Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter. Except I don't. But I wish I did. But I won't. Hope that was clear.

A.N. I said there'd be another chapter really soon, didn't i? Oh, sorry, didn't i? Well i meant to say there would. And there is! So ha! Um, yeah, you can just read it now. Please review, i'll buy you a drink in heaven. If i ever get there.

At her words, an excitable Parvati entered, holding her wand and looking eager. 'I'll see you at the common room in an hour' Hermione whispered 'She thinks this is for a date with you. Sorry, but technically you'll be on the date, so it's true. I just won't be there, and Malfoy will'. With that she ran out into the common room to wait until Parvati was done with the terrified Ron, who was eying the wand as if it might explode.

'What are you going to do to me?' he asked, still eying the wand warily. Parvati laughed. 'You don't have to worry, Herms' Ron gritted his teeth in annoyance 'This won't hurt a bit. Won't it be worth it for your Ronnie?' Ron was bemused. 'Since when has he been MY Ron?' he asked, deciding to ignore the 'Ronnie'. Parvati giggled.

'Since he let down poor Lavender' she leaned it conspiratorially 'But not after he'd finished with her, so I heard' Ron fumed, making sure to have a word with Lavender later 'Besides, we all knew he was going to end up yours. You've been calling his name in your sleep since third year'. Ron's eyes bugged out of his head, and he was barely aware of Parvati. He was glad to leave, but to be honest, he had hardly been aware of the time passing.

Ron realised he had something to do, as he spotted Lavender flirting with Seamus in front of the fire in the common room. 'Oi, Lavender!' he yelled 'I heard you've been spreading a rumour that you 'had' me, uh, Ron Weasley'. Lavender raised her head, annoyed to be interrupted when she was in full flow. 'What's it to you if I DID go all the way with him, Granger? He's not your private property and besides, I never did anything he didn't beg for' She smiled viciously at Ron.

'You know that's not true, Brown' Ron spat. 'Huh, Granger, you just wish it wasn't. We've all seen you every time he looks at another girl, and why wouldn't he? It's pathetic, he'll never see you as more than a source of homework answers. You're ugly, you're boring, and you're bitter'. In one corner Ron could see his own eyes tearing up, and he knew Hermione had heard every word, and jumped to the worst conclusion.

Now there are a lot of bad things about Ron, but his loyalty is not one of them. No-one gets away with making Hermione cry. His temper if they tried, however, was one of his bad points.

'Shut it, slut, or I'll shut you up' he muttered through gritted teeth. Lavender laughed 'What are you going to do, swot? Throw 'Hogwarts; a history' at me?' Ron stalked forwards to about six inches from Lavender's face. 'You never had him. I know you never even came close. He wouldn't touch a ho like you. He wouldn't know where you'd been' Lavender stared at him for a moment, shocked that 'Hermione' would even think words like that, let alone say them.

Had she known Ron as well as she claimed, she would have realised that only he would say such things. As it was, she slapped him. 'Little lying cow!' she screeched, pulling Ron's bushy hair and ripping at her clothes. Ron, who could never bring himself to hit a girl realised that as a girl he was allowed to kick seven kinds of crap out of her. However, he had not reckoned on Hermione's strength. The petite brunette was not quite as strong as him, and as it was, all he could do was try to match Lavender's attacks, as he was unused to catfighting.

Hermione's body, however, to Ron's surprise, must have done this before, as it took over, scratching at Lavender's face and ripping indecently at her top. Seamus looked as if Christmas had come early, and Hermione looked furious. A lot of Gryffindor boys had crowded around the fighting pair, cheering and making bets. Hermione could not get close enough until Dean, who had been taking the bets, yelled 'Come on, Ron, you've got to be at the front! They're fighting over you in any case, so we've you to thank!'

The other boys roared their assent, and Hermione felt herself being shoved to see the bizarre sight of herself and her rival battling it out brutally. She was even more shocked at the number of lads slapping her on the back for 'Making that bookworm show herself for once'. She had never appreciated why Ron was so on edge whenever she wore a short skirt before.

By this time Ron and Lavender had made quite a bit of progress, and neither was decent, although Ron was worse off, as he had started out dressed sluttily for Malfoy anyway. Lavender was sporting a stunning black eye already, and was down to just her skirt and bra. Ron had a deep cut on his cheek, and was desperate to keep his shredded top on. The watching boys were delighted.

Hermione, however, had a vision of a future where she had shown her boobs to the whole of the Gryffindor common room, and she couldn't let it happen. Harry was watching for Merlin's sake! Although she and Harry were close, there were some things that they were never going to share, and her naked body was DEFINATELY one of them.

Despite the howls of protest coming from the surrounding boys, she tore off her cloak and wrapped it around Ron's shoulders, lifting him away from the throng with her new Quidditch-toned arms. She carried him over her shoulder, while Ron reached out to tear at Lavender's tresses once more. By the time Hermione had gotten Ron to an empty classroom, he was holding a handful of beautiful blonde hair.

Hermione set him down gently onto the teacher's desk, unwilling to hurt him no matter how angry she was. Then the rant began. 'Ron, what were you thinking? You just humiliated me in front of all of Gryffindor! Everyone says I'm possessed! What will they think, that I've claimed you? And what ARE you smirking about?'

Ron grinned, quite different to his normal lopsided one, before replying 'It was to preserve your reputation. We wouldn't want people thinking you scream the name of a player in your sleep, now, would we?'

Hermione paled. 'Who told you that?' she whispered. 'Parvati' answered Ron. Hermione made a mental note to punish Parvati for telling Ron her secret, Lavender for lying about Ron and Ron for almost showing her body to every lad in Gryffindor tower. But that could wait, she just had to get him off the topic he seemed so pleased with himself for, for some reason.

'Anyway' she continued, trying to ignore his knowing grin 'You are fairly messed up, but we can use that to our advantage. You will go to Slytherin dungeon and throw yourself on Malfoy's mercy. Tell him, oh I don't know, tell him Harry and I have thrown you out, or you got attacked or something, and didn't know who else to turn to. Don't forget to inform him this is because you're madly in love with him. He won't be able to resist breaking my heart and humiliating me, so he'll comply. I shall go to the library and try to find out how to reverse whatever it is he did to us, ok?'

That had done it. There was now no trace of a grin on Ron's face. 'Do I have to?' he whined. Hermione glared at him sternly. 'Unless you want to stay in my body for the rest of your life' she noticed Ron grin roguishly at her words, and added 'Once a month, for the rest of your life'. She giggled as Ron leapt up, running as fast as his high-heeled legs would take him.

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