Three months later:
Rick guided his now obviously pregnant girlfriend into the doctor's office. But not Burke's office. They'd had their final session with the therapist last week. Things were great right now. With Doctor Burke's help they had learned to talk to each other about their feelings. Most of the time it came to them naturally now. Especially with Kate pregnant and pregnancy hormones making her feelings bubble on the surface anyway.
Today they were seeing her OB/gyn. With a little luck they would be finding out the gender today. Rick was absolutely excited. He couldn't wait to find out. Kate was sure they were going to have a girl. Castle always argued they were going to have a boy. But in reality he dreamed about a little girl as often as he dreamed of a little boy. So he couldn't take his dreams as a sign.
His thinking was stopped when Kate's doctor called them into the examination room.
After a few standard checkups the doctor asked: „Do you want to know the gender?"
Kate said yes and Rick nodded eagerly. He was holding Kate's hand while staring at the screen fascinated.
„Let's have a look then" the woman said and proceeded to change the angle so they would be able to find out the gender.
„Well, seems like you are going to have a little girl. Congratulations." She smiled at them, printed an ultrasound picture for them and handed Kate a tissue to clean herself up.
„Told you" Kate smirked at her boyfriend. Rick pretended to pout. Kate chuckled and placed a kiss on his lips after he helped her get up.
„Are you happy?" she asked earnestly. Rationally she knew he wasn't upset that they were having a girl instead of a boy but well, she wanted to hear it from him. Pregnancy was making her insecure sometimes. Or a lot of times.
„Of course" Rick said and leaned in for another kiss. „Are you?"
Kate nodded and they hugged. Kate buried her face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent.
„Love you" she said.
„Love you too" he replied.
O-o-o-o-o
Two weeks after they found out they were having a girl, Kate had complications. She'd been walking down the stairs in the loft when she suddenly felt a jolt of pain in her abdomen. Panicky she'd called for Rick who hadn't been home at the time because of a book signing.
Alexis had been studying in her room when she'd heard Kate calling out for her farther in panic. So she'd rushed out of her room and found Kate halfway down the stairs breathing heavily and holding her belly in pain. Panicked tears glittering in her eyes.
Alexis had almost panicked as well. Nobody was home besides them since her farther was currently signing books on the other side of town and Martha was at an audition or something. But Alexis had tried to stay calm, called for an ambulance, helped Kate down to the couch, called her farther to meet them at the hospital and had tried to comfort her as good as she could.
Once at the hospital the doctors gave her some medication and the pain subsided. Causing Alexis to breath out in relief. Until then she hadn't been overly fond of her farther's relationship with Kate Beckett since she'd caused him so much hurt in the past. She had been even less thrilled about the baby. She didn't want to admit it but in retrospect she thought she might have been jealous that her dad's focus was going to change.
But when she'd heard Kate's call and saw her holding her belly in pain she'd immediately been concerned for her baby sister's wellbeing. That was the first time she'd thought of the baby as her sister instead of just the baby. After that incident Alexis had started to look forward to having a baby sister. And she started to see how much Kate reciprocated her father's love.
While they had waited for Rick to arrive they had had time to talk and they formed a bond. Still very thin but there nonetheless.
When Castle had arrived he'd rushed to Kate's bedside with the most scared expression Alexis had ever seen on her father's face. Then the doctor had come in again and told them that it were just minor complications that were resolved now but they were putting Kate on bed-rest just to be sure. They told her to stay away from any physical activity and emotional stress.
After that they had gone home where Rick had made the trip to Alexis room after dinner to thank her for taking Kate to the hospital.
Now Kate had been in bed for more or less two whole weeks and she was getting insane. She hated not being able to do anything. Rick didn't even let her carry her own book because he thought it was too heavy. A book!
She felt like a prisoner in his bedroom and she was about to explode with frustration. She knew he meant well but she couldn't take it anymore. She knew the next time he would talk to her she was going to explode. She didn't want to because he really hadn't done anything wrong but she was just so damn frustrated. The frustration was bubbling on the surface, just waiting to be let out on an innocent person.
Kate wanted to go home to her apartment. She wished she could just slip out of the loft and go. But she knew Castle wouldn't let her. They would have an argument which would frustrate her only more. Because he would say that she shouldn't be alone in her apartment in case something happened and the worst part was she knew he was right. But she just wanted – no needed – time to herself. She just wanted to be alone.
