a/n: onwards (part two!). and hi, carl!
12 ABY
Coruscant
They key to being a parent - a calmer parent, that is - was learning to focus on the bright side of things if at all possible. The bright side in general, of course, was Jaina, and everything about her, but little incidents weren't always wonderful. This morning in particular, a Holo reporter had gotten too close for comfort when Han was walking into Military Headquarters, three-year-old in tow. It had been a while since Jaina had been out and about in the government sector part of the city; since she'd been transitioned to staying with her caretaker, or Bail, or Chewbacca, she spent less time hanging out at work with Leia when she had low key days. Thus, it had also been a while since some vulture had an opportunity to try and snap a Holo of her for public consumption - an act most were pretty leery of doing, but every once in a while, a bold one went in for the proverbial kill. There hadn't even been a photo of Jaina released with her birth announcement, though there was one sanctioned one from her private christening - Alderaanian-centric - and there were one or two that had been captured when she was out and about with both of her parents, but they were distant, and blurry.
Outside in the courtyard, when Han stopped short of entering his old office building because Jaina saw some birds she wanted to point at and talk to, he'd been approached, and from a couple meters or so away, a journalist had tried to sneak a Holo. Han had had it impressed upon him by several people that he was not allowed to break holo-cameras or physically assault anyone unless they posed direct harm to Jaina, but he'd still shouted at the man, when he noticed, and hurried to turn his daughter's face away.
Which resulted in a startled Jaina biting him, because the pretty birds had flown off, and giving an obnoxious, offended screech in his ear just as he was trying to maintain a grim, intimating glare at the perpetrator. The journalist had flashed a smirk and melted away, and the commotion had drawn a few curious looks in Han's direction - so with the birds gone, and seething with irritation, Han had taken Jaina into the building, and headed up to Rieekan's office.
He'd agreed to meet with Carlist about a week ago, though it hadn't been part of the plan for Jaina to crash the meeting. Leia was just so sick lately, and it seemed to be irritating Jaina. At least, that was what he, Luke, and Leia decided was responsible for Jaina's attitude lately. Luke also suggested jealousy, over the new baby, but Leia was hesitant to consider it that. She said it was possible Jaina was able to sense a new presence in the house, and around Leia, but unlikely she had any concept of what it was. They hadn't told Jaina she was going to have a sibling yet, anyway. She repeated everything and had no idea what a secret was, so Han and Leia were waiting until it was more public knowledge in general.
The bright side, Han thought, scowling, as he sat in Carlist's office and watched Jaina run around in search of something to destroy, was that she seemed unfazed by the snap and flash of the Holo-cam. She was more annoyed that Han had made the birdies scatter. She crouched down and peeked under the sofa, studying the area underneath it curiously, and Han sat back, rubbing his forehead. However the holograph had turned out, it would probably run somewhere this evening, and because she had alerts set for all of her family members - especially her baby - Leia would see it immediately, and given her radical fluctuations in temperament lately, she'd either be furious at Han, or she'd cry for two hours.
Not that he blamed her. She was in her fourteenth week with the new pregnancy, and the morning sickness, the headaches, the soreness - it was all, she said, much, much worse than she'd experienced with Jaina, though she also said that as far as she could tell, nothing was wrong with the baby.
It's healthy, she kept insisting - and Dr. Mellis agreed blithely - maybe it's just reacting to Jaina reacting to it?
She didn't know why this pregnancy was so much worse so far, and her doctor just shrugged sympathetically and assured her that's how it was sometimes, and with luck, things would die down the further into the second trimester she got. Han sure as hell hoped so - for her sake, of course, always for her sake, but her misery was taking a toll on him as well. With Jaina, Leia had been cautious about her mood swings, and often profusely horrified when she was unexpectedly nasty or irrational; this time around she seemed to just embrace the chaos of emotions. Han did his best to be understanding, and to keep from letting his feelings get too wounded, but for Sith's sake - she'd asked him to sleep on the couch two nights ago because his breathing was too annoying.
Jaina sat up, and sat back on her heels, blinking at him. She moved her jaw a little slyly, and Han sat forward, glaring at her.
"What's in your mouth?" he asked.
Jaina lifted her chin, smirking, and rolled to the side, flopping onto her stomach and scrambling to get away. Han leapt up, grabbed her gently, and wrestled her onto his lap, tapping her jaw. Jaina made the mistake of opening her mouth to giggle, and the unknown object fell out of her mouth into Han's palm, warm and slimy. He narrowed his eyes, squinting, and found that it was a brass button, looked to be one off Carlist's old uniform.
Han rubbed it dry on his pants and then dropped it into his vest pocket, shaking his head.
"You got a death wish, Jainy?" he asked.
Jaina wriggled in his grip, scrunching up her nose.
"Daddy, give snack back," she insisted, throwing her head back dramatically.
"It wasn't a snack," Han argued.
Jaina gave a long, drawn-out whine.
"Let me gooooo," she insisted.
"Maybe," Han retorted. "Depends. If I put you down, you gonna try to choke yourself again?" he asked.
Jaina sighed.
"Yeessssss," she wailed stubbornly.
In spite of himself, Han grinned. He held her closer, and kissed the top of her head.
"Hang in there, baby," he muttered, nudging her cheek with his nose. "Won't be here long. Then we'll go play on the Falcon."
"Fack," Jaina cooed smugly. She nodded. "Fack, please."
"Falllll-con," Han stressed, snorting under his breath. Jaina's babyish nickname for the Falcon had its very obvious drawbacks, mostly in that it sounded like she was swearing in a Chandrilan-Basic accent. Leia was not amused by it. Han, of course, was delighted.
