Chapter 8

When Kate and Rick entered Dr Burkes office a week later they did so with their hands intertwined.

They'd had a great week. Sleeping together was bringing them back in sync and every time they said I love you the wounds inflicted by the other started to heal. Lying next to each other in bed they found it easier to talk.

After their first night (and morning) they'd agreed to keep their relationship between each other for the moment but as soon as they'd entered the precinct their colleagues had seen the difference and Gates had called them into her office.

„Detective Beckett" Gates said sternly. „You know that relationships between coworkers are forbidden, don't you?"

„Sir, we are not…" Kate wanted to deny but Gates shut her up with a glare.

„Do I look stupid to you, detective?" her boss asked with a dead edge to her voice.

„No sir. Of course not" Kate said and shot Castle a nervous look. She didn't want to loose him as her partner.

„But technically I'm not NYPD. So…" Castle started but was immediately stopped but Gates look.

„Mr Castle" she scolded. „Do you work with detective Beckett?"

„Um… yes?" he said.

„So you are coworkers" Gates concluded. „Or would you rather I throw you out of my precinct?"

„No sir" Castle said.

„Well then I suggest you keep your mouth shut and listen to me"

„Yes sir"

Then Gates turned to Kate again. „Detective Beckett, you do know that it is your mandatory to tell your boss when you are pregnant, do you?"

„Um… um… sir… I…" Kate stammered. „How do you know?"

„You should know by now that nothing in this precinct goes past me" Gates said instead of giving an explanation.

„I suppose this baby is yours, Mr Castle?" she asked.

No point in lying now, right? „Yes, it's his" Kate answered for him.

„So you think that you can just keep working together?" Gates asked, her posture as cold as ever. „Despite the fact that the NYPD policy explicitly forbids relationships between coworkers. You think it's alright to hide this from me? And on top of that you tried to hide a pregnancy from me." Kate hadn't necessarily been hiding the pregnancy. She just hadn't thought about talking to Gates about it.

„I…" Kate was searching for a way out. Some excuse she could give. She didn't find one. „I'm sorry, sir."

Gates sighed. „Do you have any idea how irresponsible it is to not mention that you are expecting a child, detective?" Her tone had somewhat grown gentler and Kate could hear her captains concern for her wellbeing. She immediately felt bad.

„Mr Castle I expect that you keep her out of trouble instead of getting her into it like you usually do."

At that both of them stared at Gates in shock.

„So Castle is allowed to keep working with me?" Kate asked incredulous.

„As long as your relationship doesn't affect your work, I can pretend to not know anything. And no PDA. Do we understand each other?" Gates asked.

„Yes sir" they said in unison.

„From now on I expect complete honesty" the captain told them. „If there are any complications with the pregnancy I expect you to tell me so I can put you on desk duty or on leave. Do we understand each other?"

„Of course sir" Kate said.

„You are dismissed" Gates said. Before she could change her mind they turned and Castle was already out of the door when Gates called Kate back.

She looked questionably at her captain.

„Congratulations, Kate" Gates said with an hint of a smile on her lips.

„Thank you" Kate said and left the office with a final nod to her captain.

After that conversation with Gates they had decided to tell Ryan and Esposito as well. They'd waited until they were off duty and then went to the Old Hunt where they told them and celebrated until Kate grew tired and wanted to leave. In the cab she shared with Rick she got as clingy as she'd been the night before. She cuddled into him and when the cab stopped in front of her place she all but dragged him out behind her. He of course didn't mind a bit.

Since that first night they had spend all nights together and Rick was delighted at how cuddly and affectionate Kate was. She was open and trusting and had let him even hold her hair when she had started to throw up every morning three days ago.

Now they were called into Burke's office.

„Good morning Kate, good morning Rick" Burke said and shook both their hands. „You look good." Of course it hadn't escaped his notice that they had been holding hands when they first entered his office.

„How are you doing?" he asked after they'd sat down.

„Great" Rick answered for both of them with his adorably happy smile Kate loved so much. Burke watched them with interest.

