"I'm not sure about this, Princess" Octavia mumbled as she followed the other woman through the dense thicket.
They'd been walking away from the city for all of ten seconds and already the fear of getting caught by Heda's guards easily outweighed Octavia's usual thirst for adventure. She didn't like disobeying her commander by taking the blonde away from the safety of the city. But she couldn't tell Clarke why they couldn't leave. Lexa had ordered none to inform Clarke of what was happening outside of Polis. Octavia thought the order ridiculous. Clarke would know soon. Especially because the trouble was coming closer to them all with each passing day. It could already have arrived.
Thinking about a possible army waiting for them past the woods made Octavia edgy.
"We should probably head back"
Up front Clarke just moaned back at her.
"Cmon, O!" She turned to throw the younger woman her strongest pout, "Lexa's had me locked up in that tower for weeks like a real princess waiting for Prince Charming. I need fresh air!"
Octavia lifted a brow back at the blonde, "You're implying that I'm your Prince Charming?" She asked, tipping her head to the side when Clarke started biting her smile from widening.
"Maybe.."
Octavia rolled her eyes. Clarke grinned brightly at her friend and walked quickly back to her and took hold of her hand. She threw her other to her head.
"Oh! Sweet relief! My days of being imprisoned are over!" Clarke loudly cried out in a dramatic voice that had Octavia to looking around them frantically for scouts or worse, Lexa's guards. Clarke didn't care. She just continued her game, turning to beam at the warrior beside her, "Strong is the knight that saved me!"
Before Octavia could voice her concern that Clarke had clearly got a big case of the pregnancy crazies, the blonde is leaning in to kiss her quickly on the mouth. Octavia immediately lurched backwards in shock and stared at her chuckling friend.
"Oh man, you should see your face!" Clarke giggled a little uncontrollably, wiping the tears from her eyes.
Octavia stared wide eyed at her.
"What the fuck, Clarke?!" She growled angrily wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.
Clarke sobered up a little and smiled back at her.
"Relax, it was just a kiss. Prince Charming always gets a kiss after he saves the girl"
"Yeah? Well I bet he never had to worry about the princess' girlfriend tearing him a new one when she found out" Octavia snarled back under her breath.
Clarke isn't at all fazed. She just tapped her chin thoughtfully.
"Kinky" she winked at the younger girl glared over at her and reached out to tug on the warrior's hands to get them both walking again.
Octavia hesitated. She wasn't sure she wanted to go anywhere with Clarke when she seemed real eager to her murdered. Octavia glanced back at the tall pale structure towering over the trees in the distance behind them. She quickly wondered how hard it would be to dump the princess back in her tower.
"O?"
Octavia turned her head. Her eyes settled on Clarke's blue ones looking at her in apology and beg. She could easily read Clarke's fear to go back to Polis so soon. And she knew it wasn't from a fear of Lexa. The two women were beyond besotted with each other. Octavia looks at Clarke and suddenly sees herself in the blonde, trapped and craving the outside world but forced to stay inside where she was apparently safe. Because others told her so.
Octavia sighed with the distant memories. She didn't wish that on anybody.
"Okay" she relented, smiling when Clarke beamed at her. She was brought into a bone crushing hug after.
"Thanks so much! I owe you one" Clarke all but cried into Octavia's shoulder.
The blonde feels so relieved it made her want to cry. All she has craved in the last few weeks is space and quiet away from the city and away from Lexa's overbearing guards. She craved the open spaces and the green of the woods, and the loneliness of the wild. Lonely days in her room now are often spent telling her growing bump stories of her time in the wilderness, before Roan had captured her. Clarke's nostalgia for it had her creeping around Lexa's back. The city was too cramped. She was thirsty to breathe again. And Octavia was her only shot to get that freedom.
The other girl awkwardly patted her on the back when the hug drew out.
"Don't mention it" She mumbled. Clarke laughed but Octavia pulled her back to look her in the eye, "Like, seriously, don't mention it. Lexa would kill me"
Clarke drew herself further back, with a little sadness reaching her blue eyes. She shrugged when Octavia frowned for the sudden change in her mood.
