-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content

-Spoilers- All five books.

-Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.

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Hidden Desires

Chapter 15

A Lonesome Tale

-

What is it like to see the one person who you are truly in love with, fall in front of your eyes? How can you live after that? Harry found himself wondering this many times. How did Remus feel after losing Sirius? He realized that his teacher had gone through many losses in his life and somehow he continued on with a fairly high spirit. Harry didn't know why, but he found comfort in Remus' high spirits.

Harry was still dealing with Sirius' death as well. He lay at night thinking about his lost godfather. But he constantly found himself feeling curious about his relationship with Lupin. He wouldn't dare ask too many questions though. After all, he felt guilty enough for reopening that old wound and he didn't feel that Lupin would appreciate him asking and maybe would perceive him as nosy. One of the last people Harry wanted to annoy was Lupin. Someone he truly found himself caring about. Maybe because he also found comfort in the fact that this man had been friends with Harry's own father, James Potter. But he also knew that he was receiving much relief from the thought that Lupin had been in similar circumstances and had offered Harry advice if he needed it.

And good advice was always needed.

-

"I'm really proud of you two! It makes me so glad that you both are on speaking terms again!" announced Hermione to Ron and Harry who sat in the Gryffindor Common Room trying to finish up last minute homework that they had conveniently ignored from the previous night. The both nodded silently.

"And I am especially proud of you Ron and how you got around all those silly rumors!" she said while ruffling Ron's hair.

"Um, Herm.." he responded, "If you didn't realize it, I made up those rumors."

"Oh yeah," she said thoughtfully rubbing her chin. "But come on, how silly were those anyway. Really.. Harry and Malfoy. Come on!"

Harry looked up from his homework and said, "Oh yeah, those were true." At this he looked back at his homework again as Hermione's mouth dropped as she let out a soft scream that made him wince.

"Yeah," said Ron looking thoughtful, "Though the one about the transvestite and bondage was one I just made up on a day when I was especially angry. Sorry about that Harry."

"All is forgiven," responded Harry with a shrug.

"Cool!" said Ron grinning.

"They were..?" she asked looking astonished. Her mouth stayed open, "You're kidding, right? I mean, Harry.. Draco?" Harry nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked looking hurt and still utterly confused about the matter. "Are you sure? You're just joking right?"

"No, Hermione. I'm sorry though," said Harry looking thoughtfully at her. "I just wasn't sure what to do at the time," he said measuring his words carefully.

"You told Ron though!" she said softly, not taking her eyes off of Harry.

"He didn't tell me, Hermione. I- I saw him with Draco.."

Hermione's eyes widened so round that Harry could have mistaken them for two galleons. "So that's why you went insane about it?" she asked, finally shifting her attention over to Ron.

"I wasn't.. I didn't go insane did I?" he asked, obviously trying to recall the events that took place.

Both Harry and Hermione nodded gingerly.

"Well I suppose I did," said Ron scratching his chin. "But what do you do when.." he broke off and began to eye the floor with great interest. Harry knew that Ron didn't want to say what he really thought. He had suspected that some of Ron's tolerance for the subject was an act. This thought made Harry squirm in his chair uncomfortably. Had he now just isolated both of his friends simply because he had grown to care about Draco?

"Really Harry.. Draco?" Hermione asked again, her eyes bright in wonder.

"For the last time, yes Hermione," he responded. He was feeling himself steadily losing patience with the both of them.

"How on earth did that ever come about?" she asked. For once she had turned all of her attention away from homework.

"I don't know!" he lied throwing his arms into the air wildly. He felt extremely angry with himself for ever admitting it to her. He was even feeling annoyed by Ron's behavior.

"I'm sorry Harry!" said Hermione quickly. "You've just got to understand that this is not easy for either of us to understand." Her eyes flickered over towards Ron momentarily then back at Harry. "After all the slimy things that he has done to us! He's been positively horrid.."