„I can see that" he stated. „Has there been some kind of development?" He didn't dare suggest that that development took place in their relationship. It should be obvious but with those two you never knew.

„Actually" Kate started and unconsciously took Rick's hand in hers again „we are together now." She turned to her boyfriend and they smiled widely at each other.

Burke kept his professional mask in place but internally he couldn't stop to think finally.

„I'm glad to hear that. Congratulations" Burke told them. He studied them for a few more moments. They seemed to be very happy. He just hoped…

„As happy as you both clearly are right now, I want to go back to the topics we were talking about in our prior sessions. The main issue seemed to be that both of you had trouble talking to each other. So my question is if you managed to actually talk to each other about your feelings? Did the progression of your relationship result out of talking?" Burke asked.

„If writing – as another form of communication besides talking – counts, then yes. We exchanged the letters that you assigned us with the day we wrote them" Rick recounted.

„That's when we got together" Kate added.

„Do I understand correctly that the start of your relationship resulted out of communicating with each other?" Burke asked.

„Yes" Castle said and Kate nodded.

„What does this tell you for the future of your relationship?" he asked in best therapist manner.

„That communication is the basis of a relationship…" Kate said.

„…and that we need to continue talking to each other…" Rick continued.

„…in order for this relationship to work."

„That communicating our feelings is essential…"

„…to understand each other's motives…"

„…and actions." Rick finished.

Burke was starting to get a headache from the back and forth between them. Did they even notice that they were concluding each other's sentences? Burke wondered.

„You seem to have figured it out" Burke told them. „But just to be sure I want you to write down all the times that communication could have prevented misunderstandings. I want you to do that together this time."

With their new homework they said goodbye and left the therapist's office.

O-o-o-o-o

Later that night when they'd laid in bed next to each other they had talked about all the times they had failed to communicate their feelings and had therefore hurt each other. They hadn't written it down but they had talked and they thought that was just as good.

After that they'd both been a little upset because they could have gotten together so much sooner. But it had made them want to prove how good they were together even more. And so they had. With very little clothing.

Castle had fallen asleep soon after but Kate lay wide awake.

She listened to Rick's even breathing. It was calming and the past few days it had lulled her into the most restful sleep she had had in years. But right now she just couldn't fall asleep because her feet were so cold. They felt like she'd walked barefoot in the snow or something.

She'd already tiptoed over to Castle's dresser and picked out the thickest pair of socks she could find but her icicle feet just wouldn't warm up. She tried massaging them but that didn't work either. They just stayed cold. She was so tired but her feet were too cold to fall asleep. She shifted in bed and let out a frustrated groan.

„What's wrong?" Castle mumbled in his sleep. Kate didn't want to wake him so she said nothing, thinking he would just fall back asleep when she kept quiet and stopped shifting. But her saying nothing was actually what alarmed him and woke him up a little more.

He opened his eyes and looked at her. „What's wrong?"

„Nothing really" she responded. It really was nothing. Just a problem all women had to face occasionally. „Go back to sleep"

„You were fidgeting" he said matter of factly. „Can't you fall asleep? Are you uncomfortable? Did I snore?"

Oh, this sweet sweet man. Kate shook her head.

„Just cold feet" Kate said. He was awake now anyway and clearly he wasn't going back to sleep until she told him what was wrong. Which was nothing at all.

„Ah" he made as if he knew the problem. Which he probably did. He'd enough woman in his bed, two of them he'd been married to. Clearly he had to face that problem at some time. „Come here." He lifted the corner of his blanket.

Kate scooted over and he pulled her into him, letting the blanket fall down over her.

„When she was little, Alexis used to have cold feet all the time. She would tiptoe down the stairs, into my bedroom and under my blanket. She was so quiet I wouldn't even have woken up if it weren't for her ice cold feet touching my legs" Castle recounted and chuckled at the memory.

While he told her the little story he hugged her to his body, transferring his warmth into her. Her whole body warmed up and finally some of the warmth reached her feet.

