The Sorting

Discaimer: Still not mine. If they were, I´d be Kazuki Takahashi. Means I would be a man in his 40s. Potteruniverse either not mine. Not interested in anymore since Sirius is dead. Warcraft also not mine. Pity. Various musicals not mine, too. I own a few soundtracks, does that count? Anyway, Lord of the Rings not mine either. ...gosh, that looks like it´s gonna be one story only consisting out of non-belonging-to-me thingies... Hey, they´re right!

They felt as their insides were sucked out. everything was spinning, and twisting and turning. "Hey Marik!", Bakura shouted, "Feels like home, neh?" "Bloody right!" the other yami shouted back. With a loud THUD they landed on a stone floor. Marik face-first, Gandalf (?) on his pointed shoes and Bakura managed to appear somehow bended through the middle of his body.

( For the SC-Players among you, Voldo-style. I planned on posting a link here, but fanfiction doesn´t accept it, so imagine a circus and one of the snake´s people)

"Let´s do that again!" Marik said "You can count me in." Bakura replied. Gandalf waited until they stood upright again and led them to a little room next to a giant door. "Behind the big door is the Great Hall; in a few moments a teacher will come and tell you what awaits you here." With that words he left them standing there and disappeared. Bakura took a sheet of parchment from his pocket and started to read it. "What´s that?" Marik asked. (He was currently occupied with licking the walls to see if something would happen. Nothing particular did, except that one brick made an "EWWWWWWW!" sound.)

"That´s a list of things we need here. Cauldron, ingridients, robes, a wand, books..." "What was that in the middle?" "You mean robes?" "No, that afterwards." "Wands?" "Yeah, you think my rod counts as one? It has the same shape after all..." "Why not?" Marik nodded, but then stopped as he reminded something. "What about you? The ring doesn´t look like a wand, what are you gonna do? Kill some jerk and steal a wand? Oh yessss...suffer, sorrow, pain, torment, bloooooood..." "Marik, don´t drool on my sneakers, they´re new. I just stole them yesterday!" "Yeah right, ... pain and misery..." Bakura smirked.

"Don´t worry, I happen to have a rod." "Really? How?" "I once killed a necomancer and took his stuff, as well as taking his tower with me...pretty nice place. Sceletons, coffins, books with dark spells, stuff from inside of things, ...I even have those robes from back there...I wonder if you can wash blood stains out..." "As long as they´re not seaping through all of the garment, it should work. Trust me, I´m the master of bloody stains all over my clothes."

Then they heard footsteps approaching. A stern looking women with some quadratic-shaped glasses came, accompanied with little children, who looked quite soaked. She came closer to the two yamis. "I see you have arrived, I assume you are the two exchange students Professor Dumbledore spoke about. Well then, listen carefully for I am not going to tell the introductions twice." Marik exchanged looks with Bakura. His lips formed silent the words „Isis?" The former tomb robber shot a glance at the woman, then rolled his eyes inside his head ( he always did that when he was thinking about important stuff, causing people seeint him to scream like little girls and run for their lives) He nodded. The woman cleared her throat and began her speech:

" You have been sent to Hogwarts, the school for witchcraft and wizardry. You will be learning various aspects of magic here. You will be sorted into four houses, which will represent your family here." "When she means family like in the case, your father turns crazy, carves symbols on your back and tries to kill your brother, I´m done with that." Bakura padded his shoulder. "I understand what you mean. A pile of half-cooked corpses doesn´t make a great fanily either." Marik made an aha-sound. "That´s why you only eat rare meat and stuff." "No actually I eat rare things, because they still bleed and stuff."

"Would you two care and rejoin our little conversation?" "If you ask me, nope." The Isis II went slowly mad. "10 points...wait, you´re not even sorted yet." She massaged her temples. "To cut it short for you: Make stupid things, you lose points. Do good things, you get points. Savy?" Marik gave her one of his best (or most feared) smiles and hissed "Yes, precioussssssss." Right then Bakura whacked him on the back of his head. "What was that for?" Marik asked. "Nothing, I got bored." "Follow me!" the woman said. With the little children she stepped through the big door. The two yamis decided to follow her.

The Great Hall was ...huge. The ceiling looked like a stormy sky and there were candles everywhere illuminating four big tables, lots of students and one table with old people. "Look! There´s Gandalf!" Marik yelled through the hall and pointed to an old man who resembled their visitor from a few minutes ago. "That´s Professor Dumbledore." a girl with bushy hair, who sat next to the place they were standing, said. Bakura smacked Marik again. "Gandalf told us the headmaster looks exactly like him, don´t you remember?" "No, actually I can´t even remember what I had for breakfast today." "Because we didn´t have any and so you insisted on chewing on Malik´s clothes." Enlightment dawned behind Marik´s lilac eyes. "Riiiiiight..." Isis II carried a stool and on top an old hat. "The hat will sort you into houses. Just step forward, sit down and I will put the hat on."

