THE LEGEND OF ZELDA

LINK'S DIARY

PART 5

Forest Temple

AKA

That Really Stupid Place With The Stupid Ghosts and The Stupid Painting

-------------------------

Link will do the disclaimer and introduction today:

'SUP FOOLS. It's me, your FAVORITE person in the entire world. I'm probably the hottest person, too.

So anyway, the author has been all lazy and has decided to not post my amazing life story for a while. But here she is, posting another chapter. But she's making me do the introduction. I don't know why. Or why I even agreed to. I'm mostly doing this for you, my beloved fans. I love you guys almost more than I love myself. Almost.

Probably if you bake me cookies you'll be my number one fan. So get those ovens running.

So yeah. Enjoy, you little fools.

Love (not really)

Link, the H.O.T.ness.

(AN: This is where Link's true self comes out…[and where he forgot how to use the dictionary.)

PS: sadly, the riter duz not own the fabulus me (not in dat way, nastiez) my awesum game, my awesum life, or nintendo, or wuteva other nonsens im involved wit. but she still cool, and i still bake her cukiez. cuz im cool liek dat. (dat was the dizclaimer, 4 u idiots out dere).

-------------------

Day 17:

I forgot how to go to Kokori Village.

But I saw Lon Lon Ranch on the way. I decided to go to there and show off my new manly-ness to..um…uhhhh….you know, the girl with the egg and the horse.

When I got there, I was trapped by this Luigi Imposter. Stupid. His name is Mr.Ingo or something. Anyway, he went all crazy and I got trapped. I was like "oh no you didn't" and he was like "lol yah"
and I was like "uh-uh" and he was like "ya" and I said " you did not just go there" and he was like "lol ya I did I went there." And I was like "oh no you didn't beeyotch" and I slapped him and took my horse and jumped over the gate and he was like "OMG NO WAI" and I was like "ya beeyotch. That'll teach you to mess wit me."

So then I rode around on Epona , then I went to Kakariko Village. I felt like laughing at some dead people so I went to the graveyard. I went around and there was one grave with little flowers growing in front. I wanted to steal the flowers so then no one would be special, and then I wanted to knock over the grave so I could laugh at this one dead guy in particular. His name was like Dampe. But then I fell in a hole and this stupid ghost was like "lol wanna race" and I agreed.

He has no legs. But he cheated. He threw balls of fire at me and set me on fire. As if I haven't been set on fire enough times already.

I got another shiny, though. Steven. Isn't that a great name? But I got trapped in there! In the weird ghosty place. He just went up and left and I got trapped and got scared and started crying and I got really claustrophobic and then I fainted.

Day 18:

I woke up screaming and I was STILL in there. I was about to cry when Navi was actually useful for once and told me to play the Song of Time on that stupid blue thing. (I'm not naming it, since that gross girl touched it.) I got out! I almost told Navi I loved her, but, there's only two people I love in this world. Me, and her.

Day 19:

So I somehow ended up at the windmill guy's house again and he yelled at me for playing the song HE TOLD ME TO PLAY and then he yelled at me until I PLAYED IT AGAIN. He calls it the Song of Storms. Pshaw. I'll call it "The Song of the really scary man who IS ANNOYING and I wish he'd die." I will refer to it as tsotrsmwiaawhd, for future purposes. Or maybe I'll just call it the stormy song. I'll think about it.

Day 20:

By this time, I decided to go to Kokori Village. I remembered the Macaroni and Cheese part. But when I got there, the stupid annoying green girl was like…well.. I'll just write out the conversation:

Me: Um. Hi. Can you make me macaroni and cheese?

Green: Uh, who are you?

Me: It's me, Link. Turns out I wasn't a Korkori and I'm a Hylian and I grew and it's been 7 years and now I'm 17 and I have chest hair wanna see but seriously I'm hungry make me food.

Green: (Completely oblivious to what I just said) Hmmmm…you look really familiar…

Me: It's ME, Link!

Green: (Still oblivious) You look like this one guy, I used to know, we used to go out and stuff, you know, we got pretty serious but one day he had to leave so I gave him my ocarina and he went on this really important journey and I cried and slit my wrists but now I'm going out with that guy over there points to Mido yeah he wanted me to go out with him for a while but I---

Me: SARIA! I CAN'T BELIEVE I REMEMBERED YOUR NAME! BUT IT'S ME! LINK! And EW, we did NOT go out. We never got serious. Well okay maybe that one time but it was only 'cause you gave me the wrong drink and it tasted good and..well there was that one other time at Mido's house party and…that other time at the twins' house BUT WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS? AND WHY AM I SUDDENLY REMEMBERING THINGS I TRIED SO HARD TO BLOCK!? And EW, do you know how many RABIES that was on that ocarina? I had to BOIL IT. IN BLEACH. And you're going out with MIDO now? JEEZ you got desperate.

