-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content

-Spoilers- All five books.

-Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.

-

Hidden Desires

Chapter 17

As the World Falls Down

-

He had an unusually bad feeling in his stomach today. Glancing around the classroom once more, Harry shifted uncomfortably in his seat. So far Draco had missed every class that they shared today and this made him nervous. He thought the most likely scenario was that Draco was avoiding him, but the feeling he had was telling him otherwise.

He glanced up at Professor Lupin who gave him a warm smile. However, Harry could not make himself smile back. "Get yourself together," he thought to himself. "Everything is all right.."

This happened to him often these past few days. He would let his mind wander off from his schoolwork and would become overcome by thoughts. Thoughts that he didn't necessarily welcome, but could not stop. Thoughts filled with Draco. Sometimes they weren't really bad and other times they were terrible. And what terrified Harry the most was that he these thoughts did indeed make him feel so terrified. He knew he loved the boy. He had already come to terms with his feelings. Though he did not know how to really deal with them. Not alone at least. But Draco had rejected him or something like that.

He used the tip of his finger to push his glasses on top of his head and rubbed his sore eyes gently. Little beads of sweat had formed around his brow. He wondered why the classroom was stifling today and why he seemed to be the only one affected by the extreme heat.

Slowly he stood up from his seat and Lupin immediately stopped speaking. "Is everything all right, Harry?" the teacher quickly asked.

"I'm ugh.. I'm feeling sick," Harry responded quietly noticing the class collectively turn and stare at him. He hated it when they did this. "Erm.. Can I please be excused, Professor?"

Lupin seemed to be studying him for a moment. He saw how worried the man looked and waited for an answer.

"Yes," the teacher finally responded. "Yes, of course Harry. You may be excused."

At that Harry gathered up his books, putting them into his bag, and slowly left the classroom. Once he finally left and got into the hallway he sped up. He had no idea where Draco was but he was somehow walking along confidently like he knew his exact location.

Harry continued strolling along several corridors for what seemed to be hours. After a while he felt like giving up. He had no idea where Draco was and could not find him in any of the hallways. He only figured he was probably back in his dorm. He turned and was ready to head to his next class when he happened to glance over at a window at the opposite end of the hallway and saw a figure sitting on the ledge. The sun shone so brightly it seemingly caused a halo effect upon what was a stunningly angelic blonde head buried in two pale, delicately built hands.

Harry let out a small sigh of relief and quietly walked down the hallway towards the boy. He did not want to startle him out of fear that he may fall out the window that he sat so clumsily on the edge of. He finally reached him and only stood next to him, fearing to speak. He was only waiting for something to happen. Some kind of reaction.

Just something.

-

After several minutes Draco finally looked up. He had known Harry had been standing there. He had sensed his presence. He wanted to ignore the small cry of surprise Harry made when he noticed what Draco moving slightly farther on the edge. He wanted to just fall out of the window at that moment. Somehow he believed it could possibly make this better.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Harry yelled. He didn't care about sounding harsh at that moment.

"Shut the fuck up, Harry.." Draco mumbled, rubbing one of his still tired, slightly raw wrists.

"Is this what you're going to do?" Harry asked much softer now, choking on every single word that left his mouth. All he could for that moment was watch the beautiful boy who had been bathed in perfection wallow in his own self-destructive nature.

"Yes! If it makes it better, I will!" Draco growled quietly, looking into the storm that was forming behind Harry's eyes.

"How the hell does this make it any better?"

Draco sat there thinking for a long moment. He didn't know what he was doing anymore and that scared him. "Listen, you have to promise not to stop me.." he finally said.

"Stop you?" Harry eyes widened slightly not knowing what Draco was going on about.

"I seriously fear for my sanity.. What is left of it at least. I need to sacrifice myself and just end this."

Harry could not believe that Draco seemed so serious about this. He stopped himself from crying. He did not want to cry from Draco. He took a deep breath. "Sacrifice yourself? What the fuck, Draco? You're not Jesus fucking Christ, you know!" His voice was as strong as he could make it for now.

Draco ran his tongue over his dry lips and shook his head. "I've made a mess of things, Harry. I'm the one who started this and we both know that it's never going to work. And as long as I am here, I'm going to continue complicating everything. I never wanted to hurt you, Harry. I never wanted to like you or do anything that could be remotely wonderful.. That's why I have to go and end this.."

"No!" Harry's voice had a violent tone now. "First off, you may have started this but it doesn't mean I ever had to fall back. So you're wrong if you think you made a mess of this. I screwed it up.."

Draco raised his eyebrow. "How can you say that?"

"Don't you understand? You only liked me, Draco.. And somehow in all the madness I ended up falling in love with you. Well, that obviously scared the hell out of you. And not to mention the countless times I have hurt you. This is my fault. I made everything more complicated than it was ever meant to be. All I can do is beg for your forgiveness and ask that you don't do anything else to put yourself in harm's way.. Because if you do, I can never really forgive myself."

