Disclaimer: not mine. Anyone else feels like "convincing" Takashi-sensei to handing over Bakura and Marik? To me, of course.Various musicals not mine. Warcraft not mine. Harry Potter not mine. ...to be quite frank, I don´t want the boy who lives...being more interested in his godfather.
edit: posting a better version--less mistakes...so I hope..
and a larger one will be posted in the original "Magical Madness"
/a shorter version will be posted..re-posted in "Magical Madness-it´s improved now, serious"
Knights from Monty Python´s Holy Grail: Get on with it!!
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After his speech Gandalf clapped his hands and plenty of food appeared on the tables. Everyone was busy grabbing what was near and shoving it in his/her mouth. "What is this strange, orange liquid?" asked Marik while examining a glass full of said stuff. "That´s pumpkin juice," said a little boy cheerily...obviously happy to encounter something normal about Marik, "it´s very good." Bakura´s head (which was occupied by slurping spaghetti) jerked upwards. "Jack?" he asked unbelievingly.
(A random gryffindor named Jack raised his head, curious what the silver-haired madman wanted of him...after he shot a glance at Bakura´s face he very quickly lowered his head again). Bakura sniffed. "Jacky..." Then he grabbed a knife. "Whoever touched the pumpkin king will die a very painful, horribly death. For hours and hours. Muahahaha" His eyes got that special madman-look...the "Look, James Bond. I have an atom bomb and will launch it at the moon and destroy earth while doing it. And you can´t stop me. Muahahha"-look.Then he used that knife to stab an innocent slice of pizza and ate it. While he was singing "La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la...everyone hail to the Pumpkin King..Here in Halloween..".No one tried to talk to them afterwards.
The rest of the feast was rather dull and nothing special happened. Except on Gryffindor table where Marik began to talk about rotten mummies, Bakura pouted because all meat was already cooked and cursed on egypt (which made all the juice turn into rat´s blood...unintentionally) and out of nowhere every Gryffindor had no appetite left. As soon as Bakura started talking about his Iron Maiden (and recognized, he forgot someone in her...a few years ago) and Marik requested a monkey´s brain on a golden plate, a few pupils turned green and left the hall.
Then the head pupils led them to the common rooms. Well, tried to. Marik convinced a first-year pupil that the walls in here were only an illusion and not real, which made the kid run into every (very solid, of rock consisting) wall in the whole castle. And no one seemed to notice that Bakura disappeared from time to time, popped out from random places, always with a very smug grin on his face. And a new dent in his bag pocket. After the (estimated) 27th time he whispered to Marik: „I got two messages, good one and a bad one. Which one first?" Marik pondered about which was better, if taking the bad one first meant he was an optimist for saving the good one (or wether the other message first meant that he was an optimist) then was reminded of a Greek philosopher, went through the most famous works of Aristoteles, the library of Alexandria and the last Indiana Jones movie before he answered. "Good one first." "O.K. Security here is a joke. I had more challenges back in Egypt when I was like six. I have access to every single room here in this castle if I want to. I was in Gandalf´s room to look if he has a palantir. He has none, only a strange bird that starts to burn if you look at it." "Ah," made Marik, "and the bad one?" "No gold, hidden treasures, magical doomsday devices...nothing really interesting. Nothing comparable to our items." Bakura sighed. Marik put his arm around Bakura´s shoulders. "Look at the bright side: We have plenty of defenseless lab rats here.And they have nothing to stop us." Bakura´s face lit up like the police station he set aflame last week. They marched on in blissful silence, both of them imagining new ways of torture and amusement. A dreamily expression was on both faces. Later on, Harry Potter could have sworn he heard the "Imperial March" from Star Wars back there, but no one could prove it.
The staircases was definetely an adventure. Marik had managed to fall down one when it was changing its direction. And it kinda snowballed. 14 kids tumbling down the stairs. Bakura received some strange looks when he evaded the trick steps like one of the older students, because there was no way he could have known where they were. Or even that they were there at all.
They even encountered Peeves. He tried to throw an armour after Marik. One second after that, Bakura took a lance and tossed it at Peeves´ head. It kinda got stuck...
After some time (actually three-times the span one would need normally) they reached the portrait of a obese woman in a pink dress.