She enrolled a large script and began reading out names. As time passed, more and more little soaked children stepped forward, sat on the stool, then the hat shouted some silly names and the children sat down on one of the four big tables.

Then the hat came to "Ishtar, Marik." Marik walked towards the hat (Anyone saw Mel Brook´s Robin Hood? "Walk this way!")He sat down as the stool were a throne and waited. Isis II placed the hat on his spiky hair. At least she tried because there was no way a hat would fit one Marik´s special haircut. In the end she simply dragged it down with all the violence she had. When it covered his eyes Marik could hear a voice. (Seperated from the others he was constantly hearing, like the imp from hell who told him to burn every house down, or Mary, Queen of Scots, who wanted revenge and told him to behead all of the people from England.) The voice babbled some words, then it collapsed and the hat screamed "AAAAAAAHHHH! Take me off, take me off, by the love of heaven and hell, get it off me!!!" It sounded terrified. More terrified than anyone in the whole scholl had ever heard. Including Harry Potter who witnessed the murder on his parents.

"Awww, come on. That´s pretty average when you try to look inside his mind. You learn to never do it again." All attention was focused on Bakura. "We get reactions like that all the time. You grow accustomed to it." While he was smirking one of his devilish smiles, all heads turned towards Dumbledore. "I guess it´s up to our guest to choose in which house he wants to go." All of the students looked at Marik. Marik was doing the face drift-off thing which made everyone turn to Dumbledore again. Who smiled absently minded. "Toffee anyone?" he asked. A loud whack-sound could be heard. Nearly everyone banged his head on the table. Bakura stormed forward. "I wanna be next, I wanna be next."

He ripped the hat off Marik and placed it on his own, wing-like hair. He also heard a voice babbling. But thanks to the voice of Great Master Zork in his head, he couldn´t undertsand it properly. He only managed to hear something like "eternal neverending darkness" "blood and death" and "shadows everywhere" (Which was the main thing the hat said) Isis II (Mc Gonnagal for those of you who haven´t guessed just yet) rushed and quickly took the poor hat away. Who was still mumbling about darkness, shadow, evil, ... and all the other stuff on Bakura´s mind. Marik stood up, spinned himself around till he was more than dizzy and stumbled over to a table. Sorting was done for him. "So Mr Ishtar chose Gryffindor I see." "Wait for me!" Bakura jumped towards Marik and landed on his lap. "Goal!" "And it seems like Mr Bakura is joining his friend. since that is made clear let me announce to you, that the Quidditch cup is not taking place this year..." Shocked- until malevolent reactions followed. "Whohooo!" Marik cheered. (Of course he didn´t know what quidditch was, but if all people think it´s great, it has to be stupid. Excerpt from Marik´s logical side.) "Instead there will be one Magical Tournament: the Pentamagic Tournament!" (for those of you without knowledge of greek numbers (like me) penta means 5. Just look at the penta-gon for example.) Dumbledore explained more stuff to the students, but the two yamis weren´t listening. Bakura was singing some musical stuff ( "We drink your blood and then we eat your soul, nothing´s gonna stop us...") Marik was looking at random students and likced his lips menacingly whenever they looked back. This was going to be one funny year.

Back in Japan, Malik and Ryou just got home from school. They immediately suspected something. They heard no noises, no crashes, the windows were still intact and ...that peace was creepy. The hikaris stormed inside. "Bakura, where are you?" "Marik, can you hear me? Are you two here?" No answers. Ryou decided to go for it. "Oh, look, there´s a dead bunny on the carpet." Nothig happened. "They´re not here." Malik said. "They aren´t even in town." Ryou replied. "There´s no way Bakura would have missed this." He discovered a piece of paper on the table. It said: " To the two pathetic weaklings. We´re off to a magic thingy. Touch my stuff and you will die, I hate you all, Bakura. PS: Marik greets you and advises you not to open the fridge." Ryou put the paper back. "Malik, do you know that scary feeling like someone´s dancing salsa on your grave in a swimsuit?" Malik nodded. Living with Marik was always good for many things, like this. "this is nothing compared to what that note tells me." Malik detcted something. He turned the note around. It was the backside of an letter, written with green ink, adressed to Mr Ishtar...

Author´s babbling:

Chapter 3...damn I´m usual not so fast...maybe it´s staying up till 4.30 am that boosts my creativity...bad thing I have to get up at 6 am for school...damn it!

Review – who needs those? I´m invincible! May the Lich King curse all flamers! There you got it!