A/N: OMG I AM SO TERRIBLY SORRY!!!!!!!!! I had thought that I had this story just as up to date as I do on DLS, but it turns out I am a horrible person and hadn't updated since I've started!!! So as a way to make it up, I will be uploading as much of the story as I have written (about 6 chapters) and I'll have chapter 7 up as soon as I have it completely finished.
The next day, Jude was sitting in the conference room of G Major with Darius, Jamie, Liam, Patsy, SME, Sadie and Kwest. She already knew what the meeting was about. Next Tuesday was her 22nd birthday, making what would have been four years with Tommy, and a year since he had passed away. Tommy was standing with Natalie and Dominick in a corner of the room watching the meeting. Darius walked over to the head of the table and took a seat in his leather chair.
"Now, I'm positive that everyone here knows what this meeting's about. And since it's going to be a year since it happened, I wanted to hold this meeting to get some ideas on what we're going to do about it," Darius said in a low and sincere voice.
"What do you mean 'what we should do'? There's nothing we can do," Jamie responded.
"I mean, the media is going to want us to do something in remembrance. Maybe put together a performance where all the money goes to the charity campaign that we started under Tom's name to donate to prevent reckless driving and such. Jude? Is there anything you want to do?" Darius asked.
Jude looked up at him, her face was blank, she honestly wasn't paying much attention. "I, I'm not sure. The performance thing is a good idea I guess,"
"It sounds to me like Miss Harrison is not taking this seriously," Liam remarked, insensitively.
"I am, I'm just don't know what you want me to say. Honestly I don't care what you guys do in remembrance of him. And if I were to speak on Tommy's behalf he wouldn't necessarily care either," Jude said, tears threatening to fall.
"I understand what you're saying Jude. But because of how big he was, we sort of have to even if it's not for us," Darius said sadly.
"You'd think that Miss Harrison would understand, being the almost fiancée' of the man," Jude stood up and slapped Liam across the face.
"Don't you DARE talk about us like that. You have NO RIGHT to even be talking about the relationship I had with Tommy," Liam was speechless. He couldn't even believe that he had just gotten slapped. Jude stormed out of the conference room. Jamie followed her. Tommy stood in the conference room, his eyes narrowed on Liam.
"Relax, Thomas," Dominick said.
"I am. If I wasn't, and if I wasn't dead, you'd need to call the police to get me off of Liam. That insensitive jerk," Tommy remarked.
Jude was standing in the alley, leaning against the railing restraining her cries. Jamie walked through the door and saw her. He walked over to her and leaned against the opposite railing so he was face to face with her.
"He has no idea…"
"He really doesn't. And I think that's a good thing since I'm sure Tommy and Liam really wouldn't have made a good couple," Jamie joked.
Jude chuckled as she wiped the tears from her eyes.
"You know, it's okay to show that you miss him. Hell, he threatened me several times and I miss every single one of them," Jamie added.
"I can't show that it hurts though," Jude replied, her tears still falling.
"Because it would mean you're not okay?" Jamie assumed, brushing away her tears.
Tommy was sitting on the opposite roof top watching Jamie comfort her. He so badly wanted to go down there and brush away her tears. But he knew he couldn't. That even if he tried, it wouldn't work.
"I just don't want to be worried about anymore. I want to be better, I want to be happy again," Jude cried.
"We don't expect you to be totally fine. You were with him for three years. Hell, you could even say since you were fifteen since we all could see you two were in love. We aren't going to understand most of it, but we do know that you're gonna hurt. That you're going to want to be angry, that some days you're going to just want to crawl and hide. And it's okay to feel like that. Because it means that you really did love him, and that he really did love you," Jamie explained.
"I just can't believe Liam even questioned it,"
"It's because Liam's a jack ass who couldn't see it in the first place,"
"Thanks," Jude said hugging Jamie tightly.
"For what?" Jamie asked returning the hug.
"For being here. For not expecting anything from me," Jude replied.
"It's what I'm here for," Jamie replied.
The two walked back into G Major, and Tommy fell back against the roof of the building. He lied down on his back watching the cloud shapes go by, and Natalie and Dominick stood over him.
"Thomas? You ok?" Natalie asked.
"Hmm, that's a wonderful question to ask someone who's watching the love of his life live without him," Tommy remarked.
"Well aren't you a bit sensitive today," Dominick added.
"And you aren't making it better for him! Instead of you two playing Mr. and Mrs. Pessimistic, we should be brainstorming ways to get guide Jude to sharing your story!" Natalie exclaimed.
"Why? So she can just die sooner? I'm sorry, but I'm just still not getting the motivation that this is supposed to bring to me," Tommy said getting up from his position.
"I know this is hard-"
"No! You don't know how hard this is! I would rather stay like this for an eternity, than have Jude die early because my death was a stupid mistake!" Tommy was still angry beyond reason. "But no! I can't go anywhere without her because me and her have equal souls and so I'm stuck here waiting!!"
