Lol. Went to San Francisco this weekend, had a hot fudge sundae...walked all over Chinatown to mingle with "my chosen people" (I'm Chinese if you haven't figured it out yet xD)...and had a great time!
NOTE: IF YOU ARE BLONDE OR LIKE ORLANDO BLOOM OR BOTH, PREPARE FOR A BASHING. NO FLAMES. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, Deidara would be a girl and Haku would be a Sex Ed. teacher. On with the 5th chapter of this.
Oh yeah...I forgot to add where Kisame was going in Chapter 2...I'm sorta scatterbrained ya know...and my parents wonder how I get a 4.0 GPA every quarter...ANYWAY...let's just say Kisame fainted and had to be stuck in the car because...he weighs a lot and they didn't want to drag him out. So there.
Deidara and Itachi went to the Fashion section, looking for a very specific brand of hair gel. These two just would not settle for anything else but their favorite brand of hair gel. Finally, they reached the hair gel section of the Fashion section.
While they were looking through the various brands of hair gel, another boy came to the aisle they were in. Itachi and Deidara usually liked to look through their favorite brands of hair gel in privacy, so they turned to look at the intruder. He had really thick glasses and freckles and had braces. (If you can sorta imagine Haruhi in the first episode of Ouran High School Host Club, that's what this guy looks like...sort of.)
"OMG! IT'S A GEEK! RUN FOR YOUR LOOKS!" Itachi screamed, running away like a little girl with Deidara hot on his heels.
The geek sat down in the center of the aisle and started to cry. "Everybody...t-t-they all h-hate m-m-me!"
Deidara and Itachi now felt bad for making someone cry, and a total stranger at that. (Yeah right! These two would kill people lol) It was then that Deidara decided not to judge people by their looks or by their label, and decided that he himself was superior in fashion to everybody on the face of the planet, except maybe Itachi. He walked into the aisle again, ignoring Itachi's desperate attempts to stop him.
"Hey kid. Don't cry any more, yeah. Not good for your looks, yeah...not that you have any unn..."
The boy stopped crying, ignoring this last comment, and looked up at him, hiccuping.
"W...who are you?"
"I'm Deidara, yeah!"
'Deidara Yeah? Yeah Deidara? Yeah no Deidara??? WTF???' (he's thinking, not saying this out loud)
"O...okay...I'm...Toshiro...Toshiro Matsuki."
"Okay! Why would you need hair gel though, yeah? Your hair doesn't look as though it needs any, unn...I mean, it's like all flat!"
"It's for a math project I'm doing. Maybe you can help me, Deidara Yeah?" (1)
"Okay! Yeah! Now you're speaking my language, yeah!"
"Okay. See? Hair gel makes water thicker and the water will swing in a straight parabola. If the water is without hair gel though, the axis of symmetry will disappear. Currently, I'm looking for a brand of hair gel to test the initial velocity."
Deidara wasn't taking in a word of this, of course, he was thinking, 'Wow...this guy could maybe overtake Itachi in a smart-off, unn...if he wasn't quite so geeky, and if we did something with those ugly clothes, he could be like...the next Shikamaru of the generation, unn!" (originally it was supposed to be the next Sasuke...but ya know...Shikamaru just fits better here)
"Okay, and so the initial velocity of the water swinging in a straight parabola should then hit the ground approximately 5.3 seconds after I shoot it from a Super Soaker and the initial height would be 10 ft. 11 inches."
Deidara was totally confused. (I was writing this in Algebra...that's why all the math terms are here)
"And therefore, using the formula for velocity: Negative five x squared plus v o t plus c equals zero, combined with direct variation to the slope formula: y equals mx plus b, and varying inversely with the formula for quadratic equations: Negative b plus or minus the square root of b squared minus Four a c all over 2a, then the hair gel thickened water will hit the ground precisely 4.2 seconds after I shoot it from a Super Soaker." (If you didn't understand a word of this, don't feel bad...I have no clue what this is supposed to be myself...)
Deidara nodded, still not really getting what the heck this kid was talking about. It did make a pretty good story though...then Toshiro's voice broke into his thoughts.
"So would you help me find a certain brand of hair gel? Preferrably something under $5? I'm on a budget here."
"Okay, unn." This was something that Deidara could get through his thick skull. He looked through the shelves, his experienced hands brushing over labels as his eye flicked over various containers. "Here, unn!"
He handed a bottle of Moose hair gel to Toshiro, and Toshiro smiled and said, "Gee! Thanks Mister Deidara Yeah!"
"No prob, Toshiro, yeah!"
"But...hmm...can you help me with my project? I mean, you're like, a high school junior or something right? Then you can help me! I'm only a freshman!"
Deidara may have had looks, but he wasn't terribly smart. Okay. That's an exaggeration. He was just plain dumb. On the average IQ test his test results had been negative, and Itachi had scored a 274. He had failed kindergarten TWICE and by the time he was in grade school, his parents had already given up on him and had decided to use his college fund for a nice soothing vacation to Alaska. In junior high, his teacher had called him colorblind (2) and the art teacher had told him that he would make a wonderful artist if he could make ANYTHING besides birds. He'd tried to make an elephant once, but it turned out with a beak and feathered wings, resulting in the teacher giving him an F+, for a failed effort. He'd dropped out of school halfway through his freshman year, because Algebra 8 (3) proved to be too hard for him and his test results were zilch.
"Erm..."
"Well? Could you help me? Pretty please?"
