A/N- Thanks to all my reviewers, you guys are seriously awesome. Every review I get makes me update faster, so please take a minute and press that pretty blue-purple button at the bottom left-hand corner of your screen. Thanks!

Because I'm trying to do this as chronically-ordered as possible (I already have to go back to D/N) Neal and Yuki is next, not Kel/Dom. Heck, I might not even write a K/D.

Wow. That was strangely evil. I shock myself. Anyways, enough with my rambling and on with the story!

Neal/Yuki Wedding

Yamani Blossom, I love you so much

You make me feel every touch.

The wind may blow and the trees may sway,

But please, my Blossom, never go away.

The mountains may fall and the sea may break,

We'll always be together, that's no mistake!

When we first met, I think you slapped me,

That's no problem, now we are free.

I was once nearly decapitated by you,

That's fine; I'll love you true.

Your hair is silken and smooth

You have the ability to soothe

Your lips, your eyes, it's all perfect,

You've made me a Yuki addict!

So here is where I end my tale

Now let's go and brake out the ale!

-

Silence descended on the room after Dom finished reading.

"Did Neal just put 'decapitated' in his love poem?" Kel asked the group, grimacing.

"Mithros," breathed the newly-wed Raoul. "I didn't think it was possible."

The group of five –Kel, Dom, Raoul, Buri and Alanna- had met in The Lioness's chambers to discuss the invitation they had received, with an absolutely horrid poem printed on the outside.

"Has Yuki seen this?" asked Buri, taking the invitation from Kel.

Kel shook her head. "It's Yamani custom for the bride to take care of the actual wedding ceremony, and for the groom to supervise the decorations and invitations. Neither one can be aware of what the other is doing, or, in Yamani custom, they receive a lifetime of eternal doom."

"That's nice," commented Buri, who promptly tore the invitation in half. "The Yamanis are so kind."

Alanna grabbed a chair and sat in it. "So what do we do? When Yuki sees this after the wedding, she'll probably go ahead and finish decapitating him."

Dom stared into the ground. "I've been thinking about this whole wedding thing..."

Buri put the torn pieces of the invitation to the side. "So? What is it?"

"Kel was telling me that the Yamanis have no priest to conduct the ceremony, just the highest-ranking nobility in the area be convinced that the two love each other. In this case, our dear king, coming from Corus, will take up the cause."

Alanna's head shot up. "What? No one-"

Dom continued, "So in other words, the two make up their own vows. Neal's got to have his written somewhere, and if the invitation is suggesting anything, it's that they're awful.So we re-write the vows, which I'm guessing are poetry, and replace it with something decent. The invitation is nothing compared to the vows!"

Alanna finally broke through. "First of all, Neal can't be that thick to realize that his vows have been replaced!"

Neal was that thick. When he went searching for his vows in his desk, he pulled out the piece of parchment he had written them on. It read: A thousand men

And a thousand reasons

Could not keep me away from you.

The first time we met

I was sure that my heart would never be replaced

For you broke it in two just then.

I was sure at that moment

My life would forever change

For you entered it.

Neal looked up in disgust. That was awful! How could he write anything that bad? He saw the poetry –if you could call it that- went on for a few pages.

"I've really got to stop drinking and writing at the same time," he mumbled to himself.

The wedding to his ever-so-lovely Yamani Blossom was only in a day, and he couldn't write more vows in such a short period of time!

"I could have sworn I wrote different ones…"

Alanna was beside herself. She had no idea that the king was coming to Steadfast- today!

"You!" she barked at a guard alongside a wall. "Pay attention! If I'd been Scanran you'd be dead right now!"

Raoul tapped on her shoulder from behind her. "As would you. Reflexes a little off, Lioness?"

In one fluid movement she drew her ever-present dagger and held it against his throat, pinning him to the wall.

"As yours, Commander."

The doors down the hallway burst open, revealing a very flustered Neal. He spun around, looking for someone to bleed his soul to. Spotting Alanna and Raoul, he started screaming down the hall, "My creative touch! It's gone! Butchered! My heart yearns for the midnight day when I could write like I could love!"

"Obviously not very well," muttered Alanna. When he was in talking distance she added, "What do you mean, former squire?"

Neal held up the parchment the revised vows were written on. Raoul and Alanna exchanged looks- maybe Neal wasn't as stupid as they thought. "Look! I must have been drunk or have been beaten up by Dom or something when I wrote these!" Or, maybe he was as stupid as they thought.

"How so?" asked Raoul. Alanna had spelled the vows to be written in Neal's writing, but you could never tell with Sir Meathead, as the Own had learned to call him.

