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Chapter 5:

As gentle rays of light passed through the sheer opalescent shades of the front windows, I peeked through my eyelids. I had felt as though someone was watching me. As my eyes focused on the shadows outside the house, I thought I saw a person standing outside the window. I brushed the sleep from my eyes and stood up. Today I had gotten up at 7:00, a new early morning for me.

I had slept in my usual running clothes so I grabbed my usual running supplies, and put on my shoes. Charlie was off work the next few days so I was glad he was still asleep. Since he wasn't used to waking up and me being gone, and since Renee and Phil were staying with us I decided to leave a note.

Everyone,

Out running. Should be home by 9:00.

Love, Bella.

I poured some coffee grounds and water into the machine and put the note by the machine. Renee was a coffee junkie along with Charlie, so they would see it. I left just as the clock turned 7:15. Stepping outside the sun had just risen over the snow-crested treetops. I followed my same route to the grocery store, got my water, and chatted with Aaron. He said he usually didn't work that early, only he was trying to get extra hours to avoid his crazy aunt that stay with them until the New Year.

I knew I would be trapped in the house with an over-talkative Renee all day, so I took advantage of the time I had to clear my thoughts now. I lengthened my course on my way back, taking the long way back home. From the grocery store I went a couple extra blocks south and then west past my house before returning home. The rental car was missing from the driveway, so I figured Renee had Phil run to a shop in town to get something she had forgotten. Grabbing the blue-bagged newspaper from the driveway, I made my way to the front door to find it was open.

I gave Charlie the newspaper and said good-morning as he sipped his steaming coffee. I wrinkled my nose at the over-powering smell and returned to the living room. I took off my running shoes and laid out on the couch to stretch once more. Just as I finished, Renee came bustling downstairs. She smiled when she saw me and came over and sat down beside me.

"Bella," she started. Her eyes locked with mine, filled with worry and regret. "I'm really sorry, again, for what I said last night. I don't know how I forgot about everything that happened. I'm so sorry that I was so inconsiderate. I've missed you a lot honey, and I'm glad that Phil and I were able to come and see you." She pulled me once again in to her tight embrace. I awkwardly put my arms around her and patted her back gently.

"It's fine mom." I tried to give her a convincing smile as I looked down at my shoes, and again back at her face. "Where did Phil go? I noticed the car was gone." I asked.

"Oh, I forgot my shampoo! I had Phil run into town and buy me some. By the way, when did you become a runner? I saw your note when I go up to get some coffee."

"I don't know. I just woke up one day and felt like running."

"That's good honey. Good way to clear your mind." I nodded in agreement. I had a lot to clear my mind about. "Phil agrees with that. He has to run a bunch for training for baseball. He tried to get me to jog one morning with him, but I just couldn't do it." She laughed lightly, replaying some memory in her head.

"You want some breakfast? I'll make some."

"That would be great! Phil should be home anytime soon." I got up and put my shoes by the door and went to the kitchen. After searching the cabinets, Charlie chuckling throughout my quest, I found a box of pancake mix. We luckily had enough eggs for the mix. Phil came through the front door a few minutes later and I said hello. Charlie called Renee and Phil to the kitchen where we each had a stack or two of pancakes. Again I cleaned up the kitchen and put away all the dishes while everyone else took turns in the bathroom.

After everyone else had showered, I snuck into my room and picked out a t-shirt and jeans. Since I would be cooking today, my attire didn't make much of a difference. Billy and Jacob Black would be visiting tonight for Christmas dinner with all of us. I asked Charlie if he had remembered to ask Billy to bring two more folding chairs, since we didn't have any other chairs for them.

For dinner I had planned a glazed ham, mashed potatoes, homemade wheat bread, and pumpkin pie, all that from recipes from my grandmother and favorites to Charlie and Renee. After changing I found my way back downstairs and burrowed myself away in the kitchen for the next several hours. I made the ham glaze and swathed the ham in the thick mixture and set it in the oven. I washed and peeled all the potatoes, and made the crust for the pumpkin pie.

When it was nearing noon, I stopped my Christmas cooking efforts, and made sandwiches for everyone, and we all sat and watched some football game that was playing. During commercials, Phil would flip channels to the news or weather station and back to the game once the commercials were over. Charlie was usually pretty calm about commercials, and rarely changed the channel during a game. With each flip of the channel during breaks Charlie's left eye would twitch a bit, out of annoyance. I could tell he was trying to keep everything calm and that he was hopeful Phil and Renee visiting would help me through my incessant lack of emotions.

