A/N: Itlalics are either flashbacks or thoughts if you haven't figured that out by now. Enjoy!

"What!" No! I was never unfaithful!" Elliot was shocked. But he felt he had cheated on Kathy, in his mind of course, but he had never physically done anything.

Kathy started to cry. Elliot sighed. "Take a breath." He hated it when she cried, especially when he was the cause of it.

"I was Elliot."

"Excuse me?" Maybe he had heard her wrong.

"I cheated on you Elliot!"

He was speechless. He looked over at Olivia.

Olivia saw Elliot tense up, but when he turned around she hadn't expected him to see tears in his eyes. She could see his hands shaking.

"Elliot talk, please." Kathy pleaded.

"I don't get you." Elliot snapped and slammed the phone on the receiver. "Bitch!"

Olivia walked over to him. "What was that about?"

He shook his head, refusing to talk. How could she cheat on him?

"Elliot?"

He looked up at Olivia, his eyes filled with tears. "how could she?"

"how could she what el?"

He didn't want to say it. "Kathy cheated on me."

"oh my god Elliot I'm sorry."

Elliot chuckled sadly. "You know what the ironic thing is? I'm a detective and I had no idea."

Olivia gathered him into her arms. There weren't many times when she was speechless like this. After a while, she said, "you need to call her back."

Elliot pulled away and shook his head. "No."

"Don't you want an explanation?"

"Kathy doesn't have to explain anything. I already know why; I was with you twenty-four seven!"

Olivia flinched. "Fine, ok well I'll see you Friday." She walked out of the kitchen and a few seconds later he heard the front door close. He slammed his fist on the counter. Olivia was right he did want some answers but he wasn't about to call Kathy.

How could he not see? Oh he knew their marriage was deteriorating. In the last few weeks that Kathy had been home they had hardly talked. Sometimes he wouldn't come home until three in the morning and even then he would sleep on the couch. If he was lucky he would be able to leave before Kathy got up. He couldn't remember the last time they had made love, even the last time they had kissed. When was the last time I told her that I love her? Did this man she was with tell her that he lover her? God I could shoot myself for being so blind! He went to the refrigerator and reached above it. His hand settled on a half full bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey. He wasn't the kind to just chug it out of the bottle so he went to the cabinet and got a shot glass.

Thursday 12/16/04 1:05 A.M.

Elliot had passed out on the couch about an hour before the phone rang. He jumped up from the couch and ran to the phone.

"Yea?"

"Daddy?"

"Maureen? Is everything ok?"

"I just wanted to tell you that I had no idea about mom."

"Honey its ok." He paused. "Did she tell you?"

"Yes well… I heard her talking to him the other night. So I asked her about it and she told me."

"Did she happen to tell you who and how long?"

"Oh daddy I know this is hard but I really think mom should tell you herself."

Elliot sighed. "Are you at your grandparents right now?"

"Yea."

"Tell your mother in the morning that I want to meet with her. I'll be at a coffee shop on the corner of Broadway and Lexington at one 'o clock tomorrow. If she wants to come I'll be there but I'm only gonna wait thirty minutes and if she doesn't then well I'll just enjoy a cup of coffee and leave."

"Ok daddy."

"Its late sweetie, you need to get to bed."

"Night daddy."

"G'night baby."

After he hung up, he walked into the living room and looked at the empty whiskey bottle. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He decided to get some more sleep upstairs.

Elliot woke up at a quarter to nine. His head felt like it had been split open with an ax. That's what you get for drinking asshole. He went downstairs to make some much needed coffee. As he sat at the table he noticed that it was snowing; the first of the year. Liz and Dickie are probably outside right now. Every year without fail, his twins would always wake up on the day of the first snow fall and play until they couldn't feel their toes.

Three years ago

"Mom! Dad! It's snowing!" A nine year old Dickie jumped onto his dad's back.

Eliot grunted. "Go ahead buddy, we'll be out there soon."

"Yesss!"

Elliot rolled over and wrapped his arm around Kathy. "I think I broke my back."

Kathy laughed and rolled over so that they were facing each other. "Or maybe you're just getting old."

"Ha-ha not funny." He smiled and kissed his wife. "Love you."

"I love you too. Now get off me so I can make breakfast."

Elliot saluted playfully. "Yes ma'am."

Kathy pushed him off, wrapped her robe around her, and went down the stairs.

"I'll get the girls up." Elliot called after her.

"Too late daddy." His eldest daughter, Maureen, yawned. Kathleen and Lizzie both came out of their rooms yawning.

"Daddy why did Dickie get up so early?" Lizzie, Dickey's twin, asked.

"Look outside."

She looked at him then went to the nearest window where a light snow was falling. Her face broke into a big smile and looked and him with big blue eyes. She ran to the window, stood on her tip toes, and looked outside.

"It's snowing!" She ran back into her room to get dressed.

Elliot followed his two daughters downstairs to the kitchen where Kathy was making breakfast. Dickie was already outside starting to build a snowman. Lizzie came shooting down the stairs and burst outside.

