Hey guys,
Sorry this is so long in coming. I have a serious problem when it comes to planning stories. I'm pretty good with the grammatical and stylistic parts of writing, but I seriously struggle with planning and plots. I almost always start something that I love, and then have no idea where to take it, so I just get stuck. That's what happened with this story. I kind of just wrote through that, because I didn't want to leave you guys hanging. So I hope you like it. I've tried to edit it, but I'm sure that I didn't catch all of my mistakes, so I hope you can look past them. It is way longer than the other individual chapters, so I hope this helps my case!
Enjoy!
- Venus
Ty was avoiding him.
Kit couldn't say that this was surprising, after all he had laid into him with very life-changing news.
Life-changing might be a bit dramatic, but Kit was frazzled, alright? He was losing his best friend.
It had been more than three months since he confessed his feelings to Ty. At first, it seemed like everything was okay. Ty was still hanging out with him. They were still watching vintage horror movies with Dru, spending time out in the desert, and sneaking off to investigate mysteries, for which they were always caught by an irate Julian and a (poorly masked) mock-severe Emma.
Things were great, at first. Kit still had hope that Ty would realize that they were right for one another. They always had fun, they made each other's lives better, that Ty really could love Kit the same way that Kit loved Ty.
Worse than just having to deal with telling his best friend that he had feelings for him, he had to contend with Ty's unknown sexuality. Kit simply didn't know if Ty could ever have the feelings he so craved for another guy.
More than anything though, Kit was lonely. He missed his best friend. The one who kept disappearing around corners when spotted. The one who sat as far away from him as possible when he couldn't escape Kit's company. As much as Kit wanted him romantically, he also just wanted him. He wanted to solve mysteries. He wanted to be the Watson to Ty's Sherlock (he would never admit that aloud) again. He wanted to walk the desert and beach with him, go to the pier with him, teach him about mundane culture, anything. He just wanted his friend back.
Everyone had noticed the strained air between the two. Julian and Emma cast very frequent, very annoying concerned looks at either of them far, far too often. Dru no longer invited them to watch movies with her, and Tavvy just thought that they were boring (because they were so awkward and quiet) and didn't want to be around them. Christina, Mark, and Kieran may not have even noticed with how wrapped up in one another they were; it was difficult to tell.
Kit's skin itched to get away. His old habit of running away when things got difficult was rearing its ugly head. He was frustrated and wisps of anger were stirring in his chest. He didn't want to be angry at Ty. He knew that none of this was Ty's fault. Ty either liked him, or he didn't. He couldn't force it for Kit, and he understood and respected that. But he was upset that it was coming between them, the way he had feared it would.
Kit groaned from his position on his bed, having flopped there with his arm draped over his eyes. He hated this. He wanted it to end, and for things to go back to normal. Maybe they could be friends and he could start to move on, find someone else. Maybe and uncomplicated mundane would be a welcome distraction from all this angst.
With a headache pulsing behind his forehead, Kit rolled into a slumped position. He needed some fresh air, and maybe a trip to the pier where he could try to alleviate some of his loneliness by making a friend.
With that less than appealing thought in mind, Kit slouched to his feet and began to make himself presentable. He was sticky with dried sweat where rigorous (read: vicious) training had melted his stiff muscles into aching lead.
After divesting himself of his damp and reeking gym shirt, he gathered his best "date" clothes and a towel, and headed down the hall to the bathroom that he, Ty, and Dru all shared.
I'm so pathetic, Kit thought, rubbing a hand through his stringy, post-training hair, and down his tired face. Just as he was reaching for the bathroom door handle, it swung inward.
Butterflies erupted and swarmed inside Kit's stomach. His mouth went dry and his entire body froze.
