Summary: DBZ/FMA X-over. Sequel to my Alchemy and Saiyans fic. Chi-Chi decides to have Gohan learn alchemy, so she sends him to Amestris.

Disclaimer: it walks alone, BritKit, Mordecai, flyonthewall, and freakinCRAZY are sitting at a table

(random girl walks by)

Girl: I hate you! I fucking hate you!

Mordecai: OK! (A/N: This actually happened!)

Everyone else: (sweatdrop)

freakinCRAZY: Waka waka (howls like a wolf)

it walks alone: I'm getting scared...

BritKit: Me too. (moves away from FC)

M: What does 'zh' sound like?

IWA: (scribble) No idea.

M: I mean you can't even fathom it!

BK: Boys say the strangest things...

IWA: Agreed.

flyonthewall: (looks up from homework) The Philiad!

BK: ...Beg pardon?

FTW: A book about my boyfriend, Phil!

BK: ...That's nice dear.

FTW: (goes back to homework)

IWA: Boys say the strangest things? Try our friends say the strangest things.

BK: Yeah...

IWA: (scribble) ...How do you spell Colonel?

FTW: Colon-al.

M: Drink your colon-ale: it'll get you drunk!

BK: It's either colon-al or colon-el, but why are you asking me? I can't spell to save my life.

FTW: R-S-8-P-B-E-R-R-I-E, raspberry!

FC: ...I think spelling 'raspberry' is a little hard for Friend #2 over here...

BK: Even I'm not that bad.

M: My hair is non-coherent!

All except M: ... (sweatdrop)

IWA: ...Alrighty then... Well, I don't own FMA, DBZ, ... or any other manga series for that matter and probably never will, now let's get on with the story!

M: Scandinavian monkeys!

Review Responses:

Yami no Hikari-Chan: Aaaahh, I see. Oooo, a brownie! (pounces on brownie) BK: ...Don't give her any more reason to be hyper. Please. IWA: (pouts, munching on the brownie)

MarshmellowDragon: Oh no, you do NOT want a sad Armstrong... (shudder) I don't even know what would happen...

Vyrexuviel: Oh, he will. There's just one little problem... BK: Don't give it away! IWA: Sorry!

Suuki-Aldrea: Thank you!

Nausicaafan1: ... ... I don't think so. ... But then, you never know. (grins evilly)

"Speaking" Thoughts (Me to you)

Last time:

"Yup," Ed agreed. "But we'll be starting with the theory and calculations. Oh, Mustang, can Al help?"

"Teach him? Sure."

Chapter 2: Chalk Circles

After a bit of discussion, et was decided that since Ed would be teaching him and Ed kept going away, Gohan would go with Ed.

So Gohan followed Ed back to the military headquarters, where Al was waiting for his brother.

"Al?"

"Nii-san! What happened?"

"Huh?"

"You're late! And... Gohan's with you?"

Gohan gave the suit of armor a sheepish Son Grin™.

"Yeah. Mom decided I was going to learn alchemy and the Colonel assigned Ed to be my mentor. So you're stuck with me."

"Oh."

"I can handle myself. The only problem would be food."

Ed stared at the demi warily. "You don't eat as much as Vegeta or Trunks, do you?"

"Probably not as much as Vegeta, seeing as how I'm half human, but more than Trunks."

"Whoa, whoa. Half human!" Ed yelped.

Gohan stared. "You asked Mirai and Bulma about Saiyans, I know you did."

"Yeah, but I never got an answer."

"'Saiyans are aliens'? What about that one?" Gohan interjected.

"Oh yeah! But she never went into anymore detail," Ed complained.

"I see," Gohan replied thoughtfully. "Well, Saiyans are aliens, as she said. They are much stronger than any human could hope to be. They can also fly and use ki, but then any human could learn how to do that with enough training."

Ed's eyes were wide. "Fly? Did I hear you right?"

Gohan nodded. "Yup." To illustrate, he lifted a couple feet off the floor.

The Elric brothers stared at his feet, then at the floor where he'd been standing, then back at his feet, then back at the floor, etc, etc.

Just then, Sergent Brosh walked by with a stack of papers in his arms (probably for Mustang...) that reached above his head (in other words, he couldn't see where he was going at all) and ran smack into Gohan.