"No, you're definitely wrong," Draco responded softly. Harry made a face not believing that Draco could still possibly protest.

"You see, Harry.. I fell in love with you as well. I've never scared myself so much before. Me, Draco Malfoy, incapable of anything except for hate and animosity, has fallen in love," He got up from the edge of the window and stood opposite of Harry. "And not just that.. Oh no, I fell in love with Harry Potter. The enemy among enemies. And you see, I've been so scared for my family name and what everyone else will think that I forgotten to remember what this is all about.."

"Um.. What's that?" Harry asked.

"Don't be daft, Potter. Love. What a stupid little thing too. Who'd think that a four letter word could cause so many problems?" Draco said in the same quiet voice with a hint of a smirk on his face. "And when something such as this bothersome little bugger won't go away, people do crazy things.."

"Crazy indeed.."

"Does that clear away any of those clouds of confusion?"

"Kind of," Harry responded, looking down at the floor.

"Kind of? Well I was hoping for more than 'kind of.' After all of that.." Draco muttered while rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"You've got to promise me something now," Harry said quietly, still watching the ground.

"Maybe I will when you stop being so fascinated with my shoes.." Draco responded crossing his arms in a defiant manner.

Harry ignored that and looked up at Draco. "You've got to promise you're not going to do anything stupid.."

Draco shrugged and leaned against the window ledge once more. "Is that all?"

"That's all."

"Well, that's a stupid request seeing as I do something stupid everyday." Draco smirked again.

"Just promise." Harry's tone was firm.

Draco bit his lower lip and watched him before he answered. He could not believe he was even having this conversation and that things almost seemed to be clarified. "Yeah, I promise."

"Good."

"Persistent little bitch.."

"Shut up."

They both stood there awkwardly watching each other. All they really could hear was their own breathing and the current loudness of their nervous heartbeats.

Harry nervously swallowed and turned, "I have to get to class.."

"Mm yeah, I better go too." Draco said, picking up his own book bag and walking ahead of Harry.

-

They walked along next to each other in silence until they reached the Potions' dungeon and entered separately finding this usual seats.

Professor Snape shut the door to the classroom and hastily walked to the front of the room. The look on his face was especially fiendish as he rubbed his hands together. "Silence." He bellowed dramatically. Everyone looked around curiously. None of them had been talking so they were surprised by his extra amount of edginess. "Today is the last day that our little 'love' potions project. They finished lastnight and cooled over night so quickly get yours out of your cauldron and bottle it, then label it. Then we are going to select a few students to test it on.." his smile was so cold it made the class collectively shiver.

They did as they were told and bottled their potions nervously. A few of the girls were whispering and giggling as if they were excited about it. After everyone was finished they returned to their seats. The amount of tension in the room seemed to rise at that very moment.

"Good, good.." Snape muttered as he strolled around the room examining their bottles. Once more he returned to the front of the class. "Neville Longbottom, open your bottle and drink your potion. It's completely the wrong color and I seriously doubt if it will work."

Neville gulped nervously as he uncorked the bottle and shakily put it to his lips. He drank it down and made a horrible face afterwards. He suddenly become rigid and announced, "I love Ginny Weasley!" His muscles seemed to relax afterwards though he was bright red and Ron was shooting him bad looks and cursing under his breath.

Harry truly thought that the look on Snape's surprised face was priceless. It had actually worked.

Snape regained his composure and seemed to be ready to make an embarrassment out of one of his other students now. He looked around the classroom and Harry was sure he was going to pick him next. He could almost swear that he was going to be picked..

"Draco Malfoy," Snape announced. "Test your potion out."

Harry's heart seemed to skip a beat as everyone turned to watch Draco who seemed to be totally relaxed with his shoes up on his desk and the potion bottle already in his hand. "Are you sure you want me to do that, sir?" Draco asked with a mischievous expression.

"Yes! I am quite sure of what I want."

"Really? Maybe you'd like to think about it further.."

Snape snarled. "I am quite capable of knowing what I want."

"Ah, are you sure about that? Because I really don't think you're going to like the words that come out of my mouth.." Draco responded curtly.

"Just take the potion!" Snape yelled angrily at the student.

Draco raised his eyebrow. "As you wish." He uncorked it and glanced over at Harry. "Aye, cheers." He then drank it down quickly.

His face become stone like and expressionless as his body took the same rigid form that Neville's had taken only mere minutes ago.

"I love.."

The end of chapter 17!

-=-

Notes: Sorry. Man, I know cliffhangers piss people off ( if you classify that as one). But chapter 18 is coming soon and it just may be the finish of the story.. but I do not know yet.

Also, I am going back to edit over the entire story.

Thanks for all the great reviews and please continue to do so!

Also I must insist (if you have not yet) that you visit the great webcomic of this story!