What could have been.

Summary...Sam's feeling worthless after events at Devil's Trap and his vision's are getting out of control as he is shown what could have been.

Disclaimer...Kripkie still owns.

Sam came back to reality, feeling a sense of urgency he pushed at the closet door, it wouldn't budge , he started to become panic stricken as his distraught mind replayed the vision, pushing harder he was rewarded when the unit behind the door moved slightly. It was not enough as the sound of the gun resounded from upstairs...flash...The hunter became the hunted. Pa Bender had taken Dean's suggestion and Sam had been released. Sam knew the only way to save Dean was to put the other two Benders out of commission. He swiftly dealt with one and started stalking the second, forgetting in his haste to rescue Dean, his fathers words of wisdom "never assume anything, always be aware of all your enemies. Pa Bender took aim, his arrow catching Sam straight through the heart...flash...They could both only watch as the deava's ripped into their father. Dean was attacked next being thrown across the room before landing in a heap, he heard Sam's scream as he was attacked. Morning found three bloodied, battered Winchesters not a single breath coming from any...flash..."Hey why don't you pick on someone your own size?" Mordechai turned his attention to Sam giving Ed and Harry the chance to escape. "Run, get out now". Sam managed to get out before Mordechai grabbed him by the throat pining him to the wall. "Dean". Sam croaked out, but it was no use, Dean wouldn't get there in time...flash...Dean went crashing into the bookcase before falling heavily to the floor. Sam took aim and prepared to pull the trigger, but he wasn't quite quick enough, he felt himself thrown into the wall before landing on the bed, the Striga was on top of him in an instant, breathing the very essence out of him. Dean awoke to find the Striga gone. Succeeding this time to finish what it started so very long ago...

Dean had long since past the panic stage and was now bordering on hysteria, he had somehow managed to stop the blood that had been streaming out of Sam's nose, but his brother was stuck yet again in another vision. Sam's eyes were moving rapidly beneath his lids and his hands were gripping the sheet so tightly that Dean thought he would rip right through it. As abruptly as it had started it stopped, Sam's breathing evened out and his hands relaxed. Dean exhaled a breath he hadn't even known he was holding in. Dipping a cloth in water he gently wiped his brother's face as Missouri stepped out of the bathroom.

"Missouri, what the hell went wrong?"

"I'm not too sure son, we were getting somewhere, there was definitely a presence there doing this, we were so close but the vision hit and I was forced out." Not wanting to trouble the worried sibling anymore she didn't mention the amount of pain Sam was actually in, pain that could only have gotten worse with the vision. "Dean, I believe that we should get Sam out of the hospital, these attacks are going to arouse suspicion soon."

Dean reluctantly agreed, when his brother woke up they would get him released even if it meant against medical advice. Missouri was right the doctor would soon start asking too many questions. Missouri went to get some fresh air as Dean turned back to Sam and waited. Not wanting to think about the visions, his mind took instead to brooding over the last few months. Dad's death had hit them both hard and things weren't great between him and Sam at the moment, what with Sam wanting to share their feelings all the time, but seeing Sam this hurt was the last thing Dean wanted, hell he would even do a chick flick moment if it would make Sam feel better.

"I'm sorry Sammy, I never meant to drive you away, but you know me dude, I have to have unbreakable walls surrounding me otherwise I can't do what we need to do, I've been pushing you away so hard 'cause I don't want to lose you too, I can't lose you, I can't and I won't. It hurts to know what dad did, Sammy, he shouldn't have done it, it should have been me, but I carry on Sam and I'm sorry I can't seem to tell you these things when your awake. I love you bro. I need you to get better; I need you to stay with me." Dean rested his head on Sam's hand as the tears he had been holding back were finally released. Emotionally drained he allowed his eyes to close.

The youngest Winchester awoke to an insurmountable amount of pain, everywhere seemed to throb and ache, from his back to his shoulders, his hands to his head. Carefully cracking one eye he judged the reaction before opening the other, a small smile crossed his face at the sight of his brother asleep his head on Sam's hand. Not wanting to wake him, he tried to think back to the last vision, he could remember more and more, but something was still evading him. The person had seemed so familiar, almost like it was someone he knew, but the last piece of the jigsaw just wouldn't fit, and that voice, he recognized that voice, but his mind just wouldn't put the puzzle together.

Dean shifted slightly allowing Sam's hand to become free, feeling the urge to use the bathroom, Sam started the tortuous task of getting out of bed, gently inching his way to the edge he dropped his leg over the side and attempted to sit up. Big mistake, as the pull on his back registered in his already battered brain, he made his next mistake when he tried to stand, and underestimating his weakened state he barely managed to grab the nightstand to stop him self from falling. A slight knocking of the bed had Dean instantly alert.

