Chapter Twenty - The End of Blissful Ignorance
Lily rolled onto her stomach and made a frustrated noise into her pillow. She really didn't need this right now; it must be well past midnight. Although the next day was Sunday and there were no classes, she had a feeling that she would need every scrap of energy possible. With each toss and turn of her body, her thoughts drifted back and forth. James…Levent…they were so different. James was – well, just James. She felt so comfortable around him; he had broken down most of her barriers already. Except when their make-out sessions went too far, that's where her walls remained. She blushed fiercely and rolled onto her side, taking a deep breath.
And Levent…there was no word to describe him. She wasn't even sure how she felt about him, only that she was slightly intoxicated when near him. There was some sort of thrill in the possibility of a relationship with Levent; some spark that she couldn't force away no matter how hard she pushed. Oh hell, with as much change as this year had brought already, she was almost ready to let all of her guards down. Lily's heart rate sped up at the thought. It was an escape, wasn't it? She desperately wanted an escape. But an escape of that sort was… unimaginable, and the logical part of her mind told her to stay clear of these ideas. The price might be too much.
Sighing in defeat, she pushed the covers off of her body and slipped out of bed. It was useless; she may as well go sit in the common room. The chill swept over Lily's legs and she quickly pulled on a bathrobe of sorts and began to tie it around her waist. But when she opened her door and looked out into the Heads' common room, James was there, and her fingers slipped off the tie of her robe. He was sprawled out on the floor in front of the dwindling flames of the fireplace. Sucking in a deep breath, she leaned against her door. The cool of the door – or perhaps something else – caused her to shiver. Gathering her courage, she padded over to James and sat down next to him. His eyes were closed and he was obviously asleep.
Lily watched as his chest rose and fell rhythmically beneath his robes. Her eyes roamed over his body with a faint blush covering her cheeks. His glasses were half-hanging off his face; apparently he had not been planning to fall asleep here. She smiled softly at his messy hair, and leaned forward to slowly brush a strand out of his eyes. He awoke with a start and sat up abruptly, causing her to gasp and pull back.
She put a hand over her chest. "Oh! I didn't think you'd wake up, I'm sorry."
He blinked at her, and retrieved his glasses which had fallen to the floor, placing them back on his face. "No, I – I guess I just fell asleep when I was lying here earlier." He had a confused look on his face and his eyes were wandering from hers down to where her robe was hanging partly open.
Lily fell silent beside him, clutching the edges of her robe closer around her. For the first time in awhile, she felt self-conscious around him and couldn't explain why. Finally, she raised her eyes to his and saw that he was now staring at her. He visibly shook himself.
"Er – right." She noticed the guilt in his eyes; her heart went out to him, but she stayed where she was. "I'm not sure what I said earlier, why you left, but-"
"What do you mean?" She asked cautiously. Was he talking about their argument, or when she had come back into the Heads room, kissed him, and run into her room?
He frowned. "I don't know. One minute you were kissing me back, and then you suddenly looked angry."
Oh, that. Her breath stopped in her throat, and when she looked at him, his pleading eyes were too much. She couldn't tell him…tell him that she was more angry at herself than at him. He didn't have to know about Levent, did he? She would just find a way to break it off with him without James ever knowing that it happened. Yes, she would have to do that, no matter what Levent said or did, she wouldn't give into him. Who's to say that you won't be the one trying to start something with him? She shoved the galling voice to the back of her mind and realized that James was waiting for an answer. Quickly, she formulated a response. "I'm sorry James – I just wasn't thinking clearly and you had made me angry earlier when you pulled me away from Levent."
James's face hardened at the Slytherin's name and he stared off into the fire. "Well you can hardly blame me for that," he stated harshly, "he was all over you, and he knows that we're together."
"James," Lily pleaded in a warning voice, "this is exactly why I was angry with you!" She leaned further towards him and said in a soft voice, "I realize that what happened looked suggestive, but I wish you wouldn't get so jealous. We were talking, and that's all." She bit her tongue, cursing herself for being so stupid. How could she berate him when just hours before she had let Levent kiss her? She might have been surprised at the Slytherin's rash actions, but that didn't change the fact that she hadn't shoved him off immediately and told him that nothing could happen. Well he didn't give me much time to, now did he? Indignantly, she brought her emerald eyes back to his and saw that James's chocolate gaze had darkened considerably, and he was staring at her mouth.