But she was interuppted by Harry who face looked violent, "SHUT UP!" he yelled at her. She opened her mouth but then closed it once more not saying a thing. Her eyes were swelling up with tears, but Harry didn't feel guilty. "You don't know him. He's changed.. You're opinion is rubbish to me.." he said through gritted teeth not caring that her face was soaked with tears. At this he stood up and marched up to the boy's dorm in a huff. He crossed his arms and took a seat on the edge of his bed still furious.

Just then an unfamiliar owl flew through the window next to his bed, dropping a letter on top of one of Harry's lap then proceeded to fly out again. Harry picked up the letter, removing the string that held it together and opened it. He began to read it silently.

He looked around pitifully at the empty dorm room and then back at the letter. He was very puzzled at why Cho and Pansy had written to him, alerting him that Draco was outside taking a walk. Dropping the letter on his bed, he stood up and walked over to his window and looked out. Sure enough, there was Draco shuffling through snow moodily.

He watched the other boy for several minutes, contemplating what he would do. "This could be my only chance," Harry said outloud to himself.

He would go talk to Draco.

-

"Hello."

Draco whipped around as he heard a painfully familiar voice in back of him greet him so casually. He eyed Harry with alarm and dismay mixed with confusion. Why was he here? He sensed amusement in Harry's voice. Was he there to mock him? He didn't answer the boy. Instead he just looked down at the cold white snow that surrounded his boots. He would have walked away if he could have felt his own body.

Harry took a few steps closer. It seemed like it had been ages since he had seen Draco and he had never seen him look so fragile. His platinum hair was dampened from falling snow and looked especially beautiful and radiant in what weak light that was coming from the sun.

He couldn't blame Draco for not answering him so he continued, "I came here to talk to you.."

"Why the hell are you doing this to me?" asked Draco still eyeing the ground. His face hadn't changed at all. He just stared at the snow with the same unreadable expression.

"I really want to talk to you," said Harry. "I really need to tell you that I am sorry!"

Draco finally looked up but avoided all eye contact with Harry. "Sorry? SORRY? Well all right! That makes everything so much better! Whatever, Potter. Just do me a favor and fuck off! I don't need your false apologies and your silent mockery of me."

"I'm not doing any such thing, Draco!" said Harry quickly. He saw the look on Draco's face was filled with genuine hurt. He hadn't realized just how bad he must have made the other feel on that day not so long ago when he had rejected him.

Draco didn't say anything, he just turned away ready to leave. He regretted having taken a walk this morning if this had to be the result from it.

"Please don't walk away from me!" begged Harry. "I know I have been an enormous idiot lately and I didn't mean to! I made one of the hugest mistakes that I had ever made with what I said the other day!"

The Slytherin boy turned back and looked at Harry. His face was hadn't changed which gave him a stone like appearance.

"The truth is, it was my fault and I know that you know that. What I said, it had nothing to do with you. Because despite everything that I said, I really do like you Draco! No I take that back.."

His cold unchanging face finally softened.

"I love you, Draco and it doesn't matter how you feel about me now. This is how it is going to be whether you like it or not," Harry said firmly.

"You.. what?" asked Draco looking astonished.

"I.. love you."

"Oh my GOD, Potter. You have got to be kidding. This has to be some kind of sick joke!" he responded with impatience and disgust ringing throughout his voice. "I don't know what you think you're pulling.."

"I'm not pulling anything! Can't you tell?" asked Harry. "I am sorry! Truly. And I really do want you and love you." He felt his cheeks burning feverishly. He wasn't sure if it was because the cold was finally settling in on him or because he had began sporting a violent shade of pink

Draco stood there with his mouth wide open staring at Harry in complete and utter state of shock. Harry took another step forward praying that he would not be pushed away. Draco also took a step forward but lost his balance in the snow and fell forward. But he didn't fall to the ground. Harry held onto him helped him regain his balance and held on to him securely. "I don't care what people think! I am not going to be a fool anymore!" Harry whispered.