She loved him. She really really did. But his hovering on top of her already there frustration was gnawing on her nerves.
She just wanted to go home to be alone for some time. Because she knew that she was going to hurt him when the inevitable argument would start. She didn't want that. But she knew it was going to happen.
She could hear his footsteps approaching the bedroom. In a second the door was going to open and he would ask if she wanted tea. Or if he should cook for her. If she craved anything. If she wanted him to go buy her a new book. If she wanted…. If she needed…
All of that was nice. He was the perfect boyfriend. But right now she just wanted her independence.
The doorknob turned.
„Kate" he said when he entered the bedroom. She didn't want to let her frustrations out on him so she pretended to be asleep. Maybe she was lucky and he would go away so she didn't have to talk to him.
„Kate" he whispered and gently sat down next to her, placing a kiss on her forehead.
She stopped pretending and opened her eyes. „What?" her tone was already pretty frustrated. She tried to force the frustration down. It wasn't his fault. She shouldn't let her frustration out on him.
„Um…. I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to Peterson's for poker. Alexis is upstairs. Just call if you need anything" he said.
What? He was going to leave her alone? With nothing to do?! Kate thought incredulous. He couldn't be serious! She couldn't even get up from bed and was bored to death and he was going to play with his friends? Leaving her to her boredom?! She couldn't believe this!
(She ignored the voice in the back of her head that told her that a minute ago she had just wanted to be alone, to have some time away from him.)
„Yeah, sure you go and play with your friends and I just lay here and do nothing at all" Kate replied angrily, glaring at him. It was just so unfair that he could walk around all the time and she had to lay in bed all day with nothing to do but read.
Castle was taken aback by her tone. „I thought you would be happy to have me out of your hair for a while. But I can stay if you want me to" he said gently.
„No" Kate chewed out. „You go have fun. Don't let me keep you" Her tone was angry. She didn't try to hold her frustration back any longer. Right now she didn't care if she was going to hurt him with what she was saying. To be honest she wasn't even thinking about the fact that words had the power to hurt people right now.
„No, it's fine. I'm staying" Rick said with what he thought of was a soothing voice.
„No! Go! Play with your friends" Kate raged. His insistence on staying was making her only angrier. She didn't need him! She didn't want him here right now! She just wanted to be alone!
Kate didn't know whom she tried to convince right now. Or whom she was angry at. Probably just herself.
„Come on, Kate, tell me what you want me to do really. Do you want me to stay or go? Or stay at home but leave you alone? Everything is fine with me. Just tell me" Rick said and he was so fucking understanding it frustrated Kate even more.
„Just go! Leave me alone. I don't want to see you!" she hissed in fury. She was angry at him. Angry at the pregnancy. Angry at the baby. And most of all she was angry at herself.
For a moment she could see hurt hush over his face before he nodded and left the bedroom, closing the door behind him. Kate was still fuming with anger, stared at the door furiously. She didn't even know what she wanted him to do.
But when she heard the front door of the loft open and then close she started to cry.
Obviously that wasn't what she had wanted. Even if she had thought that might be it.
She'd hurt him. Again. He just wanted to help, do everything for her and she had just yelled at him. Tears flew down her face and she soon started to sob. She rolled into a ball as good as she could with her belly, hugging his pillow to her chest.
She wished he would come back. She wished he hadn't left. She wanted to curl up against him and cuddle.
She cried and sobbed quietly into Castle's pillow. She didn't want to alert Alexis upstairs. Physically she was fine and she didn't want the teenager to have to deal with her mood swings.
Approximately twenty minutes after Castle had left there was a knock on the front door. Kate could hear Alexis running down the stairs and opening the door, then she heard her talking to someone in a quiet voice before Kate heard steps up the stairs again. Probably a friend of Alexis.
Great. Kate thought angrily again. Everybody is having fun but her. Normally she loved reading but right now she couldn't see books anymore. She knew she was being unfair. Just because she couldn't leave the bed didn't mean that other people had to put their lives on hold too. But she was just so damn frustrated.
Suddenly, totally unexpected there was a knock on the bedroom door. Huh? Hadn't she heard Alexis walking upstairs?
