Okay guys I am terribly sorry for the long update, but my computer has completely shut down on me (that whore) and in the process I have received a CO AUTHOR! The moonlitfire! Because she is awesome by creating a Gaara pillow for me SQUEE GO MOONLITFIRE MY LUFF!! This story is dedicated to gaara'sdesertblossom (an awesome writer)! Well here's the last chapter enjoy! There will be a sequel but it will be mentioned later you'll see it when you read hos LURVE YOU!
Disclaimer: I am being forced by lawyers to tell you I do not own Naruto but I own this story!
Chapter something or another
"DUN DUN DUH DUH DUN DUN DUH DUH HERE COMES THE BRIDE FAIR FAT AND WIDE! HERE COMES THE GROOM AS SKINNY AS A BROOM! HERE COMES THE USHER THE OLD TOILET FLUSHER!!!!!" I continued singing the song over and over and over and over and over and over again. The bridesmaids surrounding me gave me cold stares as I stood in my black and red dress dancing on top of the tables. The dress had been originally pink before but there was an accident that I had nothing to do with I swear…no really….don't doubt me….it wasn't me…I promise…SERIOUSLY! IT WAS KISAME!!!! Anyway…it was to be my bestest friend's wedding today and I was all hocked up on sugar and caffeine. (wonderful creations that they were).Anyways, Shrece was changing into her beautimous gown, and I was making sure that none of her fanboys tried to peak in on her. Of course, Gaara may have helped in that department. Then again, I also had to keep him away as well. It is bad luck for a groom to see a bride before the ceremony on her wedding day, that it is. I find that he is particularly prone to threats of no more tater tots. Who would have known?
The ceremony had begun and I was standing barefooted on the altar holding the bouquet of flowers. I had lost my shoes earlier throwing them at a random man who wouldn't go down in front during my favorite soap opera, " Big Brother don't kill me, kill the clan" starring Jhonny Depp as Itachi and Michael Jackson as Sasuke. The preacher was a butt ugly, old man with so many wrinkles you could hardly see his face. He spoke slowly too and I was getting a bit impatient.
3 hours later.
I was furiously twitching by now.
"Do……….yoo…..u……..Saba……….kuuuuuuuu…….nooooooooooooo…………..Gaaaaarr……rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaa………take…….." I looked around at everyone in the chairs. They were snoring softly and a few looked like they had stopped breathing. I looked to Shrece and stifled a squeak as I saw her head resting on Gaara's shoulder, a bit of drool on her mouth. Gaara's eyes seemed glazed as if he had spaced out. With a cry of defiance I leapt at the preacher knocking him to the ground and wrestling the airplane pamphlets he was reading off of from his hands and jumped back on the altar. My shout had awoken everyone and Shrece was looking around confused.
"Do you Sabaku no Gaara take Shrece to be your lawfully wedded wife to have and to hold, to cherish and to treasure until death do you part? Of course you do, now do you Shrece take Sabaku no Gaara to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold, to cherish and to treasure until death do you part? We all know you do. Any objection?" I asked pulling out a stiletto and brandishing it threateningly. Everyone stood wide eyed shaking their heads slowly. "No? Good. You may now kiss the bride!" There was a pause. After the half hour make out session they called a single kiss, we worked our way past the rabid geese that followed us everywhere, to the reception area.
"OKAY EVERYONE! GATHER AROUND TIME TO CUT THE CAKE!" Shrece shouted happily. Everyone gathered and just as Gaara and Shrece cut into the cake there was a scream and Michael Jackson popped out of it, holding his plastic nose (with a cut from the knife in it). There was a moment of silence and an African swallow carrying a coconut zipped by followed closely by a flying baboon. Letting off a smile Michael jumped from the cake and did the moon walk, saying the famous line from the soap, "OW! Big brother ooh ooh, don't kill me, kill the clan. FREE WILLY!"
There was a loud cheer and the ceremony continued on its way. (Unknown to many, Gaara later found Michael trying to molest a little boy with the live panda that belonged to Diedara. Without hesitation, Gaara then used sand coffin, and crushed the rest of Michael's plastic self, sadly the next season of my soap opera was cancelled until they found a replacement. Their first subject would have been Orochimaru, if he hadn't gone blind during the Christmas accident (though it happened in the middle of July….or was it August?) so they got some freak named Voldemort who had a thing for boys with visible scars, happily the second season is now being recorded). I was watching Shrece dance in front of Gaara who was glaring at all the fanboys who were drooling over Shrece's spanking move. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the whiskered Kisame crying softly, his back turned toward the crowd as he sat in a dark corner eating something. I walked over and looked at him downing his twelfth can of tuna.
"I-I can't stop eating the fish….my poor brethren…I'm sorry I betrayed you!" he cried gobbling down some more tuna. Itachi walked up beside me and Diedara appeared in front of me.