What happened to wanting time to think this over? She shoved the voice out of her head as James gently brought a hand to the side of her face and leaned forward to lightly brush his lips against hers, causing her to shiver for the second time that night, it was so soft. Smiling in spite of herself, she scooted closer to him without breaking the contact with his mouth. He appreciatively accepted her advance, falling back against the floor and pulling her on top of him.
Lily wanted so badly to lose herself in him. She asserted that it was him – not just anyone – who she wanted comfort from. Letting herself sink into the feelings he evoked in her, Lily sighed softly. Then she pulled back into a sitting position, her hands still in his hair as she straddled him. They stared at one another, breathing a bit labored. Suddenly she laughed quietly, causing his forehead to wrinkle.
"What?" He asked in a deep voice.
Lily's face flushed slightly and she shook her head. He started to sit up and she slid off his lap, adjusting her legs to a more comfortable position.
"No, tell me," he pressed his lips against the side of her neck, causing a sharp intake of breath from her.
"Well, I was just – umm – thinking about your eyes."
"My eyes?"
"Yes," she giggled slightly, pulling his face back from her shoulder area, "hold on, that tickles." He smirked in satisfaction and watched her carefully, his hands in her long hair. She continued, "Your eyes are usually milk chocolaty, but just then they looked like dark chocolate and – don't laugh at me!"
"I never knew you thought my eyes were tasty."
She crossed her arms over her chest, a stubborn look on her face. "I didn't imply anything of the sort."
"Yes, you did. I know you, Lily."
She smiled at him. "You said that once before, and how wrong you were."
"True, back then I thought you were incredibly hot, but a little uptight."
"You thought I was a prude!"
"Well no, not exactly…and I was able to get you relaxed soon enough. Er – more relaxed, that is."
"You can be so bigheaded sometimes," she sighed, "And you still don't know me now, James Potter." A small smile was curving around her lips.
James grinned, snaking his arms around her waist and pulling her closer. He couldn't tell whether she was completely kidding or if there was some bit of truth in her statements; he took one look at her and decided that he didn't care, at least not for the moment. But he couldn't help but notice that she was still holding back from him, still not giving in completely. James tried not to tell himself that it was only her logical mind, but he couldn't get rid of that nagging feeling that she might never completely lose herself in him.
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That same night back in Gryffindor tower, Sirius Black was not having much of a field day himself. He had managed to avoid Selene all day and was rather proud of it, but he hadn't thought about the fact that he couldn't possibly skip another breakfast; therefore he would be running into her sooner rather than later.
Ah well, it can't possibly be that bad, can it? The question rolled around his mind for hours as he stared at the hangings around his four-poster bed, illuminated by moonlight. He was not accustomed to contemplating things in this fashion. He was more of an action kind of guy, and so far his good looks and charm had carried him pretty much anywhere. He was sure now that that wouldn't work on Selene; she was immune to his charms, and although he found her incredibly hot, there just wasn't that connection. Despite this, she was so – passionate about things, sometimes, that he was afraid to see her too angry.
He was right about part of the situation; it wouldn't be long before he ran into Selene. Sirius had thought it all out: he would sneak down to the Great Hall as soon as breakfast began and grab some food before everyone else got there. This should buy him at least a few hours.
He was humming to himself as he descended the stairs, his stomach growling with hunger. Yes, he was content with this plan, and then possibly he wouldn't have to face her anger until dinner –
She was waiting in the middle of the common room, her arms crossed over her stomach, and she gave him a feral smile. Selene was the only one in the room, he realized as he glanced around, feeling his heart drop into his stomach. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs. Selene watched him for a moment with an odd look across her face, as if she was undecided about something. He was only slightly comforted by the fact that she didn't have her wand out.
Finally, she took a few steps forward, closing the distance between them into only a foot. "Sirius Black, I agreed to forget that you're a dratted Cavillor when we entered this friendship, but I never said I would accept your stupidity." After all of these weeks, she still said Cavillor as if it were something to be hated.
He stared at her; transfixed by the way she could be so attractive and so scary at the same time…he wondered if he ever looked like that. Before he knew what he was doing, he blurted out, "Hey, it's not my fault, I was born this way."