After they were done eating, Maureen and Kathleen ran up to their rooms to get dressed while their parents drank coffee in the kitchen. When they came back down, Kathleen asked, "Are you guys coming out?"

Kathy and Elliot looked at each other. "Sure we are. We'll be out there in a little while."

Ten minutes later they walked outside in their winter apparel. It just so happened that they walked right into a snowball fight.

"Dad they said it was girls against guys!"

"Aww now come on how fair is that?" Elliot asked as all the females in the Stabler family, with snowballs in their hands, started to corner him and Dickie. All at once they threw their snowballs at the two males.

Dickie and Elliot simultaneously picked up snow and started throwing it. This lasted for an hour, resulting in the girls winning.

"How is it that they do this to us every year kid?" Elliot breathlessly asked Dickie, who shrugged, obviously tired.

"Come help me with this Dickie!" Lizzie yelled as she started to roll the bottom ball for the snowman.

Elliot heard the phone ring inside. "Dad are you gonna help us?"

"Yea lemme get the phone first." He ran into the house and answered the phone.

"Elliot we need you at the precinct right now."

His face fell. "Alright I'll be there Cap."

We walked outside to Kathy. "Kath…"

"I know they called you in. Go ahead."

Elliot looked at his children's faces. Each and every one of them had a disappointed look on them.

That's how most of his memories ended. He remembered one time he was making love to Kathy and he got a call saying he had to report to a crime scene. It was actually pretty funny to him.

He realized that the coffee was done. As he sat there he started to think about all the events of last. Him and Olivia kissing, almost more that that, Kathy calling to tell him that she had cheated on him, the way he had exploded at Olivia, then Maureen's call. Too much in to little time. He suddenly remembered the meeting he had set up with Kathy, if she shows up. He looked at his watch, three and a half hours until one 'o clock. What was he going to do for three and a half hours? He decided to take a shower and shave. When he was done only thirty minutes had passed. Damn.

He wandered around his house until he thought he would go crazy. He put his trench coat, scarf, and his beanie on and went outside. The snow was falling softly. Already the ground was under a couple inches of snow. He walked down the street towards the park. On the way he passed kids having snowball fights, kids building snowmen, and, hell, kids everywhere. He started thinking about the holidays. Would Kathy let him take his kids for Christmas? He guessed that would be answered this afternoon.

Thursday 12/16/04 1:15 A.M.

Elliot sat in a booth in the back of the coffee shop. He had his second cup of coffee in his hand. He was starting to have second thoughts about coming. He looked down into his coffee. He was suddenly aware of Kathy sitting across from him.

"Didn't think you'd show." Elliot said, smiling softly at her.

"I wasn't going to come but I decided you needed an explanation."

Elliot nodded. "Yea…yea that would be nice."

After she ordered her coffee she said, mostly talking to herself, "where do I begin?"

"Who is it?"

"Dr. Williams, he works the same shift I do at the hospital."

A doctor! Jesus had it really gotten that bad? "How did it begin?"

"One day he saw me crying. He asked what was wrong and I told him. He as me to with him for coffee after our shift was over and I accepted."

"What was wrong?" Kathy looked at him, confused. "You said you were crying. What was wrong?'

"You had forgotten our anniversary Elliot." Tears were forming in her eyes.

Everything rushed back to him now. He had gone to work as usual on their anniversary, but he got caught in a big case. He didn't come home until five the next morning, didn't even call.

"That's how long it's been going on?" Since august?"

Kathy nodded. Five months! How could I not have seen it? "I'm sorry Elliot, I truly am. I just… I was lonely. You never talked to me, if you did it was about our money problems." Elliot hung his head in shame. "You never hugged me, kissed me, or touched me. I felt like you were only keeping me around because I was the mother of your children"

Elliot hung his head even lower. It was true; all of what she was saying was true. How could he have been so blind? A tear slid down his cheek. This was his fault, all of it. "I am so sorry Kathy." He looked up and met her eyes. "I never knew I was hurting you so much…"

She reached across the table and grabbed his hand. "Elliot it doesn't matter. What I did-"

"Why didn't you tell me how unhappy you were?"

"I tried. I really tried. Bur you would block it out, like you didn't want to hear it."

He leaned back and ran his hands over his face. He didn't know what to say. This was all his fault. If he had just listened to his wife, maybe, just maybe, they wouldn't be having this conversation.

"Did he ask you to leave me?"

Her tears started to fall freely now. "Yes he did. He promised me that I would be happier if I left."

"Are you happier?"

"Yes. I'm not waiting up every night just to yell when you come home."

"Cant we work something out?"

"As long as your working at SVU no I don't think we can Elliot. I still love you but…" she got up and started to put her coat on. Elliot got up and stepped in front of her.

"If were still in love then come back to me." He pleaded with her.

"See that's what your problem is. You still think we're twenty years old. We became different people as we grew older." She grabbed her purse. "You can have the kids for Christmas."

She walked out for the second time, leaving Elliot with a broken heart.