"Oh, sorry, Al—" he started, then noticed that what he had run into was not Alphonse Elric, the suit of armor. Like the alchemist brothers, he too stared back and forth between Gohan's suddenly-popular feet and the floor.

"What..."

He never got any further, as he fainted, the stack in his arms falling and coating practically the whole floor with paper.

Gohan sweatdropped. "I think I'll come down now."

As he touched down, he noticed that Ed and Al were still staring at him and rolled his eyes. "You two can stop staring now."

"Oh! Sorry," Al apologized.

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault."

"Can you teach me how to fly?" Ed asked, awed.

"Probably. But I've got to make some progress with my alchemy before I do anything else of Mom'll come over here and start Frying Panning me."

"Ooh," Ed empathized, wincing.

"Yeah. So, can we start?"

"Huh? Oh, sure."

"So, nii-san, what will you start with?" Al asked.

"Hell if I know," Ed replied.

Al and Gohan sweatdropped.

There was a moment of silence.

Ed suddenly lit up.

"I know!"

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Mustang sighed. He had finally finished his paperwork for the day. Rubbing his temples, he stood up and exited his office, pausing only to say good bye for the day to his subordinates. He left the building and froze, eye twitching. "..."

"...The hell?" he muttered, staring at the giant crowd of kids, all clutching pieces of chalk, clustered around Ed and Gohan, who were, by now, in the middle of the street. Al was in the crowd of kids.

There were circles, perfect and not, all over the sidewalk and the street. Apparently, Ed was attempting to teach Gohan how to draw perfect circle. And failing. Not quite miserably, but still failing. Al was the one failing miserably.

"FULLMETAAAAAL!"

Ed looked up.

There was a moment of silence.

"...Shit."

"Nii-san!"

"What?"

Al pointed to the crowd of now very happy kids.

Ed blinked. "...Well, sh—"

Al glared at him.

"—oes. ...I said shoes."

Gohan snickered.

Ed glared at his appointed student. "Shaddup you—"

"NII-SAN!"

Ed glared at his brother. "You know what? I'm just gonna stop talking."

Mustang grinned maliciously. "I think that's a WONDERFUL idea."

Ed transferred his glare from his brother to his commanding officer. "...Have I mentioned that I hate you?"

"Not recently, no."

"Well, I do."

"Feeling's mutual. Now, dare I ask just WHAT you're doing?"

Ed glared at the Colonel once again. "Fu—"

"EDDDD!"

"...Screw this. I'm going back to the hotel." He pointed at Al. "You explain."

Gohan looked between Ed, Al, the crowd of kids, and Mustang nervously. "I'm... gonna go with Ed." He reached over and picked said blond up by the back of his coat.

"OWWWWW!"

Gohan looked down at the yowling alchemist in his grip and realized that he had not only grabbed the red overcoat, but also the blond braid. He immediately let go.

"Yaaah! Sorrysorrysorry!"

/Thwump/

Ed just sat where he'd landed, looking extremely miffed, and massaging the back of his head with his left hand.

"Let's try this again, shall we?"

Ed growled as he was picked up once more by Gohan, who this time made sure not to pull Ed's hair.

Ed now resembles a kitten being carried by the scruff of its neck.

A rather large kitten.

Gohan started down the street. Mustang and Al watched, sweatdropping.

Gohan turned the corner and suddenly realized that he had absolutely no idea where he was going. "Umm... Which way are we going?"

Ed pointed behind him. "That way."

Gohan turned around. "I knew that."

"Sure you did."

Gohan and Ed walked (Well, Gohan walked. Ed was carried.) back through the crowd of kids past Mustang and Al (who were still sweatdropping) and out the other way, back to the military hotel.

There was a moment of silence as they turned the corner.

Mustang turned and walked back into the building, shutting the door behind him.

There was a pause.

Then he cracked up.

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About 10 minutes later, Gohan had put Ed back down and the two of them were walking towards the hotel, discussing alchemy.

Suddenly, Gohan's head shot up and he yanked Ed backwards by the shoulder.

Ed was about to start yelling at him when the ground were he'd been standing was turned to rubble. He settled for staring instead.

Someone laughed. "Lucky, ochibi-san."

Ed's head snapped up. "Envy!" he snarled.

