~defy~
When everyday we're running in circles,
Such a funny way to fall,
Tried to open up my eyes,
I'm hoping for a chance to make it alright…
The morning sun came with the smell of frying bacon and scratch gravy, a familiar scent of home that Sam had missed since their move to the seaside town. He wandered out of his room only to meet Michael head on and after sharing a look, they both wandered down the stairs in confusion. As they entered the kitchen, their mother with gleaming blond hair and a smile that made all the nightmares go away, greeted them.
"Good morning boys!" She said as she flipped an egg in the skillet with care, before turning to scrape the fresh gravy into a pretty antique bowl.
To Sam it felt as if he hadn't seen his mother in months, while it had only truly been a few days. As soon as she had finished rinsing the pan in the sink and transferring the egg to a plate, he walked into her arms and buried his face in the neck of her apron. "Oh! Sam," Lucy said with that comforting laugh that made it feel as if all was right with the world.
Her arms came up around his shoulders and held him close, like she had done when he was a small child who woke in the middle of the night in a fright. Her soothing voice always seemed to make the visions and madness in his head settle into a steady tide rather than the rough seas he normally endured. And it did the same now, as he stood there wrapped in her arms as Michael came and wrapped his own arms around them both.
"Michael," Sam heard his mother say with a bit of wistfulness, "What's gotten into you boys?"
"It's nothing, Mom," Michael said as he squeezed laughter out of them both before stepping back, "We just haven't seen you much since you starting working at the video store."
Sam stepped back as Lucy brought a hand up to his cheek, "I know that I've been busy every night down at the store and that we haven't been able to spent much time together. That's why I thought we could have a big breakfast together this morning before the weekend!"
She made a broad gesture at the spread that lay on the counter. Biscuits, gravy, bacon, sausage, fried potatoes, strawberry jelly, and fresh squeezed orange juice. It made Sam's mouth water just looking at it. Michael made it to the biscuits before Sam could even say thank you and Lucy laughed again as the two fought over the best ones. They all sat at the kitchen table to eat and it was as if the boardwalk never existed.
As Sam ate his plate of gravy smothered biscuits and he joked that his mother should become a movie critic since she had access to all those movies, another startling realization caused swirling visions to sweep across his eyes.
Sam's experience with his mother was much different than Paul had explained his own.
A scene of the boys of the night sitting around their kitchen table with them, and Lucy, flashed in front of him as if he were actually living it. Paul looked at Lucy as if she were the patron saint of kindness and even David thanked her for dinner politely. They all seemed so...content; at ease.
It wasn't clear to Sam how the vision could possibly come true, but he could only hope.
Just as fast as the vision had come it was gone and then he was seeing their family cleaning up the house. Bits of muscle and flesh that looked as if it had been blown apart, blood on every surface. Michael stone faced as he held his mother close before turning and leaving.
The fear that filled Sam snapped him back to the present. Yes, his experience with his mother was very different from Paul's. While Paul had very few reservations about leaving his parents behind for the night life, Sam did. Sam had a wonderful mother who loved him, who loved Michael.
Lucy had left her husband because she had faith that Sam was not going insane, that he truly was experiencing something strange and above the mortal plane. She loved her sons more than anything else in her life. She gave up everything for them. How could he and Michael just leave her behind when she had given them everything she had?
Michael nudged his knee with his own under the table, a concerned look on his face that he somehow successfully hid from their mother. The smile Sam gave him felt forced. It seemed to give Michael the hint, but Sam knew that they would be talking about it later. As long as it took his brother to confront things sometimes, Michael truly wasn't one to just let things go.
"Thank you, boys," Lucy said as she reached forward and held their hands in hers. So gentle, like they were still just small children. Sam thought that, to her, maybe they still were.
"For what, Ma'?" Michael asked with an amused smile.
"For taking the move and getting settled in so well," Lucy explained as she released them and began to clear the table, "I know how hard this had been on all of us, but I really appreciate you and Sam taking the initiative to settle in on your own while I sort things out."
"Anytime, Mom." Michael answered for the both of them. Which was better seeing as Sam was getting more choked up.
Lucy looked at them warmly once more before going about cleaning up the kitchen before her evening shift at the video store. After dropping their plates in the sink, Sam walked out of the kitchen and out onto the front porch. Michael followed closely behind him and they went towards the stairs that led down to the sand.
