Part 10

Kimberly lay flat out on the beam with her eyes closed. Her thoughts were a whirl of contradictions and confusion. Hurt was foremost in her thoughts and feelings. That her friends, or people she'd considered friends, would turn on her after trying to keep in touch was a blow to her confidence. She'd tried to stay in touch, but no one had ever written her back and so she'd assumed they had better things to do than be friends. It had stung, but knowing they'd cut her off because of her letter to Tommy was a double blow. That they hadn't bothered to ask her side of things was the worst part of that hurt. They were supposed to have been her friends.

She took a deep breath, attempting to clear her mind and get it back into focus. She needed to concentrate. To visualize what it was she was going to do on the beam and then do it. She couldn't afford distractions after this morning and made herself focus. It wasn't easy, but she succeeded in pushing the disturbing thoughts away.

Slowly, controlling her breathing, she lifted her legs into the air. Exerting a careful control over her body, she slowly lifted them up, her hips following, her back curling as her lower body shifted, placing the weight onto her upper back. Keeping her balance carefully, she held the pose, her body straight-up, before slowly lowering her legs down towards her head, practically bending herself in half.

"Doesn't that hurt?"

She gasped at the soft inquiry, wobbling on the beam as her concentration snapped. Strong hands slid around her hips, holding her in place and her eyes flashed open. She'd know that touch anywhere. Carefully, helpfully, they lowered her back to the beam. They dropped as she rolled, straightening to stare incredulously at the man in the gym with her. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see how you were doing. Kat told me you were in rough shape when you left."

"Kat told you." Kimberly swung her leg over the beam and dropped down to the mat, avoiding his gaze. "Kat means well, Tommy, but as you can see I'm fine."

"You didn't sound fine when you left the control center."

So that was it. She leaned back against the beam, bracing her elbows on top of it as she forced herself to look in his direction without meeting his gaze. "I was just blowing off steam. I wasn't expecting anyone to throw me a welcome back party, but I wasn't expecting all out hostility either."

His expression was still guarded, but she could almost feel a shift in him. "Can you blame them, Kim?"

"Blame them?" She snorted. "They were supposed to be my friends too, Tommy; not just yours. I guess it's true what they say about the tough times showing who your friends really are." She looked away, unable to mask the hurt that revelation brought. "This must be really gratifying for you, huh? I mean, knowing they'll back you up without getting my side of things and all."

Tommy didn't move, but she could almost feel him withdrawing from her again. "If you'd had the courtesy to return their calls or their letters, they might have reacted differently."

She frowned. "Calls and letters? What calls and letters? After I broke up with you my mail almost completely stopped..." she faltered, looking to him uncertainly. "I figured they were too busy to write me after that with the Rangers and everything."

"Adam wrote you every day for a week, Kim. You should have gotten at least one of his letters if the others got lost."

"I didn't get... any..." She stopped, closing her eyes against a sense of betrayal that began seeping into her gut and making her feel cold. It added up. Her coach encouraging her to focus here, trying to curtail her relationship with Tommy, the gradual decline of mail in her box and her assumption her friends were just busy. The additional work outs, the changes in her schedule - the public phone in the dorm. All calls coming through an answering service that was monitored by her coach; the mail being delivered to his office before being distributed so he could pull out anything inappropriate. That Tommy's letters had gotten through to her at all must have been some kind of miracle.

"Kim?"

She opened her eyes, knowing she probably looked as miserable as she felt. "I never got anyone's letters, Tommy. I didn't get their messages or their calls. Nothing. I thought they were angry with me for what I did to you."

"Not so angry they'd shut you out - not right away anyway."

"I didn't..." She stopped. "I swear, Tommy, I never got anything."

He looked at her for a half second before smiling faintly. "I believe you, Kim; you're too miserable to be lying."

"I wouldn't lie to you."

"Not now, huh?"

"Not about something like this," her correction was accompanied by a ghost of a smile that matched his. "My friends mean a lot to me. I understood you not writing me back, I mean, I wouldn't have wanted to talk to me either, but everybody?"

"So what do you think happened then?"

"What else? Coach probably weeded them our of my mail before putting it into my mail box."

Tommy's brow drew together. "Isn't that illegal?"

"When he's the guardian of every girl in this complex?"

"The mail's still addressed to you; that shouldn't give him the right to take it away simply because he wants you to focus elsewhere."