Envy hopped down from the roof of a nearby building, still laughing. "Your friend has good reflexes, ochibi-san," he purred. "You're lucky. You'd be in serious pain if he hadn't been there."

Gohan blinked. "Uhh... Ed? Who is this?"

Ed growled, preparing to transmute his auto-mail blade. "That's Envy."

Gohan rolled his eyes. "I'd gathered as much."

Envy smirked, then sauntered over to stand by Ed. He leaned down to eye level with the top of said alchemist's head. "Huh. All that time gone and you still haven't grown any."

Ed snapped. He leaped at Envy, blade drawn and at the ready. Envy dodged easily and retaliated, slamming the heel of his palm against Ed's jaw.

Ed flew back, skidded against the ground, righted himself, and charged at Envy again, blade swinging.

The fight continued much like this, with Gohan standing back out of the way, watching and evaluating the two combatants. Even in mental 'combat mode', though, he was still confused by Envy. Who is this guy, why is he fighting Ed... and why does he have green hair?

Envy ducked under Ed's arm, smirking. Both of them by this time, had gotten pretty beat up. Envy was bleeding from multiple slash wounds caused by the alchemist's auto-mail blade and Ed wasn't much better.

Suddenly Envy's foot shot out and caught Ed full in the chest. The alchemist cried out as his breath was forced out of him and he flew backwards, slamming into and cracking a brick wall. The poor blond crumpled to the ground.

Gohan abruptly realized that Ed was losing. Maybe I should do something.

Envy used the breather to heal himself.

Gohan's eyes widened. Ed is definitely losing. Y'know, he kind of reminds me of Buu... Aah! Bad memories! Bad memories! Must get Buu out of head!

While Gohan was attempting to rid himself of his bad memories, Ed staggered to his feet. Gritting his teeth against the pain, he started toward Envy. However, Envy leaped in toward Ed before the blond could do anything. The sin took hold of the alchemist's coat (and jacket, actually) to prevent the other's escape. Then he started beating the blond, grinning malevolently.

At Ed's cry of pain, Gohan's head snapped up (free of Buu-memories) and the demi-Saiyan made up his mind.

Gohan slid between the two combatants, braced his forearm against Ed's chest (to make sure he didn't go anywhere), grabbed Envy's shirt (-ish-thing) and pulled Envy away from Ed, lifting him up in order to remove his grip on Ed's clothes.

Envy, realizing he was moving away from his prey, tried to close in.

A surprised expression flitted across the sin's face. I'm not going anywhere. He looked down. I'm floating. Only then did he notice Gohan. "...Who the hell are you?"

Gohan turned to Envy. "I should be asking you that."

Ed, complete with bruises, wounds, and ripped clothes, pointed at Envy. "He's a bad guy."

Envy pouted. "Oi!"

"Oh," Gohan said, enlightened slightly. "He's bad?"

"Very," Ed agreed.

Envy pouted some more.

Gohan grinned, a strange light coming into his eyes. "...So... Does that mean I can ki-blast him into next week?"

"Please do," Ed wheezed, collapsing against the cracked wall.

"Nice." That said, Gohan started charging a ki blast in his now-free hand.

Envy's eyes widened. "...Well shit, this is new."

Someone in the shadows laughed. "What's wrong, Envy? Is he too much for you?" a woman asked.

Envy grimaced. "Oh, hey, Lust."

Gohan turned and saw Lust. His eyes widened and he blushed bright red.

Lust smirked. "Hello, gorgeous, whachya got there?"

Gohan now resembled a tomato with black hair.

Envy noticed this ans smirked. "So... He's chivalrous. Yes! No pain!" And with that he transformed into a very... whore-ish girl.

Gohan's eyes widened even more.

"..."

He dropped Envy, spun around, grabbed Ed, and flew off so fast it looked like he teleported.

"..."

Envy shifted back to his normal form.

"...Well, that was..." He trailed off.

"Interesting?" Lust supplied.

Envy shrugged. "I was gonna say weird, but that works."

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Yay! Chapter 2 done! The odd thing about this story is that I have the ending plot all written out (courtesy of my muse, BritKit), but none of the intervening stuff. So I know where this story'll wind up, but I have no clue as to how it's going to get there. Weird, huh? Anywho, please leave me a review on your way out.