Losing

I woke up the next morning feeling better and Madame Pomfrey let me leave. Remus had to stay for another day because he wasn't fully recovered yet. I bid him good-bye and made my way to the Great Hall for breakfast.

James and Lily were the only ones awake at the moment and they were sitting together deep in conversation. I didn't want to intrude but I was hungry and my stomach was growling so I quietly slipped in across from them. They both looked up and smiled at me as I began to butter a croissant.

"How are you feeling?" Lily asked as she poured me some pumpkin juice. "Hungry".

James chuckled, "How was Remus looking?"

"Better. He was fnishing up a potions essay when I left".

A silence than fell and I decided that it would be the perfect time to ask about their date. When I brought it up they both turned pink and I raised a brow.

"I want details".

"Well we decided that we're going to go on another one" Lily informed me and I couldn't help but grin. James winked at me.

"Well I'm glad. It's about time"

Lily turned pink and swatted me. "She's right you know" James replied and Lily turned to him.

She smiled a shy smile and I knew it wouldn't be long before she would confess her feelings for him.

20 minutes later we walked back up to the common room. As we entered Tessa flew down the boys stairs. Her clothes wrinkled and her hair a mess. No one had to ask what happened as she hurried up the girls stairs.

Sirius casually walked down the stairs a minute later buttoning up his shirt and wearing a grin. "Glad to see you up and about" he told me as he took a seat beside me. I don't know why, but looking at him made me angry and I didn't want anything to do with him at the moment.

I ignored him.

"Hey I'm talking to you" he said poking me in the arm. I turned to him, my eyes blazing. "And I'm ignoring you"

Lily and James looked up from their conversation.

Sirius scowled. "What's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem. You're the one with the problem" I sneered.

"What are you talking about?"

"Just drop it. You're sick" I told him and stormed up the stairs to the girl's dorm.

"I think she's mad" James offered and Sirius glared at him. "You think?"

I slammed the door and Tessa stepped out of the bathroom. She was grinning from ear to ear and running her fingers through her hair. "You wouldn't believe what I just did".

I glared at her. Oh I knew what she just did. "Actually I can. Because you're a tart".

Her eyes widened and then narrowed into slits and a smirk appeared on her pale lips.

"Do I sense some jealousy?"

"No you do not" I snapped.

"Everyone knows you fancy Sirius, including him. I'd stop though if I were you. Because Sirius doesn't like you. He told me as we were making love. And the only reason he talks to you is because he feels sorry for you, he pities you" he spat.

It felt like someone had wrapped their ice cold fingers around my heart and squeezed it. I was about to pull my wand out and hex her when Lily came through the door. "Is everything all right?" she asked looking back and forth between us. "Just dandy. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to see my boyfriend" and with that Tessa flounced out of the room.

I clenched my fist and gritted my teeth. "What was that about?" Lily asked.

I shook my head. "Nothing" and I brushed by her and left the room.

I don't know how I did it, but for the rest of October and November, I ignored Sirius.

At first he tried his hardest to get me to talk to him but I was resilient.

Before I knew it, it was the end of November. I had gone a whole month and a half with out him. And it sucked.

On the bright side he dumped Tessa. Who ended up getting aback together with Mike. And I'm 100 positive that Lily and James are dating.

Remus and I are still single, but I know he has a crush on Cassie Swanson a sixth year Hufflepuff.

I've been watching him. Creepy I know but I notice things like that. When I confronted him about it though he shook it off and tried to lie. Finally I got down to the root of the problem and it was about his "furry little problem". It's not like he has to walk up and introduce himself as a werewolf though. You don't share every little detail about yourself when you first start dating someone. So because I made some good points I'm sure that he's going to ask her out soon.

Sirius has been snogging a few girls but hasn't settled down yet. But whatever it's not like I care. Well maybe just a little bit. But I blew it between us. I know I did because I told him we're not friends anymore. And now I feel like a git.

It was exactly a week ago, on a Saturday night. I had confined myself to the library so I could work on a History of Magic research project.

The clock had just struck 10 and Pince kicked me out so I was wondering back to the common room (taking my sweet time) because I knew everyone would be paired off and I'd be left out. I guess it was dumb of me to swear off men huh?