Ty stood in the open door, handle still clasped in his loose grip, the towel that had just been furiously scrubbing his dripping, haphazard mop of dark hair paused as well. Steam billowed out and slapped Kit in the face, nearly as hard as Ty's appearance. His long feet extended from the ends of the only pair of jeans that Ty owned, a well-loved pair that was buttery-soft from years of wear and washing. They were nearing threadbare, and Kit vaguely noted that he would be sad when they finally needed to be thrown away. It was rare to see Ty in anything other than a sweatshirt or gear, but he was just full of surprises, apparently. He was wearing a black sleeveless shirt, which exposed his damp, toned, rune-licked arms. Kit hadn't realized that he had a thing for guys with tattoos, but evidently, the truth was displayed before his hungry gaze.
Their eyes locked for the first time in weeks, and Kit felt the attraction slam into him with crippling force. It was a physical miracle that he didn't crumble under the weight of it. He watched, in bewildered disbelief, as Ty's eyes danced down his person (belatedly, he remembered that he was shirtless, and that his hair must be standing on end), before snapping back up to his eyes quickly, a look of panic taking over his flushed face.
Flushed?
"Um—h-hello, Kit." Ty said, looking bashful and uncomfortable.
Kit gave a bland smile, wiping all emotions from his face in order to be as non-threatening to Ty as possible. No need to make things worse. "Hey. I was just about to head out for a bit, maybe go to the pier. Want to come?"
He knew the answer anyway, but it would be out of character for him to not offer. Ty grimaced, "Uh, no thanks. Dru wants me to help her with her project for Diana, so…"
Kit was already nodding, forgiving this. As mad as he thought he was a few minutes ago, that was nothing compared to how much he really didn't want to upset Ty.
"Okay. Maybe another time."
A relieved smile flashed across Ty's face, before his eyes trailed down Kit again, lingering a little longer, before returning to his eyes, "Yeah."
He edged past Kit, who was frozen in complete shock, and disappeared into his bedroom.
Did he just… check me out? Kit thought, dazed. Heat simmered low in his stomach and journeyed up through his chest.
He walked into the sweltering bathroom and shut the door, trying not to think about how Ty was just in here. Naked.
He sagged, boneless back into the door, still clutching his clothes, and let out a labored breath. His stomach churned with nervous butterflies, ones that made him feel more lightheaded and sick than lighthearted and in love, as is the expectation.
"This sucks." He muttered under his breath as he finally continued with what he set out to do.
He had some things to consider.
Kit came to the conclusion, in his intentionally colder than warm shower, that he should try talking to Ty to diffuse all of the awkwardness. Tell him that the pressure was off and that he wanted to remain friends.
Not really true, but not exactly a lie either. If the alternative to what he wanted was what he had, Kit would more than happily accept the friendship that was always extended to him before he created this mess. So Kit got out of the shower and toweled himself off, fixed his hair, and put on his nice clothes. He still retained the intention of going out after he and Ty talked, and maybe getting plastered would help with the disappointment of finitely ending whatever chance he might have had with Ty (never mind that he hasn't ever felt this way about anyone, ever, and may not again).
Ty's door was ajar and he was nowhere to be seen when Kit emerged from the bathroom. After dropping his dirty laundry in his hamper, he slowly trudged out to hunt for Ty.
The first place he checked this time was the library, but Ty was missing from there as well. He also wasn't in the kitchen, or with Julian, Emma, or Dru, who were all working on her project in the dining room, where Ty said he needed to be. Mark, Kieran, and Christina were all out gathering intel in their quest to end the Cold Peace. Tavvy was on his way to stealing the high score in Mario Kart. There was no sign of Ty anywhere.
Kit almost surely knew what that meant.
The roof.
The roof was the first place that he'd ever been vulnerable with any of the Blackthorns. It figures that it was Ty of all people. Kit purposely gave a piece of himself that day, for the first time in his entire life. He laid down roots, he made their friendship real. That was something that Kit had only just managed to do all these years later with the rest of the Blackthorns. Caring for others meant that they had an opportunity to hurt you. Kit did not do well with closeness, or hurt. Not after the life he had with Johnny Rook.
