-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content

-Spoilers- All five books.

-Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.

Hidden Desires

Chapter 16

Portrait of a Boy

-

He sat there on an extremely comfy forest green armchair trying to figure out if he was incredibly smart or incredibly stupid. Harry had apologized to him. Harry had even said that he loved him. All the things that he ever wanted from the boy. Yet, he didn't do anything except run away from Harry. Why had he done it? He couldn't understand his own actions. "That was probably my last chance to make things whole again.." He thought to himself bitterly. He felt himself growing steadily more annoyed by his own self. His hands, which were now very cold and clammy, were gripping the arm rests angrily. He had ruined his chances now. There was nothing he could do to repair the damage.

"Come on.." he thought, "Maybe I'm being too dramatic." Just then a voice spoke from beside him, startling him so badly that he let out a girlish scream.

"Sorry?" said Pansy, her light eyes scanning him with interest. "Didn't mean to startle you.."

"Oh, it's you.." he said while attempting to slow down his breath.

"Well nice to see you too," she said while clicking her tongue impatiently.

"Whatever," he responded quietly. "What do you want?" he asked.

She put her bag on the floor and sat down in the armchair next to him. "I was just wondering how things went?" she asked looking concerned.

"What do you mean?" he scrunched up his nose slightly.

"Well, I knew that Harry was going to go talk to you.." she responded quietly.

"Oh, you put him up to that, did you?" He asked becoming enraged. "I should have figured really. He would never come to talk to me on his own doing!"

"No really, Draco! Calm down," she demanded, still speaking under her breath. "I just told him that you were out there. I never said he had to talk to you."

"You made him feel obligated, Pansy. When I got you involved with this I never technically intended you to.. well, really get THAT involved!" he said heatedly.

"Too late," she responded almost too coarsely for Draco's liking.

"Do me a favor, just keep screwing your little girlfriend and stay out of things in the future," he said as he stood up positively fuming and rushed away towards his dorm room.

Pansy sighed then stood up and followed Draco. "Draco, wait up..!"

He swung around and shook his fist, "Don't follow me!"

"Or what? You're going to punch me out?" she asked, her arms crossed and a cynical look upon her face.

He glanced down at his own fist then dropped it back to his side. "Well, no."

"Good. What happened between you and Harry?" she asked again.

"Stop being a nosy bitch," he growled softly.

She shook her head furiously. "I refuse to. Now, tell me what happened or I am going to do the punching around here!"

Rolling his eyes, he sat down on the steps leading up towards the dorms and sighed. She sat down next to him and patted him on the back, "It couldn't have been that bad, could it?" she asked while attempting to comfort him.

"I'm such an idiot," he began, talking softly and slightly choking on his words. "It was one of those moments that you hope for. He was there and he apologized. He said he loved me.. It was better than I could have ever imagined."

"So what'd you do?" Pansy asked, softly pulling on strands of his now longer than ever silvery blonde hair absentmindedly.

"I ran away," he responded simply. He buried his face in his hands and rubbed his face furiously.

"You had to have had a reason, Draco. Maybe you just weren't ready.."

"What?" he said. He thought for a moment, "And I was the one thinking he was uncomfortable.."

"Well, he was. This is your first time for anything like this," she said knowingly. "And, I'm telling you, it's really strange at first."

"Like I don't know this," he said.

"I tell you what you need. You both need a good talk. Just sit down somewhere.."

"What? No!" Draco objected. "I can't do that now."

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because I've already made a fool out of myself," he responded. "It's too late to repair this."

"Oh shut up!" said Pansy, smacking him lightly on the head. "It's never too late! Swallow your pride and go the hell out there and talk to the boy!"

He groaned. "Well, it's getting late today, so do it tomorrow," she demanded.

"Whatever," he said, getting up and heading up to his dorm like he originally had planned to. "I'll think about it."

"Yeah, think about it, Draco," she said. "That would be a nice change."

"Night, Pansy," he said ignoring her last comment.

He wondered how much sleep he would get with something like this on his mind.

He lay down on his bed and immediately fell asleep.