"Lexa seems more preoccupied with her maps these days" she mumbled trailing her left hand over her bump protectively. Her baby softly nudged her in return. She sighed knowing they both missed Lexa being with them. She told herself they would both have to get used to it.
"Hey"
Octavia strode to Clarke's side and gently tucked a stray strand of golden hair back behind Clarke's ear. The blonde's head tipped a little into Octavia's hand, and her brow scrunched up as if in pain. It made Octavia wonder how long it had been since Lexa last gave affection to her girlfriend. She felt bad guessing it was probably a while if Clarke was reacting so much to this friendly affection.
Clarke looked up sensing what Octavia must be thinking. Octavia smiled at the guilty look on Clarke's face.
"Lexa loves the ground you walk on" she told the blonde strongly, "And this kid? I never thought I'd see that grounder smile. But she hasn't stopped since you announced the pregnancy"
A tiny drift of a smile came to the corners of Clarke's mouth then and it makes Octavia regret her next words. She didn't want to upset Clarke. But she had to be told how it was. Octavia cursed her own luck having to be the one to say it.
"But she is still the commander, Clarke"
Clarke's smile faded. She nodded as if she had heard this conversation too many times before. And maybe she had. But Octavia refused to let her believe that was it. That Lexa was Heda and that was it. She knew for Lexa it was deeper than that. Clarke had to understand that too.
"Even though she wants to, Lexa can't just abandon her duties to be with you. Her job is to keep the peace. Otherwise mini Heda here," Octavia's hand pressed gently next to Clarke's on the blonde's stomach, "They will be born into the same chaotic world we finally just got to leave. You really want that for your kid?"
Clarke shook her head no. They'd all fought for years to come this far. She didn't wish that life on any child. And especially not her own. It'd been the whole point she had fought in the first place.
Clarke looked back to Octavia beside her and she smiled nostalgically at her friend. Octavia shifted a little on the spot not knowing what the blonde was thinking. She felt nervous and embarrassed for being so soft. Especially because for the first time ever she'd been defending Lexa. It's not exactly in her nature to do that. Clarke's smiling at her makes her feel stupid.
"What?" She snapped out moodily without thinking. Clarke's smile just grew a little wider.
"When did you grow up?" Clarke asked causing Octavia's brow to rise again.
The blonde chuckled watching the surprise hit Octavia's eyes while she thought it over herself. She didn't know. Between all the blood and war, and the ever constant drive to survive, there was never a time to stop and think about themselves, to see the change firsthand. It was always one problem after another.
Octavia frowned thinking over all the struggles she'd been through herself, and tried to compare them to her few childhood memories. She'd always been hiding. Always fighting, trying to survive. Had she really grown up? Or was everybody else just finally seeing her for the first time? Because to Octavia she hadn't changed or grown up. She was pretty sure she'd just always been this way.
The warrior just shrugged with her own musings and smiled over at the blonde watching her.
"When did any of us?" She countered and took her hand away from Clarke's bump.
Clarke shrugged too.
"I don't know" she looked thoughtfully up at the sky a moment, "I stopped watching when Raylah started"
Octavia's face crinkled up immediately remembering her own discovery of the mechanic and the trader tangled together in the back of the rover one day. She shivered freshly grossed out again.
"I still have nightmares of Raven's screams" she shared in a feeble mumble. She shuddered again with the memory.
Clarke smirked back, "Jealous dreams from the sounds of it" she teased lightly. She knew Octavia and Raven have always been a little close. She'd always wondered by how much.
Octavia rolls her eyes at Clarke's suspicious smile and began a brisk walk away from the other girl, "Not everybody is gay, Clarke" She mumbled a little too quickly.
Clarke smirked as she walked after her into the woods.
"I know. I am one of those people, Octavia"
Octavia just smiled.