She pulled her long black hair over her shoulder, tried to glare at him angrily and suddenly burst out laughing. "Oh, who am I kidding? You've been avoiding me for so long that all I really wanted to see was that look on your face."
His jaw dropped. Was she serious? Apparently she was, because she was just smirking at him, not reaching out to punch him, or grabbing her wand in an attempt to curse him.
"Oh, well in that case-" He began to head towards the portrait hole, his stomach growling again.
"Not so fast, you big arse." She grinned at him. "You will come to the next meeting, won't you? I feel a bit out of place there, you know, and I think if you came…"
"I – er – I guess," he paused, "Do I have to do everything you say?"
She contemplated this for a moment, staring over his shoulder, and then turned back to consider him through intense azure eyes. "Yes." She laughed at the look on his face. "No, Sirius, especially as we're not dating, I can only expect you to be better than a crap friend."
There was a pause before he replied, "Well, I guess it's a good thing the relationship didn't work out then."
"What relationship?"
Sirius grinned. "Good point."
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Lily and James woke up next to the fire, having stayed up considerably late talking – with a bit of snogging in between. The subject of Levent had not been brought up again, and both of them were a little relieved. Lily awoke to find James leaning on one elbow, watching her with a lazy smile. She extracted her arm from around his waist and grinned impishly.
The extent of his kissing urges, to put some label to it, frightened her sometimes, not because she didn't want to – of course she did – but because she wasn't sure if she would be able to stop herself, if it went too far. And was she ready for that? Lily wasn't sure. She couldn't completely abandon thought, and she had a feeling that James realized that; he had never really pushed her, though she recognized disappointment in his eyes at times.
"Lily?" His voice broke into her thoughts, and she suddenly realized that she had been staring at him.
"Oh – er – what?"
"I'm kind of hungry."
"Right then, let's go." She pulled herself up from the floor and cringed; her back certainly hadn't enjoyed sleeping there. She yawned and wondered how many hours of sleep they had managed to get, as she was still very tired.
They changed their robes quickly and walked out of the Heads room sleepily. When they reached the Great Hall, there was a loud buzz of noise and most people were already finished eating.
Lily and James approached their table – which instead of being an Ausculto or a Cavillor table, it was now filled with their friends and a few other people who seemed not to notice or care. Lily gazed in confusion at Selene and Sirius, who were laughing together.
Lily turned to Kristen, who was next to her. "Uh, did I miss something?"
Kristen shrugged, sipping her orange juice and pushing a strand of her dirty blonde hair behind her ear. "No more than the rest of us. When I came down to have breakfast, they were laughing hysterically again. Must have made up or something."
"Typical," Lily shook her head, smiling. Her stomach twisted and she was abruptly reminded of how hungry she was. She began to pile her plate with food, and glancing sideways, she saw James chewing away happily.
A hand fell on her shoulder and she jumped. "Oh, hello Levent." She had turned around, swallowing hard. She had almost forgotten about him.
Levent took his hand from behind his back and she saw that he was holding a bouquet of pink roses. Oh no, Lily looked at James nervously and noticed his face darkening dangerously.
Levent gave her his charming smile and extended the handful of roses. Slowly, she took them from him, their hands brushing together.
"Thank you," she said very softly, her cheeks flushing in embarrassment when she realized that all of her friends were staring at them.
Levent nodded, squeezing her hand and causing James's jaw to clench. He brushed hair from his green eyes and watched her with a pleasant smile. "I left you a note with them," he gestured towards a small piece of paper, stuck in the string tied around the stems of the roses. "I'll see you later." He gave her one last glance and swept away towards the Slytherin table.
Lily was now pleasantly pink and she set the roses down carefully next to her plate. Selene was watching her with a knowing grin and Kristen was jabbing her fork into her eggs angrily. Remus stared at Kristen as she turned partly red and said, "Well," in a hard voice.
Lily wasn't listening, however; she was busy gauging James's reaction. He appeared livid and was staring from the roses, to Levent, and back. Suddenly, he threw his fork onto his plate and tried to stand up. Lily grabbed onto his arm and with force she didn't know she had, pulled him back down into his seat. This jealousy of his was beginning to eat at her temper again.
