"Bren, we need to talk about something." Roger said with his arm around Brenda as they sat in the Tompkin Square Park.
"What's up Baby?" she asked turning to face him.
"I think we should think about what we're gonna do with Roger's ashes." he said looking into her blue eyes.
"You still have them?" she asked with tears in her eyes.
"Yeah, I hid them away after the funeral. I was waiting for the right time for us to do something special for him, but there was never a right time and then you... you know. I mean, Baby we need to have closure. It's the only way we can really start over. For us and for Rosie." he said taking her hands in his.
"Roger, you can't ask me to do this. How can you ask me to do this?" she asked getting up from the bench putting her hands on her hips.
"Baby, Roger's still out son, but we need to put his death behind us for good. We've just been hiding from it for the last 7 years. We can't keep doing that. We deserve a fresh start." he said getting up to go to her,.
"I thought we were getting a fresh start. You came to Florida and brought me and Rosie home. How can you make me face Roger's death again? I barely survived it the first time." she asked looking up at him as tears rolled down her face.
"But Baby it's different now. We're older and we know that there is a light at the end. Rosie is our light." he said looking down at her.
"Roger, how can I say good bye to him? It still hurts." she cried looking up at him.
"Baby it's always gonna hurt, but if you want to wait a little longer, it's OK. I'm willing to wait as long as you need to." he said taking her in his arms.
"I don't know Roger. I mean, what would we do with his ashes? How would we honor him?" she asked looking up at him.
"Whatever you want Bren. It's up to you. I just think we need to honor him somehow. His ashes have been sitting in the bottom of the closet all this time." he said looking down at her.
"I think maybe we should spread his ashes in the park. Somewhere where there's life. Just you, me and Collins." she said looking up at him wiping her face.
"Are you sure Baby? If you're not ready..." he started looking down at her.
"I'm ready Roger. You're right. We need to move on and this is the only way we can." she said looking up at him.
"I'm gonna get his ashes and Collins." he said looking down at her.
"OK, I'm gonna stay here." she said looking up at him.
"I'll be right back Baby. I love you." he said leaning down to kiss her head.
"I love you too Roger." she said looking up at him before sitting back down on the bench. Roger rushed to the loft to get his sons ashes. He had hidden them after his funeral so that Brenda didn't have to look at them and they've been at the bottom of the box that contained all of the pictures he had of Brenda ever since. When he packed them away, he kept a close eye on that box. He never lost track of that box. It usually sat in the back of his closet. When Benny took all of his and Mark's stuff that new years, he didn't know what to do. When Benny brought the stuff back shortly after that, it was the first box he went through. He made sure all of his pictures and his sons ashes were still there. As he rummaged through the closet Collins came in.
"What are you doing in here? You're making a lot of noise." Collins asked entering the bedroom.
"I'm getting Roger's ashes out. Bren wants to spread them in the park." he said without looking up.
"Are you serious? Are you sure it's the right time?" he asked looking down at him.
"Collins, we're starting over. This is the only way can. It's the only way we can truly let hin go." he said looking up at him with tears in his eyes.
"And Brenda is going along with this?" he asked looking down at him.
"Yeah she is. I told you, we're starting over and this is the only way we can really do that. Now she wants it to be just you, me and her, so are you coming, or not?" he asked getting up off of the floor wiping his eyes.
"Yeah, I'm coming. Where's Babygirl and the princess?" he asked looking down at him.
"Bren's in the park waiting for us and Rosie's with Maureen." he said looking up at him.
"OK let's go before she changes her mind." he said looking over at him.
"And before I do" he said looking up at him as they left the loft.
"Roger, I changed my mind. I don't think I can do this." she cried looking up at him.
"Babygirl, you're not alone. We're here for you." Collins said putting his arm around her.
"Bren, you can do this. We need to do this. For Roger and for Rosie." Roger said looking down at her squeezing her hand tight.
"How can I let him go Roger? He was my little boy." she asked looking up at him. Her blue eyes were flooded with tears.
"I know Bren, but we need to do this. We've put it off long enough." he said holding back his own tears as Collins cried as well.