Anyways I was walking down the hall, looking down at the ground for some reason. When I got this feeling that someone was watching me. So I looked up to see Sirius standing against the wall trying to look casual. I knew he was watching me though so it didn't work.

I just sniffed and looked ahead about to pass by him when he called my name. For some reason my body stopped and I turned around.

Scowling at him.

It was awkward to say the least. "Can we talk?"

I placed my hands on my waist and raised a brow. "I don't know can we?"

"I don't understand why you've been ignoring me for the past month".

I looked up into his gray eyes and felt my anger ebbing away. But than I remembered what Tessa said and it flared up again. How dare he say all those things.

"Because I know what you think of me!" I snapped.

His eyes seemed to widen and than he looked sad. "And you're mad about it?"

If I wasn't biting my lip so hard than my jaw would have dropped to the floor. Was Sirius honestly retarded? Who wouldn't be mad if they found out that someone who they thought was their friend pitied them?

"Of course I'm mad! You should have at least been man about it and told me instead of that little tart Tessa" I snapped.

Sirius frowned. "Tessa told you what?"

I balled my hands into fists. Tears were threatening to spill from my eyes. "Why don't you ask her!".

"So what does this mean? That we're not friends anymore?" he asked.

"That's exactly what this means" I choked back my tears. We were both surprised but quickly shook it off. He glared, and I lost all my control.

Before he could say anything else I ran.

Now here I was sitting up in the dorm regretting it. After fighting with my inner demons I had made up my mind. I was going to go and apologize to Sirius. The truth was I missed him and I felt emptier without him being in my life.

"Okay I'm doing this" I told myself and hurried down to the common room before I changed my mind.

When I got there though, it was empty except for James and Lily and a few other students. "Where's Sirius?" I asked.

"Dorm" James replied and I was about to start making my way up the boy's stairs when James yelled at me to stop.

"He's up there with Missy Storms".

I gritted my teeth. "Well than. Never mind. I'm going for a walk" I said and headed toward the portrait hole.

"Want us to tell him you were looking for him?" Lily asked.

"Most definitely not" and I slipped out.

I did something else I would regret later on.

I was wondering aimlessly through the hall. Having no particular goal or location in mind. I stopped when someone called my name.

I turned around to see Chad.

"Hey" he said stopping in front of me.

"Hey" I replied.

We stood there for a few seconds. Just staring at each other and before I could stop myself I wrapped my arms around his neck. His arms wrapped around my waist and we began to kiss.

It got intense and we pulled away. Our hearts racing, lips swollen and a weird feeling came over me. I had one of those out of body experiences. Where you can see yourself but you have no control over what you're saying or doing.

This was the case when I whispered to him to go up to the Astronomy Tower.

It wasn't just star gazing that happened in the tower.

He carried me up. He was grinning from ear to ear in anticipation for what was to come.

When we were together we had discussed having sex but I wasn't ready. I didn't think I was ready than but I was angry at Sirius and just wanted to prove something. I didn't know exactly what at the moment.

Everything was running through my head as Chad laid me down and began working his magic. I had finally come to my senses but it was too late. Chad had already made his way into me and was looking at me, waiting.

It than dawned on me. It was gone forever. I was no longer pure and innocent. And it was taken by my ex, someone who I didn't feel that connection with.

But me being the stubborn girl I was pushed on and 20 minutes later after Chad collapsed beside me I put my clothes back on, gathered what was left of my pride and dignity and excused myself.

The common room was empty and most people were in their dorms asleep. I silently thanked the lord and made my way up to the dorm.

Lily and Alice were already asleep, and Tessa was obviously with Mike. Feeling extremely dirty and angry at myself I drew a hot shower and tried to wash away my guilt. I ended up breaking down in the shower. I couldn't tell anyone what I had done and now I felt very lost and lonely. I drew my knees up under my chin and sobbed.

I had lost 2 of the most important things in my life; my friendship with Sirius Black and my innocence.

I kind of liked this chapter. It was emotional and everything. I didn't go into great detail about what happened in the Astronomy Tower and if you didn't figure it out than ask someone else. I didn't think it was that hard.

Reviews people if you want more!

I also want to thank the following reviewers:

pOkEdAnDsUrViVeD

Freckles.X

littleanjel

Silence is Silver

CuteButDangerous

Much Love

-Sheba16