.

"Yeah, and I'd almost pay to see it." James's grin widened, and Lily smacked him on the arm. "Hey, he's the one who decided to be friends with her."

"She probably would have made that decision for him, if he hadn't done it."

"Good point," James nodded.

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Kristen sat on her bed, dark blonde hair pulled back from her face and chocolate eyes staring at the parchment in her lap. She was hardly getting anything done, the way her mind was wandering. It seemed that everything, even the curtain around her bed, was more interesting than the essay she was attempting to write. Her mind was ultimately preoccupied with one subject; she tried to shove her doubts away, but they kept coming to the surface nonetheless.

Selene threw the door open with an expression of displeasure and almost stomped over to her bed, which she promptly threw herself onto, face down.

Kristen bit back a grin as she observed her raven-haired friend. "What happened?"

"I can't find that prat anywhere! He's managed to avoid me so far, but he's just making it worse for himself, because he can't hide forever!"

"Did you check in the boys' dorm?"

"Yes! But Lupin was the only one there, and he just laughed at me."

Kristen visibly sobered at the mention of Remus's name, and Selene noticed, as preoccupied as she seemed. She sat up on her bed and fixed her dark blue eyes on her friend. "What's up?"

Kristen opened her mouth to reply that nothing was wrong, but then she realized that she was once again chewing on her quill. She took it from her mouth and sighed. "I dunno…"

"Come on, you know you can tell me anything."

"Well – it's just that the Hogsmeade visit is next weekend – one week from tomorrow."

"So?"

"Remus asked me to go with him…"

A strange look of confusion emerged on the dark-haired girl's face, and then quickly transformed into a very large grin. "Ah, now I see."

"Don't look at me like that," Kristen mumbled, her cheeks turning a darker shade of pink. "I hate it when you smirk that way."

Selene shrugged nonchalantly. "I really don't think you have anything to worry about, Kristen, the boy is smitten with you."

"No, he's just – polite. I don't know if he even likes me."

"Are you kidding, of course he does! And if you're nervous about it, I'll help you get ready. You've been on a date before."

Kristen frowned, "Well, yes, but I – I really like Remus. And I haven't had nearly as many dates as you." She glared at Selene, seeing that the girl was grinning that way again. "Why should I take advice from you, anyway? You go through relationships like fads."

Selene became indignant. "Says the girls who…who…oh damn, I have no idea," she grinned. "But that doesn't mean that I don't know what I'm talking about."

"Whatever you say," Kristen waved a hand dismissively and turned back to the parchment in her lap. "If you're finished trying to find Black, you could help me with this essay."

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Lily awoke the next morning in a good mood; it was Saturday. She and James made their way to the Great Hall for breakfast, and Lily was surprised to see that it had snowed quite a bit overnight. The days were getting much colder now, but in her heap of schoolwork, Lily had not given much thought to the approach of winter. After all, Christmas was not so far away now, nor was the masquerade ball.

She was trying to forget her earlier annoyance with James, because she wanted this to be a good day, so she smiled broadly at him when they walked to a table together. He looked startled by this, but his lips melted into a lopsided grin. Selene and Kristen were already at the table, sitting across from each other. Remus was sitting next to Kristen, and Lily and James took seats next to them.

Selene's eyes darted around crazily, and Lily watched her with a bemused expression. "What's up with her?" She whispered to Kristen.

"Oh, she's been doing that since we woke up. It seems that Sirius is proving very elusive."

Lily smirked, remembering that he had not made an appearance yesterday. Surely the boy must be very worried about Selene's reaction if he was still trying to avoid her. And he never missed a breakfast; food was one of his passions.

"She hasn't talked about anything else all morning," Kristen added, causing Remus to chuckle heartily.

Selene turned her attention to him, suspicion written on her features. "Have you seen him?"
"Well…"

"You have! Where did he go and why is he avoiding me?"

Remus held up a hand and said through his laughter, "I don't know, I only saw him for a moment this morning. He said something about being scared of you, but he didn't say why."

"Because I told him to come to that meeting and he didn't," Selene said matter-of-factly.

Lily shook her head in amusement and decided to put an end to the nonsensical conversation. "Is anyone up for going out in the snow?"

Selene's eyes lit up, "Oh, I will!"

"Sure," replied Kristen, looking at Remus in question, and he nodded.

Lily placed a hand on James's thigh, causing him to jump slightly and then smirk at her. She rolled her eyes, "What about you?"
"Oh, of course I'm in, do you even need to ask?"

After several minutes of frantic eating, the five of them grabbed their winter clothing and headed out onto the grounds, towards the lake. It had been flowing freely a few days before, but the surface was now completely frozen.