"OK, I think I'm ready." she said taking a deep breath as they stood in the park.
"Shouldn't we say something?" Collins asked looking down at them before wiping his face.
"Yeah, I wanna say something." Brenda said looking up at Roger.
"OK Baby. What do you wanna say?" he asked holding the box that contained his ashes.
"I love you so much Roger Michael Davis Jr. You have always been in our hearts and we'll never forget you. We promise." Brenda managed before breaking down again.
"I love you son. I always will." Roger started before breaking down as well.
"OK little man, I guess it's you and me. Your parents love you and miss you so much. They know you're looking out for them and as you know, they need it. They are the most stubborn people in the world, but they love each other and they love you and your little sister more than anything in the whole wide world. Keep looking out for us, OK little man. I know you have help and with this crowd, you need it." Collins laughed despite the tears that were streaming down his face.
"We love you Roger." Roger whispered before opening the box and taking the small bag the contained his ashes out. He opened the small bag and began dumping the ashes. As the wind blew his ashes away, Roger, Brenda and Collins cried. When the contents of the bag were gone, they turned to one another and held each other tight.
"Are you OK Babygirl?" Collins asked looking down at Brenda.
"Yeah, I'm OK. Roger?" she said wiping her eyes before looking up Roger.
"I'm fine Baby. I'm fine." he said kissing her head before wiping his face dry. "Are you ready to go home?" he asked looking down at her.
"Not yet. Can we all just stay here for a little while longer? Please?" she asked looking up at him.
"Yeah Baby. We can stay for a little while. We'll stay as long as you want." he said taking her face in his hands before bringing her to his chest again.
"Do you have any idea how fast your daughter is growing?" Brenda asked looking over at Roger who was laying on Rose's bed as Brenda went through her dresser taking out clothes and putting them into a box.
"Yeah, she's growing up too fast." he said playing with one of her teddy bears.
"Roger, what are we gonna do with all of this stuff? I hate to just throw it out." she asked looking over at him.
"Why don't we take them to the Life Support group. I think Pam's niece is about 4 or 5." he said looking over at her.
"We? You mean, you want me to go with you?" she asked stopping what she was doing and going over to him.
"Yeah, why not? You're living with it too. But if you don't want to go..." he started when she interrupted him.
"No, I wanna go with you. I've been wanting to go with you. It's just, you never asked me to before." she said sitting on the bed next to him.
"Paul was talking about starting a group for spouses and families and I mean, I think it would be a good place for you to vent your feelings and Rosie would have other kids around her whose parents are positive like me. You guys wouldn't be alone." he said looking over at her.
"But we're not alone Baby. We have Mark, Maureen, Joanne, Eric and Robin." she said looking over at him.
"You know what I mean Bren. I mean, Eric might understand what you're going through since he and Collins are dating, but Mark, Maureen, Joanne and Robin can't understand. They're not gonna lose the person they love to AIDS." he said looking up at her.
"I don't know if Rosie is old enough." she said looking down at him.
"Old enough for what? To have more friends?" he asked laughing a little as he leaned up onto his elbow.
"You know what I mean Roger." she said raising her eyebrow at him.
"I know Baby. But at least when she is old enough to understand, she'll have kids her own age to talk to who have the same feelings as she does. Bren, I think it would be really good for you two." he said reaching up to caress her cheek.
"I just worry about her learning too much too soon. I mean, she's only 6. I'm afraid when she does realize what's gonna happen, it's gonna scare her even more." she said looking down at him.
"Bren, I'm not trying to scare her, but when she gets older she's gonna need people her own age who understand her. She needs to know that she's not alone." he said sitting up.
"You're right, I know. But I'm just afraid when she finds out she's gonna lose you, it's gonna traumatize her. That's all I'm saying." she said looking up at him holding back tears.
"Baby, we can't keep this from her forever. This is reality. We just need to prepare her." he said reaching out to take her into his arms.
"I hate when you're right." she said looking up at him.
"Well it doesn't happen often, so excuse me for gloating for a little bit, OK?" he laughed trying to lighten the mood.
"You are impossible." she laughed looking up at him as he leaned down to kiss her.