Green: Woah. How did you know all of that? …But hey, you're kinda hot.

Me: Thank you. Can you just FEED ME?

Green: Sure.

Me: Thank you!

-----

So it was really disturbing and now I remember things I really do not want to remember. But on the plus side, I ate. Now on to...um. Save the world.

Day 27:

Saria messed with my food. I woke up just now. I feel violated. And kind of sick. But I'm hungry. I'm gonna go ask her for food.

Day 30:

Okay. Do NOT ask Saria for food. She does something with the food. And I feel all nasty. What does she DO? But I'm so hungry…

Day 35:

OKAY. I WILL NOT EAT THE FOOD SARIA MAKES. I FEEL VERY NASTY AND VIOLATED AND I'M NEVER COMING BACK. I WILL CARVE THIS INTO MY WRISTS IF I HAVE TO.

Day 40:

Haha. I have funny scars on my arms. It says "don't forget to wash the dishes."… I think it was supposed to say something more important…but I'm leaving and I'll just stop at McDonalds on the way to uhh..wherever I'm going.

Day 41:

So here I am at McDonalds, eating a happy meal. I'm in front of the Forest Temple by the way. It's kind of nice here. But that crazy cross-dressing icky Zelda (SO GLAD I did not choose to marry her for money, she-mans creep me out) told me more secrets and taught me a song. I tried to tell her that she looks better in a dress but she poofed away before I had time to tell her. I got angry that she left. But there are pros and cons about that.

Pros:

1) I don't have to see her in tight clothes. Ugh.

2) I don't have to hear her pretending to be a guy.

3)She has bad breath.

Cons:

HER STUPID POOFY-NESS MAKES MY EYES BURN. AUGHH. It make my eyes tear and my mascara run.

Day 42:

I'm here in the actual temple now. There are a lot of spiders. I hate spiders. There are also a lot of skeleton men that like to hurt me. What did I EVER to do them, besides being hotter and more beautiful-er and handsomer and more popular-er than them? I think nothing. That's right. They're meanies. So I killed them.

I got a bow and arrow. It's not exactly shiny but I love it anyway so I blessed it with the best name I could think of for it- "Chainsaw".

So there are these floating crazy ladies that smack me with their purses. They're really old and smell like cheese. I hate them. So I killed 'em. Muahahaha.

(A/N: He's talking about the Poes…if you didn't catch on yet.)

There's this really cool hallway in here. I like running into the walls and just running back in forth inside it. Everytime I go in there I skip along the path and giggle like a little girl. Thank god no one reads this or else my manly image will be ruined…

Day 43:

I found a really pretty room. It was really round and there were a bunch of pictures. So I sat down and started looking at all the pictures, when Ganondorf came out of one of them! I stood up to give him a high five since I think he's really cool…when he SMACKED ME! Well I thought that wasn't cool so I took out Chainsaw hit him and all the pictures he came out of. But then I noticed that he was floating! He was a ghostie! Wow-wa-wee-wah! He's so much cooler than the regular Ganondorf. I like him.

Well I accidentally killed him. I got a shiny coin! I named it "flowerpot". I think it fits.

I'm hungry again, but there's no way I'm going back to Saria.

I suppose I'll just head on over to Lon Lon Ranch.

(A/N: This is where I completely make things up.)

Day 44: I wanted milk from the cows at Lon Lon Ranch when annoying-chicken-egg-horse girl said I had to sing to get milk. SO. I sang the milk song.

I'll write down the lyrics here.

-----

MILK!- By Link the H.O.T.ness

"I like milk 'cuz it is good

I drink milk because I should

If there was a song to sing

I sing it and milk you bring

I drink milk when I am sad

'cuz the milk it makes me glad

Now there's nothing left to say

So lets go drink milk

Milk is good

Milk is good

Milk is good

…and stuff

Milk is good

Milk is good

Milk is good

Lets go drink some MILK!

MILK!

When it's warm it tastes real crappy

But cold milk will make me happy

When I throw up on the floor

I can go and drink some more

They say milk will make me dumb

It are go good with brownies!

Now that we have drunk some milk

Let's go drive a car

Milk is good

Milk is good

Milk is good

…and stuff

Milk is good

Milk is good

Milk is good

Lets go drink some MILK!

MILK!"

(A/N: The MILK! Song is based off the BEER! Song by Psychostick. Go check it out yo, and sing along with Linky-poo's lyrics.)

------------------------

END!

I MADE THIS CHAPTER EXTRA LONG (6 WHOLE pages on MS WORD) SO BE HAPPY AND GIVE ME LOTS OF COMMENTS. If you're reading this and you don't comment I'll sick Navi on you.

What did you think of this chapter? Please, comment. Tell me what you liked, and what you'd like to see in the next installment of…

LINKS DIARY!!

…Seacrest out.