Chapter Sixteen

NCLEX day.

Alice barely slept the night before her NCLEX exam. She lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, alternating between reviewing facts in her head and panicking because she couldn't remember a damn thing. Bruce tried to soothe her, but it was no good. She was up at dawn, even though her test time wasn't until ten, and the testing center was so close she could walk there. She was drinking coffee and reviewing her practice book at the table in the lounge when Tony came sauntering in.

"Want me to rig it for you?" he asked, pouring himself a mug of coffee, "I know almost all the members of the nursing board in New York, I can make a few calls-"

He looked up and must have seen something on her face (which now felt like it had lost all color and sensation). He put his mug on the counter.

"Alice, honey, I'm kidding," he said, "You're gonna be great, you've got this."

"What if I don't?" she asked, ashamed of the desperate panic that was creeping up her throat as she stared down at her test book (which now looked like a foreign language), "What if I fail? What if I fail so bad they won't even let me take it again, what if I'm not cut out for any of this, what if-?"

"Not. Going. To happen." he said, walking over and plucking the book from her fingers, shutting it with a firm snap, "You've got this. And if you don't pass this time? We'll study again and you'll pass the next time. There's no time limit on this thing, your usefulness doesn't have an expiration date." He picked up her coffee mug and sniffed. "And you definitely do not need your coffee black today."

He dumped her mug down the sink before she could protest and proceeded to rummage around for the chai, making the tea with a surprising competence, considering he didn't drink the stuff himself. He set a travel mug down in front of her, filled to the brim, and picked up his own mug.

"Now, repeat after me: 'I've got this.'"

Alice took a breath and let it out.

"I've got this." And actually...she did feel better. She looked up at Tony, surprised. "Thanks, Tony."

He shrugged and took a sip of his coffee. "Comes from a lifetime of narcissism. I should be a life coach." He turned before Alice could protest this notion, tossing her a wave over his shoulder. "Break a leg, kid!"

Thor and Klara were exiting the elevator just as Tony said this, and both Asgardians looked a little confused as Tony stepped past them into the car and the door shut. They both turned to Alice.

"Break a leg?" Thor asked, "Why would Stark wish such a thing on you, Alice, today of all days?"

Alice rolled her eyes, and while she was explaining the saying, the rest of the team began to trickle in. Steve and Nat both wished her well (Nat in Russian, which sounded less like reassurance and more like a vague threat), and Bruce sat next to her while she finished the toast she hadn't thought she would eat, but that Clint had made for her anyway.

"Need something in your stomach," he had insisted, as he set the plate in front of her, "Trust me."

"You want me to walk with you?" Bruce asked as the time ticked ever closer and Alice began to get her stuff together.

She nearly declined the offer, but at the last minute, looking into his sincere brown eyes, she changed her mind.

"Yeah," she said, slinging her bag over her shoulder, "I'd like that."

They left the Tower and started the leisurely stroll toward the testing center, Bruce with his hands in the pockets of his jacket and the wind ruffling his hair, Alice burrowing into her scarf and coat and trying not to scuff her shoes along the sidewalk. The walk didn't take as long as she would have liked.

"You're gonna be great," Bruce said, adjusting the scarf around her neck and smiling at her with such genuine confidence that Alice couldn't help but smile back, "Call me when you get out? I'll come get you, we'll celebrate."

Alice nodded, her throat dry. Her heart was racing. Bruce leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, which did not help with the heart rate situation.

"I love you," he whispered.

"Love you too," she said, smiling at him, "And thanks. For helping me."

"I'd do anything for you," he said, with such fervent conviction that Alice's heart dropped to her stomach. He smiled and chucked her under the chin. "Go on, you're gonna be late."

He stepped back and shoved his hands back in his pockets. Alice turned to face the glass doors and, with a last deep breath, she went in. Standing at the registration desk, she glanced back and saw that Bruce was still standing outside, in the cold, smiling at her. She took a deep breath and repeated one final "I've got this" before she followed the tester into the back room.