"Boah, who´s that fat chick?" asked Marik. The Fat Lady was furious. "How could you..." she hissed. „Like this, Fat. Chick." "You...impertinent kid." Bakura raised one eyebrow. "Kid? You call that a curse? That´s not a curse..THATS a curse:" Various curses in Ancient Egypot followed, some in Persian and some from Europe,they would be usually displayed by a totenkopf, a spiral, a thundercloud complete with lightning(all comic style), but since that doesn´t work on fanfiction just imagine them.
Totenkopf! Spiral! Jet black thunder cloud! Spiral! Threatening fist! Jolly Roger (pirate´s symbol)! Mad Totenkopf!
The little kids were shocked. The head pupil had started to cry. Marik simply nodded to every word Bakura said. "Well" a girl explained, "that´s our secret entrance to our common room. Just say the password and you will be able to enter." Marik positioned himself in front of the portrait. "Oy, fat chick. Listen up!" he cleared his throat "THE PASSWORD!" nothing happened. „Hey, you said that I should say the password! Why didn´t it work?!" he demanded to know.
Bakura stepped at his side. He tilted his head and wispered "Memento mori." menacingly to the Fat Lady. Sesam opened up! It worked like a charm. A little first year girl whispered: "How did he do that?" Marik flashed her a smile. "Don´t ask, baby, you´ll sleep better if you don´t know." Synchronically everyone took a side step away from both. Then another one. "I call dibs on the best bed!" shouted Marik and rushed inside. "Come back here you thundercloud+crossbones!"
Hesitantly the students followed. By sheer luck the two yamis had found the right dorm room and occupied two beds. Well, their suitcases lay on the one, they were in the other and trying to shove the other out. "That´s mine!" "I was here first!!!" "But I dibbed it!" Bakura then simply bit Marik in his right lower arm. "Yikes!!! Let go, you man-eater!" "Whuhnu suuusuuuu" (Whiny sissy...try to say that with a mouthful of arm..still attached to someone) "Am not. Take your teeth out there!"
"Umm..." interrupted them a boy with an Irish accent. "Huh?" Marik looked up, his fist still connected to Bakura´s jaw, whose teeth were still in Marik´s arm and whose foot had left a black and blue foot-shaped mark on Marik´s chest. "They boys and I...we were just wondering what lessons do you have..to see if we some things in common." He tried to smile, but failed miserably. But if there was an olympic discipline for showing-teeth-while-looking-like-a-stuffed-puppy-that´s-going-to-get-eaten-by-an-alligator-and-a-rabid-werewolf, he would be a sure candidate for the gold medal. "Well, if you haven´t decided yet...what was that, Ron?" he exited the dorm room a bit too early to make that believable. But that had distracted Bakura long enough to let Marik´s arm a bit loose and Marik tore the pointy teeth finally from his flesh. Bakura fished the letter from his pocket (before he found it, he lay his trophies on a nearby table: a golden cup, some very distressed chess figures, various jewelry, someone´s wand, a veeeery pissed gnome, a heap of golden coins and a mouse.) He studied one parchment...
"Hmmm...we have to take that...that...I hate potions! If I want to kill someone (rather when) I´ll just stab him. Far easier and more fun..." "Or you could fry him, rip out his vitals and make a drum out of his skull" added Marik dreamily. "You mean what you did to the mail man?" "I didn´t fry him. That´s called flambeau-that´s french. Or belgian. Or ...what´s the little island near England?" "America?" "Nah...Norway!!!"
"Divination...predicting the future? ...if that means I can babble about eternal darkness, hell, the apocalypse, and this all the time..Hell-yeah! I take that." Bakura´s head was filled with pictures of his Dark Necrofear, an Ouija Board and terrified little children.
"Astrology? Pshew! If you blow one star apart, they cease to look that interesting." (We will miss you Epsilon XT -Gamma Epsilon)
"Lemme see" Marik grabbed the parchment. "Care...magical..animals? If that´s NOT cooking classes I´m not interested!"
"What´s a quidditch?" Bakura asked. "Edible?" suggested Marik hopefully.
"Defence against the Dark Arts?"
Bakura burst into laughter. He laughed so hard that tears began to roll from his eyes down his cheeks. He laughed so loud that it made the glass tingle. He laughed so long until his stomach ached from it."...Defence? that´s so ridiculous..against? bwahahaha..I mean, you are a being created by Dark Arts...and I practically invented them!"
Marik pondered quickly. "Kura? Does that make you my Dad?"
author´s babbling: here you go with chapter three...as you can see they will be taking classes..Beware Teachers of Hogwarts, beware!
Yeah, I know it took me long to post it, but it is here nontheless.