I made a decision when I woke this morning.
No matter what Jack says, I'm not going to argue back.
He likes it when I argue back – so it could go either way. He'll either be more annoyed -or he might be shocked by it and not know how to respond. Personally, I think he do both. I think it'll surprise him at first and then when he's got over that, it'll annoy him. He's so sexy when he's annoyed, so either way, I'm looking forward to it. I can't wait to see how he reacts.
When I got to work, he was there waiting.
'You're late Nikki!'
Two minutes late, if that!
I'm about to point this out when I remember that I wasn't going to argue with him. It was so tempting.
'I'm sorry, Jack.' I say in a normal voice - or as normal as I can manage anyway.
'Excuse me?' is his shocked response. I was right. It hadn't been what he was expecting and he was surprised. Clarissa was surprised too.
I calmly repeat what I said,
'I'm sorry for being late Jack, I'll try to be on time tomorrow.' And then I go to my desk.
He just stares at me and I'm pretty sure there's a bit of disappointment in his eyes. He wanted me to argue back. Throughout the day I answer him with positive comments instead of arguing. It's working. I'm sure it is.
'Yes, Jack, of course', 'Sure, Jack' or 'Whatever you say, Jack'.
He's still not sure what to make of it and he just stares at me in confusion. I think Clarissa's worked it out – she's always been a quick thinker, that one! She looks quite amused when I refuse to argue with him. I'm not actually sure what I'm hoping the final result will be and I don't know how long I can keep this up for. I miss arguing with him. My heart skips a beat every time I see the disappointment in his eyes,
Its two hours since lunch. He's been meaner than ever with his comments. He just picks at every little thing – even when he has no right to do so. He's so desperate to get me to argue back.
Ignoring Jack's attempts to rile me, today is getting to be such hard work. My stomach is cramping badly, which started sometime after lunch, I feel kind of sick and I'm so tired. Thomas has me on paperwork – he noticed I wasn't well, but I stubbornly refused to go home.
Jack keeps shouting at me for whatever reason he can find, but there's a look of concern in his eyes. He thinks I look too pale and I'm still not arguing with him, but only because I haven't the energy. The positive comments back to him have stopped this afternoon, there is only silence.
I go into the lab to clarify something with Clarissa, but when I get there I feel a bit funny.
Jack's in there too and he's shouting that 'I'm good for nothing' again – and 'if I'd been listening before, I'd already know'. It's unnecessary, but he wants to get a reaction. He gets one alright - , but it's not the one he was expecting. His voice changes mid-sentence, from anger to panic.
The pain in my stomach is unbearable. I feel my legs give way and watch as the the corner of the lab table grows ever-closer.
I hear him shouting my name in a panicked desperate voice and a woman screaming. I'm falling too fast and he can't reach me.
The corner of the lab table is unforgiving, and I'm bracing myself for the cold, hard, painful reality, but it never comes.
The woman that screamed was me.
The last thing I felt before I blacked out was his strong arms around me. Somehow he got to me. He must have been really fast – he was at the other side of the lab table. He skidded and ended up in a heap on the floor – with me on top of him, by all accounts. It must have hurt.
I'm still in pain when I wake up in hospital. It's suspected food poisoning apparently. I normally bring my own lunch in, but I was running late. I should really start making my sandwiches the night before. If it is food poisoning, the cooks in the canteen will be in trouble.
Clarissa says Jack's going to give them hell later. He'll probably shout at me again when I'm better, but I don't care. Right now, I just want to be close to him.
I don't know how long I've been asleep.
My dreams were a strange feverish muddle of faces that seemed half familiar-half distorted -and names that I couldn't quite remember. There were creatures running in and out of them – some with one leg, others with three heads. Trying to make sense of it all makes my head hurt.
Jack's was watching me when I wake. A longing, protective gaze.
Once I'm a bit more awake, he looks less hazy then he did – his face is a lot clearer. He's still watching me. He's never said a word, but his eyes speak volumes. Those gorgeous eyes - they say so much to me.
'Nothing bad will happen to you while I'm here'
'It worries me when you're poorly, I need you to get better'
'You gave me a fright earlier'
'Please get better darling'
I long for him to say it out loud - anything to hear his voice, but he doesn't know that. I long even more for his strong arms around me again - his cuddles, but he doesn't know that either. I don't know if I should tell him. I don't know what I want to say but I open my mouth to speak anyway.
My throat is too dry and all I can manage is 'Jack', but I think that's what he wanted to hear.
It's been five days since I collapsed and things are different. Jack is different.
He still shouts at me – a lot, but he sort of apologizes after. He doesn't say 'sorry', but he does little signs of affection – in a sort of 'you're annoying me but I still care' way.
He'll shout and then suddenly grab my hand and give it a quick squeeze when he thinks no one is looking. Or he'll stroke my arm, smile at me or do that 'longing' stare I love so much – only now he makes sure I see it.
Only when he thinks no one else is looking though.
Sometimes, he even sends me a text - if he thinks he can't get away with a 'secret' gesture! He never uses words in the text – it's usually a simple 'xxxxxxx' text or occassionally, just a blank message, but it means so much to me. I hate the shouting now. I really hate it, but the other part – the gestures, looks and texts. They only last for a moment. But those moments are amazing. I live for those moments.
And moments can last forever.