Bruce went back to Avengers Tower and waited. And waited. He tried to go down to the lab, but after running the same calculations three times and getting three different answers, he gave it up. He went looking for Tony in his workshop, but the music was up loud and after several failed attempts to get the man's attention, Bruce gave that up too. He went back to the rooms he shared with Alice and tried to read a book, but it was too quiet. Finally, he made his way up to the penthouse lounge, at a loss for what else to do. Steve was there, sitting in the sunlight with a sketch pad and a look of intense concentration. Bruce poured himself a cup of coffee and glanced over the Captain's shoulder as he walked by.

"That's good," he said, as he settled into one of the nearby chairs.

Steve looked up, startled, and Bruce cringed, thinking he might have overstepped his boundaries. But then the Cap smiled, and Bruce relaxed again.

"Thanks," he said, turning the sketch pad around and handing it over without hesitation, "I've been trying to get back into it. Used to help me pass time between shows back in the day."

Bruce took the book, grateful for anything to take his mind off the waiting, and began to flip through the sketches with increasing surprise and admiration. They were mostly sketches of the team: Clint and Nat flopped over each other at movie night, Bruce and Tony in lab coats with computer screens, Thor on these very couches with his head thrown back in laughter. There were also sketches of people he only recognized from history books or from what he'd been told: a young Peggy Carter, a man who looked so much like Tony he could only be Howard Stark, a younger man in a dark uniform with piercing eyes and a sly, humorous expression. This young man appeared again, but this time with an expression of stern hostility, his hair grown long to frame a face that had been hardened but not aged: Bucky Barnes.

"These are...really good," Bruce said, lingering on one sketch in particular, Klara with her fists held before her, hair pulled back and crouched, ready to strike. There had been particular care taken with her eyes, shaded in with blue that contrasted beautifully with the pencil sketching that encased them.

"Eidetic memory," Steve said in explanation as he took the sketchbook back and flipped to the current sketch, another of Klara, but this one with a smile and a mug in clasped hands, leaning on her elbows with her hair in loose curls around her, "Like having a lifetime's worth of modeled photographs to choose from."

Bruce smiled and took a sip of his coffee. He couldn't help but notice that for a man with a lifetime's worth of memories to choose from, his most recent sketches seemed to consist more and more of one particular girl with pretty blue eyes. He tucked this thought into a corner labeled 'None Of My Business' and instead opened his mouth to say something more harmless.

The elevator dinged and he stopped. Alice stepped out, looking pale and a little lost. Bruce was on his feet and moving before the elevator door had closed behind her.

"Alice?" She turned to him with eyes that were wide and a little dazed. "Sweetheart, I told you to call me, I would have come get..."

He trailed off. She had been crying. There were tear tracks on her cheeks even as she tried to smile at him.

"Well," she sniffed, scrubbing self-consciously at her face with the back of her hand, "That sucked."

Bruce took two steps and wrapped her up, her face burying in his shoulder as she clung to him, stifling sobs.

"Hey, hey," he soothed, smoothing her hair and keeping her close, "It can't have been that bad, come on, everything's gonna be alright."

"Right!" Alice choked on a laugh and pushed away, swiping at her face. "Right, I can just try again, and again, and meanwhile I can just sit here, doing nothing while the rest of you risk your stupid lives, but it's fine! I'll just sit at home and do nothing. Hell, maybe I'll take up knitting!"

"Alice, honey, you know that's not what I-"

But the elevator door was open and Alice was shoving a confused Tony out and pressing the down button so fast that Bruce couldn't even finish his thought. The doors closed and she disappeared, leaving the three men behind in various states of stunned silence.

"I'm no expert," Steve said, from his spot on the lounge couch, "But I didn't think she'd get the results of her exam for a couple of days at least."