The door opened a bit and she heard a soft „Kate?".
Lanie's voice.
What was she doing here?
„Can I come in?" Lanie asked.
„Mhm" Kate mumbled, her throat felt still to tight from crying to speak.
The door opened and Lanie came in. She was carrying a bag with chocolate cake and two hot chocolates.
„Hey girlfriend" she smiled and put the bag down on Rick's nightstand before she just climbed on top of the covers to lay beside Kate.
Kate just stared at her friend. She wondered what she was doing here. How she knew that she could need a friend right now. But she was still too emotional to talk so she stayed curled up in a ball. Tears continued to fall but at least the sobs had stopped.
For once Lanie didn't push. She just sat on Rick's side of the bed, her head on the headrest and sipped her hot chocolate.
„He is going to break up with me" Kate said after some time and another sob fought his way up her throat.
„No, he isn't" Lanie responded.
„Yes, he is" Kate insisted. „I hurt him. Again. I told him that I didn't want to see him anymore" Another sob escaped.
„He is not going to break up with you, Kate" Lanie argued. „He loves you and a stupid fight won't change that"
„But it wasn't really a fight. He was super sweet and I just lashed out with no reason" Kate cried. The longer she thought about it the more convinced she was that he would break up with her.
Why should he want to keep up with her mood swings if she was constantly hurting him?
„Doesn't matter. He still loves you" Lanie said with absolute certainty. „You know he called me, told me that you were upset with him, that he couldn't do anything right and asked me to come and cheer you up? He sounded worried. He knows that having to stay in bed frustrates you. He understands."
Oh. Her sweet sweet Castle. Even when she threw him out of his own house he still wanted to make her feel better.
„Things have been so perfect, Lanie. Ever since we went to see Dr Burke together things got better and better and now we have been out of therapy for three weeks and I already start hurting him again. What is wrong with me?" Kate cried. She didn't want to hurt him. She loved him so much. Why did she keep hurting him?
„Occasional fights are perfectly normal in a serious relationship. And I don't think he is upset with you. You are pregnant and can't leave bed right now. You are allowed to occasionally blame the guy who brought this on you. You have to suffer through bed-rest and hormones and giving birth and he has to keep up with your mood swings. That's how it is."
Lanie let her sulk a little longer before she ordered „And now, Kate Beckett, you get your sorry ass up, figuratively of course, and eat this chocolate cake I paid a fortune for. And then we are going to watch a very nice and sappy romcom"
O-o-o-o-o
A few hours later Kate woke up to a dark bedroom. It seemed like she had fallen asleep during the second movie and Lanie had left. The door to the bedroom opened and Rick walked in.
„Castle?" Kate said. She wanted to apologize but he just shook his head and disappeared into the bathroom. Kate felt her eyes water. So Lanie wasn't right. He was upset with her.
When she heard the bathroom door open again a soft light illuminated the room. He walked over to her bedside.
„Rick, I'm so sor…" she started put he put his finger on her lips. Then he took her hands and carefully pulled her to a standing position.
„Come with me" he said and walked them inside the bathroom which was illuminated by a hundred candles, a heavenly smelling bath drawn and soft music playing.
„Come on, let me help you into the tub" he said and didn't let her time to think about how perfect he was and how she didn't deserve him.
When she was in the perfectly warm water, he leaned down to kiss the top of her head.
„You enjoy your bath, beautiful. I'll be in the bedroom. Call me if you need anything" he told her and was about to leave when she spoke.
„You" she said. „I need you. Please stay"she whispered.
„Of course" he said and went to sit down beside the bathtub.
Kate shook her head. „Come in"
Soon she was leaning against his chest, his hands on her belly, carefully stroking.
„I'm so sorry, Rick. You are perfect, you haven't done anything wrong. I'm sorry for yelling at you" she apologized.
„It's okay, Kate. You are bored and frustrated. You are allowed to let it out on me. I can take it" he said and kissed her temple. „Anyway, if I were on bed-rest, I'm sure I would be worse."
Kate imagined him on bed-rest and came to the same conclusion. She chuckled and he pretended to pout.
„Thanks for being so understanding" Kate said.
„Always" Rick smiled and kissed her temple.