Okay, it's here. Many thanks to everyone who reviewed. Cookies all around! Sorry about the wait, guys, but my vacation and DH combined held me up (DH ROCKS, by the way)

For updates on my writing, check out my profile.

Disclaimer: I have not been interviewed by Meredith Viera, so i don't own this.

It's dark. It's dark.

Deep, calm, peaceful dark.

No. No, it's not.

It's hard dark. Suffocating dark. Dark that can obliterate anything. Everything. It is pain, anguish, hate. It hates me.

"I hate myself."

The dark is closing around me, deep, hostile, smothering dark. No, no. No! Get off me. Let go. Let go!

The dark seeps into me. I can't get away. Please, please let me go! It drowns me, choking me. I can't breath, I can't see. The dark is filling me up, stopping up every way of escape…

Blackness, blackness. All is turned to blackness.

Leering, loaming shadows waver out at me. Tall figures surround me and watch my pain. Help! Help me! Please, help!

They stare. They gaze. Disappointed. All of them.

Mum and Dad, and Petunia, looking down her nose. Granny, and Grandpa, and Grandma, and Pappy… Professor Dumbledore, and Professor McGonagall, both shaking their heads. And Megan, looking so sad. And Remus, oh I'm sorry. And James…oh, James…

He's crying. Crying. His face looks so hopeless. But James doesn't cry. James can't cry. James never cries. What on earth could make him cry?

Me.

Oh my. Oh no. James I-…James please…

He's crying. He looks so angry, so hurt, so dark.

But- but he-wait! He has light! There's light on his face! Oh, James! James! Please, let me have some! Please James, I need light! I'm going to die! I need it!

Light. Light. His face is covered in it. Bathing, tinkling, dancing light. It's covering my eyes, smothering me in clear pools of sweet water. Dancing. Flying. But I can't see it. I can only see his face. That horrible, painful face. Crying. Crying.

I'm so sorry.

…

Lily woke with a start, as if her body was set to jump up at that very moment. Her breaths came heavy and ragged, and her limbs were shaking; twitching with a sudden alert energy.

Have…to…help…say…apologize…James…sorry…so sorry…forgive…please…

Her brain was tingling, eyelashes fluttering as she tried to collect herself. She tried to take deep breaths, but something inside her was crying out. She had to do it! Now! She had to do it now! She had to do…what?

Lily shook her head vigorously. Dreaming…that's it, I must have been dreaming. Had a nightmare or…something.

The air around her seemed electric; her body was charged. She attempted more deep breaths, trying to harness herself as fought to remember her dream.

Okay… okay, first. Darkness, lot's of darkness. Then…people, looking at me. And then…Potter. James…James; he was crying. Again.

James' tortured face floated to the front of her mind. Oh, just looking at him had made her want to cry. He had broken down. He had been so angry…so hurt.

Because of me.

Lily fell back onto her bed with an almighty sigh. Hurt him…she had hurt him. She was Lily Evans. Kind, caring, prefect Lily Evans. She was the good girl; all the younger students came to her for tutoring and advice. And she always gave it. She stood up for people no one would stand up for. She helped the helpless; defended the weak. She was a ruddy Hogwarts knight! She helped everyone without question. She didn't hurt people. Not like that. Not like this. Not like now. Not even Potter.

She bit her lip and screwed up her eyes.

What did I do, Potter? What!!! What could I have possibly done!!! If you just blaming your bloody problems on me-

But she knew he wasn't.

What, then? How could a slap and some spit tear out heart out? That's not enough to make you cry, was it? Could it have been? Could you be chucking all your trainers around just because I smacked you? You've been smacked before. How could this make you bawl your eyes out!!! It wasn't really anything, it didn't matter at all. It-

An idea lit Lily's head.

It wasn't that? It wasn't because I smacked you? It-it wasn't the spit? What- what was it?

She furiously thought over that encounter a night ago.

Surely not just taking your stupid stuff? That can't be it. What did I say to you? 'I've had enough of you'? Was that it? I've said that kind of thing to you before, why should that break you?

Lily sighed again and grabbed her face with her hands. She felt like James again, clutching his face in agony as he thought of the girl who hated his guts and always would. Lily moaned.

It's all my fault. I've torn him apart and spat when his blood hit the ground. That's- that's horrible. How could I have done that? How could I be so heartless, so cruel?

