"The toughest battle you'll ever fight in your life is the battle within yourself." -Anonymous
After I proceeded to get off the train, I unloaded my stuff off at my small campsite. I began to look at my new life, out here in the woods.
Alone.
For quite some time I have always felt directionless but as of now, I thought I found the motivation to find out where I belong. I discovered myself beginning to woolgather, losing myself from time and reality.
Could I ever carry any resemblance of importance to someone one day? Will I ever find happiness, comfort or even the slightest satisfaction in life? I felt myself falling into my minds snare, or rather, I became captured by the mysteries of what would make me want to live. What would give me the right or a reason to live on this planet. Rather, am I truly suppose to be here? Shards of sadness began to penetrate my soul as I felt myself sinking into an unreachable place. I felt as if I had become captured and tied down by these fresh emotions. Why did I even decide to move to England? I could have ended it all that day, that one glorious thoughtful day. Why did I hesitate? Why didn't I just jump? Death seems so peaceful. Oh death, where is your sting? I have no fear of such thing, no, I would embrace it. If I ever came face to face with my fate, I would let it take me willingly. That is the day, I dream will come soon. Why should I think, when I could just do it? I could end my life right here, right now! But I could have just done it then as well. Standing before my fall, the absolute decision before the final crime. Would it be such a crime or a sin to take my own life? If my life was indeed given and is seen as a gift, then perhaps I should have just jumped and embraced the fact that this life was mine to take. I felt myself ease and sink lower and lower, drowning in these roaring thoughts. Why should I let myself live? Why did I decide to give life one more chance even though I know what the outcome is going to be? Hope? Desperation?
It was not very long till I realized that it would be only a few hours before sundown. I began to head into town to see if I could get some food. Though, recovering from these kinds of episodes can take a while. As I wondered my way towards town, my mind still pondered on many things. Though, it did make time pass. Soon, I was embraced by a small town, furthermore, I did not have to walk very far to find a lovely petite store that carried a generous amount of staple foods. The building was old, with ivy's creeping up and around the building. The entrance was inviting, with lilac trees soaring around the door which gave an attractive fragrance. Walking in I was able to find what I needed, I grabbed some fruits, rice, beans, teas, a small assortment of veggies that would last a few days and of course, some water. I even bought a small pack of laundry pods for laundry day tomorrow. I approached the cashier at the front of the store, of course, she greeted me with a warm smile. She was well aged with a head full of hair that was as white as salt and had a face full of wrinkles. The one youthful thing about this woman was the sparkle she carried in her dark brown eyes.
"So, you must be new to town, I haven't seen you around here before!" The lady at the till said as she welcomed me.
"Uhm Yes, just passing through." "I see." The older lady started to scan in my groceries. "Unless you are hiring? Or do you know anyone that is hiring?" The lady looked at me thoughtfully,
"I don't think anyone here is hiring." she paused for a few moments "Ah! But I do know someone from a couple towns west! He just opened up a new bakery. I know the owner but you can just say that Ainsley sent you. You will want to ask for Thomas. It's a nice town over there."
"Thank you so much, ma'am." I bowed and paid for my groceries.
"Good luck, dear! And don't wear such a long face, will you? Just smile and you will do just fine." She reached over and pinched my cheek as she walked me to the door and handed me my groceries. She was very kind. Though I forgot to smile when I was in the store, I hope I remember to smile tomorrow.
I started to make myself some rice, beans, and veggies when I got back to the camp. I was hopeful to get a job tomorrow, but even if I do not get hired I can always go back into town and check my email and see if anyone replied. As evening approached I cleaned my dishes, grabbed some rope and an old t-shirt and put my food up in a tree for the night. I watched the fire slowly die as the stars came out. I Listened to the birds, as they sang their beautiful farewells to the sun. It was amazing to go to bed with a stomach full of food, I almost forgot how it felt. Climbing into my tent, I stripped myself out of all the old clothing and got into something a bit more comfortable. One thing I do look forward to, tomorrow is clean clothes! I turned the alarm clock on, I need to start waking up at a decent time. Letting myself drift off, I felt like it was a long tedious and lacerating day. The moment my head sunk into the pillow, I fell asleep.
I woke up to an alarm clock piercing my eardrums, it was definitely an unpleasant way to wake up. I declared my annoyance as I smacked the snooze button and let my body curl back up in the sleeping bag. I guess I dozed off again because minutes later, I woke up again to the alarm clock. Defeated by time, I ripped myself from the comfort and warmth and started to dress and get ready for the day. My teeth chattered as I attired. I made my bed and grabbed my toothbrush and my shoes. Making my way to the creek I heard one of the aerials greet me.
"Good morning our sweet little Robin." I heard a small voice fly around my head.
"Good morning!" I yawned.
I walked myself over to the creek and doused my toothbrush into the creek, squeezing the last remainders of toothpaste onto my brush. The little neighbor was still buzzing around my head as I attempted to look somewhat presentable for today. I splashed my face and headed back to camp.
"So, what are your plans for today Chise?"
"To get a job" I grunted.
After getting ready and having a couple pieces of fruit, I made my way over to the train station. I had my oversized purse strapped across my chest, looking over I could see the sun was beginning to peak through the trees. A nice cool breeze stretched and eased its way into the land. I admired the pink and yellow painted sky, it was a good touch to my morning. My concentration broke as the train approached, the bakery was just a couple towns west. I closed my eyes and breathed in sharply and got onto the train.
Hopping off the train I began to wander around. Was I going the right way? I was on the path for a few minutes till I saw a priest approaching me on a path. I began to shift my steps towards him and even though I didn't want to make eye contact, I looked him straight in the eyes. He began to smile.