Once everyone had finished I collected their plates and glasses and returned to the kitchen where I washed and put them away. I continued cooking by making the dough for the bread and setting it in the oven to rise for the next hour or so. While the dough was rising I mixed the pie filling according to my grandmother's secret recipe. I traded the pie for the bread dough once the dough had risen and applied another layer of glaze to the ham. I kneaded the dough thoroughly and put it into the oven as well.

The mashed potatoes were the hardest part. After nearly half an hour of searching, I found a potato masher. It was old, a bit rusty, and obviously hadn't been used in years. The next hour I spent trying to cut the potatoes into smaller pieces I could use the masher on, and nearly knocked myself out with the masher when I was trying to force it through several layers of potato pieces that refused to mash.

Finally the bread had risen and was a gentle golden color on the top. The pie was filling the kitchen with the rich smells of pumpkin, nutmeg, and cinnamon, and the ham was nearly done. The potatoes had finally mashed and how I was trying wisk out any clumps with a fork while adding a little salt and pepper as I finished mixing. The doorbell rang, signifying the arrival of Jacob and Billy. I hadn't seen Jacob since his visit with Billy after our first meeting at the beach. I cautiously left the kitchen to say hello to Jacob and Billy.

Charlie was busy introducing the two to Renee and Phil, and when I came in Jacob's eyes lit up. He hesitantly walked over and pulled me into a warm hug. He was several inches taller, more muscular, and his face had matured so much since I had last seen him.

"Hey Jake." I smiled gently up at him as I pulled back from our embrace.

"Hello Bella. How have you been?" My smile faltered. Things weren't that great, but not wanting to go into detail I merely shrugged.

"Fine. How about you? You've grown a ton since the last time I saw you." I said brightening the smile on my face.

"Good. I've been working on my car since Billy made good on his promise from prom." He looked down, knowing that it would spark memories I didn't want to think about. I tried my best to hold together and not give away the sharp pains that toyed at the edges of my heart. "Do you need any help in the kitchen Bella? Charlie said that you locked yourself away in there since this morning."

I laughed politely. "Yeah, sure. I've got the food done and I just need to set the table. Did you bring that extra chair?"

"Oh, yeah. It's in the car. I'll go get it." He said slapping his forehead.

"I'll come with. I haven't had fresh air in a while." Jacob smiled at me, brightening up his face.

"Alright. Billy, we are going to get the chair in the car. We will be right back." Outside the air was frigid, bringing clarity to my scattered thoughts. All day I had been worried about the Cullens. Would they try to come by? I missed Alice terribly but I didn't know if I could emotionally handle seeing any of them. And Edward. That would be the worst of all. The pain I had felt for the past few months would be nothing in comparison as to meeting, or even seeing him would be.

I snapped back to reality and jogged down the driveway following Jacob. It was some sort of used black sedan. In attempt to make conversation I asked him about the car.

"It's our neighbor's car. He was staying in La Push for Christmas, and since the Rabbit isn't finished yet he let us borrow it. How has the truck been? It looks pretty much the same since Charlie picked it up last year. That thing is indestructible, I'll tell you." I laughed and remembered the accident last year with Tyler's car.

His car had been crushed, while my glorious old truck suffered minimal paint damage and broken taillight. I tried not to think any more of that day, but I couldn't suppress the memory. I wrapped an arm around my frail torso in attempt to prevent the pain from ripping my heart out of my chest. "Bella, you ok?" Jacob asked as he closed the trunk door and walked towards me. Looked down at me and rubbed my shoulder to try and bring me out of my pain-filled trance. "You're freezing. Let's get you inside."

"Yeah, I'll be inside in a minute. I just need to clear my head." I smiled trying to convince him that I was all right and so he wouldn't tell Charlie I was acting strangely.

"Okay then. I'll go set the table then for you." Jacob looked unsure, but I smiled again as a way to say thanks and reassure him I would be fine. He turned and went in side, leaving me at the end of the driveway. With the click of the door closing I sunk to the ground and leaned against the back bumper of the car.

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robin!