Lily was grinning broadly; this was so much better than going to the library, which was her original plan for the day. She suddenly dropped down into a sitting position under the tree next to the lake. Kristen followed suit, pulling Remus down with her. James grinned at Lily's expression of happiness as she rolled a snowball.

"No, that's boring!" Selene insisted. "We should have a snowball fight!"

"Alright – boys against girls," James said. "Come on, Remus."

"But that's two against three," Lily pointed out.

"So, you'll need the extra person, trust me."

"Don't be so sure of that." Selene smirked and tugged on Lily and Kristen's hands. The boys walked away laughing, supposedly to find their base. "Okay," Selene whispered to her friends, "let's build a fort right here and roll as many snowballs as we can."

Once the fort, a wall about three feet tall but not very wide, was halfway done, Lily said, "Selene, why don't you try to climb the tree, and then we can-"

A snowball hit the back of her head and she turned in indignation to see a smirking James standing just behind her, right on the edge of the lake. She grabbed a few snowballs and ran in hot pursuit of him, but he was faster than her.

Several other students had followed them outside, and small groups of people were now enjoying the snow as well. Lily paid them no mind; her sole focus was getting James back. He managed to get far enough ahead of her that she decided to retreat for a moment. She glanced back at her fort and saw that Selene was now sitting up in a tree, but hidden mostly from view, and Kristen was grinning eagerly as Remus approached from the side, trying to be sneaky.

"Yes!" Lily yelled as Kristen hit him in the stomach. He frowned, throwing his sole snowball at her and missing.

"Moony, get back here!" Lily heard James yell from somewhere to their left. She jogged back to her fort to join Kristen.

"Alright, grab some snowballs and let's go. Selene can stay here."

Over at the boys' fort, James was peering around in concentration, and jumped when someone tapped him on the shoulder; Remus was approaching him from the front and was not within touching distance. James spun around and saw Sirius standing there staring at him, his back hunched over slightly as if he were trying to hide.

"Padfoot! Where have you been?"

"Er – you know, just – Oh damn it! I'm scared of her, alright? Come on, she hexes as well as I do."

"Or better," Remus laughed, seeing Sirius's expression. "And she's been looking for you; I don't think she's very happy with you not showing up."

"Yeah, why didn't you?" James asked curiously.

"Er – I'm not sure actually. I just didn't want to. Oh, it's not that I won't help, Prongs. It's just – I dunno, I don't want to do everything she tells me -"

"Ow!" James suddenly yelled, spinning around to find Lily smirking behind them. She was advancing fast and James found that he didn't have time to grab any snowballs as he ran away from her. This time, she was much closer behind him. They ran all the way back to Lily's fort, where Selene was waiting in the tree. Lily and James passed under it, Lily right behind him, when she felt something hit her on the head. She squinted up at Selene, who put a hand to her mouth.

"Oh sorry – I missed!"

Lily rolled her eyes and ran after James, who was now at the edge of the lake. He seemed to forget that it was ice and took a step onto it and promptly fell on his backside.

"Umph," said James.

Lily stopped next to him and laughed, "I love watching people fall like that," she said in delight, her face flushed from exertion.

James grinned and pulled her down onto his lap. His eyes ran over her face as their smiles faded quickly and they both leaned in at the same time. Just as their lips eagerly met, a loud voice rang out from the tree.

"Sirius Black?! What on earth have you been doing?!" It was Selene, and she was now struggling to get down. Sirius's face had paled considerably and he took off running towards the castle, dropping all the snowballs he had been carrying. Lily and James chuckled just as Remus skidded to a stop next to them and Kristen plowed into him, causing them both to topple over next to each other.

"Er-" Kristen said, rubbing her head with a grin. "Sorry." Remus grinned and shrugged.

Lily and James turned back to one another, but Lily stopped short of his mouth, instead opting to push his unruly black hair from his eyes and smile at him. It was nice; she could forget about the groups, forget about Voldemort, and concentrate on being seventeen. The feeling of the snow all around them, the laughter of fellow students, it was all very liberating.

"I hate him, I absolutely hate him!"

Remus laughed, "Let me go talk to him, maybe I can persuade him to stop running away from you."

Selene waved a hand dismissively. "If this is how he wants to play, then I don't care. I'll just ignore him."

James reluctantly pulled away from Lily, "Come on Remus, let's go find him." The werewolf nodded and they stood up, brushing snow from their coats. "I'll be back soon, promise." James said to Lily, who smiled back at him. The two boys headed back to the castle.