The door opened, and Jaina bounced up to see who it was. She trampled on Han's groin, and he winced, grunting in pain and swiftly lifting her up a little. She draped herself over his shoulder and thrust out a hand in a wave, blissfully unconcerned with his discomfort. Wriggling her fingers nicely, she made a happy chirping noise and greeted Carlist.
"Hi, Carl," she said cutely. "Hi, Carl."
Han turned his head in time to see Carlist pause in the doorway, pleasantly surprised, and then slowly shut his office door, lifting his hand to wave back.
"Well, look who it is," he said, quickly going to his desk and sitting aside the stack of classified tech films in his hands. "The little princess herself," Carlist drawled, coming over and holding out his hands. Jaina scrambled, and Han lifted her over, relinquishing her to Rieekan. He picked her up easily and settled her on his hip. He touched his index finger lightly to her nose. "I know you're not a princess," he whispered conspiratorially. "I know Mama refused the inheritance. But I'm an old-fashioned guy," he said, drawing his hand back, and placing it on his heart gallantly, "and I'm at your service."
Jaina reared back happily, and then took Carlist's hand, and bit down on his index finger smugly. Han stood up, rolling his eyes.
"Jaina," he growled gently, taking her jaw in one hand gingerly and slowly extricating Rieekan's finger. "Quit biting."
Carlist laughed, waiving Han off, but Han was firm.
"She doesn't mean any harm," Carlist said.
"Yeah, I know, but Leia wants to reinforce it," Han muttered. He shook his head, holding Jaina's face pointedly. He gave her a look. "No biting," he said.
Jaina pouted at him, slouched, and leaned into Rieekan's shoulder. Han stepped back, releasing her face, and arching a brow.
"We think she spends too much time with Zozy," he said dryly, shaking his head. "'Cause, y'know, Zozy has flat, dull teeth, and he nips to show affection. His nips don't hurt," Han explained. "Or, 'least, he only gums Jaina, so she doesn't understand that when she mimics it," he trailed off.
Carlist shrugged, swaying back and fourth with the three-year-old.
"Are you a little mooka?" he asked seriously.
Jaina cocked her head, and puckered her lips.
"Carl," she said mildly. She poked his jaw. "No thanks."
Rieekan raised his brows.
"Don't like my beard?" he asked.
Jaina gave him a sulky look.
"Scratch," she said, shaking her head. "Bad hugs."
Rieekan reached up and ran a palm over his face.
"Hmmm, got a point, my lady. Got a point," he said gruffly.
"Don't take it personal," Han snorted, lifting his arms. "She saw me with morning shadow once and cried for half an hour - here, I'll take her back," he said gruffly.
Rieekan handed her back to her father, and took a few steps back, heading for his desk.
"Sorry 'bout," Han began, gesturing at Jaina. He wasn't more specific, in case she picked up on him apologizing for her. He didn't know what kind of complex that would give her, even at just three years old.
Rieekan shrugged.
"Doesn't bother me," he says. "If Leia can wear her in a sling at the Senate, you sure as hell won't find me complaining about her in a private meeting," he said easily. He winked at Jaina. "Your sling days are over though, aren't they?" he asked brightly. "I saw what happened last time you went to the Senate," he snorted.
Han smirked, walking with Rieekan over to his desk. He took a seat in the chair in front of it while Carlist settled in, tucking Jaina in on his knee, and in the crook of his arm. Jaina's days of accompanying Leia to work - at least, work that took place outside of her private offices - had abruptly ended when, instead of napping or quietly listening to music while Leia presided over votes, she'd started singing out loud to the tunes, and once tried to throw herself out of Leia's Vice Chief box, just for fun. By her account, Leia had remained calm, and all it had taken was a quick flick of her hand, and an instinctive use of the Force, to gently lift Jaina and place her firmly back in a safe seat.
The moment was not recorded, as it had been during a closed debate session, but it had told Leia Jaina was now too old to be there. She hadn't been taken to any meeting, debates, or votes since.
"She's mobile, and talkative, but hey, she sleeps through the night," Han said. He glanced at Jaina, and ruffled her hair. "Mostly."
Jaina scrunched her nose again, and tilted her head into the touch, pleased. Han gave her a little hug, and then let her hop to the floor and go exploring again. He reached into his vest, and solemnly handed over the button.
"Here," he said. "She found this on the floor. Tried to eat it."
Rieekan snorted, taking it and dropping it in a drawer.
"One of mine ate two of Morrie's earrings once," he said. "I was too afraid to tell her it happened on my watch so I just frantically checked diapers for a few days…" he trailed off, smirking a little. "All was well in the end."
"Usually is," Han said with a shrug. He paused, waiting for Carlist to start things, and then cleared his throat and leaned back, arching his brows. "What'd you want to see me for, Carlist?" he asked.
He was never opposed to a drink or a bite to eat with his old boss, but it was a little strange for Rieekan to have asked him to come in for a more official meeting. He'd specifically asked for Han's time as a contractor, and the last thing Han had done with any of his contract work had been strategic consultation on undermining the Spice Cartels.
He couldn't really see what Rieekan might have to say about –
"Well, the Spice Cartels," Carlist muttered darkly.
"Huh," Han grunted, leaning back.
He kept a subtle eye on Jaina out of the corner of his eye. She'd gone to the window and was looking out.
"Daddy," she crooned, raising her hand. "Look. Ships. Lots of ships."
Carlist leaned back and pressed a button. His sunscreen rose, and Jaina lit up as she could see out more clearly.
"I love ships!" she squealed, bouncing up and down, and staring out to watch the traffic.
"Thanks," Han muttered.
Carlist watched her for a moment, and then turned back to Han, frowning.
"Is it okay if we talk in front of her?" he asked.
Han nodded.
"Yeah, she doesn't really listen unless someone is swearing," Han snorted. "Then she immediately repeats it to Bail or Rouge. Or Both."
"Of course," Rieekan said dryly.