Kimberly shrugged, and turned, hopping back up onto the balance beam. Her mind was churning and she unconsciously assumed a graceful pose, walking back and forth across the beam and turning on the ball of her foot at the end. She hopped, switching feet and walked back along the beam thoughtfully, unaware of Tommy watching her intently.

"Coach never did like how distracted I became after a letter from you or one of the gang." She was thinking aloud, her voice a murmur as she paced back and forth along the balance beam. "He always felt my focus was elsewhere, on less important things than my training or improving my gymnastics. He didn't believe me when I tried to explain how much strength I drew from those letters; the confidence. If he didn't believe me then, why would he believe me now? The competition is coming fast and ever since I sent my last letter, Coach has been working me extra hard..."

"I just hope he's not working you too hard and burning you out."

She mis-stepped, sliding off the beam with a muffled curse as she hit the mat before slanting a glance at Tommy. "Burn out is always a danger for an athlete."

"So what's your excuse?"

She met his gaze head-on. "The encouragement of my friends waned. Without it, my dream doesn't feel as exciting as before - there's no one to share it with."

"What about your parents?"

"Mom's still in France and dad was never one to take an interest in my gymnastics - beyond knowing I compete that is."

Tommy's expression was still closed, but seemed to hold a compassion he'd been missing the night before. Almost like he wanted to reach out to her and didn't know how she'd accept it. In her current frame of mind, Kimberly wasn't sure wanted to accept it. She'd jumped back into the rattlesnake's den by agreeing to become a Ranger once more and she'd already been bitten. Once in a day was enough so she chose to ignore what she perceived was there and hopped back up on the beam. But she didn't stand - she sat, using her hands for support as she kept her legs levered off the beam. Not only did it keep her occupied, but it was a good strength exercise and one she could do for quite a while.

"So who'd you talk to?"

"My diary." She shifted her weight so she was pressing straight down on extended arms. "My mom and Trini occasionally - at least until Jason stopped by."

"Is that why you turned to him?"

She looked straight at him. Her current position brought them to eye level and she saw the wince he tried to hide. His question had popped out unexpectedly but he didn't even try and take it back - he wanted to know the answer. His need to know that answer was written in every line of his posture. "Jason has always been my best friend, Tommy. I went to him because it's what I do when things get tough. Only things were different and they kind of... evolved from there for a while."

Tommy looked away.

"Jason was right though - we are better off as friends."

"You don't have to say that for my benefit."

"I'm not." She lifted one leg over the beam and shifted her hand position so she was now facing him, practically doing the split as she watched him. The hurt in his voice had roughened it and he wouldn't look at her. She could practically see how he was trying to work things through in his mind. "Why'd you forgive Jason, Tommy?"

He jerked as if she'd struck him, his head coming up with a snap.

Kimberly held her gaze steady, lowering herself to the beam and letting it take her weight as she swung her legs both forward so she could sit, and grasped the beam on either side of her hips. "I mean, it's not like he wasn't a willing participant initially so why were you able to forgive him and not me?"

Tommy remained still for a long moment, watching her, but didn't speak. Finally, when he did, his voice cracked. "I've answered that."

She frowned. He had? She didn't recall, but then a lot had happened in the last - and her eyes suddenly widened. Her dream - was that what he was talking about? IT fit - in the dream he'd told her exactly why he couldn't forgive her - she'd hurt him too badly, torn him apart without a second thought to his feelings on the matter. She'd hurt him, prevented him from moving on by choosing a method that could give him no answers. But if that was what he meant, how could he know about it - unless Kat told him. Anger flared briefly at the thought, but she was quick to tramp it down. If Kat had told Tommy, she'd had her reasons.

"Then why are you here again, Tommy?" She ignored the fact he hadn't really answered her question and pushed to the next one simmering in her mind. It didn't make any sense to her that he was concerned about her welfare after the way she'd treated him. "I'm sure you didn't come all this way to watch me practice and, frankly, if I'm hurt because of the cool reception by the other Rangers I deserve it. That I didn't get their letters or calls aside, they stood by you when you needed you and I couldn't be reached to explain. That's what friends are supposed to do. So why come after me a second night in a row?"

His lips kicked into a mirthless half smile. "I can't help myself. Old habits die hard, I guess."

"Liar."