"What do you think you're doing?" She hissed.
His mouth tightened, "I'm going to explain to that bastard that he can't just try to take someone else's things."
"Things?" Lily's emerald eyes about popped out of her head and the embarrassment on her face faded into bright anger.
Kristen had dropped her face into her hands and was groaning. Remus watched James with a frown, and Sirius and Selene were staring in amazement. Peter swallowed loudly, grabbing his goblet of water.
"I'm a thing?"
James grunted, realizing his mistake but too stubborn to say anything about it, and tried to reach for the note attached to the bouquet of flowers. Lily's reflexes were just as quick and she grabbed it before he could, holding it behind her and almost hitting Kristen in the face. She was very aware that many eyes were now focused on them, and not caring to make more of a scene, she dropped her napkin onto the table, grabbed her roses, and stormed from her seat knowing full well that he would follow her.
Lily stopped once she was outside in the Entrance Hall and spun around, crossing her arms and flattening the roses against her chest in the process. Another moment passed and James was standing in front of her, glaring at the roses. The past night slipped from her mind as quick as water through her hands; the only thing remaining now was her fury.
"I can't believe you're doing this again, didn't we just have this conversation yesterday?" Lily spat at him, her lips thinning.
"How the fuck can you expect me to just smile and nod when he hands you roses, of all things?"
She pushed her guilt away at holding yesterday's secret from him and raised an eyebrow. "Well how the fuck do you expect me to stay with you when you're constantly jealous?"
He gasped at the word coming out of her mouth; she never used obscenities. At least, not usually. He said nothing and only stared at her.
Her eyes wide, she let out the breath she had been holding. "James, I want to take a break."
"What?" His eyes snapped to hers, not understanding.
"I can't be with you like this. I'm sick of fighting over the same thing." She swallowed, her eyes dropping. "And if all I am to you is a thing, then I can't imagine that you'll care very much."
She turned away and stomped down the Hall, not caring where she was going but wanting to get as far away as possible. James shook a hand through his messy hair, staring at her retreating back in a daze, as if he had just seen an elephant tap-dance.
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The week passed by at an accelerated speed. Lily and James were still sleeping in the Heads rooms, but so far they had managed to say less than ten words to each other all week, choosing to spend most of the time in their respective seventh year dorms.
Lily had only spoken with Levent a time or two, and only briefly. He had, of course, noticed that she and James weren't speaking and offered his condolences. It amazed her how he could try to comfort her over something he must know that he had a part in causing; but his comforting worked and she was powerless to resist it. Where James had been able to relax her almost completely, Levent could make her feel excited and beautiful. James had very rarely called her beautiful, and though she thought she might have seen it in his eyes sometimes, he never voiced it. Levent was completely different in that area.
They had not snogged since that first, very brief time, and Lily was glad for it. She wasn't ready to be doing anything like that and she wasn't sure that she ever wanted to, even if Levent was very good-looking and flattering. Every time she looked at James, she changed her mind about Levent. And every time she saw Levent, she was angry with James.
Kristen had been a little short with Lily, mumbling things like "I warned you," and "Never listens to me." Lily refused to admit that Kristen had been right; Kristen had rebuked her several times lately over her bad decisions and how everyone would not be able to work together if this continued.
Selene was having the best week of them all it seemed, now that she and Sirius were happily friends again and out in the open. They were often laughing together and planning ways to prank Snape and some of the less-respected professors.
The next Saturday dawned with a nervous Kristen, a subdued Lily, and a gleeful Selene. They were seated in the seventh year girls' dorm, each on their own beds and lost in their own thoughts.
Humming, Selene rose from her bed and laughed at the looks on her friends' faces. "Today is a Hogsmeade day, cheer up."
Kristen's forehead creased. "Exactly. That's what I'm not looking forward to."
Lily's head snapped towards Kristen and she suddenly remembered her date with Remus that day. She had been so wrapped up in her own mind lately that she had completely forgotten and now felt guilty. "Oh, Kristen, don't worry about it so much, we're going to make you look great."
"You mean, I will make her look great," Selene announced importantly, "as you have no idea what you're doing with these things."
Lily frowned indignantly, but then she sighed. "You're right. I've always been hopeless with appearances, makeup and hair and – all that."