"Usually she'd be with Yorev," Han said gruffly. "S'just, she's been a little restless and moody, and Yorev's petrified of disciplining her because – "
"She's not his," Rieekan supplied logically, "and she's the only daughter of the galaxy's favorite couple."
"Sure," Han muttered. He shrugged. "Leia's, uh, sick, so I've just got her with me," he said vaguely.
Rieekan nodded, but if he was curious, he didn't press any further. He assumed if Han wanted to divulge more information about Leia, he would.
"You don't have to justify it to me," he said. "I remember. Just don't want to scare her or anything," he said.
"We talkin' about somethin' scary?" Han asked warily.
Rieekan sighed.
"I dunno, you tell me when I'm finished," he muttered. He leaned forward, resting his weight on his elbows.
"Daddy," Jaina called. "Blue ship."
"Can you find one in every colour?" Han asked seriously.
Jaina almost fell over with excitement, nodding. Han looked back to Rieekan, and arched his eyebrows.
"You got like, ten minutes, maximum," he drawled.
Rieekan smirked.
"I'm just gonna run somethin' by you," he said. He waved a hand. "It's not a pressured request, it's not, uh, comin' from any higher ups, I haven't mentioned it to anyone because I wanted to feel you out."
"You gonna buy me dinner first?" Han asked skeptically.
Rieekan smirked at him.
"Same old Han," he said.
"S'what you want, ain't it?"
Rieekan nodded.
"Red ship," Jaina announced. "White ship!"
When Jaina turned around, seeking approval, Han nodded to her proudly, and she smugly turned back around to continue her project. Rieekan glanced at her.
"She's cute, she's really cute, Han," he said fondly, shaking his head affectionately.
Han tilted his head, his interest piqued.
"You're stallin,'" he pointed out gruffly. "What's goin' on, Carlist? The galaxy fallin' apart again?"
"Not yet," Rieekan said heavily. He nodded his head back at Jaina, giving Han a wry look. "She's givin' me second thoughts about askin' you," he muttered.
"Ah," Han said dryly. He sat back warily, considering Rieekan for a while. He hadn't had any idea what he'd wanted when he asked him to come in, but he was starting to get at least some vague idea. "You want me back?" he asked, though he guessed that's where this was going.
Rieekan held up his hands cautiously.
"As I said, I haven't brought this up to anyone, 'cause I don't want anyone puttin' pressure on you," he said. "You served pretty much in the worst of times, and you got a different life now, so I'm just gonna tell you what I'm thinkin'."
Han nodded.
"You've done some consulting with the interdiction forces," Rieekan said.
Han nodded. He'd been doing so since Jaina was just about a year and a half old – not with just the interdiction forces, but anyone, really. Much of his contract work came to him through Rieekan or other of his old military contacts. But the thing he liked about it was how little, or much of it, he could do, depending on when he wanted to be home with Jaina and Leia – or when they needed him there.
"The Cartels have started funding Imperial insurgents in the Outer Rim," Rieekan said heavily. "It's gone from the Spicers actively running mafias outside of any run of law to them trying to broker deals where if they can get some Imperials back in power on some planets beyond our reach, so to speak, they can start consolidating power."
Rieekan leaned forward.
"So it's not just a money issue, not just a 'let's get the drugs under control' issue, now it's a political problem, which means it can be a military problem instead of a Rim Police Force issue."
Han shifted, nodding warily. He'd advised the Rim Police Force on spice routes previously, and what kind of skill it took to out-pilot the renegades.
"You know the Outer Rim," Rieekan said, "and you know the way these Spice Cartels work – you're a pro – "
"Yeah," Han drawled. "'Cause I used to run for 'em."
"I don't care about that," Rieekan snorted, waving his hand. "That was a lifetime ago. That's a good thing, the way I see it. You still know the major players. You still got contacts – "
"Alienated people last time I did some consulting," Han warned dryly.
Rieekan hesitated.
"That's what worries me, Han," he said heavily. "You have done a lot of work that directly thwarts the old cartels you worked for, and if they merge with pockets of Imperial insurgency and gain power – you're going to be a target."
He paused.
"And you and I both know cartels aren't like some more civilized opponents. Your family – "
"Leia's a Vice Chief," Han said dryly. "No one in their right mind would come after her. Lausta'd have a bullet in their head before they thought it," he said, thinking fondly of Leia's chief of security.
Rieekan sat back. He glanced over his shoulder, and then looked back.
"Jaina's not," he said quietly.
Han bristled.
"Have there been specific threats?" he demanded in a low growl. "Leia'd know about it," he added warily. "Leia has intelligence tracking on Jaina's name, and – "
"No, no," Rieekan muttered, flicking his wrist. "Not – specifically. But there is animosity towards you, among the cartel chatter we hear," he noted. "I don't want that to evolve."
Han sat forward. He let his gaze wander over to his daughter.
"Jaina, c'mere," he said quietly.
She turned, looked at him, and skipped over.
"C'mere," he said again, pulling her onto his lap. Jaina leaned into his shoulder, content, but peered around Rieekan to still stare out the window.
"Green ship," she whispered, delighted.
Han ran a hand over his hair.
"No threats on this one, though?" he clarified. "Not specific?"
Rieekan shook his head.
"No," he said heavily. "Nothing on her. Nothing leveled at Leia, either – again, or you specifically, yet." He sat back. "I wanted to tell you as soon as I heard the chatter start, so you'd be in the loop and yes, I wanted to offer you a temporary commission."
He cleared his throat.
"This particular group of insurgents has been Jan's pet focus for a year or so, and when he noticed the cartel involvement, he got antsy. He's convening councils to launch a military excursion into the Rim to oust the Spice influence and deconstruct the insurgent footholds," Rieekan explained.
Han nodded, still running his hand over Jaina's hair protectively.