"Well...I don't really know those formulas, to tell you the truth, unnn..."
"...WHAT?" (Toshiro thinks it's a crime to not know the meaning of math)
"You see, I dropped out of high school at the mid-term of my freshman year unn..."
BLONDE AND ORLANDO BLOOM BASHING STARTS HERE. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
"...I should have known it...gosh, I must have been really stupid to ask a BLONDE who only cares about fashion for homework help..." And he walked away, still holding the bottle of hair gel.
A few moments after he'd walked away, Itachi came out from his hiding place behind a rack of Fusion razors.
"Are you just gonna let him get away with that? I mean, I know he's a geek and all and has no manners or fashion whatsoever, but still! Are you gonna let yourself be pushed around like that? ARE YOU?!" (Itachi is Deidara's confidence trainer)
"I...I don't know...unnn..."
"No! Be a man! You have to take responsibility for others' actions and for their very misguided fashion sense!"
"But...it's my fault that I'm not smart unn..."
"NO! IT'S YOUR PARENTS' FAULT!"
"Hey! Don't you dare have a go at my parents yeah! Your parents were crazy wackos who though 1 + 1 11!"
"You mean to tell me you didn't hear what that kid said about your parents as he was walking out?"
"He said something about my parents, unn?"
"YEAH! He said that your parents were a waste of human space and just basically walking corpses with hardly enough brainpower to walk and talk at the same time!"
"OOHHHHH! NOW HE'S GONNA GET IT, YEAH!"
"NOW GO AND SHOW HIM WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF!"
"YEAH!"
And so Itachi and Deidara rushed off to go and catch that very misguided fashion-sense, very insulting freshman.
"YOU!" Deidara yelled from halfway across the store.
Toshiro turned, only to be lifted up by the front of his shirt by a very, very angry "Mr. Deidara Yeah."
"YOU LITTLE RACIST PIG! JUST BECAUSE I AM BLONDE DOES NOT MAKE ME STUPID! I DO NOT GET DRUNK AND DRIVE A CAR TO GO TO A JAIL LIKE PARIS HILTON OR M ARRY BAJILLIONS OF PEOPLE TO JUST DIE LIKE ANNA NICOLE SMITH YEAH!!!!! SOME BLONDES ARE SMART TOO! LIKE...LIKE...ORLANDO BLOOM!" (5)
"For your information, Orlando Bloom is a brunette and personally, I think he is quite stupid, and that if he had not been chosen to play as Will Turner in Pirates of the Caribbean he would have been a hobo on the side of the street!" (Don't hurt me...I'm an Orlando Bloom fan too!)
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, YEAH!" Deidara screamed, falling to the ground and spazzing, foaming at the mouth, while screaming "ORLANDO BLOOM BETRAYED ME!" at the top of his lungs.
Itachi sighed. "This happens every week," he muttered, "and we'll probably never be alloewd to come back to this Wal-Mart again...Great going, Deidara...now we won't be able to get our hair gel cheap again..."
The cashier had picked up the phone and was saying over the intercom: "Security, checkout line 5. Security, checkout line 5 please."
Cops in blue came rushing to the front of the store. One still had a donut in his mouth.
Deidara stopped his screaming for a second to say, "Hey? Does that donut have chocolate glaze?" before starting to scream again.
"And...who may you be?" one cop asked, pointing his gun at Itachi.
"For heaven's sake, man, don't point the THING AT ME!"
"Who are you? Answer the question!"
"I am me." (I answer this all the time lol)
"Grrr.I mean, your name please."
"Skippy."
"You can't be serious..."
"No, I REALLY AM! Everybody calls me that!"
"Your BIRTHNAME?"
"I have a birthname? What's that?"
"GAH! I CAN'T TAKE THIS STUPIDITY ANYMORE! MY GOD, EVEN THOUGH YOU LOOK ASIAN AND PROBABLY ARE, YOU ACT LIKE A BLONDE! (Srry for the AZN bashing...I'm AZN too) THAT'S IT. BOTH OF YOU HAVE HAD IT!!!!!!"
Two big cops, with lots of muscle, picked up Deidara, who was still screaming, and Itachi, who was too stunned because he'd been called blonde, to do anything. They were thrown out into the bushes beside Wal-Mart with the cop yelling, "AND STAY OUT!" Itachi made to go back in, but the cop shoved him back into the bushes, shooting them both with tranquilizer darts so that both of them passed out immediately. The very next thing the cop did was to put a sign on all of the Wal-Mart entrances that read "NO STUPID BLONDES AND PEOPLE WHO ACT LIKE STUPID BLONDES ALLOWED." He walked back to his station, telling the cashier on the way back, "I need a raise."
1. The joke is about Deidara's stutter (yeah, unn), and the kid thinks his name is Deidara Yeah.
2. My homeroom teacher called me colorblind once too...I colored some flowers cinnamon on this direction worksheet, and I knew cinnamon was a type of red and then she was all, "NO NO NO! THAT'S BROWN!" and then I argued that it was red, and then she sent me to time out...T.T
3. Algebra 8 - Pre Algebra...just with a really fancy name. I'm in Algebra, going to Geometry next year in 8th grade.
4. I wrote the Orlando Bloom part in Homeroom, and I was thinking about putting Leonardo DiCaprio instead of Orlando Bloom, but then I asked somebody if Leonardo DiCaprio was a brunette or not, and they looked at me like "WTF?" so hence, Orlando Bloom bashing.