"They're awful! Peachblossom could have written better vows- and that's saying something!"

Alanna twitched. She would not lose her temper, she would not lose her temper, she- "Nealan! Those vows are better than you could dream! I went and personally wro-"

Raoul put a gloved hand over his friend's mouth, making her drop to her knees from the added weight. Alanna hadwritten those vows, and had spent half the night doing so.

"Erm, Alanna's having her little 'monthly problem' right now, you know how they get when they're like that. No logic, no thinking. Just yap-yap-yap-complain. I wish I had an excuse to be an ass for a week." Raoul said, feeling Alanna try to open her mouth to bite his hand.

Raoul was afraid Neal would ask how he knew Alanna was going through her monthlies –he had no idea if she was, though-, as he had no excuse. He didn't have to worry.

"Raoul? What are 'monthly problems'?"

Neal looked confused, and Alanna just stared and stopped trying to sever Raoul's hand.

Raoul straightened. "Neal, you're a healer. Haven't- haven't women come to you? Or hasn't your father, or even Yuki, told you?"

"Tell me what?" asked Neal, sounding like a child.

"Gods. Your father must have figured you'd find out in enough time. Well, Neal, time for a very painful lesson about females."

"And that," Raoul finished, "are what 'monthlies' are."

Neal stared in disgust at Raoul, and Alanna, who was present for the whole talk.

When Neal returned to his chambers as a single man for the last time, he found Yuki already in bed.

"Yuki, dear," started Neal.

"Yes, love?" Yuki responded calmly.

"I never knew you had monthlies."

Neal was shocked at how fast the shukusen flew from the side of the table, to Yuki's hand, to the wall an inch from Neal's right ear.

The morning of the wedding was dark, rainy, and full of threatening lightning on the horizon. Animals hid in their burrows, afraid of the rain. There were no doves, no clear sunny omens in the sky. It looked like later that day there would be a torrential rain that the residents of Steadfast would remember for a while. However-

"Isn't today an absolutely lovely day? So many little scurrying animals about! Today is perfect for a wedding!" Neal's voice, which the inhabitants of the fort were very sick of by now, echoed through the hall. He was whistling down to the training yards to watch men of the Own be beat up when something tackled him from behind.

"Neal!" barked Kel. "Shut up! Raoul's looking for you!"

"Really, my dearest friend? Where is thy Raoul present?" he asked. Kel gave him a look that yelled, say-another-word-and-my-glaive-will-be-in-your-stomach.

"He's in the private study on the left side of the hall. Steadfast isn't exactly meant for weddings, so you'll get ready in there. Remember, on the left. Yuki's in the right. If you accidentally barge in on her, you know what that means-,"

"Yes, yes," he said. "The gods will proclaim me eternally damned and the rest of my life will be one hellish moment after another. Yes, Yuki's told me about that little snag. I'm not so stupid to go there, Kel."

"Good!" she replied, "now go get ready, lover boy."

Neal looked shock. "But the wedding's not until noon!"

Kel nodded. "And it's three hours till then. Go! Scurry away! Begone!"

Neal squeaked, and obeyed.

He went the opposite direction he had come from. Who did Kel think he was, going into the study on the right? He wasn't that stupid. Actually, he wasn't that stupid at all. He was just trying to get married, a young man he was, and that was all! And Kel was reprimanding him for something he didn't even do! She needed a man herself. Maybe Wolset, he was a good enough man, or even Aiden. Any one of those would do. Perhaps even-

"Eternal damnation!" a voice shrieked. Neal snapped out of his thoughts. He was in a study…the study on the right side of the mess. A Yamani woman was staring at him, obviously having no idea what to do.

"No!" he said, trying to save the situation. "No! I haven't seen Yuki."

He covered his eyes, and tightened his fingers when he heard, "Nealan? What are you doing?"

It was Yuki's voice.

"Oh, nothing dear," he said. "Just- just checking up on things. I'll be going now-"

"Eternal damnation!" the woman shrieked as Neal back out of the room.

"Oh, shut it," came Yuki's unusually frank reply.

When Neal was completely out of the study, he heard the door slam. He dropped his hands, and found Kel staring at him. He yelped.

"'I'm not so stupid to go there, Kel,'" she quoted. "Nice one, Meathead. Dom will have a field day with this."

The wedding was held in the mess hall, but it held no resemblance. Alanna and Numair had outdone themselves- the whole room was painted white, pinks, and yellows, with the Yamani blossom flowers painted over. Every resident of Steadfast was permitted to attend, and it was such the reason for the church-like pews that lined the mess. Instead of an altar at the front of the room, a simple table held a long, circular ribbon.