"Tom, calm down ok? Believe it or not, we do know how you feel," Natalie said trying to reason with Tommy.
"No you don't!"
"We feel every emotion that you do," Dominick remarked.
"What are you talking about?" Tommy said now adding confusion into the mix of emotions he was feeling.
"Have you ever thought about how a guardian angel is chosen? I was chosen to be your guardian angel because I have once been in your position, part of that is reliving life through you. Whatever emotion you feel, I reflect," Dominick replied.
"Than how come you aren't shouting and getting angry with everyone like I am?" Tommy asked.
"Because I know how to keep my emotions under control. Thomas, I've been an angel for 50 years, I died when I was around your age, I have nearly 80 years worth of wisdom. I know what you're going through, it's not easy. As much as you don't want to have to do this, you have to. It's either you cooperate and spend an eternity living in heaven with Jude, or you get stuck some where away from Jude," Dominick explained.
"Where would Jude end up?" Tommy asked.
"We don't know," Natalie added. "Which is why, you need to just get over all this, and help us. Jude is on the line here,"
Tommy just nodded. "So where to next?"
"Where was the best place you were able to write or think or do anything?" Dominick asked.
"Um, there was a personal studio in the apartment I shared with Jude," before Tommy could add anything, Dominick snapped his fingers and they all appeared to be in Jude's apartment in the studio.
"Just, don't let me finish. Just snap us there, yep, and of course I'm not being listened to," Tommy said to himself.
"This the right place?" Natalie asked.
"Yep, so, I have a question," Tommy said as the two started to look around the room that was the studio.
"Yeah?" Natalie said.
"Once, me and Jude are in heaven…what happens to us?" Tommy asked.
"You'll either be guardian angels, or God probably has something else set up for you two," Dominick answered. Tommy just nodded and sat down on one of the stools. He reached for the acoustic guitar, but his hand would go right through it when he tried to lift it.
"I thought you guys said I could touch inanimate objects!" Tommy said waving his hand in and out of the guitar.
"Keyword there being touch. That doesn't mean you can use them. It's just so we don't freak people out. Here," Natalie snapped her fingers and an acoustic guitar was in Tommy's lap.
"Uh, thanks. Will I be able to do that?" Tommy asked as he strummed the guitar.
"Maybe, all depends on how things," Natalie replied.
"So, I'm assuming you know what we're doing here, right?" Dominick asked as he sat down on the floor against one of the studio walls.
"Um, brainstorming for ways to help Jude, right?" Tommy assumed.
"Ding ding! We have a winner. Now, as you know we were all given gifts. Tommy, you and Jude happen to share the same gift. The gift of music," Natalie said walking around the room.
"Now, try to think of how to use your gift to help Jude," Dominick said.
"But she can't hear me. She can only feel my emotions," Tommy added.
"Well, try to use that to your advantage. I can't tell you exactly what you should do, but think here Tom. She can feel your emotions. How can you channel that into getting her to hear you?"
Tommy continued to strum the guitar, using the music as a sort of guide to help him figure out how to talk to Jude. He then realized that if it was possible, he could get to her through music. They both had an incomparable connection in music that no one could compete with. Tommy started to strum the guitar, humming a tune to it.
"You think he got it?" Natalie asked with a smile on her face.
"I would say so Nat," Dominick replied as the two watched him re-sing the words to himself.
"Might help if he had a notepad or something," Natalie added.
"Yeah, I think you're right," Dominick snapped his fingers and a pen and notepad appeared on the ground in front of Tommy.
Jude was sitting in Studio A mixing another SME song when Kwest walked in. He sat down beside her, as much as Jude tried to ignore him, she knew he wanted to talk. Jude paused the song and let the head phones rest around her neck.
"Hey," Kwest said.
"Hey," she replied.
There was a silence before Kwest continued. "So, that was some meeting in there,"
Jude just sarcastically grinned as she thread her fingers through her hair. "Yeah, it was…"
"What Liam said was, uncalled for-"
"I got the speech from Jamie. I'm okay Kwest," Jude said with a small content smile.
"They decided to hold a small concert in his memory. The proceeds go to charity and blah blah blah," Kwest summarized.
"That's fine," Jude replied, she knew they would do something that Tommy would find uncalled for.
"They're expecting you to speak, perform, or do both," Kwest added. Jude stopped fiddling with the sound board and looked at Kwest.
"Please tell me you're joking," Jude was desperate for any other answer.
"I'm not. The fans and media are going to want to hear something from you, so Darius is already working on a performance line up, you being the last to perform," Kwest added.
"Well, tell him I won't do it. I can't do that Kwest. He's asking me to go up on stage in front of thousands of people and millions of TV's and sing my heart out about the man I lost,"
"The way you put it, it sounds like what you used to do a few years ago,"
"But it's completely different. This isn't about an ex boyfriend Kwest. This is about Tommy," Jude added.