"That's because you don't need it, Lily," Kristen stated.
"Yeah, right," she sounded doubtful, and then burst out, "Well neither do you!"
Kristen only shrugged, staring at her clasped hands.
Selene smiled to herself. "Anyway – when are you meeting Lupin?"
"Er – about noon, I think. I thought he mentioned something about us hanging out with the rest of you for awhile."
Lily's eyes flashed; she might be keeping company with the five of them, but certainly not James.
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The seven Gryffindors – Peter Pettigrew included, although he had been off on his own lately – were seated at a booth in the Three Broomsticks. Madam Rosmerta had already brought them a few bottles of butterbeer each, and it was showing in the loud conversation that they carried on. Most of them, anyway. Lily was glaring at the glass in her hand, purposely ignoring the black-haired, bespectacled boy in front of her. They just had to have friends who were friends, and both were too stubborn to go off on their own. James wasn't looking as angry as her, although he was avoiding her eyes, staring into his butterbeer mug silently.
Kristen was looking very happy, though maybe slightly nervous. She had insisted that if she wore any makeup at all, it should be light, and so it was. Selene had pulled her hair back into a simple style that she claimed was "very Kristen" and it kept hair out of Kristen's face, which made her happy. Remus looked a bit tired, maybe a little sick. Lily wondered if he was nervous and hadn't slept well, or if he was coming down with something. She had noticed that he came down with something pretty often, and wondered how Kristen felt about that. Poor boy, he seemed very nice and had always been polite to Lily. She had always liked him.
Lily swept her gaze back across the table. Sirius and Selene were sitting next to each other, and Selene almost choked on her butterbeer and glanced wide-eyed at Sirius.
"Stop that!" She said, causing Lily to raise an eyebrow and smirk. She probably didn't want to know. Sirius only swirled his butterbeer around nonchalantly.
This carried on for awhile, until Selene and Sirius, looking a bit red in the face from so many drinks, announced that they were going to Zonko's and Honeydukes. James grumbled something and slumped off behind them, presumably to do some shopping; Peter followed him. Lily was left to stare at her empty butterbeer mug, with Kristen and Remus talking quietly beside her.
While the rest of them had had enough butterbeer to be pleasantly energized, Lily thought she may have had enough to make her tipsy. She wasn't sure that butterbeer could make one drunk, but her alcohol tolerance level was much lower than most of her friends, and she was not terribly fond of it. She realized that she was probably annoying Kristen by sticking around and abruptly tried to get up from her seat and realized that she might be a bit more than tipsy as she swayed and grabbed onto the edge of the table. Who knew that butterbeer could make one drunk? It was awfully mild – how many had she drunk? She couldn't quite remember; it was all a little fuzzy now.
"Lily!" Kristen was now looking at her red-haired friend in alarm. "Oh no – you don't look so well." She glanced at Remus, "Maybe I should take her back to Hogwarts."
"Nonsense," Lily said a bit too loudly, "I'm – er – uhm – oh yes, I'm fine."
Kristen opened her mouth to protest again, but Remus placed his hand over hers and she remembered that Lily had not listened to any of her advice lately; it wasn't her fault that Lily was in such a sinking mess. Maybe the experience of being drunk would make her see some sense. Kristen shrugged, tore her eyes from Remus's to look back at Lily, and saw that her friend had disappeared.
Remus squeezed her hand again and she smiled softly. If at the beginning of the year, someone had told her that she would meet someone as perfect and as sweet as Remus, she would have laughed and responded sarcastically. She still couldn't believe that he had asked her out on a date. She had never been extremely popular with the guys, not like Selene was, and she didn't really understand why. There had always been some condolence in the fact that Lily didn't go out with boys all that often either.
She tried to push thoughts of her friends from her mind and met Remus's eyes. Kristen loved how she wasn't sure what color his eyes were. They had gray in them, but they were also a little blue. And his hair had gotten darker with the appearance of winter, though it was still not quite brown. She quickly realized that she must be staring and squirmed slightly in her seat.
"Kristen, I -" He paused, taking a deep breath. "I really like you."
"I like you too," she said quickly, "but I think you already knew that."
"I'm really glad we ended up meeting, even if it was by hexing one another."
Kristen chuckled, "Actually, that was kind of funny now that I think about it."
