Chapter 3: Another Vacation

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters associated with Naruto…let's face it, if I actually owned Naruto, why the hell would I write a fan fic.

Author's note: I haven't seen anyone review this thing so far and I would like a review since I put off all other projects that I wanted to do just to write this story.

As we last left off, Renji was staring into the face of a beautiful way to die, also known as Mitarashi Anko, who was also the most horrible way to die. Now Renji had three choices of dialogue that could have helped him: 1) remind Anko that he was needed, 2) apologize to Anko, or 3) tell her to that he was trying to stop Jiraiya and had punched Jiraiya when he found him causing the nose bleed that had alarmed her. These would have saved him from pain, but Renji went with none of these choices deciding to hit the high road.

"You have a nice ass," blurted Renji, earning him a vicious back hand that drove him back. He might have gotten more if Marie hadn't stepped in to save his worthless hide.

"Please pardon my assistant for his rude comments," begged Marie with such a sweet face that Anko couldn't resist.

"Fine, but if he says anything again I swear I'll kill him," said Anko, who walked over to where Renji was sitting, his right hand behind his back as if he were about to draw his weapon. "You're on thin ice and if you're not careful, you'll fall in and drown so you better not try anything like you just did while I'm bathing in the onsen."

"Don't worry, I'm sure there are better bodies out there somewhere," replied Renji shrugging, but what he didn't realize just how offended Anko was. She took pride in her sexy voluptuous body and when he said those words she got pissed…off.

"What the hell did you just say you bastard," asked Anko with a fire of rage in her eyes as she drew her wide kunai out of its place. It was a gift from Keiji for their anniversary since he knew how fascinated she was with rare and exotic weapons. "I'm going to make you hurt!"

Renji jumped up from his sitting position drawing his kunai, which was a in the shape of a curved blade. He flicked his wrist to reveal it to be a windmill shuriken instead of a kunai which everyone thought it was because of the ring at the bottom, but the other blades folded out from the other one. As soon as he had it out he started spinning the shuriken around and performed his katas with it as if taunting Anko. Anko was more than happy to comply, so she lunged forth with a sloppy thrust, which Renji parried expertly and then brought his windmill shuriken forward in order to counter attack, but he found that she was only playing him as she immediately disappeared leaving a log in her place. Shit a replacement jutsu, thought Renji. Now where is she, she could be anywhere and I'd never know. His answer came soon as she reappeared behind him ready to slash him, but he ducked forward and swung his shuriken behind him, dodging and attacking at the same time. Anko moved her head back and drove her foot into Renji's back causing him much pain and offsetting him a bit. To make up for this he moved his foot a few centimeters ahead to steady himself on the ground. Anko was rushing him with her Kunai ready for blood and he just swayed his shuriken uip and down, blocking the kunai and hopefully wearing her down, but Anko had a lot more stamina than he had assessed.

In order to take dominance in the matter she placed her foot behind his and swept the ground under his feet, but not before he planted his foot into her stomach, giving him the needed catalyst for the back flip that set him on his feet. Unfortunately for him, Anko wasn't about to give up as she used her three headed snake jutsu that forced him to dive to the right, where she happened to throw a needle laced with a muscle relaxant. He looked at her with defiance, but his glare was met with a look of blood lust that could send shivers down Orochimaru's spine. Just as she was about to deliver the killing stroke, Renji moved his shoulder a bit so that the cut didn't kill him and it set Anko up for one of his throws, which he still had strength for since he was immune to muscle relaxants. Anko was surprised by this but she recovered her footing by using a hand to steady herself and flip her back right side up. Not taking any chances, Renji took out his needle pouch, but before he could even use any of his needles he found himself being thrown into a tree by his boss, Marie.

"Renji, I swear sometimes you just have to ruin everything don't you," said Marie with a look of frustration that killed Renji inside. "Please except my dearest apologies, Tsunade-sama, for the rude behavior of my assistant."

"Oh that's okay I'm sure he has some good in him if you say so Marie-san," replied Tsunade returning Marie's warm smile. "Oh and before I forget, I'd like to have the future Hokage's wedding to be at some place relaxing. He'll need for the stress of his job, trust me that paper work doe a lot more to a person then you can think."

"Sure thing Tsunade-sama," assured Marie. "Renji and I will do our best to make sure that this wedding is a great success."

Getting back to the hotel they were staying at Marie got ready for the dinner she and Renji were having with the married couple so they could get to know there personality. Looking through her wardrobe, Marie chose a nice bue kimono with different kanji's written in a lovely silver and gold on her dress meaning cute things like "kitty" and "puppy." Renji of course, went with his form of dress which was always black, whatever the occasion as if he were going to go to a funeral. That night he was wearing a plain black kimono as if he were a spirit of life. (I find black to be a color of life since all colors come from it.) Marie frowned to see Renji's depressing attire, which she always tried to change by buying him some other colorful clothes, but he had yet to wear a single item of clothing that she bought for him, but she still bought him the same type of clothing.

"Do you have to wear those funeral clothes," asked Marie. "You do know that we want to make a good first impression on the two, right?"

"Marie, I was caught peeping in a women's onsen," replied Renji. "I think the first impression of me is blown to shit and for a second impression, I think it would be better for them to find me dark than for them to think of me as pervert, don't you?"

"Well if you must then I can't stop you," said Marie, sounding frustrated and she pretended to sound defeated to guilt him into wearing something else.

"That fake defeat isn't going to work on me, Marie," said Renji combing his blazing spikey red hair back. (His hair does not look like Renji's from Bleach, but Reno's from FF7)

"One of these days I'm going to get you to wear those clothes," declared Marie.

"Not likely."