„My mom had cold feet all the time too. So she knew how terrible it was" Kate told him. „As a kid I had never cold feet but if I had my mom would climb into bed with me and let me tug them between her legs. And I loved that. So after she tugged me in at night and left my room I would get up again and walk up and down in my room to get my feet cold so I could call for my mom and she would come back and lay in bed with me. Sadly my feet warmed up pretty fast again and she would go back to the living room to continue working on her cases. One night when my dad tugged me in I confessed to him. After that mom stayed every time until I fell asleep when I called her to warm my feet."

„So little Katie Beckett cheated to get some cuddle time with her mother instead of asking?"

„Mhm" Kate let out into his shoulder. Castle held her tighter and kissed her forehead. He loved hearing stories about little Katie Beckett. He loved when she was sharing parts of herself with him.

Kate's feet weren't cold anymore. In fact they were starting to sweat with the thick socks. So she shoved them off with her feet.

„Are your feet warm yet?" Castle asked and Kate felt as if she was back in her small bed with her mother all those years ago. That was the question Johanna had always asked before she kissed her forehead and left her room again. Kate felt like she needed to lie in order to receive more cuddle time but then she remembered that she was with Castle right now.

Kate nodded but threw one leg and one arm over him, making it clear that even if her feet were warm now cuddle time wasn't over.

„Good" Castle whispered and shifted a little to get more comfortable before he hugged her tighter again. He yawned.

Kate yawned too. She readjusted the side of her face on Castle's chest until she was perfectly comfortable.

„Night Rick" she mumbled, already half asleep.

O-o-o-o-o

„Rick?" Kate said. He immediately looked up from the book he had been reading. She rarely called him that.

„Yeah?" he smiled at her on the other end of his couch with his iPad in her hands. Her belly slightly swollen now.

„I've been thinking" she said and looked down at the screen of the iPad as if the source of her thinking lay there.

„Uh-oh, should I be worried?" Castle asked when he noticed her hesitant look.

„What?" Kate asked. „No. I was just thinking about the baby and how we are going to do this. I mean we spend a lot of time with each other but we don't actually live together and I don't have that much space in my apartment anyway. And we are not anywhere near ready to move in with each other but in the long term I think we will be…maybe… if that's what you want" she stopped and bit her lip. Her rambling was cute. Rick put his book aside and came closer to her so he could take her hands in his.

„Of course that's what I want, Kate" he told her sincerely. „But you are right. We are not ready yet to live together permanently but we agreed to take care of the baby together and therefore we need to be in the same place most of the time."

Kate nodded her agreement.

„Yeah, so I've been thinking about buying some stuff like a crib and where to put it and I was thinking of your guest room? If that's okay?" Kate didn't want to impose. It was his home. If he wanted to keep his guest room they would figure something out.

„Of course. In my mind it was already clear that the guest room would become the baby's room. I just wanted to wait until we knew the gender before buying anything" Castle said.

„I don't want to wait until then. I don't want the decorations and the color of the room to be influenced by the baby's gender. I want the baby to have all the possibilities and not be constricted by what society thinks is appropriate for its gender. So I think it would be best to think about how we want the room to be before we find out if we're having a boy or a girl"

Rick smiled. God, he loved her so much. She was perfect. When Meredith first found out that they were going to have a girl she started to buy every pink thing she could find and Rick had to fight very hard so Alexis' room wouldn't be pink too.

„Good idea" he said. „So what where you thinking about?"

„I thought maybe we could paint the room in soft white and grey tones. And have some animal prints on the wall" Kate suggested.

„Whatever you want, Kate" Rick said and leaned over to kiss her on the lips.

She pulled back. „I want you to like it too" she insisted.

„I'm sure I will. Did you already look at things?" he asked with a look to the iPad. She nodded.

„Show me" Castle said and sat closer to her. They put their feet up on the coffee table and Kate showed him the furniture she'd been looking at.

Soon they had preordered everything they would need for the baby's first year.