11:00 AM
Jack was organizing his coupon collection when the horn blared outside. He leaped from the sofa, carefully grouped slips of savings barely staying in his hands as he shoved them into a plastic grocery bag. So much for organization. He knew he should have been organizing his coupons from the beginning! After all, it couldn't be that hard to take five minutes every now and then to keep things in order, especially when one believed in coupons as much as he did.
But, oh well. He rarely went shopping, so perhaps digging for the proper saving would be a good experience.
No, no it wouldn't. He felt very unprepared. But his life was often very unprepared.
The car horn sounded again, this time holding a certain note of fury. Chloe could sure cut through LA traffic fast. Jack grabbed his wallet, twisted close his bag of coupons, and headed outside.
A bright green VW Bug was parked outside his house—Jack wasn't terribly sure of the model of those new things. One of the convertible ones. Why the heck did Chloe own one? She pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head and snarled. "Took you long enough to get out here. I swear, you always want something but you can't be bothered to do it."
Oh, that Chloe. Jack flashed her a smile as he climbed into the passenger's seat. "I was going through my coupons." He held up the bag, which Chloe eyed with something akin to fear. "I'm always sure to cut out coupons."
She nodded, not impressed. "And yet you don't even know how to get to the grocery store?"
Jack shrugged. "Grocery stores are rarely a matter of importance."
Chloe sighed, shook her head, and threw the car into gear. "This was supposed to be my day off, too. I deserve a day off as much as you do, Jack."
"But I don't know what kind of laundry detergent I'm supposed to buy."
"And I told you over the phone that it doesn't really matter."
Jack glanced up at the sky. An overcast shadow was settling in. Perfect to fit the mood. "Chloe, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin your day. But it's just a quick trip to the store. I don't know how to do any of this homemaking stuff."
The faintest of smiles lit her face as she squeezed the steering wheel and turned a corner. "As I well know. Look, I'm sorry, too. I do want you to have clean clothes when you return to CTU."
"How come you always have nice clean clothes?"
She rolled her eyes. "Because I do my wash. Hey, do me a favor and turn on the radio."
Ah, yes. A little relaxing music. He did as he was told.
It was Neil Diamond.
He groaned, but Chloe seemed thrilled. "Awesome! I love this one! Turn it up!"
And that was when Jack learned that Chloe could not sing.
11:08 AM
Chloe swung the Beetle into the parking lot of a Safeway. The Neil Diamond stuff had passed, and how she was attempting the vocals of Norah Jones. Norah Jones was someone else Jack would never understand.
The trouble was that Chloe was a friend and Jack simply could not bring himself insulting her. Not when she would probably ditch him at the grocery store and take off.
"Damn it," he muttered as he surveyed the parking lot. "It's crowded."
"Then we shall park in the back and get a little exercise," Chloe replied gleefully.
Jack stared over the minivans and seagulls to the far edge of the parking lot. It seemed so far away. "But I just need to pop in there and buy a few things."
"And so does half the neighborhood. It's a morning. This is when all the housewives do the grocery shopping. And the single people like you."
Boy, but he needed to get married again. He didn't think he could do grocery shopping every week. "Why can't they just eat Spaghettios?"
"I'm parking back there, and you will walk."
He really did not want to get kicked out of the car. He sighed and slumped back into the seat as Chloe drove a mighty 3 mph past mothers with strollers and old people taking their sweet time. Finally, she parked the car and Jack got out.
There sure were a lot of seagulls on this edge of the lot. A couple dozen of the huge white birds picked at the ground and gave their weird call. It was like a bunch of squeaky toys.
"I love seagulls," Chloe said. "They're so pretty."
Five of them stared at Jack. It was very unnerving. "They're rodents with wings. I pity the state of Utah. This is their state bird, you know."
"At least they help clean up the garbage."
Sure enough, one was attacking what appeared to be a diaper. Disgusting. "Chloe, they're staring at me."
"Because you're weird. Come on, I have stuff I want to do."
The Safeway seemed miles away. Boy, this was going to be a workout.