The door to the roof was unlocked, confirming Kit's suspicion. Leaning his head onto the door, he clenched his eyes shut and took several deep, calming breaths. Then he steeled his expression, and stepped onto the roof.
Ty was crouched, back to the wall, his left profile visible to the door. He turned his head, and again locked eyes with Kit. They stared at each other for a long moment, before Kit nervously looked away.
Ty's long fingers reached up to pull his headphones down around his neck, anticipating that Kit wanted to speak.
God, how wrong he was. He didn't want to talk. Not about this.
He swallowed, willing his dry mouth to cut him a break, as he walked over to stand in front of Ty.
"Hey."
Well, it was something, at least.
Ty's calculating gray eyes dissected his every move, and grew apprehensive, "Hello."
All of a sudden, the hoard of butterflies in Kit's stomach broke loose, coming out in a nervous rush, "You don't have to be nervous. I just wanted to talk and try to clear up some things. I want to try and make things better between us."
Ty licked his lips (damnit, don't make this worse), "We're not fighting. I'm not angry with you. Are you upset with me?"
And, just like that, Kit absolutely melted at the sincerity and concern in Ty's expression. He obviously cared for Kit, maybe just not the way that Kit wanted. But that was okay. He would take this and appreciate it.
"No, I'm not upset with you. Things have just been awkward for a while, and I wanted to try to put you at ease. I put too much pressure on you when I told you about my feelings for you. I should have realized that it was unfair to coerce you into feeling things for me that you don't. I was hoping that we could try and move past all of that. Forget about it, and still be friends? Nothing would make me happier. I miss hanging out with you."
Damnit, Kit! Too emotional!
Kit could see Ty struggling with this information, and sure enough, he wrung his hands and furrowed his expressive eyebrows and said, "I don't understand. I thought you liked me romantically. Why would you say that if you didn't mean it?"
Déjà vu smacked Kit in the face, 'Why would you say you wanted to be my friend if you didn't mean it?'
"I did mean it. I do. But if it means that I lose you as a friend, then I'm happy to push my romantic feelings aside and move on, if it means we can still be friends."
Ty's brows slipped even farther down his forehead as he agitatedly rose to his feet, "We are friends. Aren't we?"
"Yes." Kit said quickly, firmly, "Absolutely. But you can barely look at me. And you've been avoiding me because you don't want to talk about it. And I respect that. That's what I'm here trying to fix. It's okay that you don't have feelings for me, and we can really go back to being friends like before. You don't have to worry about me. I'll get over it. I just want us to be best friends again."
Ty tugged his hair fretfully, "So you want us to be together, or you want to be friends? I don't understand what you're asking for here."
"I want us to be friends if that's what you want, Ty. I just don't want to put my feelings off on you or pressure you anymore."
Ty began to pace, "Of course I want us to be friends."
Kit sagged a little in disappointment, but felt slightly relieved as well.
At least I'll still have him in some way.
"Okay, friends it is then." And he smiled at Ty, who still looked dissatisfied. A fissure of nervousness wormed its way into Kit's chest.
"But we never discussed my feelings." Ty said desperately, tugging at his hair a little harder. Kit reached forward quickly, and grasped Ty's hands, massaging them firmly.
"You don't like me romantically. We established that. You don't have to say it for me to know, Ty. It's implied. Don't stress yourself out about hurting my feelings, I'm okay, I promise. Don't make yourself uncomfortable for my benefit."
"No!" Ty nearly shouted, snapping his hands away and falling back into the wall, "That's not what I said!"
Kit's eyes widened, and he stepped away, holding up his hands in submission, "I'm sorry. I'll stop talking and let you say what you need to say, alright? I didn't mean to upset you."
Ty nodded, breathing ragged, and stayed quiet for a few moments, gathering his thoughts. "I talked to Julian about your feelings for me. And about how I wasn't sure how I felt in return. He suggested that I should look at it from a different perspective. Instead of analyzing my feelings about you, I should just pinpoint how you make me feel."