The snow could have melted from the heat that they produced from the most radiating warm kiss that they had ever had. It was a different kiss than Harry had ever expierenced. It was showered in his absolute love and desire for Draco. The taste sent a sensation that ran up and down Harry's spine that was impossible to ignore. They shivered at the touch of the other but that could have possibly been from the cold as well.

Draco stopped the kiss and spoke, his lips still brushing against Harry's, "No.. No! Oh fuck.. I have to go."

At this he withdrew muttering the last few words to himself as he ran as fast as someone possibly could through snow, towards the castle.

-

"I talked to him this morning," said Harry twiddling his thumbs on Lupin's desk.

"Did you now?" asked the teacher who was grading a few pieces of parchment. "How did that go?"

"We kissed," responded Harry, his cheeks turning a becoming pale shade of rosy pink. Lupin looked up at him grinning. "But then he left.."

"Really?"

"Yeah," said Harry. "I just don't know. I apologized and I really put myself out there. But he.."

"He didn't tell you how he felt afterwards?" asked Lupin knowingly.

"Basically," Harry answered with a sigh. "He ran away."

"Maybe he'll come around," said the teacher sticking the end of his quill in his mouth thoughtfully.

"Do you really think so?" asked Harry.

"I hope so," responded Lupin. "Just give him time to recover."

"Really?"

"Yes, if he is anything like a boy that I once knew.."

Harry smirked, but he still felt rather uneasy. What if Lupin had been wrong? What if Draco didn't come around? He was feel rather stupid after initiating such a passionate kiss with the other boy and the boy resisting. Was this how Draco had felt when Harry was constantly turning him down?

But even though Harry was wondering about Draco, his curiosity about Lupin began to overflow as he sat there idly in front of his teacher who didn't seem to notice that Harry was staring at him very intently.

"How did it happen?" Harry blurted out.

Lupin looked up at him with what Harry thought was a fake look of confusion. "Excuse me?" he asked.

"I mean," said Harry in an odd voice that annoyed himself, "How did you and Sirius get together?"

In his own mind, Harry did not expect Lupin to answer this question and he knew it was rather nosy. He just couldn't resist from asking. This curiousity about their situation had built up inside of Harry so strong that he could no longer suppress it. He had to know.

"I'm not sure.." said Lupin looking down at his desk. He looked up at Harry who seemed to be expecting a story. "Are you sure you want to hear about this?" asked the teacher noticing the intent expression his student wore.

"Positive," said Harry. "If you're willing to tell it."

Lupin seemed to be considering this for a moment then finally he took a deep breath. "It began," he started then paused thinking for a moment, "It began, around the beginning of our fifth year. That was probably one of the worst years for me because I had been made a prefect. So, there I was attempting to tame my friends who wouldn't hear of giving up any of their wild ways. Because as you know, Sirius is.. was rather stubborn. As well as your father. Both particularly enjoyed mischief making, as you know. They also thought it was rather stupid of me being a prefect and couldn't understand why I was even trying to follow along with the school rules. I, of course, didn't want them to think of me as lame. So I gave up even attempting to follow school rules. You could say I rebelled. I tried to play it cool and I thought I was awfully clever with my new 'attitude.' I wouldn't fulfill my prefect duties and I snapped at anyone who told me that I shouldn't be behaving as I did. Your father and Sirius seemed pretty impressed though and that's all that mattered to me. But after keeping this kind of behavior up, I noticed that I didn't seem to be impressing Dumbledore at all. His opinion really meant a lot to me as well, since he had had helped me out because of my full moon situation. I knew he was disappointed in me but he never said a thing. So I began growing very depressed. I felt as though I had to choose whether I wanted to stay on the crazy teenage rebel route or try to be the perfect little prefect. As you can tell, neither of these options was particularly tempting to begin with. So I dropped all the acts and began to shy away from everyone. Even when there was no full moon,

I would go sulk in the Shrieking Shack when I had a chance just so I could be alone. Now that I think back about it, it really wasn't much of a dilemma, but at the time it seemed so important. But anyway.. I remember it so vividly. This one night when I was in a moody stupor, I was sitting in the Shrieking Shack alone considering my options once more. To be perfect or to be a rebel among rebels. Apparently, Sirius had followed me, concerned for my well being, I suppose. He asked me what was wrong. At first I wouldn't tell him because I thought he would think me an idiot, but when I happened to look him in the eyes, I couldn't keep quiet any longer.."