"She won't," Tony said, turning to Bruce with a frown, "And even those won't be official for like six weeks. What happened, man?"

Bruce shoved his hands in his pockets, then took them out again to take his glasses off his head and worry them.

"She...feels useless," he said, shoving his glasses back on top of his head, "She doesn't like to take charity, Tony, and that's what we've been forcing on her. No-" He held up a finger and Tony shut his mouth. "No, you know it is. Good intentions or not, we're not letting her pull her own weight. This is her chance to really contribute, to take back control of her life and...she needs this. That's scary to her. To need it so much."

He shrugged and started heading for the elevator.

"Do you want me to talk to her?" Steve asked as the door slid open, "Because she is a part of this team, Bruce. Whether shes sees it that way or not."

Bruce felt his lips twitch up a little as he got into the elevator and pressed the button for their floor.

"Thing is, Cap," he said, as the door slid shut, "I think that's what scares her the most."

Alice was fully aware that she was sulking. Alice was also aware that Bruce knew she was sulking and was indulging her. She didn't want to talk about it. It was stupid. The whole thing was so stupid. Because the truth was, if she didn't pass this test, she wasn't going to stick around. It would break her heart, to leave him, but she couldn't stay here. She just...couldn't.

Bruce would be fine. He had Tony. And Klara. And the others on the team to keep him together. He'd be fine. She'd been here way too long anyway, almost three years now. That was crazy. She was crazy to think that she hadn't formed attachments in that time. An attachment to Bruce was one thing, but the others? They didn't deserve that. They didn't deserve the pain she would eventually bring them.

She got up the next morning, intending to pack her things. Bruce was already gone, she remembered the featherlight kiss to her forehead as he'd gotten up and headed out to the lab. It made her chest clench. She padded over to the closet and pulled down her duffle bag, shaking it out and thinking about what she might want to take-

"Miss Ripley?"

She clenched her jaw but didn't stop, tossing the bag onto the bed and returning to paw through the clothes in her closet. When had she gotten so many?

"What is it, JARVIS?"

"Mister Stark has asked me to inquire whether you will be joining the team for breakfast this morning."

Alice rolled her eyes.

"Tell him I'm calling in sick," she said, taking down a tank top and one of the more worn hoodies and holding them up to the light.

"In that case, I've been told to inform you that your test results are in."

Every muscle in her body tensed. That was impossible. Even her unofficial results wouldn't be available for 48 hours, she'd read that in the testing materials. And Tony wouldn't know if her results were in anyway because she had to log in to...oh.

"That hacking bastard," she muttered, but she couldn't even put that much venom behind it. She was shaking too badly. Her throat had gone dry. She couldn't breathe.

"You passed, Miss Ripley," JARVIS said, "With flying colors."

The hangers rattled against the floor as they dropped from her hands. Her heart was hammering in her chest. Her vision blurred. She could dimly hear JARVIS asking if she were alright and she grabbed her wrist, digging the metal of her parents' rings into her skin, trying to pull herself together before he called someone.

"I'm fine," she gasped, "I'm okay, just...give me a minute."

"Of course, Miss," JARVIS said, then after a short pause, "Shall I inform the others?"

She huffed out a laugh and the tension bled out of her with the release of air. She took a breath through her nose and straightened.

"Yeah," she said, picking the clothes up off the floor and hanging them back up in the closet, "Tell them I changed my mind. I'll be up in a little bit."

"Very good, Miss."

Alice reached down to pick up the still empty bag and held it to her chest for a moment. Then she folded it neatly and put it back on the shelf, shutting the door firmly behind her.

A/N: So, I'm realizing, as I post more and more of these chapters, that much of this story feels a little bit like an exercise in indulgence on my part :) It doesn't feel as...focused as my previous stories in this series. So to those of you continuing this journey with me, thank you. Thank you for allowing me to indulge in a little bit of gratuitous story-telling. I promise the rest of the fics in the series won't be this wandering :) I love you guys!