"You want me to lead it?" he guessed.
Rieekan let out a heavy breath.
"Yeah, that's – yeah, Han, you'd be my first choice, given your personal experience in the region, and your tactical acumen when it comes to dealing with how these – irrational actors think."
To his surprise, Han laughed. He looked down at Jaina, scrunching his nose.
"That's me," he told her slyly. "Daddy's an irrational actor."
Jaina giggled. She blew him a kiss, and pointed at the window, whining under her breath.
"Ahh, okay, okay," Han muttered, letting her back down. Jaina darted back off to the window, and shoved her nose against it happily.
"Believe me, Han," Rieekan said warily. "It's hard for me to ask you to help run a military interdiction when you've got your toddler sitting in your lap."
Han shrugged.
"Well, she's over there now," he said flatly, pointing at Jaina by the window.
Rieekan smirked ruefully. He sighed, and tilted his head.
"I think we need you on this one," he said firmly, "but I won't twist your arm or anythin', I'm just throwin' the offer out there." He waved his hand. "I was thinkin' you might be stir crazy, might be anglin' for some action," he added, jerking his chin at Jaina a little.
Han sighed, considering his next words. Regardless, he wasn't going to give an answer in this moment, not without speaking to Leia. He just wasn't sure how honest he wanted to be with Rieekan, for now.
"Ahhh," he sighed, reaching up to rub his jaw. "Tell you the truth, Carlist, I mighta taken you up on it pretty quick, a few months back," he admitted.
Not because he wanted to get away from Leia or Jaina; far from it. He was just generally more sensitive to making the world a better place, and missions like this did have appeal for him. He also had liked getting back to the consultations, playing those tactical puzzle games – but right at this moment?
"Look, I'm gonna tell you this in confidence," Han said gruffly, "'cause it ain't really – public, yet, not that we ever really broadcast it," he muttered. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Leia's pregnant again."
Rieekan sat back, his brows going up. He broke into a smile, standing up and reaching his hand out.
"That's great," he said, shaking Han's hand. "Happy to hear it, Han," he said sincerely.
Han grinned, squeezing his hand back, nodding proudly.
"Haven't really told anyone," he said. "Y'know, Bail knows, the family, and she's showin' a little faster, so the jig's up soon, but," he hesitated. "She's been real sick with this one."
Rieekan sat back down, nodding sagely. He scratched his jaw.
"You know, there's been some speculation," he muttered, arching a brow. "'Course, there always is, with you two," he reflected.
"Don't tell Leia that," Han said warily. "She'll think it's 'cause they're saying she's gained weight, and she'll," he trailed off. "She's just havin' a harder time, with this one."
Rieekan nodded sympathetically. He knew Leia had been absent from her office much more than usual over the past month or two, but none of her work was suffering, and he thought it was just a change in her work schedule – assumed she was working more nights, or from her office at the Alderaanian Embassy. This made infinitely more sense.
"I got to think it over, Carlist," Han said. "Talk to Leia. 'Specially if it means I might be deployed, 'cause with Jaina, you know, I was always home, available, and I think that made things really easy on her."
"Of course," Rieekan said firmly. "I'd never expect an answer from you on the spot, or without discussing it with your wife."
Han smiled thinly, and nodded in thanks. He looked past Rieekan's shoulder at Jaina again. She swayed back and forth, humming and tapping on the window gleefully.
"Jainy, you want to go play on the Falcon now?" he asked.
Jaina whipped around, jumping into the air. She darted forward, grabbing Han's knee and squeezing, her face lighting up.
"Fack!" she shrieked.
Rieekan sat back, arching his brows in amusement.
"That's how she says…?"
"Yeah, it drives Leia up the wall," Han snorted.
"She sounds like Mon when she's stubbed her toe," Rieekan laughed.
Han stood, bending to pick Jaina up. She laughed and slid her arm around his neck automatically, snuggling closer possessively. He turned and pressed a kiss to her forehead, smiling at her warmly, and extended his hand across the desk to his old boss.
"I'll talk to Leia, Carlist," he promised. "See what she thinks."
Rieekan nodded gruffly, and returned the handshake firmly, coming around the desk to show Han out generously. Han gave him a final nod, and carried Jaina down the familiar hallways towards the lift, stopping only to hesitate outside the door of what used to be his old office.
He turned, pointing at the door.
"Jainy," he said gruffly. "Daddy used to work here." He poked her stomach softly. "Hmm? What do you think about that?"
Jaina looked at the door for a moment, curious, and then turned and attempted an escape from his arms, which he prevented easily. In protest at being thwarted, Jaina put her face right next to his hear, and screamed in it – and Han just rolled his eyes as hard as he could, and shook his head, grinning, and bearing it.
For hours, Leia had been shrouded in darkness in her bedroom, wallowing in a specific kind of moodiness that was likely about one-part self-pity, one-part nauseous exhaustion, and one-part seething irritation that she seemed truly unable to power through this.
She'd stopped vomiting around the lunch hour, which was a miracle, these days. She was still wary of eating anything, despite being vaguely starving. She'd managed to get some work done, but her head was killing her, her breasts were killing her, she was tired despite the fact that Jaina was actually sleeping well, lately – if her mother wasn't too distressed, that was. She felt like she had a sinus infection, and for some entirely unfair reason, her ankles were already swelling.
She kept telling Han she wanted to have word with this baby, a kind of casual demand as to why it was being so, so troublesome, but she was too tired to follow through with it – and she was also busy being grateful that if nothing else, at least it was healthy.
She clung to that, every time she felt the calm, lulling heartbeat inside her, and checked the fluttery, subtle vitals she knew were there to reassure her all was well. It was just, well, a little disheartening that she was a couple weeks into her second trimester, and the worst of the symptoms did not seem to be subsiding.