She nearly let out a humorless laugh. The answer was right there.

Easy. I had no idea that I was doing it. That I could possibly cause him that much pain. Honestly, I still don't even know what it was that I did that sent him over the edge.

But that doesn't make doing whatever it was all right.

She sat up and rested her elbows on her knees, digging her face still farther into her hands.

I have to apologize. I have to apologize for what ever it was that I did to bloody James Potter.

…

"Lily, are you okay?"

"Mm? Yeah, I'm fine."

In truth, she wasn't. She had been spending most of breakfast staring groggy eyed into her cereal.

"You sure?" Kathy asked again, leaning in and looking concerned, "You don't look well."

"I'm fine," Lily said more forcefully, "I just didn't sleep well."

It wasn't a lie; she had snuck back into her dormitory at two in the morning, only to jolt awake at four o'clock, and after that not even a drug could have put her to sleep. Even now, though her eyes ached with tiredness, she could not close them; her mind was whirring to fast to give a direct order to her body.

Megan leaned toward Lily too; her mouth wound into a smirk.

"You weren't in the dormitory when I went to bed, where were you?"

"Common room." Well…she had been in the common room…part of the time.

"Why?" asked Kathy.

Megan's smirk widened, "Having some fun, Lily?"

Lily just continued to stare into her cereal, she didn't have the energy for this right now, all her brain power was pouring into her plan for Potter. Surprisingly, they weren't bad plans. She had decided that she needed to apologize, so that was that. She was going to apologize to James. But her very sluggish brain was making deciding how to apologize more difficult then it ought to be.

It seemed that Megan was determined to irritate. Leaning in further, she practically whispered, "So, who was it?"

"Honestly Meg," Lily pleaded, "I didn't do anything."

"Ooo, this must be really juicy gossip if you won't even tell me who it was!" Megan hissed excitedly.

"Wait, what are you guys talking about?" asked Lisa the fifth year.

"Lily has a secret lover!" Megan said in a not so quiet voice.

Perfect, now the gossip queen has more dirt on me.

Lisa gasped. "Who?" she squealed.

"No one, Megan's lying," said Lily, though she doubted her denial would quench the rumors that were sure to follow this.

"Besides," said Kathy calmly, "who is there in this castle for Lily to date?"

"Well…" Lily could tell Lisa was compiling a list, "There's that Ravenclaw bloke who's always following her around-"

"I'd go out with Slughorn first," Lily said to her cereal.

"-and that blond Hufflepuff in my year-"

Lily snorted, "I never thought it was possible for a boy to be shorter then me. Then I met him."

"- and that really good looking seventh year. You know, the one with the curly hair. What house was he-?"

"Slytherin," contributed Becky the seventh year, and nearly every one frowned

"Well," continued Lisa, "he is good-looking, but he's not really Lily's type." Lisa, apparently, did not think the Gryffindor/Slytherin enmity applied to really good-looking guys.

"Oh, there's that Ravenclaw with the broad shoulders…"

The rest of them carried on hacking out every guy in the school and his likelihood to be dating Lily, as Lily herself sank back into her thoughts of what she had to do. Involuntarily, she continued glancing at James. At least he looked marginally happier then when she had seen him last night, though he shoveled in his breakfast with less then his usual vigor. He turned his head toward her to say something to Sirius, and Lily glanced quickly away. Being caught looking at James Potter was not her idea of a good thing. But then, why had she been glancing at him all morning?

It appeared Lisa's supply of candidates for Lily was growing thin.

"Well," Lisa said, gritting her teeth, "what about what's-his-name … Remus Lupin."

"No," said Lily firmly. Of all the crazy rumors, this was the one that annoyed her most, "Remus is my friend. That's it."

"But you do spend an awful lot of time together." Lisa persisted.

"That's because we're both prefects, and friends," said Lily.

"Oh…well..." Lisa was becoming very exasperated now; she was twirling her dirty blond hair around a finger, "what about…Potter?"

"No!" Lily snarled, "Never. I wouldn't dream of touching that pathetic excuse for a Gryffindor. The chump Quidditch git should go shove his broomstick up his-"

She glanced along the table, to find James gazing at her.

Oh good Merlin, he- he didn't-?

James stood up a little quickly, gave Lily a cocky but unconvincing smirk, scrambled to snatch up his bag, and hurried out of the hall with his friends on his heels.

