As everyone started to board the plane, I felt like I was leaving some part of myself behind. I longed for happiness. Though I soon found traces of fear, weaving its threads into my most inner dwelling place. I really don't know anything about England. As I stood in line with all the other people in front of me, I began to observe a new family that was a few people ahead of me. A mother was holding her infant as the father rummaged through their carry-ons. A sudden flashback hit me of my mother, father, and brother. I brushed the memory away as I continued to observe the people in line. Infront of the new family was an elderly woman, who carried a soft tender smile. Infront of her was a very stern, well-postured man who wore a business suit and carried a briefcase in his left hand and was looking down at his cell phone in his right hand. I felt a small sense of envy of how all these people somehow had a place in this world. I let my jealousy blossom into hope, hope that I can find my place in this world too.
As I got on to the plane I realized that it was a smaller plane. Everyone was crammed tightly together. The younger family gushed over their child as it started to cry. I recognized everyone's discomfort and soon, I could feel the atmosphere on the plane was starting to get heavy. It was already beginning to get more difficult to breathe. I fumbled as I tried to edge myself closer to my seat. I finally was able to sit down and look out my window and avoid eye contact from all these mindless strangers. At this point, the child was in such a bewildering state that it was screaming bloody murder. I sympathized with the parents, knowing very well that they were doing everything they could do ease everyone's' sanity. The flight attendants shuffled their way to the front of the plane and started to buckle up after they attempted to catch everyone's attention with their ritual of how to survive on the plane.
The plane's engine roared as it took off into the unforgiving world. I let my eyes rest and breathed in everyone's relief of knowing that they were well off in their journey.
The plane ride was indeed, excruciatingly long. I woke up every half hour due to the turbulence. But when the plane landed I found myself even more exhausted than I was before I boarded the plane.
Getting off the plane, everything felt so flustered. I carefully merged myself in with the crowd of people, everyone was so frantic and moved in such careless haste. Grabbing my luggage I began to relax in my own skin again. Though, I still have to find a place to tent it tonight. I felt extremely overwhelmed to the point of trembling. The defeating thought that I was in a place where I didn't know much of anything, somehow shook me to the core. 'I just have to take this one step at a time' I told myself. Tomorrow I will look for a job. If I can find a computer cafe, I can make a resume and start looking for a place to rent. Looking around the airport I was able to find a map, but it wasn't much help to me at all. Perhaps I will want to be in a more quiet place, London is a very busy and frantic city. I foolishly started to wander the streets of London, hoping that whatever path I was on would lead me to a safe haven.
I was able to manage to find a beautiful place to tent it, though that was after I walked for a good two hours and convinced myself to ride on a train. I wasn't sure where the train was taking me, but I was desperate to find a peaceful place to lay my head. I was soon bathed in an overabundance of excitement and unity of self-assurance that everything, from this point on, would be okay. Without warning, I had the urge to get off the transit. It was a bit unexpected but, I was being a bit of a free spirit at this moment in my life. I grabbed my backpack and my oversized purse and waited for the doors to open. It seems that I was on the outskirts of London. A small little community surrounded by a sea of forest and wildlife. I always felt rooted when I indulged myself in the life of the forest. I began to let myself wonder the kingdom of trees, shrubs, and vegetation. I wanted to be as far away from people as I can. I was able to find a nice small clear space to set up and camp.
I put up my tent and rolled out my sleeping bag. It was almost ritual packing and unpacking. Though, out here in the forest I do hope that I don't get too many unwanted visitors. I laid myself down and began to trace back the hours of my day. Indeed, it was a long devouring day. I began to feel myself drift off from reality as smothered myself in the extra blankets I wrapped myself in. I don't really know what the weather is like here in London, but nothing is worse than waking up cold and hungry. I was used to being hungry. A trick I learned when I was younger was to swallow air, it dulls the hunger pangs.
I listened to the crickets and the branches of the trees dancing in the midnight breeze.
I smiled to myself. "This is perfect."