She rolled over uneasily in bed, turning her pillow to the cool side, her lashes fluttering restlessly. She hadn't had a wave of dizziness or nausea in a while, which was a relief, but she still felt too morose to get up – and it was late, anyway; what was the point? Jaina had been a terror this morning, affected by Leia's agitation, no doubt, but also angry that her mother had been too busy hugging the sani to give her any attention.
It nettled Leia that Han had decided to send Yorev home and take Jaina to his meeting with Rieekan. Not because she had issues with Jaina going with him – it was more that she regretted that Han felt he couldn't let Yorev take her when she was having a full attitude meltdown, and she knew part of that was because he knew Leia would be home from work, and figured it'd be less stress if she wasn't worried about Yorev and Jaina.
Han was just so, so – and she hadn't been very gracious to him lately, and he was still so –
She rolled over again, her eyes drifting to the glimmering chrono projection near the bed. She hadn't heard Jaina screeching in a while, either, and she had been periodically screeching all evening, apparently right back to her troublesome behavior when she arrived home.
Leia wondered if she'd been so disruptive around Carlist, or of she had fallen into her usual adorable sweet angel routine, the one she used around others to convince them she was a perfect little doll all the time.
She resisted the urge to probe Jaina's mind and emotions; she didn't want to set her off. About half an hour ago, she'd heard her daughter screaming 'Mama, I want Mama' and it had nearly reduced her to tears.
Leia ran a hand through her hair and turned her intuitive powers inward instead, checking on the baby. All was quiet there – in fact, the new little one appeared to be asleep, and Leia touched it only lightly, comforting them both. Again, she wondered if Jaina could make sense of the new presence, or if she understood there was something new there at all.
They hadn't sat her down and explained it yet – and hadn't really made an announcement elsewhere, either, though her close family members knew, and had guessed before Leia told them.
She kept meaning to reach out to Ryoo and ask her advice on introducing a new sibling, but she spent all her free time catching up on work she'd shuttled aside while she was resting, or, naturally, playing with and mothering Jaina.
Yawning, Leia rolled onto her back, listlessly trying to decide if she wanted to go to sleep, a real, restful sleep, or drag herself up and go spend some time with her family. It seemed to be an impossible decision. It was getting close to Jaina's bed time, so Leia didn't want to stir her up.
She sighed, rubbing a hand over her face, and then stirred slightly when she heard the door open. No lights flickered on, and she lifted her head, watching Han's shadowy figure. He shuffled into the room without a word, glancing over to check on her. She laid her head back down, unsure what his purpose was.
He stripped, changed into sweats, and then the next thing she knew, he was crawling in bed next to her and going through the process of settling in. She swiveled her head to the side on the pillow, eyeing him narrowly. As his head moved closer to her pillow, and his arm slid around her, she checked the time, and then feebly kicked out her foot.
Before she could stop herself, she gave him a glare.
"Han," she demanded, unexpectedly riled up. "If you're here cuddling," she asked, someone managing to make it sound like a sin, and cringing at herself, "who is watching my baby?"
She grit her teeth at her own tone. This time around, she was twice as aggressive towards him sometimes, and perhaps it had something to do with how miserable this pregnancy was. She hated to be a cliché, but sometimes it was hard to look at him without resenting him; he didn't have to hand over his body for forty weeks, he didn't lose control of his emotions, his physical comfort – and then she felt awful, because she loved Han so much.
He sometimes joked that maybe this new baby didn't like him very much, and that's why she was so Hoth-y at him. Hoth-y – the new code word he had coined.
Han gave a quiet, outraged snort at her question.
"Our toddler," he retorted, "is with your dad."
Leia shifted, struggling a little in his grip. He wrapped both arms around her snugly, and stubbornly. He sighed tiredly, and snuggled up, trying to keep her from getting too disturbed.
"What – " she started irritably.
"'M tired, Leia," Han admitted in a mumbled, "and I was gettin' too pissed off at her," he confessed grudgingly. "I called him for help. She's fine."
Guilty washed over Leia, and her eyes burned with tears. That weepy, abrupt curse of hormones washed over her. Han really had been doing so much these past few weeks – more than usual, and he was already Jaina's primary caregiver – while she was exhausted and sick and barely able to focus on work, much less the – harder, in her opinion – task of mothering Jaina.
"I'm sorry," she whispered huskily. "I haven't been helping, you're getting no time, and you had to ask –"
Han grumbled something and slid his and gently up her shoulder, then over her mouth playfully, kissing the back of her neck.
"Leia," he growled softly. "Shhh. Go to sleep Bail's glad to help."
Leia sniffled, and he shushed her again, pressing that soft kiss to her neck a second time, blasé about the situation. This past year, Han had certainly gotten more lax about handing Jaina off to family members and Yorev, which she was sure had to be a relief for him.
Still, she stirred, rubbing her eyes, and then sat up, struggling out of his grip and lunging over to tap on the bedside light. Han rolled dramatically onto his back, groaning pointedly.
"Sithspit, woman," he groused. "I got the little monster a fun babysitter to spoil her until she falls asleep, so we could get some extra rest, and you turn the light on – "
"Well," Leia admitted in a small voice. "I was thinking about getting up."
Han laughed under his breath.
"'Course you were," he muttered.
"I heard her screaming for me," Leia ventured.
"Yeah, 'cause I told her she was taking a bath and drinking milk with supper," Han retorted. "As if you'd be the softie in that situation."
Leia worried at her lip with her teeth, sulking. Han rubbed his eye and looked over at her. She scooted back, propping pillows behind her, and he rolled onto his stomach, his hand creeping across the small space between them.
"Can I touch?" he muttered cautiously.
Though he certainly had more privileges as her husband, and the baby's father, Leia was less tolerant of her abdomen being touched than she had been when she was pregnant with Jaina, and even he had his hand slapped away last week when he'd caught her in a bad mood.