Well…now or never.

Garbling an excuse to her friends, Lily grabbed her bag and ran out of the hall after James.

"James!" She shouted upon reaching the entrance hall, "James!"

He was near the top of the marble staircase. Her cries echoed around the hall, but -while his friends looked over their shoulders- he didn't look round.

"James!" she started up the stairs just as he reached the top, "James!" but he and his friends just slipped over the top of the stairs and out of sight.

She reached the top just moments later, but already the ends of robes were whipping around the far end of a corridor. "James!" She pelted after them, breathing hard. Rounding the end of the corridor, she saw James and his friends walking quickly twenty feet ahead of her.

"JAMES POTTER!" she bellowed, and sprinted toward him. He finally slowed down at the sound of her very loud and angry voice, and next second she skidded up behind him, grabbing his robes and pulling him to a halt. He still didn't turn to her, just calmly stared head.

"Yes, Evans? What do you want?"

"What do I want?" she panted, "I want you to at least turn around when I call! I'm a prefect!"

"I'm not your lap dog, Evans," James snarled, "I don't have to listen to you." He turned to walk away.

"WAIT!" Lily shouted desperately, grabbing his robes again. James looked mutinous, but at least he stopped.

"Please," Lily panted, "Can we just-just talk for a minute?"

James raised an eyebrow, "Okay. What?"

"Can we speak in private, please?" she asked, glancing around at his friends. Sirius shrugged and continued walking, Peter in his wake. Remus gave Lily a look that might have been apologetic, before also departing.

"Well, what, Evans?" said James, crossing his arms.

"Um," it was far harder then she ever could have imagined, her 'plan' seem to have stayed behind at the Gryffindor table. "Well, how are you?"

James' cold look actually had a hint of amusement. "How am I? Just fine and dandy, Evans, getting insulted chased down the halls is one of my favorite pass-times, and you do it quite well, though a little more yelling on your part wouldn't be too much."

"I wouldn't have been yelling if you would have just stopped!" Lily said hotly.

"Stop? Why should I stop? I don't have to listen to you, Evans, even if you do take the liberty of spiting in my face!"

"Well you had no right to take the liberty to-," Lily stopped and took a deep breath.

"James, "she started again, "James I- please, let's not do this. Let's just- not fight."

James frowned confusedly. After a long moment, he said, "Okay."

"Okay," Lily sighed in turn, "Okay."

Silence fell again, Lily unable to look at James, but James staring at Lily, looking odd.

Finally Lily couldn't take it any more. She met his eyes, "James I- Well, I just wanted to talk about- about what happened two night's ago."

"What about it?" James was frowning again, "You did your prefect duty, or have you decided taking our things wasn't enough and you want to bring us to McGonagall?"

"No, actually I- I wanted to..."

Oh, Merlin. Just say it!

"...apologize."

James looked at her sharply, "For what?"

"Um..."

Good Godric, what was I apologizing for again?

"...well, I was kind of nasty-"

"You tend to be nasty," cut in James savagely, "at least around me."

He was glaring at the wall now.

No, no, I don't want to fight!

She took a deep breath.

"Well, I- I don't want to be any more. I'm sorry."

James looked at her quizzically. "You're sorry?"

"Yes," she spoke slowly and clearly, not taking her eyes off his face, "It- it wasn't right, and I didn't- well, I had a reason but...I guess it's gone now."

He look shocked, awed, really. And there was something about that look on his face that she found…what, cute? Before she could pinpoint the feeling, they both looked away quickly. No one spoke for a minute.

"So," said James finally, " does this mean we can have our stuff back?"

Lily frowned, "Wha- what stuff?"

"You know, our stuff, the stuff you took. There was some dung bombs, a firework, this piece of parchment, and my invis- I mean, my cloak." He bit his lip, and Lily could tell he was wondering if she had heard his slip.

An unfamiliar feeling began to blossom in Lily's stomach. The stuff- their stuff- and the cloak – Potter's cloak- That cloak…her stomach was bubbling, her insides felt hot and she felt her vision start to fuzz over, shimmering…

"No," she said clearly and loudly, "No, I'm sorry James Potter, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to keep those."

She turned quickly and marched away, leaving James standing alone in the corridor.

…

Please Review! I could use some help, guys, i have no idea where this is going. Any suggestions are welcome.