1Before There Was Darkness

Part Four

It was so easy to like Walter. There wasn't much about the man not to like or to admire; he was as he appeared to be, not a false bone anywhere in the short, stocky little body his spirit currently occupied. What you saw was exactly what you got, no frills, no pretenses, no lies. He possessed all of those characteristics that Jim would have wanted in his father; all of those things his father never was.

He wasn't sure why Walter had singled him out for this privilege, why he had been chosen above any of the other cops out on the beat, but he wasn't about to question the motives either. Whatever the reason, on a professional level Walter was providing him an opportunity to move up far sooner than he ever would have anticipated. More than that, though, were the personal rewards; the missing dimension in his life, that of mentor and friend, was now solidly occupied. The bond of friendship between the two men had grown swiftly and easily.

The occasional meetings in the hallway or the break room soon progressed to evenings and weekends with Walter and Dorothy, his wife of 33 years. She had taken an immediate shine to Jim and proclaimed him very soon after his first visit to be a member of the family. That exposure to the private side of Walter's life, the invitation to open up and feel comfortable, enabled more of the self-constructed walls to come tumbling down. As they continued to crumble, Walter discovered the reason behind the reserved, quiet nature of the kid and the long-ago established defense mechanisms. The strength he thought he recognized in Jim so early on was an obvious reflection of the burdens borne by shoulders that were far too young to have carried all that weight. From the beginning, Walter had sensed that this kid possessed an unmitigated dedication and determination; now he knew why.

Taking a break from the final review of some of the ground that would undoubtedly be covered on the exam, Wa lter and Jim retired to the shade and sanctity of the backyard, a cold brew in hand. The exam was only two short days away but Walter was confident that Jim was more than ready for it. He had been amazed at how truly gifted the kid was, how he was able to grasp so much and hold onto it, how his mind perceived things that wouldn't necessarily be obvious to others. Every indication pointed to the fact that Walter was right about this one; he was going to be a hell of a detective.

Walter raised his beer and wiped the perspiration from his forehead with the cold bottle. He glanced over at Jim, reclining in the lounge chair to his right. "So, kid, you ready for this?"

Jim nodded his head in affirmation. "Yeah, I think I am. As ready as I'm ever going to be, anyway." He raised his bottle in salute, "I'd like to thank you, Walter."

"Thank me for what?" Walter asked, as his bottle clinked Jim's in return. "You could have done this on your own. All I did was give you a little bit of a head start. You would have gotten there eventually."

The look on Jim's face was full of skepticism. "I'm not so sure about that."

"Well, if you don't mind me saying so, that's one thing you need to work on, Jimmy. It's so obvious that you've got what it takes. Too bad you can't see that for yourself."

"You know, Walter, if anyone had told me a few years ago that I would be a cop, maybe by the end of the month, a detective with the NYPD, there's no way I would have believed them. Not with my background, not where I come from. I've had to fight so hard for everything up to now. "

"Can I say something?" Jim glanced over at his friend, knowing that whether he said yes or no he was going to hear it anyway. He took a long swig from the bottle.

"You can never let anything hold you back, Jimmy. It doesn't matter where you come from; what matters is where you're going. As hard as your past may have been, it's shaped all of the positive things about you."

"Yeah, you're right, I mean I know you're right.." He took another swig of beer and closed his eyes. "Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if things had been different. Would I be sitting here with you in your backyard, getting ready to take this test? Maybe." He shook his head, "Maybe not. And if my mother hadn't been as strong as she was, where would I be now? I honestly don't know what would have happened to us. My Dad sure as hell didn't care about any of it." He paused, "Or maybe he did and he just didn't have what it took to handle it. But one thing I learned from all of that is that's not me, that'll never be me."

"You are so far away from there now and you have to know you're not going back. That's a different lifetime and a different Jimmy Dunbar." He reached over and squeezed Jim's arm. "You should be proud of yourself, kid, of where you are. I know I am."

"Let's get the test over with first, okay? If I pass it, you can tell me again, deal?"

"Deal. But I bet it won't be long before I'll be calling you Detective Dunbar."

Jim liked the way that sounded but he didn't want to jump the gun. He still had that test to get through first and while Walter seemed confident in his abilities, he wasn't so sure it was going to be all that simple. The nerves that had been a precursor to every school test he'd ever taken had already begun to churn the butterflies in the pit of his stomach.

"Hey, Walter, remember one thing. You better not be calling me Detective Dunbar. That's for the bad guys and the Boss."

"You're right, kid. But it's got a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I do. Detective Dunbar. Who would have thought?"

The promotions ceremony was all pomp and circumstance and, as special as it should have been for him, it was also the last place Jim wanted to be. He had never felt comfortable enough to enjoy a place in the limelight, preferring, as he always had, to remain in the shadows, anonymous; the ability to blend in had served him well.

Today, though, there was no place to hide; the Auditorium of One Police Plaza in Manhattan was packed to the rafters with friends and family of the promoted officers. Everyone who was anyone with the City was in attendance, including the Mayor, the Deputy Mayor, the Commissioner, the Chief of Detectives and the press, so much press.

"There's no way I'm going to get through this alive," Jim thought. He lifted his eyes from the security of the floorboards and glanced quickly out at the audience, noting thankfully that Walter and Dottie had found seats relatively close to the front. That gave him something other than his own nerves to focus on.

Two hours later it was over. The Mayor had delivered a rousing address, the oath had been administered and the graduating class had been sworn in. He turned the brassy polished badge over and over in his hands, still at a loss to really appreciate that he'd done it; they'd done it, he and Walter. It hadn't really sunk in yet; the whole concept was still too fresh to be real, but the words on the front of that badge confirmed it; City of New York Police Department - Detective.

He went through the motions of shaking hands, more hands of more people than he could put a name to. In his heart he knew that this moment should be shared with his buddy. It belonged to Walter as much as it belonged to him. He had to find him, he was out there somewhere in the sea of suits and dresses that surrounded Jim; Walter found him first.

"Detective Dunbar, didn't I tell you? Congratulations." He grabbed Jim in a huge bear hug. For someone so much smaller in stature, he packed a lot strength in those arms of his. The smile on his face was a mile wide. "You did it, kid. How does it feel?"

"It's great, Walter. It feels great." While that seemed to sum up the emotion of the moment, the accomplishment celebrated by this day, Jim knew that what he was feeling was so much more than that. For the first time in his life, he felt the love of a true friend and it touched him.