What could have been.
Summary...Sam's feeling worthless after events at Devils Trap and his visions are becoming out of control as he is shown what could have been.
Disclaimer...Still not mine yet, I own nothing but a half eaten bag of m&m's, they still belong to Kripkie.
"Sam what's wrong?" Meg inquired. "It's my brother something's wrong I have to go". Arriving at the town their dad had sent them to Sam dumped the stolen car, silently apologizing to the owners, and made his way to the orchard his brother had mentioned. Staying alert and wary he searched through the fruit trees. Nothing could be found except some frayed rope and a fugly looking scarecrow...flash..."I can't allow you to stop us, we're doing God's work". "What your doing is murder and my brother is your next intended victim. I have to stop you". "You're wrong". "What do you mean?" "Your brother won't be the next victim". Sam felt pain, his sight blurred, he felt cold...flash..."Trust me Dean, just wait where you are". Headlights suddenly shone brightly in Dean's eyes, the truck was dead ahead." The trucks here, its coming straight for me, what I do Sam? ", "Just wait Dean it'll be ok". Dean did as Sam asked and could only sit and stare as the truck got closer and closer. Sam listened to his phone, hoping his hunch was right, when the line abruptly died, but not before he heard the sound of metal on metal...
Dean was desperately trying to hold Sam down, as he thrashed around on the bed caught in yet another vision. Nurses and Sam's doctor rushed into the room alerted by the constant screech of the heart monitors siren.
"Sir, you have to leave".
"I'm not leaving him".
"Sir if you don't leave now security will remove you".
Dean found himself being forced away from Sam's side and ejected from the room, he could only observe through the window as the hospital staff went to work on his brother. Forty five minutes later found Dean slumped to the floor, jumping up as the door opened he hurriedly swiped at the few tears he'd allowed to leave his eyes.
"How's Sam, how's my brother?" He asked as the doctor stepped out of the room.
"We've had to sedate him. We believe that he had a seizure probably brought on by the anesthetic but we'll run some tests to make sure. Luckily he didn't pull any of the surgeons work so he should awaken as soon as the sedative wears off. You can go back in now".
Dean dashed past the doctor and made his way back inside, he really needed to see Sam knowing that it wasn't a seizure but yet another bloody vision. He walked towards the bed noting along the way how pale, still, small and very young Sam looked, grabbing his brothers hand he resumed his position, guarding the most precious and important thing in his life.
The light streaming through the window had long since turned to darkness when Dean heard the door to Sam's room quietly open, thinking it would be one of the nurses he didn't move his eyes from his brother.
"Don't you be thinking like that boy, your brother will be fine". Came Missouri's deep southern accent.
"Fine like the guy who's wife was cold banging the gardener or really fine?"
"Don't you sass me boy, I've brought my spoon with me!"
That brought the first smile to Dean's face in what felt like years and he finally looked up at Missouri.
"Hey Missouri".
"Oh son don't you be getting yourself worked up, we'll work this all out, you'll see". Missouri attempted to reassure the older hunter.
"I'm scared Missouri. He had another vision earlier on, the doctor thinks it was a seizure but we both know it wasn't, he was still unconscious at the time so they want to run tests. I just don't know how to help him".
"Well that's what I'm here for. Now the first thing you need to do is go and get some rest". Stopping Dean as he was about to protest Missouri carried on." I spoke to Sam's doctor he wont be waking for some time and your no use to him while your dead on your feet. Go. Now!"
Dean reluctantly got to his feet. "You call me if...you just call me".
Missouri watched as Dean trudged from the room. "Poor boy so much weight for someone so young". She thought to herself before turning her attention to the younger sibling."Oh Sam, what's going on in that head of yours".
Returning to Sam's room a couple of hours later Dean looked slightly more refreshed. Having returned to the motel he'd stayed just long enough to grab a fresh set of clothes before returning to the hospital, catching some sleep in the back of the Impala. Justifying that it didn't class as leaving Sam this way. Walking in he noted that Sam was still asleep, Missouri seemingly the same.
"Don't worry child I sensed you the minute you came back to the hospital, your brother hasn't woken yet but I sense he's about to come around".
"What do you think we're dealing with?"
"I don't know, but I have an idea I want to try if I have your agreement?"
"Anything Missouri, I'll try anything, I just hate seeing him hurt like this". Dean hurriedly agreed.
"Now don't be too hasty boy. I'm not going to lie to you, I'm going to need Sam's help and there is a chance that this could hurt him even more".
"Why can't things ever be easy, why do they always end up hurting him, haven't we gone through enough, paid enough, he doesn't deserve this, none of it". Dean's frustrations came out in a barrage aimed at no-one in particular; he quickly turned away from Missouri not wanting her to see the pain and anguish written all over his face. Knowing that she could sense it anyway was embarrassing enough.
"I'm sorry, Missouri."
"Don't you fret about it, you can't keep holding it all in, you will do more damage that way."
"What do we have to do?" Dean relented.
"Nothing yet, we wait for Sam."
