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Harry, I am your mother
Harry stood in the deserted fair ground facing Lord Voldemort with a look of fierce determination on his face. His whole life had been leading up to this point and now here he finally was. In a few minutes either he or Voldemort would be dead and the world would either be saved or condemned forever. No pressure though.
As the two men circled each other, never changing the distance between them, the pressure seemed to intensify. They were completely surrounded by a group of death eaters who, Harry thought, would probably kill him if he won in any case.
Resigning himself to his death, he decided that he may as well take as much of Voldemort with him as he could.
They paused and looked into each others eyes, the final stare before death arrived to take them away.
"Harry," whispered Voldemort.
Harry looked at Voldemort curiously.
"Yes?" he asked, "Are you going to insult me before you die?"
Voldemort smiled maliciously.
"No, this is worse."
Harry looked up again, his attention caught.
"Harry," the dark lord whispered again, "I…"
Harry lifted his wand, not wanting to be tricked into a false sense of security while Voldemort talked.
"I…I'm your mother," said the man.
"Oh ha ha, very funny," said Harry flicking his wand impatiently, "Now are we going to fight or not?"
Voldemort glared at him. This is no laughing matter!" he yelled.
"No, it's not!" Harry yelled back, "But I'm not the one turning this fight into some parody of Star Wars. Just what do you think you're trying to do?"
Voldemort was silent, watching Harry as the circling began anew.
"Crucio!" he screamed.
"Protego!" yelled Harry at the same instant.
Both spells flew into the blackness above the watching death eaters' heads.
Wands raised, the men watched each other intently.
"I wasn't joking," hissed Voldemort.
Harry said nothing, it was a distraction that was all. He was here to kill this man, and kill him he would.
"Harry, you must believe me."
"Shut up," said Harry.
Voldemort hissed in anger.
"Expulso!"
Harry ducked as the spell whizzed over head causing the stall behind him to explode, sending fiery debris into the air. He put his hands over his head, trying to shield his face.
"Levicorpus," said Voldemort, almost lazily.
There was a flash of light and Harry was flung suddenly up into the air, held dangling by his ankles.
"Harry, you must listen to me. I am Lily, I am your mother. Why don't you believe me?" said Voldemort, his face only inches from Harry's.
"Oh, I don't know, maybe because you are an old, ugly man," said Harry sarcastically. "But maybe you have a nice story to tell me about how you ended up as a man." He revolved around, his back to Voldemort. Even so he could sense the anger building up inside his enemy."
"Avada kedavra!"
"Expeliarmus!"
The spells deflected, hitting two death eaters in the chest. One got up again, winded, the other stayed where he'd fallen.
"Potter," he hissed.
"Oh, so now my mother is calling her son Potter," said Harry, "And while you're at it would you let me down? It's not exactly a fair fight if I'm upside down in the air."
Voldemort flicked his wand and Harry found himself rushing toward the ground. With a groan he pushed himself to his feet.
"So mum, why are you a man now?"
Voldemort glared again but said nothing.
"Oh, so you're not my mother then? I thought not," said Harry. "Ready to die then?"
Voldemort gritted his teeth.
"I was always a man," he said.
"Right, and so my dad married a man. I don't think so."
"Yeah, well he didn't know did he. He didn't get into my pants until after we were married."
Harry gagged, trying not to imagine his dad with his hands down Voldemort's pants.
"So he just happened not to notice that all the way through school, the one person he was in love with was a man."
"Well, I was sort of cross-dressing wasn't I," mumbled the dark lord.
"Excuse me?" asked Harry.
If possible, the pale, snake-like face of Voldemort was blushing.
"I was a cross-dresser, alright?" yelled Voldemort, "Happy now?"
"No I am bloody well not alright!" screamed Harry, "You are a demented evil lord who killed my parents and is now claiming to be my mother! What the hell is this? Am I on TV or something?"
Harry stopped circling the man and stood, wand raised, breathing heavily.
"What the hell is going on?"
Voldemort looked pityingly at him.
"Through school I had two identities. I was both Lily Evans and Lord Voldemort. I spent all my time trying to rebuff James, but it just became too much for me. He was so persistent and cute that I just had to give in, even if it meant putting my evil lord duties to the side."
Harry gaped at him.
"But, Tom Riddle was around years before you, he is Voldemort, not you."
"No, Tom was my father. True, he was quite evil, but he soon tired of that and went on to do things with his life. I picked up where he left off. I became the new dark lord."
Harry just stared at this man. He had no idea what was going on.
"But you're a man," he said, "Men don't have babies."
"Harry, Harry, you should know better than that. We're wizards for gods sake. We can do magic."
Harry began stalking again. They walked in silence for a few minutes.
"No," he finally said, "I will not accept this. You are my enemy, I must defeat you and that is that. My mother is dead and gone, my father is dead and gone and so are most of my friends and all because of you. I am not going to stand around while you uproot my world. Any mother would not do this to her son."
"I fought with James," said Voldemort as if to himself.
"What?" asked Harry in exasperation.
"He found out what I was and he wanted a divorce. I wouldn't agree of course, he was my James. That was then it got out of control. I…I killed him."
"And what about me?"
"How could I live with you Harry? How could I, a single parent, wanted by the whole world, an evil lord, care for a child?"
"So you tried to kill me instead? Who does that?"
"I didn't think you'd understand Harry."
"So why the hell did you tell me then? Why not just kill me and get it over and done with? And as a matter of fact, why are you still trying to kill me?"
"Still trying to…I don't know," said Voldemort looked bewildered. "It just sort of seemed like I should be killing you. I mean, the prophecy…"
Harry sighed.
"Oh, of course, I'd be killing my son too if there was a prophecy telling me to. That's just wonderful."
Voldemort looked up in confusion.
"Bloody hell!" yelled Harry, "What is with you?"
Voldemort said nothing, merely stared at the ground.
"Right, I'm going," said Harry.
He turned to leave, before turning back.
"Oh yeah, I knew I'd forgotten something."
He casually pointed his wand at his mother.
"Avada kedavra," he whispered.
Lord Voldemort seemed to wilt and slowly float to the ground, his death eaters looking on in horror.
"See you round," said Harry, vanishing with a pop.
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