Kel, Alanna, various knights that were close friends of Neal, and the various nobles present occupied the front pews on the left side. On the right were Yamanis that had come to see Shinkokami married, and had stayed before going on the long voyage home.

The pews finished filling when suddenly Kel gasped. "What?" asked Alanna, to her immediate left. Raoul turned his head towards her, on her right.

"The vows," she breathed. "I forgot. Neal isn't allowed to carry any up with him, and he didn't have time to memorize the new ones."

Alanna and Raoul started to stand, but Kel reached out to both of them to drag them down. "It's started," she whispered.

Neal was sweating. A Yamani man had just told him that he wasn't allowed to ready off any piece of paper for his vows. He tugged at his Yamani-styled tunic and hose, trying to make it fit better.

"I'm going to die," he whispered to himself.

"Getting married is just like it," the Yamani man told him in fluent Common.

Kel, Alanna and Raoul fidgeted as Yuki came through the center doors to the mess. She was in a pale pink Yamani kimono, with the outer pale blue. The obi matched the other pink, and a flower was tucked in her hair. She had on many face-paints, although it was attractive, not over-done.

Unlike normal weddings, there was no aisle; instead, she went around the pews to the right. She had taken a few steps when Neal appeared, looking strangely calm, and he started walking to the left.

When they arrived at the table, Jon was waiting.

"Please," he said. "State your reasons for wanting to join in this matrimonial way."

Yuki went first, as tradition declared clearly.

"Nealan of Queenscove is my one true love. Without each other, we are incomplete. To deny us of each other is like denying a flower the sun.

"There are none other like him. He is caring, compassionate, reasonable-," Kel and Alanna looked at each other with wry looks, "- and incredibly thoughtful. That is why I, Yukimi noh Daiomoru, wish to marry Neal."

The king nodded. "And you, Nealan of Queenscoe?"

Kel, Alanna and Raoul all sucked in their breath. This was going to be very, very bad.

"Yukimi noh Daiomoru is… is very nice," He said with a straight face. "I like her very much."

"Gods," remarked Alanna.

Neal struggled with his words, something that had never happened before.

"Er, with your permission, sir, I'll go against normal tradition in the way I present my vows."

Jon nodded, face uncompassionate. "So be it."

Neal nodded, took a breath, and with a clear voice stated:

Yamani Blossom, I love you so much

You make me feel every touch.

The wind may blow and the trees may sway,

But please, my Blossom, never go away.

The mountains may fall and the sea may break,

We'll always be together, that's no mistake!

When we first met, I think you slapped me,

That's no problem, now we are free.

I was once nearly decapitated by you,

That's fine; I'll love you true.

Your hair is silken and smooth

You have the ability to soothe

Your lips, your eyes, it's all perfect,

You've made me a Yuki addict!

So here is where I end my tale

Now let's go and brake out the ale!

There was not a word, nor a sound, or anything in the mess hall. Neal had quoted the invitation word-for-word.

"Is Neal dead yet?" whispered Kel, through closed eyes.

"I don't know. My eyes are closed," said Raoul.

"As are mine," remarked Alanna.

The trio slowly opened their eyes, to reveal a clearly-shocked Jon, a trembling Neal, and Yuki with her mouth open.

"Oh, Neal!" Yuki exclaimed. "That was beautiful!"

Shock rippled through the hall; Kel's jaw dropped.

Neal smiled. "Really?"

"Anything that's done by you is beautiful!" she replied.

Jon gathered himself. "Seeing as you two love and care for each other through both good and bad," he put the ribbon over their hands, "I herby pronounce you, with the power invested in me by my father, King Roald, husband and wife." Jon cut the gold ribbon with a knife, and it fell to the floor.

It took the audience a few more moments to clap and cheer as Neal and Yuki descended into their first kiss together.

"Well, that turned out surprisingly well," commented Dom from the pew behind Kel amidst the noise. "Shame, really."

Kel laughed. "Poor Nealan, he just got married and just found out about females having monthlies. He's in for a rough next few years."

Dom looked confused.

"What are monthlies?" he asked.

Raoul, overhearing, just muttered, "Find out yourself."

A/N- Poor Nealan, this chapter was easy to write, with him being oh-so susceptible to my torturing.

Please review! Any future-chapter ideas are highly welcome.

Post-Script Randomness: Anyone here seen the movie Hairspray? I loved it...see it if you haven't!