"God damn it Sam, what is it with you and floors at the moment?" He cried before rushing to aid his brother. "What are you trying to do?."

"Bathroom." Sam murmured embarrassment evident on his face.

After helping Sam get to the bathroom and settling him back on to the bed, Dean explained the plan to leave the hospital as soon as possible. Sam, as much as he was in pain, had to agree. Not wanting to leave Sam alone just yet Dean hit the call button and explained to the nurse, when she arrived, that they would like Sam to be released. Three hours and a good few arguments later, saw Dean helping his brother to get dressed, a set of a.m.a forms resting on the rolling table.

Both brothers felt the need to check into a different motel, there were just too many bad memories, not to mention a repair bill they couldn't afford, at the old one. Finding the one that looked the least shady Dean booked two rooms with a connecting door. Leaving Missouri to settle in, he positioned Sam as comfortably as possible on one of the lumpy beds before taking a seat on the other. Elbows resting on his knees, head in hands he looked uncomfortably around the room, trying to find some way of broaching the subject of the visions.

"I know you want to ask me something Dean, stop being such a girl and just ask."

"What happened?" Dean eventually got out, realizing at the same time how lame the question sounded.

"I was in a room, some sort of classroom I think, somebody came in, I heard a voice and then the vision hit."

"Whoa, whoa, back up, you heard a voice? What did it say?"

"It said "I'm sorry" what do you think it means?"

"I don't know Sam; did you recognize who said it?"

"That's just it Dean, I know them but I can't place who it is. It's so frustrating, I'm sorry."

"It will come to you Sam, and what are you apologizing for?"

"I don't think I can take much more of this, the visions get more and more painful each time, they hurt so much I think my head will explode, I don't think I can go through another one."

Noting Sam start to tear up, Dean moved over to his brothers side and carefully positioned himself against the headboard, placing a comforting hand on Sam's back he gently rested his brothers head in the crook of his shoulder and allowed him to release all his pent up frustrations and emotions, not caring how much of a chick flick moment was occurring. Through a combination of pain and exhaustion Sam eventually cried himself to sleep and although Dean's back was killing him there was no way he was going to move. Taking solace in Sam's steady breathing his eyelids slowly closed.

Missouri found them this way when she entered through the connecting door sometime later, three cups of steaming coffee balanced precariously in her hands, the click of the door roused Dean who immediately berated himself for falling asleep and leaving Sam so unprotected.

"Don't you go criticizing yourself, you need your sleep also, plus I was watching over the both of you." She scolded before handing over one of the coffees.

Dean was just thinking how to extract himself from Sam when his brother solved the problem for him, bolting up with such ferocity that Dean knew it had to have hurt, he jumped to his brothers aid taking his head in his hands. Sam's eyes were glassy and unfocused, his breathing heavy, his mind locked in a vision.

Dean attempted to light the lighter, Sam attempted to protect Sarah, Dean kept flicking the switch, Sam kept moving back, Dean succeeded, Sam also, as the dolls hair took hold of the flame Dean breathed a sigh of relief, Sam also breathed ... his last breath his throat slit from ear to ear, Sarah safe behind him...flash... Things were going well, John had Kate, Sam and Dean had taken care of most of the other vampires, but then it all went to hell, Luther had Sam. John took aim with the colt, not caring about a wasted bullet, hell they needed to know that it worked, he fired. The shot went true, straight through Luther's head, but the vampire jerked viciously. A sharp crack could be heard and two bodies fell to the ground, one dead from a bullet the other a broken neck...flash...Sam rushed out of the house, Rosie secure in his hands. Handing the baby over to her mother, he turned back to Dean. A movement caught his eye, looking up he could see the yellow eyed demon still in the flame consumed nursery. Breaking free from his brother's arms he rushed back into the house, he could finish this tonight; it would all be over, were the only thoughts going through his mind. Reaching the nursery he went to step in. Dean watched as the house exploded...flash..."You shoot me son, you shoot me through the heart." John shouted, struggling to keep the demon at bay. "Don't you do it, Sam" Dean gasped out. Sam looked at his dad before looking at Dean. Pulling the trigger he shot his dad in the leg and watched as the demon was expelled, turning to Dean; he noticed with horror his unblinking, sightless eyes. Dean was dead...

Dean detected the minor change in Sam's expressive eyes as he slowly returned from the vision, blinking repeatedly Sam began to focus, grasping Dean's arms, he hurriedly spoke.

"I know who it is now".

A.N... Sorry I made you wait so long, was gonna post the last two chapters together but I'm not that nice. Last chapter by Saturday, there's some A.U in it so just be aware. Hope you've enjoyed it so far. Peanut x