"Sorry. I forgot. You're not attracted to women. Just moody commanders"
Clarke grinned back at Octavia's weak blow, "When they look like Lexa, can you blame me?"
Octavia pretended to think it over then shook her head.
"I guess not. Moody as she gets, she is a total fucking bomb"
Octavia's smirk got slapped away by Clarke's hand on her arm. She stood still against her body wanting to fight back and instead raised a brow at the other woman. Clarke just looked meanly back at her.
"Watch it!" She snapped angrily, "That certain bomb belongs to us" she points at her pregnant belly and half seriously growls at the other girl, "Lexa is all ours"
Octavia raised her hands in immediate surrender. She's a little shocked at how serious Clarke had taken her. And amused. Clarke looked like she was seconds away from hitting her again. She pitied whatever poor soul ever tried to take Lexa from Wanheda.
"You can have her" she mumbled before Clarke could growl at her again.
Clarke nodded, glad that Octavia backed off and embarrassed that she had reacted the way she did when they'd simply been joking. Since when did she get possessive?
Clarke shook it off and walked on. She'd worry about it later.
Octavia allowed herself to quietly laugh under her breath before she followed protectively behind. They'd planned to visit the river to cool off for a while. If they wanted to make it there before anybody realised they was gone they'd have to hurry.
Octavia ducked under a branch as they headed further into the woods and kindly held it up for her friend to pass under. Clarke gave her a thanking grin and walked on to the path that would lead them to the river's clearing. The warrior smiled to herself seeing Clarke speed up a little more when she saw it herself. She understood why. Their destination was so close.
She forgot how contagious relief can feel when you're supposed to be cautious.
Octavia stopped walking while Clarke started a new conversation about some crazy baby dream she had the other night. Octavia was certain she had heard something over the blonde's rambling. Like twigs breaking under foot nearby.
Octavia pushed her hearing. It could just be an animal. Maybe a deer they've scared being loud. But she didn't like how quiet it seemed around her all of a sudden. Like something bad is going to happen. It has the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end. Octavia didn't like it at all.
Her eyes locked on Clarke still walking and talking a few steps ahead of her. And her senses rushed into hyperdrive. Octavia could feel the cold of the wind blowing up her back. Could see all the shades of color in Clarke's shirt. She could taste the cool in the air as well as a hint of apple that must be a souvenir from Clare's kiss. She vaguely remembers seeing the blonde crunching on one earlier. And worst, Octavia could hear more twigs breaking. Gently like the feet snapping them are treading with the lightest touch. Trying not to be heard. Trying to sneak closer.
Automatically the warrior tensed her body and planted her feet defensively, readying herself for a surprise attack when the snapping became deliberately louder to the side of her. She turned her head a fraction toward it and breathed deeply.
Slowly Octavia's hand reached back for the sword on her back. She had the leather pommel in her grip and pulled just an inch out of its sheath when a body exploded from the brush behind her and slammed her harshly into the ground.
Winded and dizzy Octavia struggled to react straight away. A weak voice in the back of her head says she has to get up and protect Clarke. But when she tried there was a weight over her waist stopping her move her legs and a knife pressed to her throat. Octavia opened her eyes to her attacker and immediately regretted it.
Angry brown eyes burned like charcoal down at her. Pursed lips drew thinner in a harsh cold disapproval Octavia is only more than familiar with. Octavia knew not to show how relieved she feels at recognising the warrior pinning her down. She'd most likely be killed for it.
"Hi Indra" The younger warrior coughed still trying to catch her breath.
She tilted her head up to peer over the older woman's shoulder to make sure Clarke was okay. When she recognised Lexa's jacket, she quickly decided it best to stay quiet.
"Would you like to explain what you were doing with Wanheda out away from the city's protection without a guard?" Indra growled slowly, with definite anger in her tone.
Octavia felt angry herself looking back at her old mentor.
"I am more than capable of looking after Clarke on my own!" She growled back. She was offended Indra would think otherwise. After everything Octavia had done over the years to prove she was worthy of the title warrior, she'd hoped her teacher would show some pride. Just a little.