"If it makes you feel any better, Darius is making me perform, too," Kwest remarked.
"Can you even sing or anything?" Jude asked.
"Believe it or not, I was head choir boy before I met Tommy. So yes, I can sing. I just don't do it as a profession," Kwest answered.
"I still can't believe I have to perform," Jude said looking down at her shoes.
"So does this mean you're actually going to cooperate with Darius?" Kwest asked, hoping for a yes.
"I'm not doing it for him, I'll do it for Tommy. Maybe he's out there some where listening to me," Jude said half not believing her own words.
"He probably is. I can see him now, laughing at us because we're actually slightly agreeing with Darius's ideas," Kwest added.
"Yeah, he'll probably be laughing at what Patsy's gonna sing,"
"I heard her say something about doing a punk rock cover of 'Pieces'." Kwest remarked.
"You're kidding me right? Oh man, Tommy would be so proud," Jude remarked with a laugh.
"You know, this is the first time I was able to laugh about Tommy," Kwest said, looking down at his hands. A sadness filled silence filled the air between them.
"Kwest, you can always talk to me. He wasn't just my boyfriend and guy I was in love with, he was my best friend, too," Jude remarked with a weak smile.
"Thanks Jude," Kwest still had his eyes to the ground.
"C'mere," Jude pulled Kwest into a hug and rubbed his back a little bit in comforting circles. Kwest reciprocated the gesture. "Don't worry, I'm not asking for man tears,"
Kwest laughed as he pulled away from the embrace. "You're a good friend. Glad to see that hasn't changed,"
"I hope it never does," Jude added. "Hey, why not sometime later this week we go out to lunch and talk about this Tommy concert thing,"
"Yeah, okay. Just another heads up, we have to write original songs," Kwest mentioned.
"Grrreat," Jude remarked with sarcasm. Kwest laughed at her response and walked out the door.
"Done!" Tommy exclaimed placing the pen beside the note pad and stretched.
Natalie walked over and looked at the lyrics, Dominick reading them over her shoulder. "My golly gee whiz I think he's got it," Natalie remarked sarcastically.
"So it's good? This may work?" Tommy asked, just out of curiosity.
"It could, we'll have to try it tonight," Dominick replied handing the lyrics back to Tommy.
"Tonight? What's tonight?" Tommy asked, almost afraid of what they were both concocting in their plans.
"Oh, you'll see," Natalie replied with almost a sinister tone. Tommy gulped and tucked the page of lyrics in his back pocket and followed the two out of the studio. Before Tommy knew it, they were in Studio A of G Major where Jude was sitting on the floor tapping her pen against her journal. Tommy stood with Dominick and Natalie at one end of the room, all three of them just watching.
There was a knock on the door. It was Alyssa, the fifth Instant Star winner. She was holding a tray with two cups of coffee from the café down the street and she sat on the floor next to Jude. She was only about 18 years old, but Jude was her idol, she looked up to her like she was the big sister she never had.
"So, how are things?" Alyssa asked handing Jude her coffee.
"Could be better," Jude said quietly graciously taking the coffee and sipping it slowly.
"Got anything written for next week?" Alyssa asked, setting her coffee down beside her. Jude was slightly getting sick of everyone referring to the Tommy remembrance/charity concert in vague terms.
"You can call it by what it is, Alyssa," Jude replied with a weak smile. Alyssa just nodded and looked down at the carpet. "So, how's your song coming for this thing anyways?"
"Don't really have much honestly. I'm not sure what we're supposed to write about. I mean, I know it's for Tommy, and it should be something relating to Tommy. But all I really knew about him was how much he loved-loves…loves you," Alyssa corrected herself. Jude almost winced at the mention of their relationship, only because she was just getting used to mentioning him at all. Alyssa saw Jude's reaction. "I'm sorry, I should really just stop talking,"
"No, don't. It's okay. I'm going to have to deal with it wherever I go. So, um. Don't feel bad about not having something written yet….I don't really have anything either," Jude replied trying to hide how bad it was hurting her.
"For the record, I think it's really unfair on how they're putting this pressure on you," Alyssa remarked, placing her hand on Jude's knee in a comforting way.
"Thanks. But hey, it's for Tommy. I'll do it for him, for us," Jude said with a sad smile as a tear slid down her cheek. Alyssa saw it and immediately embraced Jude. Jude started to cry in her friend's arms at the gesture.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say, I don't know how to help," Alyssa said as she just held on to Jude. Jude pulled away and wiped her eyes.
"It's okay, you've done enough. Today's just been so, ah, it's really just been a tough day."
Tommy sighed, the whole 'not being able to help' thing was really getting to him. Dominick could see this and decided that it was enough. He tapped Natalie on the shoulder and nodded towards Tommy.
