Vampire Chronics: CH 3

"Who's the loner?" Andrew said.

Jonny stopped looking at Dwayne and said, "Do you want chocolate doo-doo?"

The young woman continued looking at the ceiling.

"Maybe she can make chocolate doo-doo too, that's why she doesn't want any." Dwayne said.

"What's your name?" Bertha said.

The young woman sat up. She shook her head and turned to look at them. To their surprise she looked a lot like… Kate Beckinsale.

Some guy in the next cell said confidently out loud, "Her name gotsta be Foo."

'Foo' gave him an evil look. An energy ball appeared in front of her and she shot it at his crotch. It hit the cell wall and evaporated, leaving a small puff of smoke.

"Aaaahhh!" Jonny screamed, covering his ears.

"What's the matter?" Andrew said.

"What?" Jonny said.

"What?" Andrew said.

*Poouuit!* another sausage came out of Bertha's belly button. It suddenly appeared and re-appeared in the hands of some other girl. She looked quiet and mellow. She looked a lot like Zhang Ziyi and she ate the sausage. She burped and someone else's stomach grumbled.

Everyone looked at Dwayne.

"Hey guys, its not me this time."

"What's your name?" Jonny asked the guy next to Foo's cell.

"I'm Wanto Iswans," the man said.

"You look a lot like Chris Fer." Jonny said.

"What'd you call me?" Wanto said.

"He meant to say Chris Tucker," Bertha corrected.

"So what's your name?" Wanto said to the girl who teleported the sausage into her cell.

"San fi-chi," she said.

"What? Sandwich?"

"Huh?"

"What?"

"San fi-chi."

"Okay, whatever sandwich." Wanto said.

"Cool! Can you make sandwich poop?" Jony said.

"What?" San fi-chi said.

"Huh?"

"San fi-chi?"

"Yeah, sandwich poo?"

"No."

"Aww, too bad."

Two more stomachs rumbled.

"Jeez, didn't anyone eat anything besides Dwayne and Bertha?"

"And sandwich girl," Wanto added.

"We haven't had anything to eat for hours," Wanto's cellmate said. The speaker had short tousled blonde hair, kind of like Sean William Scott. Then he spit into the air.

"I've been drinking water the whole time, but you know, it's not filling," he said.

"Yeah, and he's been pissing in the corner!" Wanto said.

"Idiot! Don't tell them that!" The cellmate made his spit (which was still in the air, apparently floating by itself) into a huge ball of water. The cellmate pointed at Wanto, and the ball zoomed straight for him. Wanto looked at the ball with wide eyes. Then, a red beam of light shot from Wanto's eyes and evaporated the ball of water.

"Hey Elmo, Wanto! Cut it out! Don't make me have to hurt you!" Someone cried from a cell in the corner. Everyone turned to see who spoke, but the cell was empty except for a woman who looked like Demi Moore… and a chicken.

"That's right," the chicken said. "Don't make me come over there. I got claws and a mean beak- I'll kick your-"

The woman who shared the cell with the chicken hit him in the head to shut him up, and then the chicken turned into a white albino bunny. Wanto shot his laser-beam eyes toward the animal. The beam disappeared on contact with the cell wall, but the aggressive attack scared the animal so much that it turned into a brown duck. The duck got angry. Suddenly it turned into its real form- a kid with curly brown hair and ears like a monkey.

"It's Frankie Muniz!" Jonny said.

"No, my name's Fabio," he said.

"I didn't know that you could turn into a person too," Jonny said.

"I turn into small animals," Fabio said.

"You speak good English for a chicken," Jonny said. Fabio looked confused.

"What? I'm not really a chicken. This is my real form."

"Chicken?" Dwayne said. "Where?"

"Where'd you guys come from?" Fabio's cellmate said.

"We're from around here," Andrew said.

"Oh really? I'm Jackie, and I'm from Australia."

"I wish my name was Jackie," a man said. He was in the cell next to Jackie and he looked a lot like Jackie Chan.