"Well, guess it's just us girls again." Selene grinned, laying back in the snow and resting her head on her arms.

"This is nice," Lily announced suddenly. "I mean, we haven't spent much time together this year."

Kristen shrugged. "On account of…certain events."

"Hey, I thought we had already discussed that," Lily protested jokingly.

"I think she was talking about you and James," Selene smirked.

"Oh, but-"

"Don't try to deny it; you two make out every night in your private little room, don't you? Or is it something more that you get up to?" Selene said in a playful tone. Lily began to protest, but Selene ignored her and continued. "After all, if I had a common room like that to myself, I would make very good use of it – just think of the possibilities!"

Lily, now blushing, protested, "James and I don't – well, we've never-" She huffed and gave up. In an attempt to change the subject, she turned to Kristen and asked, "What's up with you and Remus, anyway?" Kristen opened her mouth to reply but it was Selene who answered.

"Oh, she's going to Hogsmeade with him next weekend."

"Is that so?" Lily smirked, and Kristen gave her a small smile while she fiddled with her gloves. "You'll have to-"

"Lily, can I have a word with you please? Sorry to interrupt."

Startled, Lily looked up to see Levent standing behind her, scratching his head.

"Er – I guess so."

Kristen was suddenly frowning and Selene looked thoughtful. Lily shrugged at them, pushed herself up, and followed Levent to wherever he was walking.

"Did you need something?"

Levent was silent for a moment, his pale green eyes running over her face. He suddenly stopped walking; they were now close to the doors leading back to the Entrance Hall.

"It's just – I've wanted to talk to you for some time now." He paused, and Lily was once again struck by his attractiveness. "I lied about my motivations for joining your cause."

"What?" Lily countered loudly.

"I – well, not entirely. I do want to help but…my main reason for joining was – you."

"Me?"

"Yes." He frowned, touching a hand to her cheek and leaning closer. She could feel his breath on her cheek. "I know you never noticed me when we had classes together, but I've always known who you were. I've always admired you and thought you were beautiful and – it was the only way I thought I could get to know you better. I'm sorry I lied, but I did it because I-"

"LILY!"

Lily heard James yell from behind her and she blinked. Levent's hand dropped from her face while she continued to stare at him. Vaguely, she felt James grab her hand and yank her back towards the castle. She barely noticed as he led her into the Entrance Hall, finally letting go of her hand once the doors slammed shut behind them.

"What the hell was that?" James roared.

Lily flinched, rubbing her hand and stepping back from him. "James," she said warningly, "I wasn't doing anything wrong!"

"The hell you weren't! Then why the fuck was he all over you – touching you and-"

"You are so paranoid! I'm sick of your jealousy! Dammit, I'm sick of you! I hate you when you're like this!" The level of her voice rose with each word and her face was flushed bright red as she met him glare for glare.

"You LET him!" His face twisted in disgust.

"OH! I am not having this conversation! I'm sorry you feel this way, James, but I can't deal with you like this!" She spun around and left him standing there, running a hand furiously through his messy hair.

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Lily's anger only partly faded by dinner; she was still fuming and was pleased to see that James had not shown up yet. In fact, none of the boys had shown up yet. She didn't feel that she could deal with seeing him right now. She had just related the entire story to Selene and Kristen as they listened in thoughtful silence.

"Well," said Selene, munching on an apple, "If you want to get back at him, just go and snog Levent or something."

"Selene! She can not do that!" Kristen burst out, lowering her fork from her mouth.

"And why not?"

"Because – it would mess everything up even more! James and Lily, they're…well, a lot of things. And they're working together, how would they ever get along?"

Selene shrugged. "It was just a suggestion. And you have to admit that Levent is completely hot."

"And totally untrustworthy! If Lily even considered doing something like snogging a random guy, she should at least pick a better candidate!"

While they were arguing, Lily's mind was reeling from the words Levent had said to her earlier. Despite most everyone else not trusting him, she couldn't bring herself to mistrust Levent. She felt bad for having left him – or been pulled away from him – so abruptly. At the very least, she owed him an apology.

"If you two are finished debating about my life and problems, I think I'll just excuse myself." Her green eyes were fastened on Levent, however, who was sitting at the Slytherin table and eating quietly. "I'll see you two later." She brushed her hands off and headed towards him with a firm expression.

Kristen groaned and buried her face in her hands. "This is all your fault, Selene."

"Oh, she would have thought of it herself anyway, so don't be so edgy."

Kristen glared at her. "Well when this creates more problems, you two sure as hell aren't going to be getting any help from me!"

