Part 17
Jason was good company as Kimberly checked in on the moving company and found them to be as efficient as their promise - almost everything had been loaded by the time she returned and they were just removing the last of the boxes from storage.
Kimberly left them to it, determined not to get in the way, and settled herself on a bench across the street where she could keep a discreet watch. Jason sat next to her, stretching his arms across the back. "Something's on your mind."
She would have laughed if he hadn't been so astute. Jason, like Tommy, knew how to read her moods. It wasn't really much of a surprise she'd turned to him after her breakup with Tommy - she was more surprised they'd lasted as long as they had. Jason and she just didn't have the same chemistry she and Tommy did - but not for lack of trying.
"Tell me I'm doing the right thing, Jason."
He looked at her surprised. "What do you mean by that?"
She waved her hand towards the movers across the street. "This. The Rangers. Not going for the Olympics - moving back to Angel Grove."
"Moving back to Tommy, you mean."
She made a face. "I'd like to think I left more than Tommy behind when I moved away."
"More or less," Jason's smile was easy. "But Tommy was the one thing you regretted leaving more than anything else.
"Maybe." She folded her hands together, staring at her fingers as she leaned forward on her knees. "That doesn't mean we're naturally going to pick up where we left off."
"Why not?"
"Why would we is a better question. I wouldn't have blamed him if he never spoke to me again."
His chuckle was heartening. "Tommy? We're talking about the same guy, right? The one who fell all over himself to ask you to the first high school dance despite having lost his powers and been removed from the Ranger team? The same Tommy who went out of his way to make you smile at every opportunity and always put you first? That Tommy?"
"He's not that Tommy anymore, Jason." Kimberly felt an ache in the vicinity of her heart as she spoke the words. He wasn't that Tommy because of her. "He's changed - different than the Tommy I left behind."
"Getting your heart broken will do that, Kim."
She flinched. Knowing it and hearing it from someone as close to her as Jason - despite his words carrying no accusation - hurt as much as having Tommy throw them at her. "Which makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I could end up hurting him again Jason, and I'd never forgive myself."
"You haven't forgiven yourself for sending that letter. Deal with one guilt before you look for more." He squeezed her shoulder. "You really should forgive yourself for that, you know."
"How?" She turned bleak eyes to his. "I made an awful mistake, Jason. I deliberately hurt him because I couldn't stand to be here without him. I compounded that mistake by seeing you, a man he considered like his brother and then, to top it off, the next time I saw him I got in a shouting match with him. How can I ever forgive myself for making those kinds of mistakes?"
"You have to if you're going to move forward."
"I don't know how." She breathed deeply and exhaling dejectedly. "It's frustrating."
"Which part?"
She straightened, slumping back against the bench. "All of it. I want to be his friend again, but all I can think about is when we were more than that. I want to spend time with him, but at the same time I've got this horrible urge to just grab him and kiss him senseless. I want to run in the other direction before I even consider it because I know he'd turn me down, that he's not ready and may never be for that kind of relationship with me again." She tilted her head back, letting it fall on the top of the back of the bench. "He tolerates me, Jason and I don't know if I can live like that when I get back to Angel Grove."
"Did you ever consider that your return is doing more good than harm?"
She laughed once, mirthlessly. "Enlighten me; I seem to be unable to see things that way."
"Well, Tommy was taciturn and unpleasant when I moved back to Angel Grove. He was like that, and gradually isolating himself from everyone and everything, until his brain washing experience - until you came back into his life."
"Yeah, then he turned bitchy and unreasonable."
"No." He nudged her on the shoulder. "Once you guys had your screaming match, he began to unthaw. Whatever you said and did finally started him on the path he needed to be on to heal."
"Which is why I don't know if this is such a good idea. I gave him closure, Jason - he can move on now."
"I don't think he can, Kim."
"Flattery will get you nowhere." She straightened, turning to face him with a solemn expression on her face. "Can you honestly tell me that renewing any kind of relationship with Tommy, even friendship, isn't dangerous?"
"What relationship isn't?" His counter was delivered as earnestly as her question. "Sure, there are going to be problems, but you and Tommy were always stronger together, Kim. That hasn't changed - look at the last two battles. I mean, you guys still look out for one another."
"Yeah, but we do it to the exclusion of everyone else and that's dangerous too." She made a face. "A part of me doesn't want to blow this, but another part of me is wondering if it wouldn't have been better to make a clean break."
"You know as well as I do the break wasn't clean."
