2. Jiraiya Explains Kinda
(I was asked to expand this from a oneshot, so I will.)
Naruto glared at his father's former sensei, who coughed very loudly in response, and sent a pleading glance towards Sakura and Kakashi. They ignored him. Tsunade was on the couch, with a fierce hangover.
"You see, Naruto." Jiraiya began, and then stopped. "Understand this." He stopped again. "For some time now, we've thought about this."
"Get on with it, old man!" Naruto snapped.
"THE BELOVED FOURTH HOKAGE IS YOUR FATHER!" Jiraiya yelled quickly.
"How long have you known?" Naruto growled, his eyes flashing red. Uh oh. Naruto in Kyubbi mode was NOT pleasant.
"Ever since I first met you. Well, shortly after I first met you. The night after the first day we met, while you were sleeping, I noticed how much you looked like him."
"YOU WERE SPYING ON ME WHILE I WAS SLEEPING!"
"It's a thing all senseis do." Jiraiya rolled his eyes. "How naïve are you?"
"Ugh. My head." Tsunade suddenly moaned, sitting up. "I'm going to the kitchen for some coffee. I drank too much last night."
"OH NO, YOU DON'T!" Jirayia and Naruto shouted at the same time.
Tsunade put on a pouty face, but laid back down. Sakura was staring at Jiraiya and Naruto, rather interested. Kakashi hid his face (or what you could see of his face) under his Icha Icha Paradise book.
"You're the one who blabbed!" Jiraiya said sharply. "You should explain!"
"Your dad was Minato Namikaze, the glorious yondaime, who died after sealing Kyubbi inside of you. Your mom was Kushina Uzumaki, from the former whirlpool country, a talented, pretty, red haired ninja. There. Can I get my coffee now?"
"Hell, no, woman!" Jiraiya snapped.
"What about you, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto wheeled around to the poor man. "Did you know? Did you? Did you? Did you?"
"No! Well, kind of. I had some clues. Fine, yes." Kakashi said in one breath, and then raised his hand to ward off any blows.
"EVERYONE KNEW EXCEPT ME! EVERYONE KEPT THE SECRET ABOUT MY OWN FREAKING PARENTS AWAY FROM ME! AND THE PEOPLE IN THIS VILLAGE HAS TREATED ME LIKE CRAP DESPITE THE FACT THAT MY OWN FATHER SACRIFICED HIS LIFE FOR THEM!" Naruto screamed in Jiraiya's face. "EXPLAIN THAT, OLD MAN!"
Naruto then turned around, stomped out, and shut the door in a fury.
"Well, that went well." Jiraiya said.