When he had made the reservations for dinner, he'd requested a table that wouldn't have his back to the door. The restaurant was run by a friend of his and they were great at any type of food, but they specialized in curry and hibachi grilling. The inside had an upper floor that was separated to look like countries when compared to the blue floor. It was the owner's way of controlling his own little world. The columns holding each floor piece up was white with black kanji and red inscriptions that detailed dragons and other heavenly beings. The tables were square and had a portion missing in the center for the chef to cook hibachi meals on the grills that were placed on the table. Renji liked the place because it was familiar and run by someone whom he could trust enough, but not fully, the only person he fully trusted was Marie.

"This seems like a nice place," said Naruto, who was dressed in an black kimono that had the Uzamaki insignia on his kimono and had red kanji on the sleeves. "Don't you think so Hinata?"

"Yes, but I don't see why you had to wear that black kimono in a place like this," complained Hinata, who was wearing a blue kimono that was exactly the same as Marie's.

"Yeah, Renji wears the same thing and all the time," said Marie. "I can't get him to stop wearing such clothes, but he never listens or wears the clothes I get him as gifts. Not even on laundry days, he just stays at the apartment in the nude and did I mention he's my roommate."

"I don't see why Naruto has to wear those funeral clothes," said Hinata shaking her head as she took a sip of her tea.

"Why do you call them funeral clothes," asked Renji as he took another sip of his sake.'

"Because those are the Uzumaki clan's funeral clothes," replied Hinata with her head to hand. "Of course then again, those can be called funeral clothes since they are what everyone wears to a funeral."

"Well I beg to differ, I wore red to the last funeral I went to," retorted Renji.

"Is that why you've never been allowed to another funeral since then," asked Marie with a smile on her face.

"No it was because I knocked the casket," said Renji bluntly as he took another sip.

"You did what," asked a wide eyed Naruto, shocked at what he was hearing. "You knocked the casket over."

"I was leaning on it was an accident," replied Renji defensively.

"Like someone knocks down a casket on purpose," said Marie frustrated. It was the funeral for her dearly departed uncle.

"So the casket fell over, big deal," said Renji.

"His body fell out," said Marie, angry at the lack of remorse in Renji's voice at his ruining of her uncle's funeral.

"So I put him back in it's not like it matters if he breaks something," replied Renji. He could only see how frustrated Marie was and he felt sorry for getting her so upset. "Okay I'm sorry that happened, but the thing was structurally unsound it was going to come down."

"You suck at apologies you know that," said Marie. For the rest of the dinner, Renji was quiet, not wanting to make Marie any more upset than she was at him, so he let her have her little chit chat with Naruto and Hinata.

Well dinner was over and Naruto and Hinata said their goodbyes as they walked away from the two wedding planners, who still hadn't decided where to have the wedding at. After looking all around the place they found that most island resorts were stocked up so they went to their hotel room defeated. Marie thought she'd go sit if the tub to help her think, but she was still not coming up with anything.

"Do you have any ideas," asked Marie. "I don't think I can think of any way to tell the Hokag that we failed to find a perfect place to have the wedding."

"I'll let you know when I think of anything else," replied to Renji as he turned on the TV and turned the volume down on low. He didn't want to disturb Marie and he had rigged the cable box so that he could watch the porn channels. Kuinochi Gone Wild was on so he would just watch the young, barely legal women taking off their clothes. Porno is pointless unless you want to beat your meat or you're doing research. And this crap is even more ridiculous, I mean some guy might see his daughter on this thing and then you have an awkward moment.

"Come join us in Gakko Island as Kuinochi Gone Wild goes on tour," said the announcer. As much as Renji found it stupid, women taking their clothes off live was something he couldn't pass up.

"Hey Marie, what do you know about Gakko Island," asked Renji, shouting from the living room. There was a threesome that was all female and he didn't want to miss it.

Gaara had heard about the move to Gakko Island, which brought up some interesting memories and then he could see Kankuro practically beaming.

"That's where they're going to shoot the next Kuinochi Gone Wild," exclaimed Kankuro with a bright smile on his face.

"Well I guess then that'll save us some money on the porn," said Gaara smirking at his older brother.

"It's a wonder women find him sexy with his porn addiction," said Temari sighing at her brother's antics. "I swear, I'm glad Shikamaru doesn't hold my family against me."

"No he just holds your terrible cooking against to you," retorted Kankuro. He found the fan colliding with his skull.

"Well I guess the pre-show is officially beginning," said Gaara in his own emotionless way.

"I'm home honey," called Rukia from the doorway.

"Good, I was afraid Temari would be the one cooking tonight," laughed Gaara as he kissed her on the lips. Something about her made him feel a bit more than anything else.

"Well maybe if you learned to cook then you wouldn't have to worry," replied Rukia with a smile.

"I'd be more comfortable with Temari learning cooking skills or having her husband cook for us."

"My husband," asked Temari with a face that was between happiness and shock.

"He should be here by now," said Gaara looking at his watch when all of a sudden there was a knock on the door. "Finally he gets."

Gaara used his sand to open the door to reveal Shikamaru in the door way smoking with his luggage behind him. Gaara gave him the, 'your late' face.

"Sorry, I fell asleep in the heat and was almost captured by some bandits," said Shikamaru before he was embraced into Temari's tight grip. "I talked to Tsunade-sama and your brother and we're now married."

"What about the ceremony," asked Temari looking at Shikamaru.

"Oh come on, a ceremony would be to troublesome and Naruto and Hinata are getting married," replied Shikamaru.

"It doesn't matter as long as I have you," cried Temari.

"Like they need another reason to get busy," snorted Kankro.

"You'd probably watch," shot back Temari.

I hope you review, because their are more hits than reviews on this thing and I should be seeing some reviews soon or I'm gonna eat your brains.