So, I thought of a new idea for a story, but I just can't get it right. I dont know, maybe I'm just losing my touch. Oh well, at least there's still this. I'm hoping I'll be really inspired when I get the DVD. I think I will be.

When you're lost and you run out of road
Find what I already know
In the end, close is all there is
But you won't find this

"You Won't Find This" -Carrie Underwood

"Corny…" she could barely find his name, and felt her throat constricting. Link, of course, was gone; he'd darted out of her apartment the second after Corny had spoken, pushing past Amber as if she were nothing more than a bag of garbage, rushing down the steps and into the city streets. She couldn't exactly say she blamed him. After all, it would be better not to have him here now, when he could attest nothing to her defense. "It's not…I swear it wasn't what it looks like." She knew the words were stupid, and the truth was, it was exactly what it had looked like. Except then again, it wasn't.

"Really?" He was mocking her now, and crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes narrowing into angry slits, "Well then, tell me. What exactly is it, Amber?"

"Okay, fine," she swallowed hard, watching him, "Okay, it is what it looked like, but you have to let me explain! Corny, I-I just-" She felt herself beginning to sputter as he cut her off.

"You just obviously enjoy kissing Link, right?" He sneered at her, "Is that what you're trying to say? 'Cause if it is, you really don't have to bother."

"No!" She almost squealed the word, wanting nothing more at this moment than to kiss Corny himself, to clutch his biceps and trace her fingers down his strong, muscular chest, to snuggle into his embrace without question. "That's the thing!"

"What thing?" He was unimpressed and equally uninterested.

"The thing!" She cried the words happily, taking a step closer to him, "I don't enjoy kissing Link! I mean, I was afraid, you know, since he kissed me that maybe I did like it, and that maybe I was having these doubts because-" She was speaking quickly now, her cheeks slightly flushed, her eyes wide and watching him. She just knew that if she said the words quick enough and in just the right way, Corny would see the humor in all of this and forgive her immediately, without the long, drawn-out fight that she was sure would result otherwise.

"Doubts?" His voice was sharp, and as she moved toward him, he moved back. "Doubts about what?"

"Oh," she scoffed lightly, hesitating for a moment, but deciding quickly that he would soon see the somewhat ironic humor in this situation, "Just, you know, about us, and things…but that's not important here, Corny. What's important is that-" She reached her fingers out to stroke his arm, and he pushed her hand away from him, glaring at her with dark, angry eyes that she wasn't completely sure she'd ever seen on him before.

"Us?" He spit the word back at her, as if it were an illness. "What do you mean, Amber? Our engagement?"

She felt her mouth dropping open slightly, though she was no longer sure of what to say. Corny didn't seem to find the irony in this situation at all. He didn't seem to understand that it wasn't what she had just done that mattered; it was what she had just realized. There were so many things that she needed to say, but from the angry look on his face, she assumed he felt the need to speak at the moment as well, and simply let herself nod.

"Doubts about marrying me?" His words were a rhetorical question; she knew that he wasn't waiting for an answer. He was simply repeating the words aloud, as if he couldn't comprehend them any other way. His eyes were still watching her intently, squinting. "Jesus, Amber. I didn't realize it was such a tormenting decision. If you think that engagement ring is some sort of dog collar, just give me the damn thing back."

"No!" She felt the word surging in her throat, even before he was finished speaking. Her eyes began to burn with tears suddenly, her hands flying to his chest, her palms pressing against him before he took another step back to break the contact. "God, no! That's not what I want!"

"Well then what the hell do you want, Amber?" His voice was louder now, and his tone frightened her. "What the fuck? Honestly." He hit his hand against the wall and she started, her feet stumbling back a few steps, finally moving away from him. He looked away from her, though only for a moment, and then shook his head. "What is it, Amber? What do you want; me, or Link?"

Her mouth dropped open slightly at the ridiculousness of his question. She realized, a moment later, that she was clutching her engagement ring tightly, in an almost unconscious effort to tell him what she couldn't seem to say herself.

"I'm not playing this damn game with you anymore." He spoke again, though his tone was neither softer nor more forgiving. "It's not cute, or funny. It's not charming; you are not charming, Amber. I don't know what this is, what you've become since he's come back into town, but I don't like it. You are that spoiled, bratty-ass little girl that I used to hate. You think that because I have you, and Link wants you, you are God's gift to the world, and believe me, Amber Von Tussle, you are no gift. You are a plague."

She sucked her breath in, sharp tears stinging her eyes.

