Okay, I will lay off on the gay references about Fox and finally get on to the space battle. The Great Faux has fired off the first shot but well, It's been a bit of a disappointment. So far…
Kiana's suped up dropship swirled through the battlefield, guns blazing trails of red fury as her squadron swung through the ranks of Cornerian craft. She instructed them to lead the assault, while she stayed around to pester Fox's ship. By this time Fox's team had already begun heading for the hangar. As they ran down the hallway toward their fighter, tinny heroic music playing in the background Falco panted at Fox, "Hey, why did you have to make the tunnel so damn long? It's not like we're out of shape!" Fox picked up his speed, and quipped, "It's for heroics Falco. This game is so horribly scripted that the designers had to try to build the climax to an almost orgasmic level before starting the game, what better way to do that than having an unskippable hour long sequence of "Action footage' of us running along a multicoloured hallway with lousy music playing in the background?"
Krystal called, "Here's the cue, get ready guys, name call and action pose in five.." Fox was the first to go, pirouetting up in the air, and calling out his name in a voice that rang to the heavens: "Fox Mcloud reporting for duty! "I'm the uber gay leader!" A brilliant spark flashed in his teeth as he gave a hideous Colgate smile." Slippy was second, "I'm Slippy Toad, resident mechanic and the most useless pilot in the entire game. Do a barrel roll!" Krystal smacked Slippy on the back of his head and growled, "We're on the ground you idiot. Shut up!" Krystal next: "Heya boys, My name is Krystal, I'm supposed to be sophisticated and suave because of my British accent, but in reality, I have the IQ of a snail and the body of a supermodel. I'm supposed to be a telepath, but who cares, cause I run around in a slim miniskirt even in the heat of battle! I'm the main sex symbol and selling point in the game" Fox whispered, to Falco, "My god, she's practically advertising herself."
As he said this a text message scrolled at the bottom of the screen: (Listed phone number is 444-4578 call for..well you know…) Falco's turn, "Hey, I'm Falco, the hot studly Avian Jock of the team. Girls love me, but can't get close to me because I try to act cool to hide the fact that I am a rabid nymphomaniac and pedophile!" Fox shrugged his shoulders, "Makes sense…"
Three hours later…
After they had finally reached the hangar bay, the team clambered into their Arwings. It is said that a person's cockpit is a representation of their inner self. Falco shoved a duffel bag full of porno DVD's behind his seat. Slippy's cockpit had an old Nintendo controller as it's only flight mechanism and Fox's cockpit was decked out in pink ribbons and lace. Krystal's was perhaps the most normal looking of the bunch, unless one noted the gigantic, STARFOX SUCKS stencil that ran gracefully along the nose and fuselage of her cockpit. The ships started up, pressurized, and flew from the Great Faux at breakneck speed. Almost as soon as the team had left the hangar, Slippy screamed, "Help fox, this one's right on top of me!" Falco snapped, "We aren't even five inches away from the ship and already your getting attacked? Jeez it's like you've got a Kill Me sign attached to your ship." Fox looked back at him and cried, "Oh no his own shadow's trying to give him a mercy killing, That's the second time this week! Krystal do the honors!" krystal slowed and put her thumbs against her temples projecting her calming message at the apparition, "Boobies….Boobies...Innuendo…Innuendo…" until the thing finally let go of Slippy's neck and crawled back to the floor. Later the Starfox team decided to help the cornerian fleet, by taking out the enemy's main flagship.
Kiana's dropship tailed the group as they tried to attack her starcruiser. As Slippy and fox tried, unsuccessfully to destroy a Jalbardian fighter that was sitting dead ahead of them, it's pilot asleep due to lack of interest, Slippy said, "You know, I totally banged slippy last night." Falco whooped, "Congrat's man you've finally gotten yourself a piece of smoking hot vixen. Sadly I am alone." Krystal piped up, "Don't worry Falco, remember, our schedule was, Slippy on Monday, Peppy on Tuesday, and You on Wensday. You all can have a crack at me-even my husband!" She giggled to Slippy, "He's gay huh? So this explains why Fox was so aroused when I did him with the strap on last week…" Fox growled angrily, "As soon as we get back to the ship I'm killing all of you.
Unbeknownst to them a sleek midnight black fighter was flying cloaked in their midst. Renamon was at the controls. She spoke into her earpiece. "You wan't me to take them out? But they're all so stupid…it just isn't very funny?" She listened for a moment longer then chuckled. "You're right Alex it would help to advance the plot and might possibly eliminate these strings of useless dialogue." Renamon gripped the firing controls of her fighter and centered it on Krystal's ship. "Say good night bitch…."
Will Krystal be the first one to be eliminated? Will General Pepper's weapon ever finish charging? Will The writer stop posting this due to lack of interest
? Tune in to find out… Oh yeah, Renamon's a character from Digimon Tamers, or 'Season 3' she's my favorite character ever.