-

He remembered those old fairy tales that were always told to good little boys and girls. The perfect stories with the happy endings. His biggest fear was that this would not be like one of those fairy tales. In every part of his aching heart he wished for this to be like the story with the genie and the magical lamp. The one were he could make a wish and it would come true. That's what he wanted more than anything. And though there was magic all around him, none of it could fix how he felt.

Pansy had tried to reassure him and give him helpful advice. He did appreciate it to some extent, but he wondered if Harry's feelings had changed for him since he had last seen him.

These days, nothing turned out right for him.

-

Harry awoke with a start the next morning. Neville had tripped over a small book on the floor and clumsily crashed to the floor with a loud thump.

Rubbing his groggy eyes he got out of bed and dressed. He walked down to the Common Room where Hermione had been standing, apparently waiting for him. He walked by her, ignoring her purposely.

"Come on Harry! Talk to me," she begged.

He bit his lower lip and turned to her. "What?"

"I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry," she said nervously. He said nothing so she continued. "If you like Draco and you say that he's.. changed," Her voice cracked slightly, "Then I believe you. It's not my place to judge you. Not now and not ever. I just hope you didn't mean those things you said to me yesterday.."

"I didn't," said Harry quickly. He hadn't expected this apology from her. "I'm sorry I said them too."

She smiled and took him by the arm. "Great, let's go down to the Great Hall and get something to eat, I'm starved."

They went down to the Great Hall and found seats. Ron came down a few minutes later and sat down across from them without saying a word. Hermione gave Harry a weary look.

Finally Ron looked up, "Ah.." He shifted uncomfortably.

"I forgive you," said Harry with a grin.

"Sweet," said Ron smiling, his pink cheeks glimmering as he began to dig into the delicious breakfast.

Just then Harry noticed Draco casually stroll into the large room, Pansy near his side chatting happily. He was sure he saw her glance over at him, but Draco had most definitely ignored him. He felt himself steadily growing less hungry for the food sitting in front of him, no matter how nice it was smelling.

Hermione made a small coughing noise and nudged Harry with her arm, as if he had not noticed the other boy enter the room. "Yeah, I know," he muttered in response to her annoyingly persistent nudges.

Watching Draco act so casual tormented Harry. He didn't know why, but it did. He felt like Draco should be deprived of any happiness if Harry himself was not involved with it or causing it. As much as he hated to admit it, he was feeling jealous. He was envious that Draco seemed so unaffected by everything while he himself was feeling like a mess.

"It's not fair.." Harry groaned under his breath.

Hermione gave him a look and shook her head. "No, it's not," she responded quietly as if she had read his mind.

Harry sighed tapped his fingers against the table nervously.

He was sick of feeling hopeless.

After lunch Draco decided to skip classes. He felt it best to avoid Harry for a while. No matter how he tried to play off that he didn't give a damn, it was beginning to feel impossible. He was so incredibly jaded. He was just walking around with some faded smile that was leftover from the days before Harry had entered his vacant thoughts. Before he had been conquered by the boy. He wished he could remember those days. It was nice not to worry so much. It was nice not to have calluses on his tired fingers caused by that goddamn quill he couldn't stop writing with. He had to pour out his thoughts somewhere. If he told Pansy everything she would go tell Cho and he was sure of this. There was no trust left in him. The only thought that filled this void of his was a tiny glimmer of hope.

"I love you.." He muttered to himself as he sat on one of the staircases near the classrooms. "What the hell am I doing here?" He put his head against the railing and sighed.

"What the hell are we doing?" he thought to himself.

-=-

End of Chapter Sixteen!

Note: Okay, yeah this chapter took forever due to the fact that I was finishing up school and all that. You know how it is. So yeah, I know some of you were waiting for this and I wished it could be a little better, but I promise to update soon!

And no worries, there will be some kind of resolution to this crazy hormonal teenage boy emotional roller coaster.

Thank you for all the reviews so far! Please continue reviewing! I know you all have it in you.

Also if you haven't seen it already, this really amazing artist has been working on a webcomic of this story. So you should definitely check it out! www.circleofmist.sphosting.com