Missouri and Dean passed the rest of day alternating between watching bad daytime TV and making runs to the diner across the street, which served considerably better coffee, whilst waiting for the youngest Winchester to awaken. Dean was so totally engrossed in the latest episode of Oprah that he didn't notice that somebody was watching him. Brown orbs flitted between Dean's face and the TV screen hanging from the ceiling, a look of total bewilderment on the face they belonged to, it was only the slight movement of Sam's hand beneath his own that alerted him to his brother's wakefulness.
"Hey bro, how are you feeling?". Dean would have laughed in other situations at the look that was returned by his brother to that question."Yeah ok, stupid question, you need anything?"
"Water." Sam croaked out, wincing at the grating of his throat and at how weak his voice sounded.
Dean got Sam the water and noting his brothers shaky hands helped him to take a few sips. Once Sam had settled back into the most comfortable position he could find on the bed he spoke up. "What happened, how did I get here?".
"You had another vision at the motel, do you not remember?" Observing Sam's thoughtful look he continued. "You fell through the shower stall, cut yourself really bad, I couldn't do a patch up, so that's why your here. You also had another vision just after you came out of surgery. The doc thinks you might have some sort of brain injury but you'd have to have a brain for that, eh geek". Dean's attempt to joke fell flat. "You had me worried there for a bit bro".
"Dean, I'm sorry. I remember bits now, there was no warning this time it just took over, and no signs, nothing, and I could feel myself falling but couldn't prevent it".
Heaving a huge sigh Dean asked the inevitable question. "Are the visions any clearer, are you remembering anymore?"
"Kind of, they were similar to the others, showing me previous hunts with different outcomes, but this one was slightly different".
"Different? How?" Dean persisted.
"I don't know, I'm missing something, there's something I need to remember but it's evading me".
Missouri spoke up at this point. "Sam honey, do you feel or sense anything evil? Like you did back home?"
"Hey Missouri, I'm sorry we bothered you. There's something, but I don't sense its evil. God this is so frustrating, I hate this and I hate these visions!" Sam angrily protested. Punching the bed for emphasis.
"Hey, hey calm down, you just had surgery, you not remembering could just be an after effect of the drugs. Missouri wants to try something, if your up for it?"
Sam's eyes flashed through a range of emotions, anger, sadness, fear and frustration before finally settling on resignation, "I don't know Dean what do you think?". He softly spoken voice no more than a whisper.
"I think we need to give it a try, you've had 4 visions so far and we're still no closer to knowing what they mean".
"Okay Dean, we'll give it a go. What do I have to do?" Sam acquiesced.
"Well Sam, I'm gonna try and join you in your mind, see if I can see or sense anything. I'll just take hold of one of your hands and place a hand to your head and see if I can take a ride along. I can't say this wont hurt you, it will be painful if you try and block me, but after everything you've already been through this should be a walk in the park."
"You sure you are up for this Sam? We could wait a bit." Dean worriedly asked.
Sam looked doubtful and vulnerable and Dean wanted to tell Missouri that they would wait, when his brother finally spoke. Mustering all the strength he could Sam uttered,"Yeah, let's do this".
Missouri took Sam's hand in hers and delicately placed her other onto the young hunter's forehead, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she started to pry into Sam's mind. Sensing nothing but darkness she spoke softly. "Honey just try to relax and I won't hurt you".
Feeling Sam relax slightly she pried deeper; gradually breaking through the layers of the boys mind until she reached the point she needed to be.
Coming upon a room she opened the door .Row upon row of desks and chairs lined the room all facing towards a larger desk and chalkboard. Missouri smiled to herself, she should have known a classroom would show it's self in the boys mind. Taking a seat she waited, Sam walked in first taking a seat near the front of the classroom; he was followed soon after by something else. The shape looked human but she couldn't tell. She pushed harder.
Dean had taken his seat back on the other side of his brother; with nothing to do he could only watch. At first all seemed well, there was nothing untoward about either Missouri's or Sam's expressions, Sam just looking really peaceful. Gradually he began to notice changes, the slight sheen of perspiration on Sam's top lip, pain lines evident on both faces. Missouri squinted suddenly and Dean noted Sam jump slightly. Hearing a small whimper of pain from his brother he looked more closely at Sam, he was now sweating profusely, his eyes tightly closed. Something was wrong. Missouri released her hold unexpectedly, grabbing at her head as she struggled for air.
Sam watched as the person entered, although he was sure he should recognize the person it was as though his mind was deliberately blocking him from seeing them, that being said he was suddenly a washed with a sense of calmness. He heard a raspy voice in his mind whisper "I'm sorry" before pain overcame him again.
Sam's eyes shot open as blood started to flow freely from his nose, he glanced at Dean briefly before his eyes rolled back in his head.
Oops sorry cliffie again!!!
Quite a long one to keep you going till I've moved. Hope I've managed to do justice to all the fantastic reviews by keeping you hooked and wondering. Will post as soon as poss., Peanut x