"What do you expect me to say, Kim? That I'm worried about you? Yeah, I'm worried. I'm worried you're going to have second thoughts and break another promise to me. Or that you're going to be stressed out like the last time and not be able to focus on anything. A part of me believes you're more exhausted by this whole deal than you think and you're going to hurt yourself again."

She was surprised by the pain she saw in his features, the raw remembered agony of that time. Despite the distance between them, the memory of her injury still hurt.

"Mostly, Kim," his voice was taught, strained as he continued. "Mostly I don't want to go through that again. It almost killed me the last time, losing you to injury a second time is inconceivable."

She was touched by his concern but a little annoyed he didn't believe she knew her limitations. "I did learn from that, Tommy. No matter what you might think, I didn't enjoy being in the hospital - I know when it's time to call it quits."

"Even when it means walking back in the dark?"

Her lips kicked into a half-smile. "I've learned a few other things while in Florida too; one of them is how to defend myself."

"Kim?"

She whirled as the voice echoed faintly from the gym entrance, her gaze darting to Tommy. He regarded her steadily and she knew in that instant that getting him to leave was going to be impossible. He had things to say still and wasn't going to disappear until he was good and ready. Her eyes narrowed and her voice dropped to a hiss. "Well, don't just stand there, hide!"

He smiled faintly, making no move to do so.

"You're the one who insists I get to Pan Globals. If they find you here, I could get kicked off the team. Hide or it's your funeral!"

He finally did as she asked, dropping prone beside the thick mats and effectively disappearing from sight. Kimberly eyed his hiding place dubiously but decided they didn't have time for anything more. She turned, hopping back up onto the beam and assuming one of the positions of her routine. Tommy was visible from the corner of her eye, his head turned to watch as she gracefully bent backwards to grab the beam behind her.

"Kim?"

The call came again, this time closer as Kimberly finished the move. "Over here!"

The click of heels on the floor was audible as the individual entered from the main area. The sound abruptly died as the shoes hit the padded floor and the intruder stepped into the light. Kim managed a smile for her teammate. "Hey Ali, what brings you here?"

Ali, a petite Native American girl with luminescent dark eyes, smiled hesitantly, looking around. "Are you alone?"

Kimberly resisted the urge to look at where Tommy was ducked just barely out of sight. "Of course. Was there something I can do for you?"

Ali glanced about nervously. "Actually I wanted to ask you something."

Kimberly shifted on the beam, dropping down to take her weight on her hands again. "What's on your mind?"

"Why'd you have your door locked this morning?"

Kimberly cocked her head at the other girl, not understanding. "Pardon?"

"Your door. You don't normally lock it."

"I had a rough night." Understatement of the year. No one would have believed her if she'd told them exactly where she'd been the night before. "I needed some time to myself."

"Oh." Ali fell silent for a moment. "Who's Tommy?"

Kimberly slipped, her elbow buckling painfully, but thankfully she was low enough she simply landed crotch first on the beam. She rubbed her elbow, desperately wishing Tommy was anywhere but there at the moment. "Tommy? Surely you remember when I first got here."

"Your... ex?"

Kimberly nodded. "Yeah. Why do you ask?"

"Well, when I came to wake you up this morning, I swear I heard you shout his name. Only it wasn't normal, you know, like when you have a dream about people you used to know. You sounded... fearful."

Kimberly bit her lip, chewing on the bottom corner. "I had a nightmare." She twisted gracefully off the beam, ignoring the twinge in her elbow. "There are a lot of unresolved issues between Tommy and I - I guess they just decided to sneak back in while I was dreaming."

Ali didn't look convinced, but she nodded. "Do you need to talk about it? The dream I mean?"

Not in this lifetime with Tommy drinking in every word. "I'm alright, I promise. It threw me off today, but I was doing better tonight. I should be back up on the beam and on the floor without a problem tomorrow."

"If you say so." Ali took the several steps needed before engulfing Kimberly in a hug. "If you need to talk, you know where to find me."

"Thanks Ali." Kimberly returned the hug before pulling away with a smile. "I'm alright; really."

"Did you want to walk back to the dorm with me?"

"I've still got a half an hour before I have to be back. Go ahead; I'll be okay."

Ali smiled, nodded, and disappeared back the way she'd come. It wasn't until she heard the faint echo of the door closing in the stillness of the gym that Kimberly realized she was holding her breath and let it out. That had been close.

"Nightmare?"