"Hey Tom, let's go. I think that's enough for today," Natalie said placing her hand on his shoulder. Tommy just nodded and Dominick snapped his fingers and they left.
The day passed by with Darius telling everyone that their projects were on hold until the Tom Quincy Remembrance concert was done. Throughout the day Spiederman, Patsy, Alyssa, Mason, and the other Instant Star winners entered Jude's studio to check up on her, mainly because she never left the room since she came back from the alley.
Jude was sent home around seven that evening; everyone could see that she couldn't work and was too fogged up to do anything. She walked into the studio that she hadn't been inside for almost six months. She entered the room once when she had decided that she was ready to clean out some of Tommy's things, but once she had entered she froze and closed the door again.
She sat in the leather chair behind the soundboard and noticed that there was a tape inside the cassette recorder. She remembered that ever since the two had recorded White Lines that they officially loved recording on old play back devices. She hit play, and at first it was all static. But as her ears naturally tuned out the static, she heard something barely coherent. Just before the tape stopped, she heard one thing some what clearly.
"…notepad or something…" Jude's eyebrows furrowed as she pressed rewind and then played it back again. "…can't hear……only feel…." Jude's eyes widened at the sound of the voice. No matter how clogged the audio was with static, she could recognize Tommy's voice anywhere. Jude rewound the tape even more to see if there was anything else she could find out. "….brainstorming ways….help Jude…."
Jude covered her mouth. She got up from the chair and bumped up against the wall. She could feel every hair on her body stand up when she heard those words. She knew that the tape had to have been recorded recently; Kwest had gone through and taken all of the audio tracks that were left since Jude couldn't walk in there on her own. But then she remembered she hadn't pressed stop. But when she get up and was about to stop the tape, she heard the faint strumming of a guitar.
But before the song could actually get started, the tape stopped. Jude quickly ejected the tape and flipped it to the other side and played it. But there was nothing. The corners of Jude's mouth lowered and became a frown as she sat back down in the chair and held on to the tape tightly. A few tears slipped down her face. She quickly wiped them away and walked out of the room with the tape in her hand.
For some odd reason, she couldn't find the abnormality in this. She knew Tommy was gone, she knew he would never come back. But she knew he was always with her wherever she went. The way she saw it, he will always be with her, but now, she just couldn't tell where he was. Jude was never a spiritual or superstitious person, but if the evidence was right in front of her, she could do nothing but believe it.
By the time Jude was done fiddling with the cassette, it was already nine and Jude wanted to try and get at least two hours of sleep. She changed into her cami top with her pajama pants and tied her hair up. She then walked into her bathroom and washed her face, brushed her teeth, and then took the two capsules to help her sleep. She then went and lied down tucked in the covers of her bed and watched the digital clock on her night stand change each minute until her eyelids grew heavy and she fell asleep.
Dominick, Tommy and Natalie walked into the bedroom. When Natalie and Dominick noticed that Jude was already asleep, and saw the look of pure sincerity in Tommy's eyes, they took this as their cue to leave.
"Tom, we'll be outside waiting," Dominick remarked.
"Wait, what do I do?" Tommy asked in desperation.
Natalie snapped her fingers. "I think the rest is self-explanatory,"
Tommy looked at the acoustic guitar in his hands. When he looked up, Natalie and Dominick were already gone. He sat down in the chair next to the window and watched Jude sleep peacefully. Jude wrapped herself tightly in the blanket. Tommy always believed that Jude looked the most angelic when she was asleep.
Tommy started to strum the guitar, making sure the chords sounded right before he let his voice join the soft strings. Jude started to stir a little bit, but Tommy knew it would take more than a soft guitar piece to wake her.
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely wakin
And I'm tangled up in you...
Jude was sitting at a single dinner table at the front of the stage of a small cafe. It was an open mic night and Tommy was standing at the stage, singing his song to her. Jude's eyes filled with tears. Even though she had known it was a dream, she reveled in the moment of Tommy being there one last time.
Tommy finished the song and noticed the change in Jude's face. A tear was rolling down her face. Tommy walked over toward her. As he leaned down, he could smell her shampoo. Heh, thermasilk...she never was a fancy shampoo bottle fragrance girl. Tommy thought to himself. He whispered into her ear.
"Tell them our story, Jude. Share with them the story of our love..." Jude's eyes opened, but Tommy was already gone.
Jude sat up in her bed, holding in the great emotion that was built up inside her. She had to have heard his voice that time. It was for sure that time. The other time could have been because she was upset, but this time, it was real. Pulling the covers around herself tightly, she told herself it would be impossible to explain this to anyone. They'd all think I was crazy.
"I'll tell them. I'll tell them..." Jude said aloud. She wasn't sure if she was saying the words to herself, or to Tommy.