Levent had smiled when he saw Lily approaching, and followed her from the Great Hall. The Head Girl led them over to a corner, where they could talk quietly, unnoticed by anyone walking past.

She turned to him and said in a rush, "I just wanted to apologize for James and-"

"It's okay," he said quickly. "He had a right to be angry. I mean, if you were mine…" he trailed off, brushing a strand of hair from her eyes. "He's just worried you're going to leave him, I'm sure."

Somehow, this didn't feel right to Lily; none of it did. She pushed the feeling away and said roughly, "But he's going about it all the wrong way – he's just being a prat."

"I'm sorry."

It seemed so genuine, and as she looked into his light green eyes, she smiled slightly; his expression was comforting. "You're definitely not like the other Slytherins. And any girl would be lucky to have you."

"But not you?" He asked quietly.

She bit her lip. What was she doing? She didn't know, and she said as much. "I – don't know." And before she could say anything else, he had leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. Her eyes widened in surprise, but she realized that this was not altogether unpleasant. The kiss was over as quickly as it had started.

"I'm sorry," he said again.

Lily shook her head, pressing a hand to her lips. "Don't be," she whispered. The way he was looking at her…"Levent, I – I like you, but-"

"Will you just give me a chance?" His hand was running up and down her arm, making her shiver slightly. And before she knew what she was doing, she couldn't stop herself, not with those eyes staring into hers…she nodded slowly. He beamed, his eyes lighting up.

Somehow she managed to get out, "I – need to go." And she ran off, afraid that she would do something else to mess the situation up further.

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Later that evening, after walking around the school for an hour or so and collecting her thoughts, she realized that she may have made a very large mistake. But Levent seemed truthful in his affections, and she couldn't just stomp on them…could she? Groaning, she realized that she had no idea what to do. Her cool logic wasn't helping her with this one. She made her way back to the Heads room, disgusted with herself for letting things become this mixed up.

When she entered the room, she found James standing before the fire, his silhouette hunched over in thought. He jumped at the noise of her entrance and spun around to face her. They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. She was struck by the expression in his dark eyes – she had never seen it before, though she recognized the regret laced through it. She couldn't bring herself to say anything to him about Levent, she had no idea how, or if she should…

But before she could think of a way to get out of this, he was headed towards her, and in no time had her back pressed against the wall, his body crushing hers. With a groan, he claimed her mouth. She couldn't fight this; it was James after all. So what if they had just argued and who cared if she might have just told Levent that there was a chance for something there. She felt her thoughts fading away with the taste of his mouth, and as so many times before, she recognized that he was the only person who could make her forget like this.

His hands were skimming over her body, down her hips and over her arms. She felt one of his hands touch her waist under her shirt and abruptly broke their mouths apart, breathing heavily. Her eyes were still closed as she said,

"James – I can't."

She met his darkened eyes, but couldn't hold the gaze. Guilt was running through her body to her fingertips, and her hands fell from around him as a stony expression came over her face. She shouldn't be doing this. She should be sorting out this mess that she had created in the span of a few hours; she should be using her usually present logic. She definitely shouldn't be snogging him senseless, when she had no idea about Levent, and neither did he.

"If this is about – well, earlier – Lily, I can't promise that I won't get upset by that. I'm sorry but – I mean, he's just-"

Lily shook her head quickly. "Please don't, James, not right now. I need – I need to think." She frowned and slipped away from him. She couldn't do it; she would have to tell him later. It was all too much right now and she needed a clear head to fix it, but being so close to him did absolutely nothing for leveling her thoughts. She mumbled a quick apology to him, not able to meet his eyes, and retreated to her bedroom. She closed the door behind her and leaned against its surface, which now felt colder than usual. Letting out a groan, she threw her face in her hands. Where had her judgment gone?

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A/N: Woot! I'm on a roll with these quick updates. Yay for me :D More coming soon (if you ask nicely)…hmm. Although, considering the plot, you may just want to hurt me instead. Ah well, perhaps you'll change your mind in the future…

Hmph- Sorry, can't do that, although you'll want it even more after this chapter. Levent will be around for awhile. It makes everything more fun in the end :D For me, at least…thanks for reading!

GoddessoftheMaaN- I know, I'm very proud of myself for that! And Sirius will be in too, eventually…Thanks as always!!

Snazzysnez- Yeah, Lily and James are definitely my favorites. Although, I'm a pretty big Harry/Ginny shipper (not just after HBP…I have been for forever) too, but I just think L/J is easier (because of the freedom…we know less about them) to write. Oh, and Levent will be messing. He'll be messing a lot. Thank you!

♥Emily