He looked at Harry who seemed to be waiting on bated breath.

"..I told him how they had made me feel when they taunted me about being a prefect. When they made fun of my prefect duties. He didn't seem to understand why this had such an impact on me at first. I confessed how much both he and your father meant to me. How important their opinions were and how I didn't want to be bullied and ridiculed because I had been appointed to some stupid position. It wasn't as if I had applied for it. He said he understood then apologized. And if you could have heard the pure sincerity in his voice.. I was amazed really. I had expected him to say something rude to me about being some big sensitive wimp or something of the sort. But he didn't. He truly understood me. And.. I just looked at him and all I could do was give him this dumb smile. Then-.. Then he hugged me.." he broke off. Harry could have taken a knife and cut the emotion in the air at that very moment.

"The last thing in the world I ever expected to happen.. happened. And that's the best way I can tell it. That's where it really began," he finished off rather lamely.

Harry allowed Lupin to reminisce for a minute before he spoke. "So basically, it all began because Sirius really tried to understand you?"

"I guess," said Lupin.

"He really cared for you a lot," said Harry thoughtfully.

Lupin forced a smile but said no word.

They sat there awkwardly, entrapped by silence. After a few minutes Harry became overwhelmed by the empty air between them and stood up, pushing his seat back a few inches.

To his surprise, Lupin began to speak again. "I suppose they weren't being as bad as what I made them out to be. Maybe it seemed worse because I was so moody at that age anyway.."

"Who isn't?" stated Harry knowingly. His teacher gave a small laugh.

"You would know," responded Lupin. "But at least you're on good terms with Ron again, right?"

"Er.."

"What happened?"

"I sort of lost my temper with both he and Hermione this morning. Mind you, this was before I had gone outside to make myself into a ridiculous fool in front of Draco.."

"Love is never foolish."

Harry shook his head. "I disagree."

Lupin was playing with a hole in his robes, not aware of what he was doing. "I believe that love is not foolish. Love is love. You can't put it under some category. If it's true love, then it will flourish. But you must never mistake it with some other feeling."

Harry had no idea what Lupin was going on about, but decided it best not to argue. He already felt guilty enough for bringing up the subject of Sirius once again to his teacher.

"Well, thanks for the talk," said Harry awkwardly. "I have a load of homework to catch up with though."

His teacher nodded as Harry proceeded towards the door.

But before Harry left, he heard Lupin mutter a good luck to him. He thanked his teacher once again then left.

As he walked through the practically empty corridor, he kept hearing Lupin's voice repeatedly in his head. The story had touched Harry harder than he thought it had, especially when Lupin would mention Harry's father. He wondered why both he and Sirius had been so hard on Lupin. He found himself retelling the story in a whisper to himself as he walked along. Before he knew it he was standing outside of the Gryffindor Common Room, in front of the portrait of the fat lady. He just stood there still retelling the story never realizing where he was.

He snapped back into reality when he heard her ask, "Are you going to give me the password or are you going to talk to yourself like a maniac all day?"

-=-

The End of Chapter 15!

Note: This was originally going to be the last chapter and it was really different. But on my better judgment, I took it down about two minutes after I posted it because it was just too abrupt of an ending. Anyway, this is not the end of the story. It shall continue on! Sorry to confuse anyone who may have read it.

But anyway, thank you for the reviews!

And please continue reviewing! I know you have it in you.