Leia nodded. Han rested his palm on the curve of her abdomen gently, tilting his head.
"You feel it already, don't you?" he asked.
"Mmmhmm."
"Feelin' okay?"
"Baby's asleep," Leia told him, reaching down to rest her hand next to his. "I have felt fairly decent for the past hour," she answered hesitantly. She licked her lips. "Thank you for asking."
"'Course," he said, leaning forward to press his lips to her stomach.
Leia lifted her hand, and slid it through her hair.
"Was she a nightmare all day?" she asked, her voice trembling slightly.
"Sure was," Han said cheerily. "She ripped the lid off her sippy cup and threw it at me."
"The lid? Or the cup?"
"All of it. Juice, too," Han snorted. "Also, she tried to eat a button in Carlists' office. Then, she tried to eat the dice," he said.
"The Falcon's dice?"
"Yeah."
Leia snatched at his hair tensely, and Han frowned, glaring at her.
"Well, how did she get a hold of those?" she demanded. "What if she had choked?" she asked, her eyes cutting accusingly.
Han gently pulled his head away, pushing up on one arm.
"She climbs things now," he said tensely. "She also did her thing," he said, flicking his hand – Jaina had climbed up on the dashboard, but she'd still fallen short, so she'd did the trick where she stared hard at something until it flitted over to her happily with the help of the Force.
Leia pursed her lips, and Han frowned.
"I was watchin' her, Leia," he said edgily. "I was right there, it just," he broke off, frustrated. "Don't come after me like that."
Leia bit her lip. She drew her legs up and bowed her head, sighing heavily.
"Fuck," she whispered. "I'm sorry, Han," she said again. "I'm sorry, I know I'm – "
Han sighed. He didn't say anything immediately. He rolled to his side, propping his head on his arm, and bit his thumbnail thoughtfully for a moment.
"Sweetheart," he murmured. "I know you've got it rough right now. I know you don't feel good, and you don't mean it, but can you," he paused, choosing his words delicately, "can you try to ease up on me?" he requested warily. "'M tryin' to be there for you."
Leia let her head fall back. She nodded. Han looked up at her, and shook his head a little warningly when he saw her eyes well up again.
"Ahhh," he sighed. "Don't cry," he said softly. "I won't sleep for a week, if I make you cry."
Leia laughed a little.
"You didn't," she sighed. She waved her hand at her chest. "I can feel how harsh I'm being and I just," she snapped her fingers, "don't hold back. I just," she paused, cocking a brow at him tiredly. "I wish you were vomiting all the time, too," she hissed.
Han snorted.
"Yeah, okay, fair," he drawled.
He sat up, moving next to her and leaning in, his shoulder against hers. He rested his arm over her shoulder, and ran his hand over her gently. Leia let her head fall against him heavily, alert, and wide awake – a direct contradiction to what he'd tried to do.
"How was your meeting with Carlist?" she asked.
Han shrugged.
"S'good. Jaina's still callin' him Carl," he said.
"Cute," Leia murmured.
Han nodded in agreement.
"What did he want?" she asked.
Han shifted a little evasively.
"Catch up," he said slowly. "Ask me about some of that consultin' work I did."
"Mmhm," Leia hummed expectantly. "And?" she prompted.
"Sounds like you already know," Han muttered edgily.
She shook her head.
"I don't know what he wanted," she said honestly. "I am aware Jan wants to mount a federal interdiction in the Outer Rim, and it occurred to me they would ask you to consult with strategy."
Han hesitated, but said nothing, and Leia lifted her head. She turned to look at his profile, her lips parting.
"Ohhh," she sighed quietly, realization dawning slowly. "Carlist wants to reinstate your commission?" she guessed.
After a long moment, Han nodded carefully.
"Temporary," he grunted warily.
Leia nodded. It made sense. Han had the regional expertise, and numerous contacts – if he hadn't alienated many of them with other legitimate work he'd done. He also had extensive experience working for the cartels; he knew they way they thought. He knew the way criminals thought – and he was a damn good general, either way.
She ran her hand along her thigh, plucking at strings on the covers, and then lifted her chin.
"What did you tell him?" she asked.
Han winced, hesitating again – he was suddenly unsure if Leia would appreciate how honest he'd been with Rieekan.
"Well. I, uh, told 'im you were pregnant," he said.
Leia nodded.
"I'm sure he guessed," she said flippantly. "I officially notified Mon last week and she gave me a confused, distracted look, and said I'd already told her that. I hadn't," Leia noted, a little amused, "but I think I'm showing more, and earlier, this time."
Han laughed under his breath.
"I don't think you're showin' more," he said.
"Sweet husband," Leia said dryly, shaking her head. "Sweet, lying husband."
Han stretched pointedly, putting his hands behind his head in a relaxed posed.
"S'not lies, it's self preservation," he joked.
She kicked him gently. Han grinned. She cleared her throat, licking her lips lightly.
"So?" she prompted. "Your response to Carlist?"
"C'mon, I didn't answer him," Han said. "Said I had to talk to you, before anythin'," he said. "And," he started, then frowned, shaking his head. "No, Leia, Bail's got Jaina, we got time to be alone and – "
"Hide from her," Leia supplied moodily.
"—get some rest, or anythin' else you might want to – "
"I kind of do want to do that," Leia noted, suddenly cocking her head with interest.
"Really?" Han asked excitedly, losing his train of thought immediately. Lately, any attempts at sexual intimacy had had the tragically comic effect of making Leia nauseous – or she complained that she was just too sore for her breasts to be touched, and it was turning her off everywhere else.
Leia relaxed, taking his hand.
"Maybe," she murmured. She caught his eye. "I do want to hear what you're thinking about the interdiction mission, though."