It was still a good hour before the sun would set. So, it would still be another while before Paul would arrived to speak with Michael.
Once they had gotten to the bottom of the stairs, the brothers walked down the beach away from town for a while before turning and heading back when they found a group of tidepools and rocky terrain.
Sam put it in the back of his mind that they should go back to the tidepools to explore on another day when they were wearing proper swimwear. He also needed to remind himself later to put on some after sun lotion due to the sunburn he thought he was beginning to feel. They hadn't spoken much as they walked. Both had a lot on their minds.
After breakfast with his mother that morning, even more questions and concerns were raised in his mind; like a red flag. Sam hadn't just found out that he was the mate of a vampire and now he was going to live happily ever after; the situation was much more complicated than that. He kicked at the sand as he eyed the waves that crashed roughly into the shore.
The shame at having accepted everything so frivolously still burned within him. He felt almost embarrassed by it; like a child who was caught having cookies before dinner.
"Do you think that everything is really going to go well?" Michael asked suddenly and Sam realized that the sun was nearly out of sight. Shadows gathered around them, the sky darkening above them.
Sam really thought about it, threw his own personal feelings towards Dwayne out into the wind and really considered what would happen. He thought of all the hundreds of exact things that would half to line up just right, perfectly for things to go the exact way he wanted it to. All Sam wanted was to have his cake and eat it too.
That didn't work out for Marie Antoinette; and Sam didn't think it would work out for him either.
Those feelings that he had cast aside came flooding back to him when the image of Dwayne returned to him; floating back on the wind like a blown kiss. Sam's heart beat heavily in his chest at the thought of being with Dwayne, of loving Dwayne, and of spending his life with Dwayne. Not only his life, but his immortal life.
There was so much to consider and to discuss, and he truly wondered if there was any way to negotiate with their mates. If Sam went through with his mateship with Dwayne, he would still want to see his mother. In fact, he felt that they should tell their mother. To cause Lucy any unnecessary worry was unacceptable to Sam.
He sighed as they made it back to the stairs. It was still a little bright on the horizon despite the sun having gone, so he knew Paul would be there as soon as it faded completely.
"I want more than anything to give this thing with Dwayne a chance," Sam said carefully, measuring his words for Michael's sake, "But there are so many things that I hadn't thought about before. Now, I have more questions for Paul myself."
"Like what?" Michael wondered as they sat onto the lowest stair that wasn't covered in sand.
"Like what about Mom?" Sam said softer than he had to. It made his chest constrict, tears come to his eyes just at the thought of leaving her behind. "We can't leave her Michael, but I don't know how it will work out that we can still see her."
It seemed that even that morning at breakfast hadn't brought that thought to Michael and his older brother went quiet in contemplation. Sam wondered if it was because Michael wasn't completely willing to play along with David yet; that he didn't feel anything for him yet. While Sam was definitely starting to have the beginnings of feelings for Dwayne.
In the end, Sam still knew that he would chose his mother over the night. He supposed that he was very grateful to have come to these realizations sooner rather than later when he could have already been in love with Dwayne. The decision he would have to make might have torn him apart at that point.
They would still have to make a difficult decision, but Sam was glad to know that it would be a fully informed decision now that they were curious.
The wind above them whistled as if a tune carrying on the breeze and then Paul was in front of them, all rocker and wind blown hair. His boots crunched against the sand as he walked up to them and smiled at Michael. "It's nice to meet you properly, Michael. I know this has to be really stressful." Paul said as he held out his hand.
Michael shook his hand with only a small amount of hesitation. "Was it stressful for you?" He asked right off the bat, no reason to be shy.
"It was," Paul said simply and sat down near Sam's feet, not seeming to care about getting covered in sand, "Marko and I started out very rocky. I came from a broken home, and when we met we had a sexual affair that lasted months before he told me what he truly was and what I meant to him."
Michael coughed to cover the scoff that he couldn't help letting loose. Sam would have given him an elbow to the side if he hadn't caught himself. "It doesn't sound like he really respected you. I keep hearing Sam and David use the word Mate, but it doesn't seem like it's really anything else than what you see on the discovery channel."
Paul smiled at the irony, "I won't sit here and tell you that it isn't mostly instinctual. It's the human in us that gets love involved. That makes it about love. All those emotions that we felt as humans are still with us, and it's only the human in us that makes mating anything other than basic rutting."