His eyes filled with amusement. "Yes it was, wasn't it?" But his smile faded quickly as he watched her, his eyes running over her face silently. She noticed that he looked very tired as he sometimes did. Suddenly, he said, "I have to – tell you something. Do you mind if we go someplace quieter?"
Surprised, her mouth dropped open, but she nodded. Pulling their hands away from one another, they slipped out of the booth and treaded out of the pub, having already paid for the drinks. He took her hand once they were outside and tugged her to the right. Remus seemed to know his way around Hogsmeade very well, and he pulled her to a little alleyway beside the Three Broomsticks, where almost all of the laughter and chattering of the students faded into the background. There was still snow on the ground from the past week and it crunched under their feet, almost sounding loud to Kristen. Remus suddenly stopped and looked at her with a very somber face.
She dropped his hand, confused. Had she done something wrong? Said something? The look on his face was anything but comforting to her.
"There's something that you don't know about me," he said quietly, his eyes dropping from her face. He leaned slightly against the wall behind him.
Kristen's frown deepened. "What is it?" Her mind was racing; she tried to shove some of the horrible thoughts away.
"I can't keep it from you, but I never thought that I would get so – close to you. I shouldn't have."
"What are you talking about?" She said a little more urgently, getting impatient and feeling her hands become sweaty.
"I'm – I'm a werewolf." There, he had said it.
There was a long, stunned silence. Kristen's hand covered her mouth as she realized all of the signs she had been missing. She couldn't find her voice, and she wasn't sure how she was supposed to respond. This was what he had been keeping from her?
His light eyes had dropped to the snow beneath their feet and he looked resolved, taking her silence for rejection. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I just didn't want to push you away…" His eyes were so sad, she melted inside at his pain.
Kristen, regaining her senses slightly, shook her head back and forth. He had turned to the side and started to walk away, when she grabbed his hand and, pulling him back towards her, did the only thing she could think to do. She dragged his head down to hers and kissed him.
The feeling of his lips against hers sent an unfamiliar tingling through her body, extending even to her toes. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling, she realized, and wrapped her arms around his neck. Kristen felt slightly bolder when he responded so eagerly; she leaned against him and pressed his back to the wall. He opened his mouth to her, deepening the kiss.
Never had she done something so suddenly, without thinking, but then again she had never felt the urge to before. The kindest, most gentle person she had ever met had just shared something very personal with her; how could she just let him leave? Well you didn't have to attack him either. She shoved the voice from her mind and sighed into his mouth. He wasn't protesting, was he?
Suddenly he pulled away, breathing heavily and opening his eyes to meet hers. They stared at one another and she pushed her now slightly disheveled hair out of her face.
He took a deep breath and began to pull away, "But-"
She knew what he was going to say and cut him off. "I don't care." And then she moved her mouth back to meet his.
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Lily had stumbled from the Three Broomsticks and down the street, attracting a few amused glances from passing students. Cursing them and herself, she ambled on, not quite sure where she was going or why. Suddenly, or maybe not so suddenly, she couldn't remember; she heard a voice at her side.
It was Clover Sindri, her brown hair pulled back from her face and a scarf wrapped around her neck. "Hi Lily! I was thinking, and the masquerade ball is pretty soon. Are we going to plan more of it sometime or -" Clover suddenly took a good look at the red-haired girl. With a concerned tone, she asked, "Are you okay Lily?"
Lily tried to nod, but found that it made her very dizzy. The Ravenclaw fifth year grabbed Lily's arm to steady her and shook her head. "No, you're not fine. Why don't I go find James?" She tried to pull Lily towards a nearby bench, but the Head Girl wouldn't move.
"No – not…James!" She slurred, holding a hand to her forehead.
Clover frowned, not entirely aware of what was going on between the two Heads of Hogwarts. She pulled Lily over to the bench and said, "Just wait here, I'll go find somebody." And she was gone with a swish of her cloak.
Lily closed her eyes, leaning back against the bench. She felt somebody else sit down next to her and lay a hand on her arm. "Damn it, I-" She opened her eyes and saw Levent staring back at her, worry etched in his features. She groaned.
"Lily, you – I think I should take you back to the castle."