"Hello!" He chimed.
"Hello." I managed to squeeze out a greeting. "I was wondering if you knew where the new bakery is?"
"Ah! You going to apply for a job?" He smiled. "I can actually take you there myself! I have a house visit close by." He mused."My name is Simon," he reached out his hand for a handshake.
"My name is Chise, Chise Hatori." I reached out to grab his hand and shook it. We began to walk.
"So, Chise, you from England?"
"I'm from Japan."
"Oh! You must have family here. How long have you been here?"
"A few days"
"Well, you speak English very well, how did you learn to speak English so well?"
"Oh, well I had a few jobs where we constantly got tourists. So I decided to learn some English. I read a lot of books and studied for quite some time. It is the worlds third most spoken language next to Spanish. I learned a little bit in school too, but that was when I was a lot younger."
"Well, I certainly do hope you like it here! If you ever need anything, you can usually find me at the church."
"Thank you, Simon." I smiled.
I could tell he was a nice man. He had long blond hair, though his hair was held back with a ponytail. He reminded me of someone, which made me begin to ponder. He had a long narrow face, brown eyes, lean and tall in stature, broad shoulders and a pleasant smile. He was a gentle soul. Though when I thought about it, he reminded a bit of the man I met yesterday. The two do have a lot of similar features, though the man I met yesterday was much taller and more filled out than Simon. What was his name again? Ugh, oh well. I won't be seeing him again so I guess I don't need to remember his name.
I began to breathe in the crisp morning air. It was very beautiful out here. He walked me to the bakery and led me in. I felt like he was going out of his way to give me simple directions.
"Thomas!" Simon Hollered.
"Is that you Father Simon?" A middle-aged man appeared to the front of the bakery. I could smell fresh bread being made, it gave the bakery a warm and homey feeling.
"I brought you a worker!"
"Ah! Yes, I need some of those!" He started to observe me.
"What's your name?"
"Chise, sir." I bowed
"She just moved here from Japan," Simon said
"Oh! Well welcome! "
"Ainsley told me that you were hiring." I looked up at Thomas
"Oh! She called and told me she sent a little red-headed girl. Splendid!" Thomas smiled. He had dark brown hair, glasses and wore a black apron dusted in flour. I handed him a resume. He began to observe and read it.
"Now it says fulltime, aren't you a bit young to be working fulltime? Shouldn't you be in school?" Thomas looked me in the eyes.
"Uh, well I have had to work for the last few years, once I save up and have a place I would like to do some correspondence." I realized both men were looking at me with wide eyes.
"Where are your parents?" Simon asked
"I'm an orphan, sir."
"And your family? You don't have anyone to take care of you back home?" Thomas began to prod.
"I guess I wouldn't be here if I had someone who wanted me" I snorted. There was a long pause before anyone said anything.
"Out of all places, you decided to come to England." The baker shook his head in disbelief. "Why England?" He continued
"I suppose I felt a bit spontaneous and needed a new outlook on life." Simon was beginning to look at me closely, close enough I could almost see a bit of sadness in his eyes.
"I suppose that is fair! When can you start?" Thomas switched the topic.
"Now, if you would like," I said plainly
"Hmm, How about first thing in the morning? I have a couple more people starting tomorrow, might as well teach you all at once." the man smiled. I nodded with approval."And uh, we will discuss payment methods... since you are from Japan and all. It may have to be under the table till we get you all set up here. Which is something I think Father Simon and I can try and do."
"Thank you." I let a small smile.
"Let's go Chise," Simon and I exited the bakery.
"Chise, don't tell me you don't have have a place to live."
"I have a place to live."
"You just said that you were waiting to find a place to live did you not?"
"Well, for now, I'm tenting it. It's like camping. I don't mind it."
"You know, I do know a couple of people who would be willing to lend you a hand-"
"No need Father Simon, you really have helped me so much already."
"The forests here.. are a bit different than Japan y' know... You never know what's out there." He stopped walking and faced me.
"What happened to your parents?"
"Oh, uhm." I swallowed. "My Mom died.. and my dad, he left with my brother. No one knows where they are." I trailed off. It's as if his face froze
"I'm sorry to hear that," He said in a hushed voice.
"It's okay," I smiled. "It happened a long time ago." I was feeling a bit uncomfortable revealing so much about myself.
"Well, I hope you get what you are looking for Chise." Simon frowned
"I hope so too"
Authours Notes
Before Chise ever met Elias, I know that she was battling with depression. At least that is what the anime and the manga hint.
Because of Chise's history: having nobody, I really can sympathize and empathize.
I feel like Chise is a great character to inspire people.
I love how Kore made Chise into a character that a lot of people can really relate too on a deep and personal level.
Anyway, I wanted to write about some of the battles we all sometimes have to face.
Depression, suicide and having to paint on a face that everything is somehow okay after having such a draining encounter.
In this chapter Chise gets a job and ... she is now working in the same town Elias is living in. I mean.. she thinks she will never meet him again so... haha. lol
My question for you is: How can you relate to Chise? Does this Manga/Anime somehow speak to you in a personal way? How does it pull at your heartstrings?
Let me know what your thoughts are! Even if you have any recommendations or want to share some ideas! I do really take what you think into consideration! One of you wanted to know how Chise learned English so well, so I had to think and find out how she could have learned English. As well as I went back and edited some chapters and made it easier to read. One of you said that it was hard to follow conversations when they are all balled up into one paragraph! So wallah! Hope it makes reading a bit easier for you.
Take care, and know you're amazing!
Peaches-and-tea