-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content
-Spoilers- All five books.
-Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.
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Hidden Desires
Chapter 19To Breathe, To Feel, To Know I'm Alive
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"I love Harry Potter."
There was a one collective gasp that rang throughout the room. If you could say that a gasp could ring at all. Then a hush and frantic whispers mixed with giggles were the only thing heard above Snape's heavy breathing.
Draco seemed to be enjoying the reaction that those four words had just caused. He glanced over at Pansy who wore the hugest grin he had ever seen. Crabbe and Goyle seemed thoroughly confused and wore the same stupid looks that they usually had.
"I don't know why you're so surprised," said the blonde, finally breaking the strange silence that held the classroom. "You knew that was going to happen, Snape. Did you have it planned all along?" he asked quietly with a raised brow.
Snape did not answer him however. In fact, Snape did not look like he was capable of much of anything at the moment. The only words he could manage were two and he said them very angrily at that. "Class dismissed!"
Everyone left in a hurry. They were always glad to be able to get out of class early even if it was in a cloud of confusion and shock. On the way out of the classroom a few students pointed at Draco and made faces and whispered threats that he ignored. To his surprise the first person who came up to him was none other than Hermione Granger. He knew why she had come over and only waited for her to speak.
"You knew you didn't have to do that," she said watching him carefully. "You knew it, didn't you?"
"Of course I knew," he responded as he gathered his books and returned them to his book bag. He furrowed his eyebrows slightly when glanced around and noticed that Harry had already left the classroom.
"Then why did you do it?" she asked quietly as Snape left the room to return to his office in what seemed to be a daze.
"To ruffle Snape's feathers," Draco responded with a shrug of the shoulders. He sat on the edge of the desk and watched the Gryffindor girl while finding it quite strange that he seemed to be having a civilized conversation with her.
"Personally, I think he got what he wanted," she commented after a thinking for a moment.
"I believe that as well," Draco said while playing with the bottled he emptied only a few minutes ago. "I mean, what kind of rubbish did he think he was pulling anyway?"
"Funny. It seemed to work for Neville," Hermione responded with a small grin.
"Hm.. well, he's a twit." She made a face at the Slytherin boy. "You know it is true."
"Well he was clever enough to at least act as if something was happening.." she began.
"Yeah, well he was only doing what he thought the potion was supposed to do." Draco's voice trailed off. "Why do you think Snape did it though?" He asked while watching her thoughtfully.
"Why?" she repeated, putting her finger to her chin. "I thought maybe he was testing us. Maybe he was waiting for someone to come along and say, 'Hey, this potion doesn't work, it's just complicated recipe for muffins,'"
"I thought that too," Draco looked down at the desk.
"Hey, it's time for lunch," she said quietly turning to leave.
Draco hopped off the desk and followed her out into the hallway. "I'll.. walk with you," he said softly as he walked alongside the girl.
She gave him a quizzical look. She was not really sure why he was acting this way but it almost made her understand what Harry saw in him. Draco Malfoy was not as bad as she had once believed. "Okay.."
"Hey, Granger."
"Yeah?"
"Was it really a recipe for muffins..?"
"Yeah."
"Oh.. Hey, Granger."
"Yeah?"
"You need to get something done with your hair."
"Go to hell, Malfoy."
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Everything was spinning. Everything was spinning, confusing, and frightening.
Harry felt his stomach grow cold as he tried not to be paranoid while he sat at the Gryffindor table. Where were Ron and Hermione? He knew that everyone that had been in the class with them was staring at him at this very moment. Somehow he would have believed he was used to this, but the penetrating stares were hard to bear.
It wasn't just the fact that Ron and Hermione seemed to be missing. That didn't bother him nearly as much as the fact that Draco had not yet came in. This left an emptiness in him that he hadn't recognized before. The more he thought about Draco, the less everything made sense. And yet, the more he thought about the boy, the more he didn't care if things made sense. The more he just wished to see him walk in cockily like he owned the world. The way he always appeared. The way his just past shoulder length hair swayed brilliantly as if he always walking in the best breezes provided by God. And his eyes.. Harry couldn't even start with them. The thought of those cool, confident eyes stared into him sent the most magnificent shiver down Harry's spine.
And before he knew it, Ron was sitting down next to him, grabbing a muffin and saying, "Now that was some Potions class. Did you see the look on Snape's face? Holy fuck, it was amazing!"
Harry nodded with a sheepish smile lingering over his face. His last thoughts before Ron had sat down left him feeling uncomfortable. Not that he had any problems with his attraction to Draco, it was just not a great idea to think about him in a room full of people.