She rubbed her hands over her face. "Just... just tell me I'm doing the right thing, will you? That I'm not just going to step back into old habits and desires and be a good little Ranger to the exclusion of all else."
"You won't."
"I don't know how you can be so sure about it."
"You've changed, Kim. Moving back to Angel Grove isn't going to magically alter you to be the person you were before."
"Then why do I feel like I'm sliding backwards?"
Jason's chuckle was entertained. "Sliding backwards? What, you mean rejoining the Rangers? Then you're in good company since I beat you to it."
"Yeah, but you rejoined because of Katherine and because Tommy asked you to."
"And you didn't?"
She opened her mouth to respond in the negative but closed her mouth as she thought about his observation. Really thought about it. She stared at him dismayed as she realized her was right. She hadn't rejoined the Rangers simply because she'd missed the power or the thrill of it - she'd rejoined the Rangers for one very simple fact. Her friends had needed her.
"I see you get my point."
"But what if it's the wrong reason, Jason? What if the reason I really agreed to all this is because of Tommy?"
"Then we'd have something else is common." He shook his head. "Don't borrow trouble, Kim. You know as well as I do Tommy played some part in your decision to rejoin despite the fact he wanted nothing to do with you at the time. Things are different now. He's becoming re-accustom to your presence, he might even forgive you for that letter some day."
"That letter. I really blew it with that, didn't I?"
"I told you this would happen."
"Sure. Rub it in. Let's hit her while she's down."
"Is there a better time?"
She made a face.
"Cheer up, Kim. It's not like you and Tommy are at odds anymore - you should be happy about that at least."
"I am."
"And you're not. You're about the most contrary female I've ever known."
"Only lately."
"Only since moving to Florida." He poked her gently in the shoulder. "When we were back home you always knew what you wanted and you went for it."
"It could just be nerves."
"About the competition or about moving back home?"
"Both." She admitted it reluctantly. "Did you have any trouble moving back, Jason?"
"Some, but I told you it felt like the right decision."
"At the time."
"And more so every day," he smiled, his eyes twinkling and Kimberly knew he was thinking about Kat. "I'm not saying it will be the same for you, but despite the constant attacks and the fighting, Angel Grove is home."
"Angel Grove or the people in it?" She shook her head as if to deny the fact. "This was home for a while when it was just you and me."
"No it wasn't. And you're fooling yourself if you ever thought you believed that, Kim." His smile was understanding and just a touch challenging. "Home is Angel Grove because that's where your heart is and no matter what you tell yourself, no matter how close you and I might be, there's always going to be something missing if you don't reconcile while you have the chance."
Kimberly had nothing to say to that; she knew he was right. If she didn't grab this opportunity and set things straight between her and Tommy, she'd spend the rest of her life questioning the "what ifs". "Kat's good for you, Jason; that must be her common sense rubbing off."
"Nah. Just her good nature. The rest is a joint effort."
"One you seem to be working on both night and day."
"She's a demanding mistress, what can I say?"
Kimberly burst out laughing. "You're horrible. Demanding mistress my baby toe."
His grin was unrepentant.
"At least you got over your fear huh?"
"It had to happen someday. Kat's good that way; she's a very soothing personality."
"I know." Kimberly's smile faded. "I just wish..." she stopped, her courage deserting her.
"You wish what?"
She shrugged suddenly self conscious. "It's nothing. You should get back before they start to wonder if I've kidnapped you."
Jason took the hint and rose to his feet slowly, offering her his hand. His fingers closed about her wrist as he pulled her to her feet and didn't relinquish their hold until she looked up into his face. His gaze was serious, solemn, and far too knowing. "You'll have to conquer your fear of rejection someday, Kim. Tommy's not going to make the first move this time no matter how many hints you drop. If you want to have a chance at the relationship you once had, you're going to have to risk something like he did."
"I don't know how."
"You'll think of something. You always do."
Despite his vote of confidence, Kimberly felt no better once he'd disappeared back to Angel Grove, leaving her once again on her own. She shivered, wrapping her arms about herself as she thought about Jason's words. Was he right? Did she dare? Did she want to? That was a dumb question - of course she wanted to, but would Tommy let her? Or would he turn her away simply because she'd had her chance and blown it?
Those question and more rattled around in her mind as she watched the moving van disappear and turned back down the street that would eventually lead to the gymnastics compound. Half-way back, she firmly put the disturbing questions from her mind and focused on just one. She'd asked Tommy if they could be friends again - nothing more. For the moment she would focus on that aspect of their relationship and work on building the trust between them once more. The question was simply how long that bridge would take to mend.