She stiffened, having hoped he wouldn't bring it up. "Yeah." She turned, rubbing her elbow and stretching it out. She'd hurt it, minor sprain by the feel of it, and would need to ice it before bed. "It's no big deal."

"You cry out loud enough to make a teammate worry about you and it's no big deal?" He crossed his arms over his chest in a stance she recognized as one of Jason's - it was his I'm-not-buying-it stance. Under other circumstances, the similarity might have made her smile.

"It's been a long day - go home, Tommy." She turned away, reaching for her bag.

"I thought you still had half an hour."

"Not if we're discussing this I don't." The look she slanted at him was cautionary. She wasn't ready to open herself up to another round of yell at Tommy. It hurt to yell at him. Hurt in ways she hadn't known a fight could. Seeing him again was playing sweet havoc with her heart and her emotions were running high. She hoped exposure would allow those emotions to settle eventually, but it was a slim hope. She doubted she'd ever be immune to Tommy Oliver.

"Do you dream about me often?"

She jerked her bag to her, rummaging around in the bottom for the ice pack she knew she kept there. "Drop it, Tommy."

An awkward silence fell, humming with tension and unanswered questions. Unfortunately for Tommy, Kimberly wasn't in the mood to deal with it. Being used as an emotional punching bag once a day was enough. Twice in one day had been awful. She didn't think her composure would survive a third. And she didn't want to fight with Tommy. That was the worst of it. If she jumped into this discussion they would end up fighting again. Her heart ached with the thought. She missed what they'd used to be, the easy camaraderie that had allowed them to talk about anything without feeling uncomfortable. The differences were abundantly clear as Kimberly settled herself on the mat, finally finding the ice pack, and pulled it out.

"Did you hurt yourself?"

"Nothing major." She wrapped the elbow once in her towel and applied the ice. "I just shifted wrong. Ali caught me by surprise."

"Lemme see."

She jerked away as he crouched in front of her, reaching for the injury. "It's fine, Mr. Fix It. A good night's rest after I ice it will - Tommy!"

He'd grabbed her by the shoulder, pulling her close and deftly removed the make-shift bandage with a flick of his wrist. She tried to jerk away, but he held her fast. Not bruising, nor punishing, but firmly; just enough pressure to keep her in place without doing her damage. His other hand closed about her forearm and Kimberly swallowed hard. She was closer to him than she'd been since her departure at Christmas and the fine hairs on her skin stood up, as if they were too close to an electric field. It was a reaction she was well accustomed to around Tommy.

His touch was gentle, far gentler than she expected, as his fingers slid over the skin of her forearm and to her elbow. Prodding gently, his thumb and forefinger carefully explored the hollow of her elbow. Her mouth went dry and her heart began to pound erratically as he carefully examined the area she'd been icing. It was swollen, slightly fluidic, and painful when he touched it - but she didn't notice the pain. Her voice had deserted her with the first feel of his finger tips on her skin. She wasn't sure what shocked her more - that he'd willingly touched her, or that his touch was still as caring as she remembered.

He finally withdrew, wrapping the end of the towel around her elbow once more and placing the icepack over the most swollen part of it - a part she hadn't been icing. He stepped away. She didn't see the expression on his face, but only because her eyes were glued to his fingers. They departed reluctantly, his last touch more of a caress than an exploration, and one that made her shiver. She curled around her elbow, hugging it to her chest in an effort to cover the convulsion.

"It looks alright, Kim, but you should probably give it a rest for more than just tonight."

"I don't think coach would-"

"Ah," he held up his hand, drawing her gaze to his. "Why don't we go ask your coach?"

"We?" The word was a squeak more than anything.

"We; as in you and I. An injury won't heal right if you don't give it time."

He wanted them to find her coach and ask for the next day off? Was he nuts? "I can't-"

"You can."

Her brow knotted with his interruptions. It was a habit she didn't particularly like with him cutting her off every other sentence. "If coach sees you, especially at this hour, I could lose my place on the team. I wasn't kidding about that - he really doesn't like us being distracted by outside influences."

"Makes this decision real easy then, doesn't it?" His grin was pure malice. "If you want to get to Pan Globals you'll just have to talk to him while I wait outside."

Author's Note: I apologize for the long wait but there was a death in the family and life took over for a bit there. But, as you can see, my writing is picking up again. Thanks for reading!