Hermione entered the Great Hall smiling like she had just finished laughing at something hilarious. This made Harry curious at first, but saw Draco walk in just a second after her. What in the hell could they have possibly been talking about and more importantly.. when did they start talking to each other?
She still appeared to be recovering from a good laugh as they both separated to their house tables. She sat down next to Harry, giving him a bigger smile than usual and started making herself a salad.
Harry thought she was ignoring the fact that he looked completely confused. "So um.. hi, Hermione."
But his words got lost in Ron talking about the look on Snape's face to Hermione. But she ignored him and abruptly started talking to Harry as if they had already been having a good long conversation.
"Well Harry, Draco is really a nice boy. Who would have thought that under that sneer that he usually wore, there was something.. pleasant? Really! It's quite surprising. And you know what? He's really not bad looking. I can definitely see what you see in him!"
Harry's mouth dropped open as he just stared at her. She had just given Draco Malfoy a load of compliments. That was uncharacteristic and just plain shocking. He figured that they must have had some talk on the way to the Great Hall.
"Sounds like somebody has a crush," Harry teased knowing that this would get to Hermione.
"A crush?" she repeated, looking dramatically bewildered. "Really Harry! You must be kidding."
Harry grinned and said, "I am," his voice grew a bit softer, "Besides.. you can't have him."
"That's right," said a voice behind him that made him jump.
Draco sat down at the Gryffindor table in between Hermione and Harry, causing whispers to be sent up and down the table. Students at the other tables grew curious about the quietness that was coming from the Gryffindor table and started paying attention. And soon a hush was sent across the whole Great Hall.
And Harry wondered if their personal lives were really that fascinating that people would just stop what they were doing to watch him and Draco. Unbelievable rumors were already going around and those who hadn't witnessed what had happened in Potions had already heard at least eighteen different versions of what really did happen that day.
So maybe they thought there would be a fight. Maybe they thought that there would be some creative words being flung back and forth. Or maybe they just thought that they would just start fucking on the table. But they got nothing. Just two boys talking like friends and eating lunch.
Things should have seemed much heavier for Harry and Draco. The whole school had their curious eyes upon them. But they ignored it and found sanity in each other's company.
Since they were the only ones who were actually eating, they finished before everyone else. They got up from the table, their plates and goblets disappearing as they did, abandoned the Great Hall for the outdoors. It just happened to be a lovely day outside and the sun was shining warmly and brilliantly out. The best weather that they had had in ages.
"I guess our secret is out," Draco said with a tone of uncertainty.
"Really? I didn't think there had ever been much of a secret," Harry said as he put his hands into his pockets.
Draco flashed a quick smile and watched a bird flying overhead.
"Do you believe in god?" he asked suddenly.
"Do I what?" Harry repeated, looking at him quizzically. The question seemed so random and he had no idea what it had to do with what they had been talking about.
"Believe in god? Do you?" Draco repeated. His eyes were serious as he started into Harry's, which seemed to be searching his for some kind of explanation.
"I don't know.. why?" Harry responded as he settled himself comfortably under his favorite tree on the Hogwart's grounds.
"I was just wondering," Draco said. "I sometimes wonder if he or she exists and what it thinks about this."
Normally Harry would have just shrugged it off, but he didn't. He found it fascinating that Draco thought about these things. "You mean us?" he asked.
"I guess," Draco responded. He sat down across from Harry in the grass. "I've never read that book or anything.. I mean, what's the point? We're wizards and we're not exactly taught that sort of thing. But I hear Muggles believe that stuff and I've heard that we're not exactly accepted.."
"You're usually the last person to care about what people think," Harry said quickly.
"I know I am," Draco retorted just as quickly. "But that isn't the point. The point is, do you think that this is right or wrong? And if there is some higher being, what do they think?"
"I don't know what a higher being might think, Draco. What I do know is that I think it's right. If I love you, I can't change that whether you're a boy or a girl. You're just you. There is no way that I can possibly control my emotions or feelings for you. This is just how I've fallen."
"So you don't think it's a sin?" Draco asked.
"No," Harry said, squeezing Draco's hand lightly.
"If it is, it would be a nice sin though. Don't you agree?" Draco commented with a playful smirk.
"The nicest sin I've ever known of."
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The end of Chapter 19
Notes: The 19th chapter. Can you believe it? I can't really. This chapter is a bit on the cheesy side maybe, but it was fun. I'm already working on chapter 20 so stay tuned for that.
What events will trigger something unexpected and reckless in Harry and Draco's relationship? Stay tuned!
Thank you for all the reviews! You know I love to see what you guysthink so please review!
Reviews are appreciated!