"Corny!" She wanted to cry over his hurtful insults, but couldn't seem to find the strength, "That's awful! How could you?"

"How could I?" He lashed back at her suddenly, "How could I dare say anything bad to my precious little fiancé who has kissed another man at least twice in the last few weeks? How could I confront you for it, or come to your apartment to help you when I thought you were here looking for clothes? How could I what, Amber?"

"How could you say those things to me?" She felt a sob rising in her chest, but fought it down. She squinted her eyes at him, attempting to harbor her tears, her fingers curling into tight fists at her side. She shook her head at him, attempting to comprehend the horrible insults he'd just thrown at her. Of course she knew, deep inside, that this was her fault; that kiss, this argument, his anger. It was all her fault, there was no one else to blame except her. At least for the first kiss, she'd been an innocent bystander, but this one had been all her. No matter that Link had shown up at her doorstep, or that he'd practically been asking her for it. That was neither here nor there; she had initiated this kiss through her own volition, and the fact that Corny was hurting her right now, that was her fault, as well.

"I mean…how could you?" She asked the question again. Even if she knew that this was all on her, it didn't mean that she couldn't attempt to make him feel guilty. His words had been harsh and somewhat unnecessary; a simple 'Amber, what in the hell is wrong with you' would have suited her needs just fine. He continued to glare at her, his gaze not softening, and as if on reflex, she let her hands drop to her stomach, cradling the ever-growing bump protectively. "Corny, think about this," her voice was pleading with him now, and as she met his eyes, she saw a flicker of emotion. "This should be all the proof you need. Think about this baby, okay? Think about our baby, Corny."

And in that same instant, the sympathy was gone from his eyes again, and he turned his face away from her. He shook his head for a moment, and when he looked back at her, she barely recognized him in the hardened expression.

"Is it, Amber?" If Amber had been asked to choose a word to describe his tone in that moment, the only one that could have come to mind was unkind. She furrowed her golden eyebrows, her fingers still resting against the bump in her abdomen.

"Is it what?" She was genuinely confused, and tilted her head slightly to the side, prompting a further explanation from him. He was quiet for a moment, and something about his hesitation led her to believe that he was questioning himself; asking if he should even say the words that were already on the tip of his tongue.

"Is it our baby?" He asked after a long moment, and though she pretended not to, she could see the hurt in his eyes as he said the words. "Is it my baby, Amber?"

It would have been the truth to say that, at that moment, a little part of Amber died. The part that honestly believed that Corny had faith in her; in them. The part that had always assumed Corny knew her better than she knew herself; the part that had always been able to convince her that Corny knew she loved him, and nothing else mattered.

She wasn't exactly sure how to answer that question, and as she watched him silently, she was suddenly deathly afraid that he believed the lies he had told himself; that this baby was not, in fact, his, and belonged to another man. She finally let one solitary tear roll down her cheek, pushing it away with the back of her hand. She didn't want to know if he had seen that. If he had, he might tell himself she was crying because he'd finally caught onto her twisted game. In fact, she was crying because they suddenly seemed to be losing their own game.

"Do you mean that?" She finally found the courage to ask the question, and he looked away from her. There was a deep, throbbing pain inside of her, and, for the briefest moment, she was afraid of having a miscarriage. It subsided only seconds later, and when she didn't see any blood pooling at her feet, she forced herself to turn her attention back to the situation at hand.

"Let me come home," her voice was trembling as she made the proposition, and she felt so utterly weak. "Let's just go home, and we'll talk about this. Okay?"

There was no part of her that was expecting him to deny her now; not when she wasn't being bitchy or bratty. Not when she was speaking in a calm, collected voice, and he could clearly see that he'd broken her will to fight him.

"No." His voice was firm, his eyes unafraid to meet her glossy gaze. "You stay here. You're not the only one who has to think things over, Amber."

He was gone a moment later, and she was left alone in the apartment. The few articles of clothing she had pulled from her closet to take back to the house with her were draped over a chair, and she found a deafening sadness in them suddenly. She let the tears slip down her cheeks without abandon, shutting the door quietly as she heard Corny descending the stairs.

She found herself in her bed moments later, her fingers still curling around her slightly swollen stomach, tears slipping down her cheeks as she attempted to hold herself, to comfort herself, and this nondescript, senseless bump that had seemed to create so many problems for her.

She thought of it suddenly, and only for a fleeting moment, but the thought was there, all the same. Even though she felt ridiculous for thinking of it now, and she hadn't seen the other woman in years, she couldn't stop herself.

Amber finally understood, at this moment, what it must have been like, all those years ago, for Brenda.