Leaning her head into her hand, she said slowly, "Don't look at me right now, I'm a mess."
"No, you always look good, don't even think about it. Come on now, let's get you back." He held a hand out to her and smiled comfortingly, but she didn't take it. She leaned over to kiss him instead.
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James was walking around, still sulking a little. He had left Peter at Honeydukes; the boy just wasn't the same this year, and he hardly seemed to care whether James was with him or not. James had decided to find Sirius. His best friend always knew what to do around girls. Well, that is, he was rarely without a girlfriend, so he must be doing something right.
He'd been thinking about it, and maybe he had been a little overprotective. He should be able to trust Lily, right? She deserved that much from him. So now he wanted to apologize, but wasn't sure if he could. He needed to find Padfoot; his friend would know how to go about it.
James strolled through the village of Hogsmeade, his spirits raised a bit at the prospect of being able to kiss Lily tonight. He had sorely missed running his hands through her hair and the way her hands went straight to his. And she walked around as if she had no idea what kind of an effect she had on him. She probably didn't.
He received a few strange glances from students; he must have been a sight, marching through the village and staring down every alley. He was almost ready to give up when he finally saw Sirius, with Selene, of course. James noticed that they were joking with one another, stupid grins on their faces as they stood only a few yards from the Shrieking Shack. He approached and stopped behind them.
"Your hand is on my bum," Selene was saying, giving Sirius a strange look.
"I know," he replied.
"Fine, then I get to squeeze your bum."
"Go ahead. My bum is – er – your bum? No, that doesn't sound right."
Selene just laughed and shrugged, and James suddenly cleared his throat.
Sirius frowned. "James?"
"Er-" James abruptly wondered what he had been planning to ask Sirius.
His friend knew him too well, and said, "This is about Evans, right?"
James nodded, swallowing quickly. Selene was watching him with a considering look on her face.
"Well," James began, finding his voice, "I think I want to apologize."
"So then why are you here?"
"I – I don't know anymore." He looked defeated.
"Look Potter," Selene broke in, "just go find her and explain yourself as best you can. Lily's very understanding most of the time and I can tell she cares about you."
James just stared at her and she smiled slightly. "Right. Right – I'll go find her." He broke into a quick jog, back towards Hogwarts and most of the popular shops. Where would she be? He frantically tried to think of ideas, not sure why he was hurrying but doing so all the same.
"Hey James! James Potter!" He skidded to a stop, pivoting on his heels and looking for the owner of the voice.
Clover appeared before him, looking anxious and tugging on a strand of her brown hair. "Lily's kind of, um, out of it. I thought you might help – I left her over here."
He stared at Clover. Lily was out of it? What did that mean?
She shook her head at his confused expression. "Come on, follow me."
He stalked along behind her, wondering what was wrong.
They had only walked a short ways when she suddenly stopped and burst out, "Oh no," raising a hand in shock to cover her mouth.
He glanced up and all thoughts left his mind. There was Lily, on a bench. Snogging Levent. James's eyes widened as he stared at the scene unfolding almost like a delusion. He felt his own body tense; Lily wasn't fighting it, in fact she looked to be initiating it. James felt his heart clench painfully and he tore his eyes away, not able to watch.
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A/N: Perhaps it's a bad time to change the subject, but…I wish these sorts of quick updates could continue indefinitely…sadly, I have to return to school, organic chemistry, and research, and then whatever else comes my way. I'll confess that I left my notes for the first new chapter (where I leave the last version) at home…er, at school. But I'll be back there in about a week (I fly out from here tomorrow, but I'm staying with a friend until classes start), and we still have three chapters to go to that point, so no worries there, eh? The next chapter should be out relatively soon, so I won't leave you hanging with this. I just wanted to caution you not to always expect a new chapter every four days or so from here on out (oh, how I wish I was superwoman and could manage that). In any case, thank you all for your feedback. It's like food, really.
ShadyDay9- Lol, be my guest and punch his face in. It would be quite an amusing show actually :D Perhaps you'll want to do more than that now, however...
Hmph- Well her judgment is pretty much gone..runaway, if you will ;) Yes you spelled that right. I hate it when I stare at a word so long that I can't tell anymore. And I'm not sure if I should answer that last question...let's just say, it depends on what you mean by "together".
♥Emily