The knife was pressed dangerously closer to her throat in reply. And Indra locks eyes with Octavia with a long cold stare the young warrior easily and defiantly reciprocates.
"What were you thinking?!"
Lexa's voice growling furiously breaks through the warriors' silent argument and makes both women forget their anger. They both turned their heads to watch their Heda square off against her blonde lover.
Lexa looked angry, downright furious even, that Clarke would endanger her life like that. And their baby's. And for what? A trip to the river? Her whole body stood rigid in anger as she glared down at Clarke. Her hands started shaking with her rage when Clarke glared straight back at her.
"I was thinking that I'm sick of being trapped inside day after day!" Clarke snapped back furiously at her girlfriend, "You can't just lock me up, Lexa! It's not right and it sure as hell is not good for my baby"
Lexa's green eyes darkened and pierced Clarke's blue ones furiously.
"Your baby?" She repeated in a low rumbling growl. She hadn't missed Clarke's deliberate try to exclude her, like she was throwing her from their family. She was surprised how easily Clarke had said it. How little regret she showed having said it. It made Lexa angrier.
Clarke's jaw tightened being on the receiving end of one of Lexa's infamous rages, "Sorry" she spat back at her lover, just as angry, "I just assumed seeing as you rarely even bother with me anymore, you'd forgotten we were expecting a child"
Her words blew cold into Lexa's skin. And colder inside her heart. The commander stumbled back a step and looked guilty to her lover. She struggled with what to say, with how she felt. She was torn between screaming a defence back at Clarke and pulling her close to show she hadn't forgotten. She'd maybe been a little distant but that didn't mean she had forgotten her princess and the life they had created together.
Lexa heard a quiet voice talking behind her and remembered with embarrassment how they have an audience.
"Indra" she called out behind her without removing her gaze from Clarke's fiercer one, "Take Octavia and leave us"
Octavia yelped as Indra hauled her quickly and roughly to her feet. She stumbled upright and looked over at her friend with worried eyes. Clarke just nodded at her to go with Indra. But Octavia doesn't. She took a step forward. She was determined to speak up and take the blame, to tell Lexa it was her idea for Clarke to leave the city for the day. Because she could tell from the way the two women looked at each other that if nobody stopped this pointless argument now it would escalate too far.
"Heda-"
Octavia's speech was stolen from her quickly. She felt a hand on the top of her head, spinning it to face forward as she's marched forcefully out of the clearing back towards the city. She huffed to herself while Indra continued to shove her along.
Clarke watched them go and then turned back to Lexa. Her eyes peeled over the commander's pale skin and tired eyes. Lexa looks exhausted. Clarke could barely summon the energy to care though. It's not a surprise to her. At this point Lexa deserves it.
"What's going on?" She asks crossing her arms and giving Lexa her best game face.
Lexa's gaze never looks away. And Clarke thinks Lexa could at least have the decency to avoid her eye before she tries to lie to her. To feel bad about it.
"Nothing is going on. Your paranoia that there is is causing-" Lexa stopped when Clarke prodded her sharply in the chest. The other woman moved closer looking angry again. It has Lexa swallowing nervously. Clarke hadn't been this mad in years.
"Don't you dare!" the blonde slowly growled at her, "You've been acting crazy this last month. Tucking me away, refusing to let me out of your tower like the damn prisoner I used to be" Lexa winces but Clarke hasn't finished yet, "You refuse to tell me what's wrong. I could help. Lexa, I could"
Lexa started shaking her head, "You can't help in this, Clarke" she spoke softly with eyes begging Clarke to understand. But its clear that the blonde doesn't.
Lexa took a step forward but clarke moved back. Lexa stopped with a fallen expression when she realises the distance that had grown between them because of her, because of her fear regarding the clans and their continued unrest. She had tried so hard to keep Clarke away from it all. To protect her from the worries she believed belonged to Heda alone. They were her clans, her people. It was Lexa's burden to carry. Not Clarke's. And especially not their child's too.