"You more starved for shop talk or sex?" Han asked.
"Work," Leia said frankly, and immediately.
Han groaned affectionately.
"What's it like, bein' a woman?" he demanded forlornly. "Havin' a brain that works like that?"
"Having a brain that works? It's nice." Leia quipped. She elbowed him gently. "The rest of womanhood, well," she sighed dramatically. "If you tell me about Carlist and the military I'll go down on you," she hissed at him temptingly.
"I'll send 'im a thank you note," Han joked dryly.
He sighed, though, and turned his head to her seriously.
"I dunno, Leia," he said, his voice quieting. "He brought it up, and first thing I thought was no, I ain't doin' that, I'm done," he said firmly. "But," he started.
Leia slid her hand over to his thigh and squeezed gently, resting her chin on his shoulder.
"But," she repeated softly. "You need a break."
Han looked at her sharply, shaking his head.
"No," he said curtly. "That's not it. What, a break from Jainy? I love – "
Leia blew air out threw her nose pointedly.
"For Sith's sake, Han, wanting to work, to have something else, doesn't mean you don't love Jaina. What are you implying about me, if that's how it's measured?"
Han blinked, mollified.
"I didn't mean – "
"I know," Leia said emphatically. She pursed her lips, falling silent for a moment. "Han, don't be afraid to tell me you need to do more work," she said. "I told you that at some point, you'd need more than just – stay at home father."
"Always gotta be right, huh, Your Highness?" Han grumbled.
He sounded so guilty, and Leia sighed, leaning into him soothingly. She didn't know how he did it, anyway. They both loved Jaina more than they could put into words, more than they could comprehend, and yet she knew if she was the one home with her all day, almost every day, she would lose her mind, and part of who she was. She'd known that Han would not be fulfilled with odds and ends of consulting jobs forever, even if he had sworn he would.
Han sighed, and it sounded a little frustrated.
"Carlist is worried the consultin' I been doin' might put my name on some lists," he muttered, "some hit lists."
"Ah," Leia uttered softly.
She lifted one shoulder.
"Well, we'll manage," she murmured. "My name is still on the top of many, many lists," she quipped.
"Yeah, but cartels go after families – "
"No one will touch our children, Han," Leia said coolly – though she sounded so confidently dangerous that Han almost jumped out of his skin.
Her hand drifted to her abdomen, and she nodded firmly.
"If anyone dared, I would become the thing they fear faster than they can blink."
Han nodded, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. He suppressed a smirk of pride – it was really the only circumstance under which he'd be able to see Leia go ballistic, Force-wise, and not only forgive her – encourage her. Luke's serenity be damned.
He let out a breath again, faster this time, and sat forward some.
"I kinda been thinkin' about it all day, though," he muttered. "And y'know what? If this is a threat that means the Empire might gain a foothold, I don't want that," he said tensely. "I don't want them gettin' any power back, and I don't want the Spice Lords gettin' huge pockets of power and sellin' Spice unregulated, 'cause what if Jaina gets her hands on it? Or what if some Imp gets a good handle on the Outer Rim, and that start's spreadin', and Jaina ends up havin' to fight the Empire or somethin'?"
He reached up and rubbed his face tensely, shaking his head, his jaw tight.
"Started thinkin', I need to go back in, if Carlist thinks I can make a difference, and it ain't really 'cause I'm bored or a I need a break, it's 'cause I can't not be involved in that stuff anymore, Leia," he said earnestly. "Can't just act like'm too street wise for the politics, y'know?"
He looked over at her.
"'Cause what you do, what I do, that matters. 'Cause of Jaina. For Jaina," he said, and then gestured at her abdomen. "For her. Him. Them."
Leia whacked him in the shoulder.
"It's only one."
He grinned, inching away.
"If you know, then why d'you get so testy – "
"I don't want to spontaneously grow another one because you jinxed me!"
"I don't think that happens, Leia," snorted Han.
She rolled her eyes, but sat forward thoughtfully, processing all of the other things he'd said. She gave him an affectionate, half smile.
"You're just now realizing that the work I do," she said softly, "betters the galaxy for children?"
"Nah," Han said, kind of hoarsely, "it just didn't hit home as hard until now."
Leia leaned over and kissed his shoulder.
"You know I, of all people, will never begrudge you a righteous fight," she said softly. "I am in favor of what you choose to do, whatever it is."
"What do you think I should tell him?"
"No, Han," she chided gently. "I'm serious. I support you. It is your decision."
Han sighed. He leaned back heavily against the headboard, his brow knitted tensely.
"I dunno what kind of time frame he's asking," he muttered. "What if I'm leavin' you alone a lot, or I miss bein' there when you have the baby? Or you got to be alone a lot after it's born? Leia, I don't know – "
"Well, if you are gone for a bit after the baby is born, I'll be on maternity leave," Leia said. "Yorev will be a help with Jaina, and the family will – I'm sure Jobal or Sola would come stay with me if I needed it; they were always offering with Jainy," she pointed out.
She had never taken them up on it because she was so busy trying to adjust herself, and she hadn't wanted visitors. This time around, she knew she'd take any help, and all help, immediately, when it was offered.
"I don't really need you while I'm pregnant," Leia said abruptly.
"Thanks," Han snorted dryly.
"I need you," she amended. "But it's not the same…I can manage fine," she said breezily. "Han," she said, catching his eye. "We will make it work. Like we made it work when I ran for Vice Chief. We can be a family with two full-time working parents. Plenty of beings do that. And we're more well off than most," she added.
Han sighed, slouching a bit.
"'M still gonna think on it," he said heavily. "'M not leavin' while you're so sick," he added moodily.
"I'm not that bad," Leia placated mildly.
Han looked at her incredulously.
"Leia, this has been awful for you."