"Looks like Kisame got a cat's stomach too." Diedara sad pitifully as he scratched little fleas from his paws. Itachi glared at me for a second before sighing.
"Would you…" he broke off blushing, the cat ears twitching nervously on his head.
"Yes?" I asked with a gleam in my eye.
"Would you…?"
"TEACH YOU HOW TO BREAKDANCE?!" I grabbed Itachi and led him to the dance floor and dropped on the ground and began spazzing out.
Itachi looked around awkwardly before shrugging and also spazzing on the floor. Soon everyone was doing it and I saw Kisame flopping like a fish out of water (which he was) in the corner while still eating tuna. Suddenly there was earth shattering roar and the ground began quaking. Out of the ground sprouted a blue castle. I stared wide eyed at it and me and Shrece squealed with delight as we raced to our homeland….well technically it wasn't OUR homeland but hey you don't need to know that.
"YO! KISAME'S MOM!!! YOUR SON'S BEEN SKIPPING HIS TIME OUT!! I THINK HE NEEDS A BIT OF A SPANKING!!! OH YEAH!!! HE'S ALSO BEEN EATING A LOT OF TUNA RECENTLY!!! YOU MAY WANT TO SIT HIM DOWN AND TALK TO HIM ABOUT WHY CANNABILISM IS ILLEGAL!!!!!!!! ( although I myself do not know)." I screamed holding out a whip I had stolen from Kaka earlier on that day. It was to be Shrece's wedding gift for I knew she liked it like that…. I meant dog training mind out of gutter. (Co-author: uhhuh…sure you meant it like that…. (rolls eyes)). Suddenly a big blue fish lady appeared out of nowhere and glared at me.
"My son knows better than to skip time out…and he is no cannibal." At this everyone looked over at Kisame to see him eating himself for they had ran out of tuna.
"KISAME!!!" the woman, obviously known to be Kisame's mother (for he had her bone structure), screamed grabbing the whip and starting to twitch. Kisame looked up from the corner and turned pale blue at the sight of his mother coming towards him. He immediately began to try and eat the rest of himself.
"Don't eat yourself young man remember what happened last time!" Suddenly she whipped out a camera and began rolling film. We all gathered to see Kisame as a boy, approximately five to seven, eating a certain body part that should have caused him much pain. Diedara glanced over and nodded knowingly.
"That explains it." He muttered to himself as he remembered a certain night home alone with Kisame.
Suddenly there was another earth shattering roar and a bearfish, the size of the castle appeared and ate Orochimaru and Kabuto who had been lurking in the bushes, doing things that cannot be mentioned in a T rated story.
Someone suddenly screamed chair and a chair flew through a window followed closely by a duck who stole my paper explaining the velocity of its travel southward.
"NOOOOO!" I screamed chasing after it. Suddenly Oreos fell from the neon sky and pocky shattered the earth's core, tumbling everyone to their doom.
I woke with a start and looked around.
"Are there any…….objections?" The priest asked. Realizing it was a very good dream, I screamed.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" There was a pause and I looked around to see everyone staring at me.
"Kisa?" Shrece asked uncertainly.
"Oh….um…I meant…NOOOOO objection! Yeah….that's right……NOW READ THE AIRPLANE PAMPHLET YOU OLD MAN!" the priest looked shocked before shrugging and pulling out the pamphlet.
"She's right." He sighed. During the cake cutting scene ( which contained no Michael Jackson sadly), there was a sudden shout and the ground began shaking. Oreo soldiers, marched through the wedding and held Kabuto and Orochimaru at gunpoint.
"MASTER!" the main Oreo shouted running up to me and embracing me.
"MINIONS YOU MADE IT!" I shouted happily as I ate his head off. My minions cheered at the sight of their comrade's honorable demise. Soon the party was in full swing and during the ceremony, I spotted something shiny on the ground. A key? I reached down and picked it up. MY HOUSE KEY! Suddenly I felt something zoom past me and saw the squirrel, holding my woofer in its mouth. My eyes grew wide and I screamed causing quite a few stares. I began running past the elfin village and smeagle who was holding a ring protectively while talking to his alternate personality and molesting Frodo and Sam as they made out on top of the twins. The squirrel paused, mocking me before jumping down a well. I followed without hesitation.
I sat up groggily wondering where the hell I was. I heard voices and a girl screaming something that sounded a lot like Inufasha? Inubaka? Inuyasha? Pie? The last thing I remember was chasing a dumb squirrel who stole my….I gasped.
"WHERE:S MY WOOFER?!"
The sequel will be posted soon….maybe…it is under INUYASHA ! The title is called "Where's my Woofer?!" HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE! Once again I thank all you reviewers out there, and I apologize for it being so late. To those I couldn't reply to, I want to give you an oreo and a hug with a get well card. :) BYE NOW! THANX AGAIN! THIS STORY HAS OFFICIALLY…………….wait for it…………ENDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!