"Is that why Dwayne is allowing me to set the pace?" Sam asked curiously.
"No, Sam. Dwayne is going at the pace at that you decided because he wants a love that will withstand the millenia with you. He already knows that you are his mate, he can sense it. You can sense it. That attraction isn't just your sex drive, bud."
Michael couldn't cover his snort of disbelief that time. "What do you mean?" Sam questioned as he gave Michael's ribs a jab with his elbow.
"It's kind of like magnets. You're drawn to each other anyway, so love isn't necessary for the bond." Paul said, making Sam more wary with the information, "Dwayne knows that, that can turn out badly down the road however. If you didn't love each other, if it was all about the sex, the night, and the life, then you could come to resent him."
"Like you with Marko," Sam said with sadness for Paul.
"Exactly," Paul agreed and smiled a sad smile that made them all feel sick.
"Dwayne wants a life with you Sam," Paul continued, "And I know that David can be extremely passionate, but he does want a life with you Michael."
There was a long moment as they all fell deep into thought, the only sound to comfort them the crashing of the ocean. "Paul, would Marko have forced you to mate with him if you hadn't decided to forgive him?" Sam felt that he was asking for both of them.
"I believe that he would have eventually," Paul said carefully, slowly.
A deep fear shot through Sam's entire body, the sick feeling worsening into a swirling bout of nausea. Panic swirled within his mind, taking control of his body as his insides began to quiver.
"Would Dwayne, and David, be able to sit with us to talk things out? What about our mother?"
The image of Lucy, smiling in the bright warm morning light, glimmered in front of his eyes and the tears that Sam had been holding back all day fell.
Paul was on his knees and holding Sam's face in his hands in moments, blowing the cool night air against his face, encouraging him to breath through the sobs wracking his body. "Paul," Sam said desperately, "I can't leave my mother behind, we can't leave her. What if they demand that we leave her?"
It was a saddened expression that met him when Sam blinked through his tears. Michael leant into him then, wrapping his arms around his waist and breathing calming words against his forehead. "Sammie, you have to breathe," Michael mumbled into the air and Sam began breathing just like he'd been taught years ago.
In through the nose, out through the mouth. Everything's okay, with no single doubt.
A mantra that coached him through many a panic attack before their move to Santa Carla. Since they had arrived, he didn't have a single panic attack. He knew deep down that it was because his visions had been calmer and more manageable. And that it was due to Dwayne's presence.
"Is there any way for us to keep our relationship with our mother, to finish high school, to see the eiffel tower, to do anything except stay here for the rest of our lives?" Sam wondered aloud, asking questions had he hadn't realized that he was worried about.
Paul wiped the last of Sam's tears away and though his expression was still a bit sad, he smiled anyway, "We haven't been in Santa Carla again for long."
Sam's eyes widened at that and even Michael paid attention, "You mean you moved here?"
"Two years back, we moved back to Santa Carla, where we found Dwayne," Paul explained, "Before that, Marco had found me here as well, but we left soon after down to Mexico."
"What made you leave?" Michael asked and Paul grinned.
"Much of the same reason that you're asking about it. I had all of these same doubts, but I had also been hurt by my mate before we'd even mated, meaning that Marko would have done absolutely anything to show that I could still have the life I dreamed of." Paul told the story as if it happened just yesterday.
"David hadn't been difficult to convince, having never left Santa Carla himself. So, with a little help, we flew down in the dead of night until we found a cave next to the bluest waters that I've ever seen." It sounded beautiful, the way that Paul described it. "We were close enough to Cancun, and because no one cares what happens in Mexico, no one really noticed that natives and tourists alike were disappearing."
"And what made you come back?" Sam felt as if he were about to burst with all the questions that he suddenly had.
"I missed it here," Paul said with a fond smile as he glanced down the beach at the boardwalk. It had to be nearly a mile away, but it didn't even look as if Paul would mind making the walk.
"Santa Carla?" Michael said in almost disbelief.
"Yea," Paul grinned, "This was the first place in my life that felt like home, like I belonged. One day, I want to open a store right down on that boardwalk where we've hunted for years."
And despite the fear, and the worry that Sam was feeling, all the questions he still had; he wanted that for Paul too.
When I wake up, the dream isn't done,
I wanna see your face and know I've made it home,
If nothing is true, what more can I do?
I am still painting flowers for you.
~defy~