She smiled tiredly, and slunk down in bed some. She snuggled back up under the covers, and inched over to him, tucking herself into his side primly. She nodded against his shoulder, sighing.
"A possible theory for why it is so bad this time is that perhaps I'm having a boy," she murmured. "Dr. Mellis shot me down, though. She said sometimes it all just hits you wrong."
"Boy?" Han grunted. "That'd be fun."
"What if it's another girl?" Leia asked.
Han smiled.
"One like my Jainy?"
Leia clicked her tongue.
"Your Jainy? Listen to you. Whipped."
Han laughed.
"Well, we could stop sayin' if and this time you just find out – "
"I like letting them tell me," Leia murmured.
"You still swear you didn't know about Jaina until - ?"
"I promise, Han," she placated. "I either didn't know what I was looking for, or its an irrelevant thing for the babies to understand or mention or – "
"They mention things to you when they're in there? They like my nerf steaks?" Han asked seriously.
She laughed.
"No," she murmured. "More like they just…feel."
"Hmm."
Han reached over and touched her ribs gently.
"How's it feelin' right now?" he asked.
Leia moved closer, taking a deep breath.
"Actually," she said honestly. "I'm starting to feel better than I have in a few weeks," she admitted, relieved. "Baby's still asleep."
Han turned his head on the pillow and kissed her.
"Will kissing wake it up?" he muttered huskily.
Leia shrugged. She kissed him in return.
"I'd get up and go spend some time with Jaina, but," she started.
"We need time, too," Han reminded her.
"Yes," she sighed, reaching out to run her hands through his hair. "Just take it slow," she murmured, smirking a little, "in case the jostling makes me sick."
"Jostling?" he joked in a low voice. "Jostling, that's what I do to you?"
She giggled quietly.
"Why don't I start with you?" she offered, sitting up, and bending to kiss his chest. She placed a few kisses down to his abdomen, and Han shrugged, lifting his head.
"I mean, if that's what you're craving," he joked.
She grumbled, rolling her eyes at the joke, and had reached out to push the sheets down further when there was a knock on the door. Leia paused, and glanced over narrowly. Han sat up, leaning back on his elbows.
"That better not be – "
"Um, Han? Or…Leia?"
Bail.
Leia sighed quietly and sat back, readjusting everything. She leaned against the headboard, though pressing close to Han and he reached over and tapped on the light at the other side of the bed.
"Come in," Leia said.
Bail opened the door. He blinked, adjusting to the dim lighting, and then stood there warily, staring at Leia. She had the distinct impression that he was somehow scandalized to find her in bed with Han, and in a moment of amusement, it occurred to her that while he objectively, obviously, knew they slept together, he'd never in his life seen it, even something this innocuous.
When he didn't say anything, Leia threw one hand up.
"Well, if you're there, and he's here," she said, nudging Han, "who the hell is watching my baby?" she demanded, exasperated.
"Jaina?" Bail asked.
"Oh no, I meant the other one," Leia retorted, deadpan.
Her father cleared his throat.
"Jaina's playing quietly in her crib," he said. "I am sorry to disturb you," he said, genuinely apologetic. "I wasn't sure – "
"What do you mean playing quietly in her crib?" Han asked incredulously. "Did you poison her?"
"I think she was just tired of you," Bail retorted. The comeback was so fast, Han blinked as if he had whiplash. He glared.
"What is it, Father?" Leia asked patiently.
"I wasn't sure if you'd like me to stay the night," he asked. "So that even after she goes to bed, if she wakes up, you can just have a lie in."
Leia blinked, taken aback. She glanced at Han.
"Did you ask him to…?"
"No," Han said.
"Han just asked if I'd do her bedtime routine," Bail said. "I thought I'd offer to stay."
Leia hesitated, looking at Han. He seemed uncertain, because he wasn't sure what she wanted to due, and Leia made an executive decision.
"That would be nice, Father," she decided. She cleared her throat softly. "I think we'd both appreciate that."
He nodded.
"And you're feeling a little better, Leia?" he asked.
She nodded.
"She'll be real good in a minute," Han piped up, deadpan.
Leia turned to give him a baleful glare. Bail grimaced, inching back from the doorway. He lifted his hand in an awkward little wave, and then walked off. Leia heard his step on the stairs, and frowned, shaking her head.
"Dad – " she started.
"I got it," Han snorted, getting up to go shut the door Bail had left wide open. He bounced off the bed, and the motion hit Leia like a tidal wave. She took a deep breath.
Leia lay back heavily, rolling her eyes. The door shut, and Han strode back to his side of the bed, rolling smugly onto the mattress and over to her. He reached for her, only to have Leia sit up and put her head between her knees.
She groaned softly.
"Han," she murmured. "I'm sorry."
He froze, drawing his hand back, concerned.
"You okay?" he asked.
He barely got the words out before she turned abruptly, got out of bed, and darted into the 'fresher. He heard her retching a few minutes later, and rolled lazily onto his back, staring at the ceiling in resignation.
The bad days were so much worse for her, he reminded himself. So much worse for her. He rubbed a hand over his face and then got up to follow her, after it had been a few minutes. He intended to go about his usual routine of getting her ice-cold water and a little shot of mouthwash, but she came out before he could go in.
She leaned against the doorway; her shoulders slumped, and she shook her head. She cupped her hand low on her abdomen.
"This can't last the whole time," she said faintly. "It can't."
Han tilted his head sympathetically, and held out an arm. Leia came forward, and walked right into the hug, leaning against him tiredly. He dropped a kiss to the crown of her head, and rested his cheek there, and softly, he whispered:
"Thank you, Leia."
"We both want the baby, Han," she said testily – but still, softly, he whispered thank you again, because it didn't matter that they both wanted the baby, she was the one who, in every sense of the word, bore the weight.
-alexandra