"What's your name?" Jackie said.

"Mai kho-ja kuson."

"You're not black," Jonny said.

"Haha, you're funny kid." A man next to Mai kho-ja kuson said. He had shaggy blonde hair and a crooked nose. He looked like Owen Wilson.

"What's your name?"

"Bobert."
"

Where did you come from?" Bertha said.

"Mai kho-ja kuson came from neverland," Jonny said.

"Around there." Mai kho said.

"Foo's from Russia," Wanto said. Foo shot him another evil look. "I'm only kidding Foo, just playing with ya. Sike!"

"I'm from China," San fi-chi said.

"They have sandwiches in China?" Jonny asked.

"What?"

"Sandwich?"

"San fi-chi?"

"Sandwich poop?"

"Nevermind," San fi-chi said.

"Neverland?" Mai kho said.

"I give up," San fi-chi said.

"I'm from Britain." Bobert said.

"I'm from Switzerland," Fabio said.

"So that means the rest of us are from the US," Dwayne said.

Bertha popped out a couple more sausages and San fi-chi teleported them into everyone's cell. I wonder if Mai kho wants a sausage, Bobert thought.

"I don't want a sausage," Mai kho said.

"I didn't say anything," Bobert said. Geez, this guy is psycho, Bobert thought.

"Shut up!" Mai kho said.

A sausage appeared on the floor and Bobert picked it up. "You like sausage?" Bobert teased, waving it around Mai kho.

"I no like."

Bobert moved closer around and Mai kho moved away. Then Bobert used super speed and chased Mai kho around the cell. Mai kho turned around, and Bobert was right behind him. Bobert ran in a circle around Mai kho, always holding the sausage out in front of Mai kho's face.

I hope he doesn't trip me, Bobert thought. Mai kho tilted his head as though trying to hear a faint sound. Then he smiled and stuck his foot out. Bobert tripped over Mai kho's foot and fell onto the floor. Everyone laughed at him. Mai kho stood over him and kicked the sausage away. "I can read your mind," he said.

"Ooh, neat power," Fabio said.

"What am I thinking about?" Jonny concentrated hard, and his face looked like he was constipated or something.

"I can only read your mind if you think about me," Mai kho said, and went to pick up the sausage.

"Well that's not cool," Bertha said.

"No, on the contrary," Andrew said. "It means that he can't be attacked."

"I don't get it man," Wanto said.

"Look, if you try to attack him, you'll think about it, and he'll pick it up. He'll know where and when you'll strike, so he'll dodge or block."

"I wish I had known that sooner," Bobert said. Then he rolled over and sat up. He rubbed his forehead where it hit the floor. He noticed someone in the farside of the room, opposite Bertha's and Dwayne's cell.

"Hey sandwich, who's that in the cell with you?"

Everyone looked to see who it was. San fi-chi went over to the person who was sleeping, and gave her a sharp poke. The woman rolled over and mumbled, "I want apple pie from McDonald's… or wherever you buy chicken." San fi-chi poked her again and then the woman woke up.

"Oh, she's hot," Dwayne said when he could see her. She had short spiky brown hair and looked like Halle Berry.

"I'm kinda hungry," she said.

"Ooh, hold on a minute!" Dwayne said, snatching up a sausage and shoving it in his mouth. He concentrated, and the woman watched him. As Dwayne finished his process, the woman's eyes turned a pale blue color. She looked at the floor, the ceiling, and the huge metal door at the front of the room.

"Someone's coming," she said.

Andrew turned to look at the door. She couldn't possibly tell that someone was coming unless… "You have x-ray vision," Andrew said.

The woman turned and looked back at Dwayne's… underwear. Dwayne followed the way she was looking at him, and came to the conclusion…

"Are you looking through my underwear?" Dwayne shouted.

"What? No! Eww, that's gross," she said blushing and she turned away.

Well that's all for chapter 3! I will be updating soon, I promise!