"Lexa..."
Clarke's voice is so low and so sad. Lexa closes her eyes and a soft hand touched her face. She gasped despite herself because somehow in the past few days..or maybe it could be weeks now... she'd allowed herself to forget the electric feel of Clarke's skin against her own. Lexa realised all too suddenly that maybe she had taken things too far in trying to protect Clarke. By trying to keep Clarke close, she'd only thrown her away. Lexa hated herself for it.
"Lex, look at me" Clarke ordered and Lexa obeys.
She slowly opened her eyes and looked down at the watery blue ones staring back at her. Clarke looks so miserable. So tired. It breaks Lexa's heart.
"What's going on?" Clarke desperately whispered, moving closer when Lexa pursed her lips and shook her head in response, "Lexa, you have to tell me. Before this goes too far and-" Clarke cut herself off realising where her train of thought was headed. She hoped Lexa didn't notice.
"And..?" Lexa prompted, swallowing sharply. Her heart started thumping scared in her chest. She's already so very scared of what Clarke might say, might decide.
Clarke closed her eyes briefly to summon some strength. Then she looked back at Lexa.
"Before you push me too far away" she whispered hoarsely around the pain in stinging inside her chest.
Lexa opens her mouth to argue but Clarke couldn't let her speak yet. Not if she wanted to remain holding control of the conversation.
"I know, you probably don't mean to. But that's all this is doing. Keeping me inside, refusing to let me do anything.. Keeping secrets.." Clarke sighed tiredly to herself, "Whatever's going on, I want to help. We're in this together, right? All three of us"
Lexa stared down at her silently. Maybe Clarke was right. Maybe keeping her and the baby safe would be easier if she knew the dangers that threatened to surround them right now. Lexa had wanted to keep Clarke unaware. To handle everything herself. Because Clarke had a tendency to try to fix things herself, usually placing herself in danger first. It was something Lexa loved and despised in the blonde. It always made her go mad with worry.
But maybe Clarke was right. They always resolved issues together and soon she would have to handle another voice demanding to be informed too.
Lexa pressed her hand to Clarke's stomach, and she smiled feeling her child kick hard against her palm. Clarke had been right. He would always side with his mother.
The commander let out a deep breath before she met Clarke's eyes again. The determination and care she found in them warmed her heart enough to let her speak its fears to her Sky princess. She knew she would regret it. But she decided the moment had finally come to tell Clarke.
"War is brewing, Clarke"
The words tasted bitter in her mouth and miserably she thought back to the last time she had uttered those exact words to her blonde. She'd snatched Clarke from her freedom then too.
Without thinking Lexa's hands reached up to Clarke's face, fingers brushing over the blonde's jaw where the gag had once sat tight and pinching. She bowed her head down to touch against Clarke's as she let go of all her breath and dropped her Heda facade. She felt too weak to hold it up anymore.
"I need you" she whispered as breathlessly as she had years ago. And like then she believed it too. She needed Clarke more than anything. Not to strategise or liaise. But to remind her what was worth fighting for, surviving for.
When her world turned to bloody battles and constant death, Lexa needed Clarke to remind her what it felt like to feel alive.
Clarke was silent against the commander. In seven words Lexa had managed to shatter her belief that for once everything was right in the world. All too suddenly her heart is racing and Clarke wants to scream. Had they not paid enough for their peace? Had they not given enough blood yet? She wished suddenly that she'd never demanded an explanation. Wished that Lexa had carried on being selfish and withholding. Clarke could, and would, take a cold distant lover over seeing another war. Easily.
But Lexa had told her, and not just because Clarke had forced her to. Lexa had told her because she didn't have any other choice. Because things had escalated beyond that already. Clarke knew immediately that the coming fight is too close. Just the way Lexa is holding her tells her that. Lexa was afraid. And when Clarke feels a movement inside her and Lexa looks down to it sadly, she suddenly she understands why.
Clarke feels it too now.
Suddenly Clarke is terrified.