Kit nodded, remaining silent, as promised. Butterflies kicked up a monsoon in his stomach and he felt sick with it, again.
"So I did that, and I think the easiest thing for me to do is just to tell you those things." Kit nodded again, and with his reassurance, Ty launched ahead, "You're probably what most people consider as a best friend to me. I value your opinion, and I take your advice. When we spend time together, I can't think of much else I'd rather be doing. You make me feel good about myself and you help me understand things. You're funny, you always make me laugh. I don't like when you flirt with other people—"
"Flirt with other people?" Kit spluttered, heart somersaulting inside his chest, "I don't flirt with anyone. I haven't had any feelings for anyone else since I've known you."
Ty's brows furrowed deeply again, "But I saw you with Christina on the beach. She laughed, and pushed you and you fell over facetiously, and Livvy always said—"
"Christina is just a friend. That was just me being friendly with her. I do see what you mean, that those actions could be taken out of context. But I don't have any romantic feelings for her at all, and never have. The only person that I've ever cared for in that way is you."
Ty's face flushed pink for the second time that day, and Kit stared in wonderment.
Is this really happening?
"Okay. I'm uh—attracted to you. That is, I, uh, find you attractive. In short, you're extremely important to me."
Kit closed his eyes and took the deepest breath he could, bracing himself to be as emotionless as possible, even though he really just wanted to jump over the distance between them and show Ty exactly what he thought of this conversation.
"Okay. So keeping all of that in mind, do those things mean that you have romantic feelings for me?" Kit was proud that this sentence didn't come out sounding nearly as pathetic as it probably should have.
"I—I'm not sure."
"Okay, let me ask a different question: do you want us to be how we always were? Or do you want to try a relationship?"
Ty fidgeted against the wall, still wringing his hands, "I don't know. Is there a way to scientifically test for romantic feelings?"
Kit froze, a scary thought entering his head, and before he could stop it, said: "Maybe… not exactly. I could… hold your hand, or… or kiss you. And you could decide how you feel about those things. Only if you're okay with that, though. This sounds like I'm trying to take advantage of you, but I swear I'm not, Ty. I wouldn't do that to you."
"I know." Ty said, unequivocally, "I trust you."
Kit watched as Ty thought it over, the gears turning expertly in his brilliant brain. When Ty looked at him again, Kit braced himself as Ty said, "Okay. Let's try it."
Kit's heartrate skyrocketed, thumping crazily in his chest, butterflies exploding in a cacophony of chaos inside of him.
Again, with Herculean effort, he reined his emotions back in. He had to be careful with Ty. Even though he had permission, that didn't mean that there weren't still serious boundaries. So Kit slowly walked forward, until he was only a foot away, and stared up into Ty's eyes.
"Okay. I'm going to lean forward and kiss you, and if you feel like you want to, you can kiss me back. Don't feel pressured. This is going to be a short kiss. I'm going to close my eyes. I'm not going to touch you. Okay?" Kit thought he might die on the spot.
Ty nodded his head, staring at Kit with penetrating gray eyes.
Kit swallowed his nerves, and leaned forward slowly, giving Ty plenty of time to back away. When Ty didn't, and remained staring at him, Kit closed his eyes and the rest of the distance between their mouths.
Kit's lips pressed softly against Ty's, for just a few seconds. The contact was warm and dry, and Ty smelled so good, like ocean, and mint, and sandalwood. Kit carefully pulled away. Ty hadn't kissed him back, but his eyes were closed. He carefully took half a step away, and waited a moment.
Ty's eyes reopened, and his eyebrows remained furrowed over his searching gaze.
Kit cleared his throat, instinctively knowing that his voice would be raspy, and said, "Okay. How did that feel?"
Ty considered his question, while Kit waited on baited breath for his response. Finally, after a few short moments (that felt like an eternity), he said, "Good. It wasn't an unpleasant experience. I don't feel uncomfortable."
Kit nearly sagged to the floor, "Good. Now, would you want to kiss me again? Do you think that you would want to kiss me regularly? Or do things of a sexual nature with me, eventually?"