The din of the grocery store increased with every step Jack and Chloe took. People talking, babies crying, employees getting yelled at, a guy over the loud speaker. It was terrible. By the time Jack entered the store itself, he was nearly deaf. Well, he needed laundry soap. And eggs. He could not forget about the eggs. Eggs would be good.
Now, just how did a grocery store work?
Chloe coughed and gestured at the shopping carts. Oh, yes. Good. A place to put things. "Thanks."
She raised an eyebrow. "Hey, I'm not going to push yours. I'm doing my own shopping while I'm here."
He stared at the cart. Push it. Yes, that seemed reasonable enough. He grabbed the handle and immediately pulled away. It was wet and sticky all at the same time. And…
And there was gum now attached to his finger. He shook it away and grabbed for the antibacterial gel dispenser. Thank heaven they now kept those wonders of modern civilization around. Then he grabbed the ad from the bottom of the cart and wrapped it around the handle. Much better. He pulled the cart away.
A horrifying shriek rang out through the store as the car jerked painfully to the left.
"Busted wheel," Chloe observed. "Get another one."
Jack shook his head. "This one will work fine."
"No, it won't. Just get another one."
"Chloe, I'm a CTU agent. I don't just "get another one". I'm used to working with what I have."
She rolled her eyes once more. "All right, then."
He yanked the cart toward the main area. It screeched and pulled, but he was going to shop with that cart if it was the last thing he did.
Chloe flinched. "Jack, that sounds like a dying cat."
"Just shut up and tell me where the detergent is."
11:22 AM
He had never before known how easy it was to get lost in a grocery store. All those tall shelves proved to be nothing less than a labyrinth of terror. Add stupid people with carts, and one might as well just shoot himself. But before he had to suffer that, he finally figured out the code. All places ran by encryption.
And the Safeway had signs over each aisle announcing the products sold there.
So deceitfully simple. But he tried it, and sure enough he made it to the laundry detergent with ease. Yes, perfect. He just had to grab a box and…
His heart skipped a beat. Tide, Arm & Hammer, Gain, Sun, Oxy-Clean. Different names, colors, and logos on each individual box. What did they all mean?
All he had wanted was some laundry soap so he might have clean clothes. Was that so much to ask?
So many options.
He took a deep breath. This was going to be more difficult than he had planned.
He could not screw this up. He had to buy the right stuff.
11:45 AM
Jack happily placed a box of Tide (Mountain Fresh) and a bottle of generic fabric softener (Island Breeze) into his cart. He thought the combination of scents would be delightful. Besides, he thought he remembered seeing a coupon for that particular…
His bag of coupons. He had left it in Chloe's car.
And Chloe… he didn't know where she was. He had last seen her in the produce section.
Damn it.
Well, he would just have to hide his stuff in a safe place and go back for the coupons. He was pretty sure he remembered where she had parked the car. Near those creepy seagulls.
But where to hide the laundry stuff? The cart was too big and bulky. He pulled the detergent and fabric softener back out and looked up at the aisle codes.
Frozen foods. Hmm.
And it was just two aisles over. He checked to make sure no one was coming and bolted around the corner. Fortunately, the frozen food section was empty, at least for the time being. The big things of ice cream. That would hide them.
One more check to see if enemies were approaching.
Then he stuffed the detergent and fabric softener behind a large thing of cookie dough ice cream and slammed the door. There. No one would find those.
And now to take on the seagulls. But he couldn't look scared. It was dangerous to let an enemy see your fear. Or anyone else.
He sauntered back into the parking lot. So far no one was watching. He broke into a jog. Wow, Chloe had sure parked far away. But he could handle it. He could make it.
Cars moving around, cars parking, cars pulling in… he dodged every single one of them. He had to get those coupons. They were a must…
Now all of the seagulls were watching him. He froze. There were freaky. One squawked, flapped its wings, and took a few steps toward him.
Jack gulped.
Another bird approached.
Jack didn't have time. He dove for the car, grabbed the coupon bag, and took off back toward the Safeway.
Hopefully the seagulls weren't following him.