Ty stared at him for a moment, "Would it be okay if I tried kissing you? To see how I feel?"
"Yes." Kit said too quickly, his voice much lower than he intended. He cleared his throat, "Yes, if you need to feel this out a little more, feel free to take the lead."
Ty nodded, and stepped forward swiftly. He reached out and touched Kit's hip. He paused there for a moment, staring at Kit.
Kit was burning alive.
Slowly, Ty tilted down to him, and reached up with the hand that wasn't already touching him, twisting his fingers into Kit's hair.
Oh, my—
That was the last coherent thing that Kit thought before Ty was kissing him. It was timid and unsure, but still strong. Ty didn't exactly know what he was doing, but he appeared to know that he wanted to do it, which was encouragement enough. Kit's hands reached up and circled the back of Ty's neck, his fingers brushing the tips of Ty's hair. Without meaning to, his mouth parted from and reconnected to Ty's, clasping his bottom lip gently, and then sliding warmly, in a way that was less innocent than their first kiss.
Ty repeated the motion, always the quick learner, and Kit lost the ability to breathe.
After another moment, Ty pulled back slowly, opening his eyes to peer at Kit again. He didn't back away, though. He kept his hands on Kit.
"Did—" Kit cleared his throat again, "Did that clear anything up for you? How did that make you feel?" The butterflies swooped low again, nervousness making Kit nearly numb with fear for his answer.
"Yes." Ty said, seriously. He brushed Kit's drying bangs away from his face, "I think so." The hand on Kit's hip crept steadily higher, taking what was left of Kit's composure with it, "I'm attracted to you. I want to kiss you again. And again. And I think I would want to have a sexual relationship with you, one day, as well."
Kit's breath froze in his chest, "So you do want to do this? The relationship thing? You have feelings for me, and you're sure?"
Ty smiled, tugging him closer and resting his forehead against Kit's, "Yes, I want to be in a relationship with you, yes I have feelings for you, and yes, I am completely sure."
Kit almost couldn't believe this was real. Doubt and worry wriggled their way back into Kit's overwhelming happiness, "How do you know?"
Ty kissed the corner of his mouth, "Because I have never felt this way before. And I know that I never want to stop feeling this way. Because this is comfortable, and it feels right. Because you're kind, and patient, and funny. You're my Watson. How could I not want this?"
All of the frozen air in Kit's chest expelled, relieved. He gripped Ty's lower back and hugged him fiercely, beaming. "I don't know. I've been wanting this for years, so I had plenty of time to come to terms with it. I just sprang this on you a couple months ago. That's not much time." Kit swallowed his nerves, knowing he was going to be more vulnerable than was strictly comfortable for him, "You're home for me. I was afraid to jeopardize that."
"I'm glad you did." Ty said, hugging Kit back firmly, "I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you about it sooner. I was afraid of not being able to articulate how I felt, and I didn't want to hurt you. You're one of the most important parts of my life, and I was afraid that I was going to ruin it because of my inability to understand."
"You're the smartest person I know." Kit said adamantly, pulling back to look at Ty, "The things that you beat yourself up over not understanding aren't that important. There are ways to work around it, as we've just shown. Don't think so little of yourself."
Ty smiled softly again, leaning forward to kiss his new boyfriend.
Kit never wanted to leave this roof. The most important events in his life have happened here. He loved this roof. He loved Ty.
Staring into the solemn gray of Ty's eyes, he could see the same feeling of completeness mirrored back at him. They had the rest of their lives to define the rest, there was no need to rush.
END
This was so long and drawn out because I don't think that Ty or Kit would ever just be swept away by their emotions. They are both serious people, especially when it concerns the other. They care about each other far too much, and I think that Kit would always be worried about how Ty was feeling, and would make absolute sure to give Ty a choice and not pressure him. Hence all of the talking and thinking and tiptoeing. That's essentially the premise of the whole story, honestly.